Obama Backs Iranian Nukes, Hooker Steals Mans Pants, and Padma Lakshmi Makes Love to Burger

> Obama ends uranium precondition to talks; enrichment proceeds
> Hooker more interested in cash than sex; patron shocked
> Padma Lakshmi makes love to Carl’s Jr. hamburger

Inebriated Press
April 16, 2009

Padma does bacon

Padma does bacon

The UK Guardian reported Tuesday that the Obama administration is set to drop the uranium precondition to nuclear talks, meaning Iran can continue uranium enrichment while preparing for a chat.  And the Athens Banner-Herald reported Sunday that an Athens man complained to police after a prostitute he picked up stole his pants and wallet while he was in a motel room bathroom.  Meanwhile, the Los Angeles times reported Tuesday that Carl’s Jr. ran into an image problem in its advertising by practically undressing Padma Lakshmi as she makes love to a hamburger.  Pundits are debating why some people are surprised by these events.

Someone named Tracy

Someone named Tracy

“People are shocked when an elected official behaves differently than the voters thought he would, despite the fact that he’s doing what he told them he’d do.  This is because a good politician causes voters to see themselves in him and everyone would vote for themselves if they could, so they put perception over reality,” said Tracy Braless-Mindett, a free-living free-loving political analyst who can bench 180 and cause cardiac arrest in men weighing less than 150 just by looking at them.  “And drunken guys who leave their wallets alone in a room with a hooker are no different than voters who elect socialists.  They get ripped off like they deserve.  As far as making love to a burger goes, what the hell, if they paid me enough and it wore a condom I’d probably give it a go.  Everybody’s got a price I guess.”

Someone named Justin

Someone named Justin

Not everyone thinks the way Braless-Mindett does.  “As a voter I expect all politicians to behave the way I want them too, and they shouldn’t just say whatever they want in order to get elected and then do anything they feel like.  Even if somebody wins an election on some platform, they should take into account the ideas that are in the alternative view,” said Justin Hapless-Hopeful, an unemployed idealist trained in Avant-garde journalism, who at age 40 still lives in his parents basement, but knows that the Obama administration will offer him a government job any day now.  “So what if the Iranians get nukes and they hate the Jews, Hitler hated the Jews and didn’t have nukes and that worked out okay.  A few people got hurt I guess, but according to Iran the Holocaust thing was overblown.  And a guy should be able to leave his wallet with a hooker and she should just wait there.  I’ll bet the one in the article had an emergency come up and had to leave, and the guys’ pants and wallet caught on her skirt or something.  As far as sex with burgers goes, I don’t get it, but someone will explain it to me eventually.  I pretty much get my thoughts from other people who tell me stuff.  It’s easiest that way. Why think for myself?”

Iranian nuke programThe Guardian reported that in what amounts to a major policy shift, the Obama administration is set to drop a precondition for the start of negotiations on the nuclear issue – that Iran first suspend its uranium enrichment process. The concession means Iran would be able to continue with uranium enrichment, an essential part of achieving a weapons capability, while talks got underway. The precondition has been the biggest stumbling block in efforts over the last few years to open talks. The Bush administration insisted upon it but Tehran adamantly refused.  Negotiations have been given added urgency by threats by the new Israeli government, led by Binyamin Netanyahu, to bomb Iran’s nuclear facilities to prevent it achieving a nuclear weapons capability. Israel predicts Iran could reach this point by the autumn. Obama, during the presidential election campaign, promised to offer direct talks with Iran without preconditions.

HookerThe Athens Banner-Herald reported that an Athens man complained to police after he picked up a prostitute who stole his pants and wallet while he was in a motel room bathroom, according to an Athens-Clarke police report. According to the report the two walked to the Days Inn on North Finley Street, where she was “raring to go,” the man told the officer. He went into the bathroom and when he came out, she was gone with his pants and wallet. The man didn’t want to give much information and he was very drunk, the officer wrote in his report.

Padma Lakshmi

Padma Lakshmi

The Los Angeles Times reported that Carl’s Jr. is addressing a super-size image problem in its advertising where they practically undressed Padma Lakshmi as she made love to a hamburger. The spot features the former Mrs. Salman Rushdie, sitting on a brownstone stoop in a clingy sundress hiked up mid-thigh, cramming the giant burger into her educated maw and sucking barbecue sauce from her fingers and wrists. Let’s not mince onions here: This is sex with a burger. The writer said you might think that here, at last, television advertising might have crossed some sort of debauched Rubicon, or at least some tripwire at the Federal Communications Commission. But it’s not even close. It’s merely the latest chapter in the weird mash-up between sex and food. The Carl’s Jr. commercial, from Mendelsohn Zien Advertising in Los Angeles, is in heavy rotation this month with a duplicate for corporate cousin Hardee’s that’s running in Eastern markets. The ads reunite Mendelsohn Zien and director Chris Applebaum, who created the 2005 commercial with a nearly naked Paris Hilton lathering up a Bentley. Applebaum also directed the 2007 campaign for Carl’s Jr. flat-bun burgers, featuring a hip-hop duo serenading their high school teacher’s flat butt — her badonkadon’t, if you will.

Some people say a little burger sex is what American’s need in order to take their minds off of Obama’s crazy approach to the economy and defense.

Someone named Lisa

Someone named Lisa

“How about calling this crazy: Obama’s plan to fix the overspending of the Bush administration is to spend several trillions of dollars we don’t have and set the stage for economic collapse and hyper inflation; and Obama’s plan to stop Iran from obtaining nuclear weapons is to support their uranium enrichment program setting the stage for another Holocaust,” said Lisa Lovestrong-Hyperbole, a warm blonde ray of sunshine, occasionally brought low by morons, idiots and liberals.  “Given the current genius approach to problem-solving coming out of the White House and Democrat controlled Congress today, no one should be surprised if Americans are munching burgers and banging hookers or munching hookers and banging burgers.  The only way to survive today is to lose your mind and try to fit in and then party-on.  As for me, I’m trapped within a bad case of common sense and I can’t get out.  Lose yourself while you can, it’s too late for me.”

We're all friends now

We're all friends now

In other news, Reuters reported Tuesday that North Korea threw out the UN nuclear inspectors and say they’re no longer bound by any international nuclear disarmament talks, and plan to restart a plant that makes bomb-grade plutonium.  The Obama administration has yet to announce that they’re in full support of the plan, but by the time you’re done screwing with that burger you’ve got, it’ll probably be the latest super-smart news to come out of Washington.  To slightly paraphrase Tiny Tim: “god help us, every one.”

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Obama to drop uranium precondition for Iran nuclear talks
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/apr/14/obama-iran-nuclear-talks-uranium-precondition

Man shocked when hooker steals pants
http://onlineathens.com/stories/041209/cop_428276457.shtml

When fast food gets in the fast lane
http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/business/la-fi-ct-neil14-2009apr14,0,2377834.story

Padma Lakshmi Carl’s Jr. / Hardees Commercial. [YouTube vid]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSXjnv8K71k

North Korea orders UN nuclear inspectors to leave
http://www.reuters.com/article/latestCrisis/idUSSP497987

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