> Journalists calling in for Obama conference get sex chat line
> Swiss clinic to help healthy woman kill herself
> Afghan President establishes law sanctioning marital rape
Inebriated Press \ Division of Rant (with Pretzels)
April 6, 2009
Agence France Presse (AFP) reported last Thursday that journalists in the U.S. calling a toll-free number to join a conference call with President Obama in London, instead had their call answered with the line “Do you feel like getting nasty?” — as a sultry voiced Swank magazine sex-chat woman picked up their call. And Times Online reported last Friday that the Swiss assisted-suicide clinic Dignitas was criticized after revealing plans to help a healthy woman to die. The clinic’s founder described suicide as a “marvelous opportunity” that should not be restricted to the terminally ill. Meanwhile, Afghan President Karzai provoked international outrage with a draconian Taleban-era law that explicitly sanctions marital rape. Pundits are debating whether the White House sex chat line can offset the trillions in new Obamanomic spending enough that they’ll want to remain in the country, or if they should just rape their wives and commit suicide instead.
“I have to hand it to Obama, I’d never have thought of putting a sex chat line in the White House. He’s one-upping Clinton who used to rent out the Lincoln Bedroom for orgies. If Obama instructs the travel office to offer a package to the public with sex-chat followed by a hooker-rendezvous in the Lincoln Bedroom, I’ll bet he can rake in a lot of bucks and offset part of the $12 trillion in spending that he’s initiated in the last 60 days,” said Zack Loft-Basement, a chief-of-staff wanna-be and occasional user. “But if Obama doesn’t get spending under control and give some tax relief to business in order to truly stimulate the economy, we’re going to end up with hyper inflation and draconian taxation. My wife will get really frigid I’ll be left to rape her and kill myself — all according to acceptable laws of course — but still, it’d be a real bother.”
Not everyone thinks the way Loft-Basement does. “I have mixed feelings about the White House sex chat line, just like I did the Condi Rice nude calendar to help fund the State Department, and Bill Clinton selling nude pic’s of Hillary to fund her run for president. It just seems like maybe we’re going too far and should just cut some costs or something,” said Cathy Scot-Ireland-Tissue, a genius in her own mind and a sex tramp in the minds of others. “And anyone who condones raping women for any reason should be assigned to an assisted-suicide clinic and be removed from the land of the living. I do have to wonder about the clinic that plans to help healthy people kill themselves though. Do you suppose they’ve considered maybe recommending some mental health counseling instead? I don’t like to be on anti-depressant drugs either, but it seems a bit drastic to just off yourself.”
AFP reported that journalists based in the United States got a shock last Thursday when they dialed a toll-free number to join a conference call with senior officials accompanying US President Barack Obama in London. The number turned out to be a sex chat line inviting callers to use their credit card numbers. “Do you have any hidden desires?” a sultry voiced woman asked. “Well, do you feel like getting nasty? Then you came to the right place — brought to you by the girls of Swank magazine,” she said. Reporters finally got through to the two officials in London — National Security Advisor James Jones and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton — when they gave up on the US “800” number and instead dialed an international number. The White House did not offer an explanation when asked how it sent the wrong number in an email listing both numbers — one for journalists in the United States and the other for those overseas.
Times Online reported that the founder of the Swiss assisted suicide clinic Dignitas was criticized yesterday after revealing plans to help a healthy woman to die alongside her terminally ill husband. Ludwig Minelli described suicide as a “marvelous opportunity” that should not be restricted to the terminally ill or people with severe disabilities. Critics said that the plans highlighted the risks of proposals to legalize assisted suicides in Britain for people in the final stages of a terminal illness.
The Zurich University Clinic has found that more than a fifth of people who had died at Dignitas did not have a terminal condition. Mr Minelli admitted that some of the people who had been helped to die at the clinic had been psychiatric patients with schizophrenia and bipolar disorders. A spokesman for Care Not Killing, a campaign opposed to any weakening of the law on euthanasia or assisted suicide, said that Mr Minelli’s comments showed why any legalization of assisted dying would open a “Pandora’s box of nightmare scenarios”.
Times Online also reported that President Karzai of Afghanistan provoked international outrage last Thursday with draconian Taleban-era restrictions on women and laws that explicitly sanction marital rape. A leaked copy of the laws obtained by The Times details new strictures for Afghanistan’s Shia minority. Women are banned from leaving the home without permission. A wife has the absolute duty to provide sexual services to her husband, and child marriage is legalized. Opponents of the Afghan President accused him of selling out basic human rights for women in return for the votes of hardline Shia conservatives for the presidential election in August. The legislation is based on the Shia family code first brought before Parliament two years ago, to the horror of women legislators who make up more than a quarter of the assembly. Women MPs said that they had been powerless to challenge the passage of the Bill. “The majority of the men agreed to support the laws without any discussion,” said Azita Raffat, an MP from Badghis province. “The law says it is the right of men to have sex — even by force.”
Some people say that the new law which sanctions forced marriage of young girls and their subsequent rape accurately suits Darwinistic tendencies of nature and that confused moralists and Judeo-Christians have a twisted view of humankind that makes them think that all individuals should have rights and be afforded a modicum of dignity.
“The strong survive and the weak perish. Draconian rape and child marriage law, and Sharia law, these stem from religion and atheistic Darwinism and combine to form a perfect synergy of relativistic power-based control, as natural as the tsunami, the hurricane, and swarms of locusts,” said I.B. Humpin-Daley, a part time cleric and full time vagrant who likes Obama’s style and lack of substance. “The pansy assed American religious types who say shit like ‘everyone is created equal and are endowed by their creator with inalienable rights like life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness’ are morons. Their time has passed. Obama has proven it by his approach to the leaders at the G-20. He patted the Brit Queen on the ass and handed her an iPod, then went and bowed deeply and kissed the ring of the Saudi King. He’s got this shit figured out. Muslim power and Sharia law are coming to America in the form of hope and change. It’s about power baby, power. And America is surrendering it to everybody else. Why else would Hillary tell the Mexicans that their drug war was Americas problem, or Obama tell the G-20 that the worlds economic crisis was Americas fault? He didn’t sit for 20 years with Jeremiah Wright’s anti-American diatribes and learn nothing you know. Damn straight. He’s acting on his beliefs.”
In other news, the New York Post reported on Thursday that President Obama has nominated Harold Koh to be the State Department’s legal advisor. Koh believes that judges should interpret the U.S. Constitution according to other nations’ legal “norms.” And that Sharia law applies to disputes in US courts. He also says that the United States constitutes an “axis of disobedience” along with North Korea and Saddam-era Iraq. According to the Post Koh, a self-described “activist,” would plainly promote his views aggressively once at State. He’s not likely to feel limited by the letter of the law — in 1994, he told The New Republic: “I’d rather have [former Supreme Court Justice Harry] Blackmun, who uses the wrong reasoning in Roe [v. Wade] to get the right results, and let other people figure out the right reasoning.” No word on how he feels about raping young girls or killing healthy people but in this new era of hope and change, all bets are off.
(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com
Journalists get shock with ‘sexy’ White House call
Dignitas founder plans assisted suicide of healthy woman
President Karzai’s Taleban-style laws for women put troop surge at risk
OBAMA’S MOST PERILOUS LEGAL PICK