> Michelle slaps Queen on Back
> Barack Nails Her Ass
> U.S. Surrenders to Russia
Inebriated Press Tabloid Division
April 7, 2009
Inebriated reporters climbing out of a dumpster behind a British pub after a night of heavy investigative journalism, have reported that U.S. President Obama and Queen Elizabeth went at it “hot and heavy” the evening before the G-20 meeting. Earlier in the day First Lady Michelle slapped the Queen on her back hard enough to loosen her bra, and Russian President Dmitry Medvedev told reporters that Obama is willing to concede world power to peacenik Vladimir Putin and some old Soviets. There has been some dispute over the Inebriated report.
“While there is some truth to the news that First Lady Michelle Obama slapped the Queen on her back causing her bra to slingshot across the room and out a side window, there is no truth to the story that the Queen and Barack had sexual intercourse in an effort to ‘firm up’ US-UK relations,” said Jane Fireside-Charcoal, a British public relations official and smoldering hot blonde. “There have been reports by Royal sources of an internal nature suggesting a very cordial meeting held privately between the U.S. President and The Queen, but any suggestion that there were carnal activities of some nature is grossly misstated. And comments related to blow jobs is strictly denied at the highest levels of government.”
Insiders claim otherwise. “The removal of the Queens bra may have been accidental, but the ‘quality time’ that Barack spent with Liz involved more than a fire-side chat,” said Nasal Sinus-Stuart, of the Sinus-Stuart Clan and Handholding Enclave for Maidens and Hooligans. “Servants said they heard a lot of moaning and groaning from behind the locked doors during the private meeting, and reports of chauffeurs outside hearing the Queen shout ‘they were right about you people, look at the size of that thing,’ tends to lend credence to the stories. Now on the topic of American surrender to the Russians, I can’t say, such talk would be mere speculation.”
Media reported last week that President Obama spent the day of April 1st in a whirlwind of activity in London prior to the official start of the G20 meeting. He had dinner with G20 nations’ leaders, held a joint press conference with Prime Minister Gordon Brown, met Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip, met with Russian’s President, Dmitry Medvedev, met with Chinese President Hu Jintao as well as with David Cameron, leader of the Conservative party in Britain. It took until this week for reports of secret meetings to reveal that Obama had negotiated a formal surrender to the Russians and banged the old Queen.
The Obama administration and British officials continue to deny the secret activities ever took place.
“Come on lets face it, Barack is busy surrendering to the Iranians not the Russians, and he can have a piece of Beyonce’ ass anytime he wants it, why screw with an old woman just because she’s queen,” said White House spokesman Robert Gibbs, while chewing the side of his face and accidentally spitting blood on reporters. “You people make me sick with all of your fake stories and stupid tabloid ‘revelations’. The next thing you’re probably going to report is that Secret Service couldn’t find the Queens bra outside in the bushes when it shot out the window. Well they didn’t. MI5 found it. Ha!”
(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com
Some barely related source articles:
G20 Summit Eve: Obama met with Queen and Presidents of Russia, China
Michelle Obama Places Hand on The Queen. World Almost Ends.
U.S.- Russian Nuclear Talks Reject Past Leaders’ Policies, Officials Say
President Obama loves Beyonce, ‘SNL’
Beyonce ‘a model for Obama girls’