Obamanomics takes a Hit, and Brain Scans Read Memories

> AIG bailout deal included bonuses; “oops” says Obama team
> Scientists find human memories in brain scans

Inebriated Press
March 19, 2009

090320-brain-scan-bwBloomberg news reported Wednesday that while the Obama administration has said they know where “every dime” of the bailout funds given to AIG was going, they now claim they had no idea that the deal included allowing bonuses to be paid from taxpayer dollars to AIG employees.  Meanwhile Fox News reported last week that neuroscientists say humans create memories of locations in physical or virtual space as they move around – and it all shows up on brain scans.  Pundits say hook up the brain scan machine and let’s find out whether the Obama administration or AIG is full of shit.

Someone named Patty

Someone named Patty

“It’s disingenuous of the Obama administration to claim they know nothing about the AIG bonuses when the bill to fund the bankrupt company included a provision that specifically allowed for the paying of bonuses, and AIG had contracts with employees that contain bonus provisions.  I mean, when you cut a deal to bail out a firm that should be in bankruptcy and say ‘keep doing what you do, you’re too big for us to let you fail’ and then they do it and you’re pissed off, it’s you that’s the idiot, not them,” said Patty Loveless-Heartthrobb, a smart refined medical technician, who dabbles in common sense just enough to keep her out of most personal relationships.  “I’ll bet if we hook up Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner to the brain scan machine we’ll either learn that he knew all about the terms, or he doesn’t know shit at all.  I won’t suggest hooking up President Obama to it, he’s a community organizer with no governing or management experience so I’d expect his brain to be empty.”

Someone named Heather

Someone named Heather

Not everyone agrees with Loveless-Heartthrobb.  “When anybody is printing bail-out money night and day and shoveling it into badly run companies like water over Niagara Falls, you’ll slip up once in while, you have to expect that.  AIG should just break the contracts with the employees and ignore the provisions that allow them to pay bonuses and do whatever Obama dictates at any given time,” said Heather Ballistic-Gel, a leather importer whose hot looks cause full body spasms in men under five foot two.  “If AIG doesn’t do that, then we’ll pass a special law to selectively tax the employees of AIG who receive it.  You see rule of law no longer applies under Obamanomics and the use of tax as a weapon to coerce and intimidate is the management style of the new regime — I mean Administration.  Look, you’ve got to expect a little fascism to show up in a new socialist country, we’re still ironing out all the details.”

090320-missing-info-bwBloomberg reported that President Barack Obama’s attempt to harness public anger over bonuses paid by American International Group Inc. may backfire on him as Republicans try to redirect that anger toward his administration. “Two weeks ago, the president’s spokesman said they were confident that they knew how every dime was being spent at AIG,” House Republican Leader John Boehner of Ohio told reporters yesterday. “They didn’t know what they were talking about,” Boehner said.

Republican leaders in Congress said Geithner and White House officials should have been aware of the bonuses sooner and acted quicker. They’re also seizing on AIG’s revelations as fresh evidence that Congress should oppose future rescues. Lawmakers are already moving quickly to take the initiative in responding to the public outcry. Montana Democrat Max Baucus and Iowa Republican Charles Grassley, the leaders of the Senate Finance Committee, proposed taxes totaling 70 percent on companies and individuals getting bonuses at firms that receive federal aid.

SmartBrief reported that Columnist Andrew Ross Sorkin writes that while it may not seem fair to pay bonuses to American International Group (AIG) employees, not paying them may lead to bigger issues. Some compensation consultants say that breaking the sanctity of the contracts could lead to other contracts being broken.

090320-brain-toon-bwFox News reported that researchers tracked brain activity related to “spatial memory” as volunteers moved about inside a virtual reality setup.  They discovered that humans create memories of locations in physical or virtual space as they move around – and it all shows up on brain scans. The new study challenges previous scientific thinking by showing that memories are recorded in regular patterns.

The researchers used an fMRI scanner to detect blood flow changes in the brain, and study the activity of the place cells as a volunteer controlled movement inside the virtual environment. They then ran the results through a computer algorithm developed by Demis Hassabis, another neuroscientist at University College London.

Mind-reading research has grown increasingly sophisticated over the years. Another recent study predicted people’s preference for one of two drinks with 80 percent accuracy. And earlier findings showed that people’s brains reflect abnormal activity up to half a minute before making errors. The latest findings on memory could lead to many more studies that examine how actual memories end up encoded across our brain cells, Maguire said.

Some people say it would take a mind reader to know what American’s were thinking when they elected an inexperienced community organizer with no track record of running anything to the office of president of the United States.

090320_obama_hitler_bw“Obama was clear that he wanted to spread the wealth around and that he disagreed with most of the US Constitution, so we shouldn’t be surprised that he’s ‘changing America’ like he said he would,” said Tiny Tim, a short British guy who walks with a limp and often shouts ‘god bless us, everyone’ for reasons unknown.  “The fact that he’s now begun to ignore basic contract law and use coercion and intimidation through the threat of unfair taxation should be no surprise to anyone.  His voting record is to the left of Pelosi’s — when he wasn’t voting ‘present’ because he didn’t know shit or know which way to turn.  Look at him today.  He’s a smooth talker but he’s voting ‘present’ while his band of inmates run the asylum.  We got what we voted for.”

In other news, Australia’s News Limited reported this week that investigators have launched a probe into the “longer lasting sex” company, Advanced Medical Institute (AMI). Consumer Affairs Victoria and NSW’s Office of Fair Trading are both investigating AIM which sells erectile dysfunction drugs. A NSW Office of Fair Trading spokeswoman also issued a general warning for people to carefully read any contract – including the fine print – to ensure they “really want and know what they are signing for”. No word on whether the probe will discover who’s actually getting screwed if anyone, or if rule of law will continue to apply in Australia.  It’s clearly on the ropes in the U.S.A. and damned if fascism isn’t lining up behind it.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com
Source articles:

Obama May Find Anger Over Bonuses Backfires on Agenda
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601070&sid=aZUxSgc2XvK0&refer=home

Voiding AIG bonus contracts is a slippery slope
http://www.smartbrief.com/news/cpa/storyDetails.jsp?issueid=986DD671-0A97-43A0-B8DC-FC5694159248&copyid=A82BD3F1-92AE-421E-AE1F-FBE24E53C891

Brain Scans Can Read Memories, Scientists Find
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,509141,00.html

Probe into ‘longer lasting sex’ company
http://www.news.com.au/business/story/0,27753,25201863-31037,00.html

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