Imbibers’ Choice

Inebriated Press articles that readers found of special interest for reasons of their own.

Hubble Telescope Spots Marilyn Monroe
> High tech device sees through time
> NASA debates time travel concept
> Philosophers argue “saving Marilyn”

Nude pic’s of Hillary Clinton online
Hubby sells shower shots to fund run for presidency

Bikini babes set Guinness World Record
Bikini babes set record at Bondi Beach, Australia

Holy Cow! Michelle Obama Starred Nude in Stag Film with Babes

Experts say Morons and Assholes Now Rule World
Pirates, Bail-outs and Suicide Bombers

Bulletproof Backpack a ‘Must Have’ for School
Just packing heat isn’t enough

Dead Illegal Immigrants Dug Up, Shipped to Mexico
New no-tolerance rules take hold

Iran Wants to Honor Martyred 9-11 Pilots in New York
Scientists hope to use stem cells from testes to repair Iranian leaders’ brain

Russians Capture North Pole; Christmas and Oil Reserves at Risk
Canadians planned counter-offensive but dozed off

Homer Simpson to Take Helm at Wall Street Journal
News Corp buys Dow Jones, makes minor changes

Sally Field and Britney Spears on Presidential Ticket
Moms will end war and bring peace to world

Oscar the Cat Either Predicts Death or Kills People
When the cat hangs around, you die

Amish Resist Efforts to Tag and Track Them
US Fish and Wildlife records Amish weight gain, migration patterns

Google and Britney Partner on Space Launch
Strategy will take career to moon

Hillary Admits She’s a Male Transsexual
Bill says “see what I was up against”

Lindsay Lohan Opens Rehab Spa and BBQ
Innovative new Spa provides booze, ribs and rehab at the same time

Bin Laden Announces U.S. Health Care Plan
Hopes to boost recruiting

Microsoft Vista Service Pack and Birth Control Ahead
Gates admits lack of perfection, family planning at risk

Fear of Canadian Socks Drives U.S. Plan
Foot fetish generates sock safeguard

Vampire Numbers Surge as Rain Forest Cleared
Battle between living and undead ramps

Bill Gates Buys McDonald’s
New PC-Mac Happy Meals and Operating System Ahead

Astronauts Can’t Find Spoons and Forks, Risk Death
UNICEF plans trip to help the starving in space

Strippers Petition to Paw Patrons
Politicians back hands-on approach

Red Bull Stops Cancer, Saves Lives
Scientists discover caffeine is key to good health

Pepsi Sells Tap Water for Fun and Profit
Only makes a few million; not that big a deal

Religious Right to Smoke Pot Threatened
Church sues government for damages

Paris, Nicole & Lindsay Driving School
Automakers teach driving skills for the wacked out

Lawmakers Pass Ethics Bill, Order New Appliances
Law firms optimistic; Frigidaire refrigerator-freezer sales leap

Google to Purchase the United Nations
Will fund world domination with advertising

President Bush Has Colonoscopy, Shows No Cancer, Some Dem Abuse
Despite mistreatment by Democrats, U.S. leader resilient