Daily Archives: May 22, 2009

New Iranian Missile Targets Israel; Woman sells Companionship – the Sex is Free; and New Economic Rules in Gas Supply-Demand

> Iran tests new Missile: Israel, southeast Europe in Range
> Woman Arrested after offering Free Sex, but charging for Companionship
> More supply, lower demand Raises gas Prices

Inebriated Press
May 22, 2009

This is only a test. If this had been an actual nuclear device, maps containing Israel would be obsolete.

This is only a test. If this had been an actual nuclear device, maps containing Israel would be obsolete.

The Associated Press reported Wednesday that Iran test-fired a new missile with a range of 1,200 miles, able to strike Israel, southeastern Europe and U.S. bases in the Middle East.  And Florida’s Orlando Sentinel reported Tuesday that a woman was arrested for prostitution despite arguing that she doesn’t sell sex, she sells companionship, and gives the sex away for free.  Meanwhile, WXIA Atlanta reported that there are new rules in the gasoline world, where up is down and down is up. Despite higher gas supplies and reduced demand, gas prices are higher — the converse of economic theory.  Some pundits say that in today’s new America, companionship with women and gas stations will cost you, but the sex and gas are free. 

Someone named Yvonne

Someone named Yvonne

“Thanks to smart-thinking voters, we now have a U.S. president who is giving all American’s free gas and sex, as his hope-and-change plan kicks-in, pats our ass, takes our wallets, and then slathers us with Democrat good will.  It’s all cost-free because higher taxes and a bigger national debt are concepts we don’t understand — but free sex and gas we can grasp, and that’s what really matters,” said Yvonne Marble-Ryye, an ambidextrous gas pipe fitter and part-time sex worker, sometimes doing both simultaneously.  “And Iranian missiles soon to be armed with nukes aren’t anything to be bothered by.  So what if Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has said Israel should be wiped off the face of the earth, it’s not like he’s come right out and said he plans to do it.  Iran’s funding of Hamas and terrorists in Iraq are just his way of encouraging balanced behavior in the region.  People need to relax and enjoy the free gas and sex and just chill out.  Want some companionship?  I don’t charge alot — and if you play your cards right, you might get something for free.”

Someone named Anna

Someone named Anna

Not everyone is as comfortable with Iranian nuclear-armed missiles and the illusion of free gas and sex.  “I like gas and sex and maybe an occasional nuke launched in the right direction, but all these things cost someone something, and not everyone will deliver them equitably.  I’m kind of big on fairness and I’ve been around long enough to know that anything that sounds too good to be true, probably is,” said Anna Belle-Lee, a patron of the arts and long-suffering conservative, caught-up in the spell of lucid thinking and a captive to common sense.  “It’s not that I think I’ve got everything figured out, or claim to be some sort of genius.  It’s just that at base, hookers sell sex, and gas companies will manipulate the market if they can in order to increase profits, and Ahmadinejad wants Israel destroyed and will do it himself if possible.  It’s human nature to try and get what you want and bluff your way to get it if that’s what works.  Hitler did it, so did Stalin.  Obama’s doing it, so is every hooker who walks the earth — or lays on it for that matter.  Now tell me some lie that I’ll buy, and let’s trip the light fantastic just for the sake of a dream and momentary fun.  I’m stodgy but I still like a good time now and then.”

"I have a dream ..."

"I have a dream ..."

Associated Press reported that President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said Iran test-fired a new advanced missile Wednesday with a range of about 1,200 miles, far enough to strike Israel, southeastern Europe and U.S. bases in the Middle East. The announcement will not reassure the U.S. government, coming just two days after President Barack Obama declared a readiness to seek deeper international sanctions against Iran if it shunned U.S. attempts to open negotiations on its nuclear program. Obama said he expected a positive response to his outreach for opening a dialogue with Iran by the end of the year. Ahmadinejad is running for re-election in a June 12 vote and has been criticized by his opponents and others for antagonizing the U.S. and mismanaging the country’s faltering economy. Most Western analysts believe Iran does not yet have the technology to produce nuclear weapons. Iran’s nuclear and missile programs have alarmed Israel, and the country’s new prime minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, pressed Obama to step up pressure on Tehran when the two met in Washington on Monday. Ahmadinejad has repeatedly called for Israel’s elimination, and the Jewish state has not ruled out a military strike to deal with the Iranian nuclear threat.

Hot deals on companionship

Hot deals on companionship

The Orlando Sentinel reported that a suspected prostitute shared her unusual work rationale with an undercover Leesburg police officer just before she was arrested for the second time within 24 hours late last week. “I don’t take money for sex,” Ashley M. Hollin, 26, of Leesburg, told the officer. “I take money for company and the sex is free.” Hollin’s comments came late Friday just before she was about to be arrested for the second time that day. According to a police report, Hollin told the officer she had learned something from her earlier arrest — accept cash for companionship, not sex. “See, I learned from making the mistake last night with the police — if I do it this way they can’t get me for it,” Hollin said, according to a police report. She was wrong. Leesburg police arrested Hollin and several other women on prostitution-related charges following complaints about prostitution near the Deluxe Motel at 113 N. 14th St.

New gas-price supply-demand chart

New gas-price supply-demand chart

WXIA Atlanta reported that we need to get used to the new rules of supply and demand in Gasoline World. The world where up is down and down is up. Average gasoline prices in Georgia are up 29 cents a gallon, so far, since May 1. But supplies are up, nationwide. And demand is down, overall. “We’re going to see higher gasoline prices as the summer goes through,” said Oil Industry Expert Tex Pitfield on Tuesday. Pitfield is most recently President and CEO of Saraguay Petroleum Corporation of Atlanta and is a consultant. Pitfield said refineries are charging retail gas stations more for wholesale gasoline because “the refineries aren’t making money. They’re not making money right now. We’re awash in supply, in fuel. And demand for fuel is probably off 20 percent to 25 percent across the board, worldwide, if not more.” Under “normal” laws of supply and demand, when demand is lower, prices should be lower. “Prices should be lower,” Pitfield said. “Prices will continue to go higher.”

Hookers, companions or gas company rep's?

Hookers, companions or gas company rep's?

On Tuesday, the federal government announced a program to require higher mileage cars by 2016. President Obama acknowledged that those cars would cost consumers more, possibly $1,300 more. “It costs money to build these vehicles,” he said, but he also said he anticipates “the cost of driving these vehicles will go down as drivers save money at the pump.”

“It’s going to cost us more,” predicted a motorist, Cheryl Barre, as she filled up her car at a gas station in Cobb County Tuesday evening. “The gas is going to cost more. It’s already high and going higher. There has to be better alternatives than what we’re looking at right now — one more burden for the taxpayer to take on.” Tex Pitfield agreed. 11Alive: “If we’ll be using less gasoline because we’ll all be driving higher-mileage cars, are the refineries going to kick up the prices because we’re using less?” Pitfield: “Oh, absolutely. I mean, that’s basic economics.” The NEW basic economics of supply and demand.

Insomnia, traditional economist or both?

Insomnia, traditional economist or both?

In other news, Florida’s St. Petersburg Times reported that a new report released Tuesday in the Journal of the American Medical Association says that insomnia is best treated by a combination of drugs and extended therapy to change bedtime behaviors.  No word on whether a drug-therapy combo will be necessary to help Americans get comfortable with the new inverse gas-price-economics or help Israeli’s get comfortable with a nuclear Iran, but if we can get a little cheap companionship and free sex, maybe things will seem pretty good and we’ll all sleep like logs – or a reasonable facsimile thereof.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Iran says it tests missile, Israel within range

Woman arrested after offering free sex — but a charge for companionship

The New Rules: Gas Demand Declines, Prices Jump

 Pills-therapy combination work best at treating insomnia, study says

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Top 10 badass movie guys

The Dude \ Den of  Geek


Get your affairs in order before getting into a spat with one of these fellas…

Published on May 7, 2009

10: Tony Montana – Scarface

Perhaps Mr. Montana should be higher on this list but there is just such a plethora of bad-asses to choose from I had to make room for others. The thing about Tony Montana is that he spends the entire movie being bad-ass, so there really isn’t any argument as to whether or not he should be on this list.  Of course if I were forced to pick one single moment that deems him worthy it would be that great final scene. Tony must know his world is about to come to an end so what does he do? He snorts some cocaine, and lots of it. Then he grabs his, uhh, “little friend” and says hello to his unwelcome guests. Tony then proceeds to blow a few of those guests to smithereens. Unfortunately for our Mr. Montana he runs out of bullets and, well, let’s just say he gets shot. But our hero is not done yet… Tony Montana gets back up and blows some more of his guests to smithereens. But really the thing that makes him so bad-ass is how he dies. It takes a double barreled shotgun from about five feet away to finally bring this guy down, and how does he fall? Into a freaking pool. Very dramatic, very beautiful, and well, very bad-ass.

9: Walter Sobchak – The Big Lebowski

Have you ever been bowling, saw another player’s toes cross the line and decided “Hey. I am going to pull a gun on that guy unless he marks it zero”. Not many people can say they have done that, but Walter Sobchak can say he has done that. Can you get a toe by 3 o’clock this afternoon? Walter Sobchak can. We all remember the scene where they interrogate the little kid and Walter walks outside the house, grabs a crowbar, and after smashing in the windows of a very nice car Walter yells out to the kid “This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!”. When I am sad and lonely I think of that moment and a smile will always stretch across my face. Thank you Walter Sobchak for just being so dang bad-ass.

8: Frank Lucas – American Gangster

Frank Lucas may not spend the entire movie being a bad-ass gangster but he has one defining moment that earns him the number eight spot on this list. Frank Lucas, drug lord and crime boss, is eating breakfast with his brothers and he just decides it is time to show everyone who is boss. He politely excuses himself from the table, leaving his brothers to watch what he is about to do. Frank walks casually up to a man who has disrespected him and, right in the middle of a sidewalk crawling with people, Frank Lucas shoots the man and walks casually back to the restaurant to finish his meal with his brothers. The guys got class. What a scene, what a bad-ass.

7: Sgt. Dignam – The Departed

You see this guy for maybe fifteen minutes during the whole movie, but as you walk away from the movie he is the one you are talking about. He grabs you right from the start and he never lets you go, you find yourself wishing they would have given him more screen time. He throws punches left and right, doesn’t give you a moment to think. I remember driving home from the movie theater after seeing The Departed and thinking to myself “huh”, because honestly I didn’t know what else to think. Dignam found a way to be bad-ass with the way he looked, talked, and even the way he moved. And then, right in the end, after everything that has happened, Dignam makes his presence in the movie unforgettable by showing up in the bad guy’s apartment and taking care of business. He even gives Matt Damon a moment to think before he ends his life. Dignam is a bad-ass with quality.

6: Al Capone – The Untouchables

This dude is just a bad-ass. Robert DeNiro couldn’t have done a better job portraying the most-respected man to come out of the 20s and 30s. Throw this movie in the DVD player next time you get the chance and just wait for that one scene. Capone walks cordially around the table talking about being a team and working together, only he is wielding a bat so something is bound to happen right? You can see it on all the bosses faces, they know its coming, but to whom? Well, then we find out, its that guy. That guy who gets his head smashed in about half a dozen times by Al Capone himself. Can you think of anything that sends shivers down your spine quicker? At least we know Mr. Capone got his point across.

5: Tommy DeVito – Goodfellas

I know I know, another gangster movie. I mean heck, another Scorsese movie, but what can I say, he knows how to create a bad-ass. Doesn’t it just eat you up inside whenever you think about Tommy? I know I get the chills if I sit down and watch this guy at work. Tommy is the kind of bad-ass who always means business. You don’t mess with him. You don’t even mess with messing with Tommy. You have to control yourself, a dirty word or look will get you six feet under even if you’ve been ‘Made’. No one wants to be Tommy, he isn’t that kind of bad-ass. He is the kind of bad-ass that we actually want to stay away from, simply because he is so bad-ass.

4: Walt Kowalski – Gran Torino

Walt Kowalski is a classic All-American Bad-Ass. Walt gets right in your face and says “Don’t fuck with me”. And the thing is, if you do mess with the old dude, something is going to happen. You’re not going to be happy with what happens. Walt makes you pay for your disrespect. Walt is the bad-ass that you respect, and if you don’t, well, you’ll see what happens. He knows the difference between right and wrong, honor and disrespect. He knows how to be a man. He will protect his family and his friends because that is the right thing to do. He just goes about it all very bad-ass. Walt’s just an old time, old fashioned, no-bullshit kinda guy.

3: Tyler Durden – Fight Club

What can be said about Tyler Durden? Expertly portrayed by Brad Pitt, Tyler climbs his way into our souls the moment we first lay eyes on him. Tyler becomes something that words cannot describe. Its just one of those things that you have to see. There is an unspoken bond between everyone who has seen him that no other character has ever created again. We all find ourselves looking in the mirror thinking what it would be like to be Tyler Durden. Tyler Durden is a force that we all know could be out there somewhere just doing whatever it is Tyler Durden does. 

2: T101 – The Terminator

Okay, this guy came from the future to kill a chick. Come on? Can Hollywood ask for anything more than that? If your front door crashes open tonight and The Terminator is standing there, what are you supposed to do? Run? Fight? Pray? I have no clue what I would do but I know it wouldn’t run or fight. The thing that makes Terminator so dangerously bad-ass is that NOTHING MATTTERS. He would never accept a bribe. Give him the information he wants or he will kill you, and even if you give it to him, he will probably kill you anyways. I just need to make sure there is something in my garage that can crush him, or a large vat or molten metal that I could ask him to lower himself into. But we’ll just have to wait and see what happens.

1: Anton Chigurh – No Country for Old Men

What would you compare Anton Chigurh to? The Bubonic Plague? What is this guy? The Ultimate Bad-Ass? Who knows where this guy came from? Who knows where this guy disappears to? Anton Chigurh is so bad-ass that even the guy who wrote the book that the movie is based on didn’t tell us anything about him. He just cannot be described, explained, studied, nothing. Anton Chigurh IS the Ultimate Bad-Ass. Anton Chigurh just IS. I would pick a fight with The Terminator before I picked a fight with Anton Chigurh, only because there is no such thing as a fight with Anton Chigurh. Thank you so much Coen brothers for this bad of a bad-ass, and you too Mr. Bardem. Thank you.


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