Category Archives: IP WAC

WAC: Sarah Palin Double-Breasted Mouse-Pad

Can’t find Sarah Palin nude pics but would like to get what you can?  We can help right here, right now!

Weekend Ad Copy (WAC) by: Ronco Media Not-PC PC-Mouse and Pad Division
Inebriated Press
October 11, 2008

All across America boys and men of all ages are pondering the beauty and brains of Republican Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin.  Some would like to debate her intellectually and others just wish they could feel her up.

Well wish no longer!

We may not be able to arrange a visit from Sarah to your coffee shop debate club, but we can help get you closer to squeezing some other stuff you’ve been dreaming about.

Sarah Palin Double-Breasted Mouse & Pad

Sarah Palin Double-Breasted Mouse & Pad

Introducing the all New Ronco Media Not-PC PC-Mouse and Pad with Boobs!  That’s right, they’ve got them just like Sarah Palin!

This double-breasted high-tech high-touch mouse and pad set are just what juvenile delinquents’ or their dads have been feeling around for!  And now it can be yours!

Irresistibly squeezably soft just like the real thing!  Or so, Todd Palin claims!*

Click a nipple, open a file!

Click a nipple, open a file!

Simply send $55.00 in cash or signed American Express Checks to:

Ronco Media Not-PC PC-Mouse and Pad Division
Attn: We-Got-Jugs like Sarah
Box 1234565
New York, New York 54321

Order now before Barack Obama, Joe Biden and half of the frustrated Islamofascists in the mountains of Pakistan get them all!  Orders are shipping fast and it’s possible that stock is being depleted rapidly, or something like that.

*Not an official endorsement, but hey, they’ve got five kids!

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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Filed under Humor, IP Tabloid, IP WAC, Tech Division

WAC: Big Bucks in New Corporate Fashion

Weekend Ad Copy (WAC) by: Ronco Media Tie-Dye Shop
Inebriated Press
March 29, 2008

Looking for a chance to make big money in the new corporate fashion trend?  Sick of a dead-end job without serious wealth potential?  Well piss and moan no more, your cure has come!

Tap the new corporate fashion market with little money down and make huge profit margins!

That’s right, our high fashion experts have determined that the new trend in corporate dress has moved from suits to office-casual to T-shirts and ripped blue jeans.  No kidding!  But these aren’t normal T’s and jeans, these are corporate T’s and jeans that come with pin stripe designs and logos of associated companies and an occasional merger target.  Get out in front of this trend and you’ll be harvesting the money you’ve always dreamt about!

Leave dull care behind and sell your pin striped T’s to executives in major corporations for huge profits!

How can we offer such an amazing opportunity with such confidence?  Well, it may seem complicated but it’s really pretty simple.  Our brilliant analysts have determined that corporations are sick of regular clothing and many executives are on drugs nowadays and can barely even see straight.  That leaves the more radical weird dressers free to do what they want.  We’ve tapped that crazy bunch and are offering you a spot on the ground floor!  Simply send us your name, address and $500.00 cash and we’ll send you all you’ll ever need to set up your own Corporate T-Shirt Shop!  Send your name, address and cash or American Express paper to:

Ronco Media Tie-Dye Shop
Attn: Weird Guy in the Basement
Box 1234567
New York, New York 54321

Fine print: It’s possible that our corporate fashion analysts have no idea what they’re talking about, but I wouldn’t worry.   Some other risks may apply that we won’t admit.  As always, Ronco Media and our crafty associates aren’t responsible for anything.  Better not wait though; opportunities might be limited or something.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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Filed under Humor, IP Tabloid, IP WAC

WAC: Trade Carbon Credits for Fun and Profit

Weekend Ad Copy (WAC) by: Ronco Media Imaginary Stuff to Sell Group
Inebriated Press
March 22, 2008

Want to make money selling imaginary things that exist only by the force of law?  Want a built-in group of customers because lawmakers and environmentalists have forced them into a new market?  Then carbon credit selling is for you!

Sell imaginary stuff out of thin air for real money!

That’s right, once everyone buys the idea that they can freely pollute if they buy carbon credits created by people who generate them by having forests and lawns that absorb carbon and get credit for it, the market will be huge!  It’s already growing as company’s that want to be known as “green” are buying credits so that they can use these “good deeds” in their advertising.  This is where you can cash in big!

Forget buying and selling real stuff when you can sell imaginary things like air from grass!

How can we offer such a weird idea and really make money for you and us?  It may seem extremely stupid, but governments are like that.  Rather than enforcing rules about pollution, they’ve found a way for polluters to keep polluting by just making them buy “credit” from third world countries and others with nothing but wasteland that doesn’t pollute.  It’s a clever way to transfer wealth from the big guys to the little ones while making great money for traders!  And although the consumers ultimately pay for it, because of more expensive products, who cares about them?!  As long as we get our piece of the action everything is great!  Sign up now and get up to $5.00 per ton of C02 and help the poor polluting bastards feel better about themselves!  We’ll rush you the tools so you can start your own business for only $250.00.  You’ll be hard pressed to find a cheaper way to sell the atmosphere to needy polluters!  Send your name, address and cash or American Express paper to:

Ronco Media Imaginary Stuff to Sell Group
Attn: Full of Hot Air and Like It
Box 1234567
New York, New York 54321

Fine print: It’s possible that some people will wake up and discover this entire idea is a bunch of hooey, but so far so good.  Some other risks may apply that we may not have even imagined.  As always, Ronco Media and our crafty associates aren’t responsible for anything.  Sign up quick, good air is selling fast!

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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Filed under Humor, IP Tabloid, IP WAC

WAC: Alarmists Wanted; Earn Big Money!

Weekend Ad Copy (WAC) by: Ronco Media Hyper Active Group
Inebriated Press
March 15, 2008

Like to get worked up about things but no matter how often you’re proven right, it’s still hard to make ends meet at the beginning of each month?  Wish you could get all riled up and get paid for it?  Well wish no more because we’re here for you!

Go berserk over all kinds of things and make big money doing it!

That’s right, now you can become an alarmist about a multitude of topics, both popular and arcane, and get paid the big bucks by celebrity supporters and left-wing George Soros type millionaires with an axe to grind and the money to pay for it!  All you really need is a pissed off attitude and a big mouth and we can help you get that big bank account!

Defame companies, government officials and some celebrity’s for cash today!

How can we offer such an amazing money making opportunity and make it seem so simple?  It may seem simple but it’s really very complicated without our help.  We help you select the right politician, product, corporation or service sector to attack, and the best media outlets to go berserk near to get big coverage.  Once you get some air-time, we get our alarmist-topic-sponsor to kick you some bucks and we only keep a small 15% commission.  That’s right, you get the big bucks and the freedom to go nuts over things like global warming, antibiotics in our food, the Republicans, the Democrats, global trade, and all kinds of other topics.  Get your name to the front of the line for this opportunity quickly, by mailing your name, address, preferred topic and $75.00 for processing, to:

Ronco Media Hyper Active Group
Attn: Pissed at the World for Money Department
Box 1234567
New York, New York 54321

Fine print: It’s possible that we’ll keep your $75.00 and you’ll never hear from us again, but I wouldn’t worry about it.  Some alarmists are ignored and this could be you.  Some other risks may apply that we’re not disclosing at this time.  As always, Ronco Media and our crafty associates aren’t responsible for anything.  Sign up quick, topics to be pissed off about are being rapidly assigned to others!

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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Filed under Humor, IP Tabloid, IP WAC

WAC: Make Big Money Helping Wealthy Nigerians

Weekend Ad Copy (WAC) by: Ronco Media Wealth Management Group
Inebriated Press
March 8, 2008

Looking for a hot new money making opportunity that’s as easy as giving out your bank account information?  Eager for simplicity and overwhelming desire to help people claiming to be wealthy foreigners?  Well, now’s your chance!

Take the risk for windfall profits by simply sharing your bank account information!

That’s right, wealthy Nigerians desperately need American’s bank account information so that they can transfer vast amounts of money to you and free themselves from problems that they’re having in their country.  And you can help because you’re one of those people who have a bank account with transfer numbers that allow money to move around.  That gives you an amazing opportunity to participate in this popular Nigerian program, which promises you up to 20% of each multimillion dollar transaction.

Go with your dreams and set aside good common sense for a shot at big bucks!

How can such an amazing opportunity be yours with such a simple action of merely transferring a bank account number?  It may seem simple but it actually initiates the opportunity for someone to use your name and bank ID and transfer funds into or out of your accounts.  And it’s been going on and instigated by Nigerians for some time now, but maybe you haven’t had the opportunity to participate.  Well, now you can!  And we can help!

Simply mail your bank account information to us with your name and address so we are able to put you in contact with wealthy Nigerians who need to transfer funds to your account, and all you do is transfer 80% of it to some of their relatives here, while you keep 20%!  You could get rich in almost no time at all!  We’ll just take a minor finders fee of a couple hundred bucks.  Mail your information quickly, to:

Ronco Media Wealth Management Group
Attn: Shady Deal Tower
Box 1234567
New York, New York 54321

Fine print: It’s possible that all the Nigerians want is your bank account data so that they can drain your account and not actually transfer any money to you, but I wouldn’t worry about it.  Some other risks may apply that we’re not disclosing at this time.  As always, Ronco Media and our crafty associates aren’t responsible for anything.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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Filed under Humor, IP Tabloid, IP WAC

WAC: Amazing New Approach to Baldness

Weekend Ad Copy (WAC) by: Ronco Media Take No Shit Department
Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
March 1, 2008 

Losing your hair and tired of feeling bad about it?  Wish you felt like you had hair and brimmed with confidence and conviction?  Well cast dull care aside and hitch your follicle despondence to a true big fix!

Trade off that hair-loss fear and discomfort for thick-haired confidence like never before!

That’s right; now you can brim with the confidence that often eludes bald people and leaves them feeling weak and lethargic for no real good reason.  We balding guys at Ronco Media decided it was time to cure what’s really ailing weak-kneed balding types.  And we’re offering it to you at a tiny portion of what it’d normally cost using hair chemicals or replacement surgery and therapy or high-end psychics and psychotherapists.  And we’re offering it all for a one-time payment of only $44.95.

Cure your fear of baldness quickly and easily like you never could have guessed!

How can we offer you new non-balding self confidence for little of nothing?  It may seem rather complicated, but it’s really pretty simple.  We’ve distilled the real essence of why most people feel bad about going bald, and it all boils down to a lack of self confidence.  To cure your fear of baldness and convert it into a beautiful and powerful new version of yourself, we’ve packaged copies of “The Power of Positive Thinking,” by Norman Vincent Peale, along with “Bald Is Beautiful,” by Peter Taylor, and a list of powerful phrases you can use to tell people off, and will ship them to you in a plain brown wrapper.  All for only $44.95.  You’ll be brimming with renewed confidence and won’t give a rat’s ass if you loose your hair. 

It’s proven to be one of the best and least costly cures for baldness ever!

Get your “Bald Cure for What Ails You” package by sending $44.95 plus $5.05 for shipping and handling, a total of $50.00 cash, and be telling anyone who looks down on you for loosing your hair with words and phrases you only hear in meat packing houses, and saying them with the confidence found only among Greek gods.  Send the money and your mailing address to:

Ronco Media Take No Shit Department
Attn: Pissed-off but Confident Bald Guy on the Third Floor
Box 1234567
New York, New York 54321

Fine print:  There is a good chance that if you’re going bald, our approach won’t change that even if you read what we send and curse out ass-holes who mouth off about it.  There is also a risk that some people may find you not only bald but also too crabby to be around.  Most will just be jealous of your newfound confidence so we encourage you to tell them to go screw themselves and do what you want.  Some other risks may apply but I wouldn’t worry about them.  As always Ronco Media isn’t responsible for anything.

© 2007 InebriatedPress.com

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Filed under Humor, IP Tabloid, IP WAC

WAC: Make Big Money in Arms Trafficking!

Weekend Ad Copy (WAC) by: Ronco Media AK-47 Promo Dept.
Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
February 23, 2008

Tired of not having enough cash at the end of the month to pay your bills?  Sick of watching the news from the Middle East and across town because it doesn’t benefit you?  Want to get in on the action and make some bucks doing it?  We’re here to help!

Get in on the biggest money making opportunity of the new century!

That’s right!  Now you can start arms trafficking for yourself and help load up everyone from Middle Eastern thugs to those crazy gangs on the other side of town!  The market has never been bigger or the opportunities greater!  Provide a wanted service and make easy money doing it!

Merchandize proven technology for cash and big profit margins!

That’s right; now you can provide a high-demand product that’s been proven to work effectively in all kinds of conditions.  These AK-47’s almost sell themselves!  Their performance is legendary!  And our exclusive Chinese supplier has lots of them on hand and is in the market to sell!

Get in on the hottest market of the new century and get paid cash for every sale!

How can we provide such a wonderful opportunity with such huge margins?  It seems kind of complicated, but it’s really pretty simple.  We’ve made arrangements with our Chinese AK-47 supplier to assist us with our renowned smuggling operations so we can get weapons delivered quickly and easily anyplace in the world.  We offer you franchise rights to our Internet system where you place your orders and manage cash transfer payments.  We keep just a small percentage of each transaction.  The rest is yours!  The high-tech communication system combined with old Russian technology built by the Chinese almost guarantees you mammoth profit margins!  It’s just that easy!

Sign up for your new AK-47 Franchise by sending the electronic transfer information for your bank accounts, along with your name, address and a current blood sample to:

Ronco Media AK-47 Promo Dept.
Attn: Lock & Load (the two Russio/Chino guys in the basement)
Box 1234567
New York, New York 54321

Fine print:  There’s a chance that your dealings with arms buyers could go awry and you may be injured during an occasional transaction, but I wouldn’t worry about it.  Occasionally large amounts of upfront cash are required to conduct a purchase, and once in a while it goes missing.  As always, Ronco Media and its affiliated companies and scoundrels aren’t responsible for anything.

© 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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Filed under Humor, IP Tabloid, IP WAC