Tag Archives: ACORN

China Demands Citizens Smoke, Van Gogh Lost Ear over Hooker, and McDonald’s Happy Meal Condom Giveaway

> Chinese Government to Fine Citizens if Cigarette Smoking Target not Met
> German Historians Discover Van Gogh’s Ear Cut Off in Fight over Prostitute
> 7-Year-Old Girl Finds Condom in McDonald’s Happy Meal

Inebriated Press
May 6, 2009

Making quota for the good of the State

Making quota for the good of the State

Agence France-Press reported Monday that officials in central China have been told to smoke nearly a quarter million cigarettes this year.  If they fail to meet the target they’ll be fined. And the Daily Mail reported Tuesday that German historians have completed a 10-year study and determined that Van Gogh’s ear was cut off by a friend of his with whom he was having a dispute over a hooker.  Meanwhile, Associated Press reported Monday that police are investigating a 7-year old girl’s discovery of a condom in her McDonald’s Happy Meal.  Pundits are debating the risks and benefits of smoking cigarettes, fighting over hookers and a condom distribution system using Happy Meals.

Some kinda Hapi

Some kinda Hapi

“Any time you can get condoms or other forms of birth control to children at any age, it’s a benefit because it’ll reduce the risk of unwanted pregnancy.  In fact looking over the data on child pregnancy shows that since the news broke of the McDonald Happy Meal Condom Giveaway, 7-year old girls have reported zero pregnancies,” said Hapi Nuttcase, an intellectual giant and part time ACORN executive.  “Now if we can increase smoking in the U.S. it will add tax revenue that we need to help fund other health initiatives.  I’m lobbying cigarette manufacturers now to increase the amount of nicotine in cig’s so that they’re more addictive.  It’s an important key to a strong economy.  As far as loosing an ear over a hooker goes, it depends on how good the hooker is and why the guys couldn’t take turns.  It’s too bad Barack wasn’t there to help them work out a quota system so both artists could routinely get screwed without losing body parts.  Still, it’s to our benefit that he’s here now and is carefully managing the federal government’s screwing process of Americans.  For the first time in my life I’m proud of this country.  I guess I’ve got that in common with Michelle.”

Rhapsody, three times

Rhapsody, three times

Not everyone thinks the way Nuttcase does.  “It’s wrong to tax people for addictive habits, and that’s true whether you’re in China, the U.S. or someplace else.  It’s coercive and immoral.  If what they’re doing is really wrong, then make a law to ban it, otherwise, let them alone,” said Rhapsody Inblu, a sensual musician with classic beauty and uncommon common sense.  “And there isn’t a hooker in the world worth fighting over, no matter their looks or level of experience.  I mean ultimately an orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm.  I suppose the path to getting there is the deal, but good as that might be, chopping an ear off instead of waiting in line is a bit drastic.  As far as condoms in Happy Meals go, what the hell, we put fluoride in our water.  Next it’ll be Lipitor and Viagra.  We’d have it already if it was up to the drug companies.  I can see a Pfizer-McDonald’s co-branding deal in the future.  And Happy Meal’s for adults with sex toys is probably the follow up.  With a name like ‘Happy Meal’ the possibilities are endless.”

Smoking Babe, or Babe Smoking. You make the call.

Smoking Babe, or Babe Smoking. You make the call.

Agence France-Press reported that officials in a county in central China have been told to smoke nearly a quarter million packs of locally made cigarettes annually or risk being fined, state media reports. The Gong’an county government in Hubei province has ordered its staff to puff their way through 230,000 packs of Hubei-produced cigarette brands a year. Departments that fail to meet their targets will be fined, according to the report. “The regulation will boost the local economy via the cigarette tax,” said Chen Nianzu, a member of the Gong’an cigarette market supervision team. China has 350 million smokers, of whom a million die of smoking-related diseases every year. More than half of all male doctors in China smoke.

Worth cutting an ear off over?

Worth cutting an ear off over?

The Daily Mail reported that history has always painted Vincent Van Gogh as the artist who cut off his ear. But according to researchers, history might have got the wrong man. They believe that, in fact, it was Paul Gauguin, an artist of almost equal renown, who cut off his friend’s ear. And the injury wasn’t inflicted for the sake of art – rather it was part of a feud over a prostitute. This theory is the masterpiece of German historians who have pored over the evidence for ten years. They believe the story about the self-inflicted wound was invented by the sword-wielding Gauguin just to protect himself. What is not disputed is that Van Gogh lost his ear when the two artists were living in the South of France in December 1888. The two were known to fight about art. Van Gogh believed an artist should paint what he saw, while Gauguin painted according to his memory. But on this occasion, they were fighting over a prostitute named Rachel, outside the brothel where she worked, the historians say. The academics say the accepted theory that Van Gogh cut off his own ear is based entirely on Gauguin’s story. Van Gogh never talked about it.

Fast food, fast sex ... now in child sized portions

Fast food, fast sex ... now in child sized portions

Associated Press reported that Swiss police said they are investigating a 7-year-old girl’s discovery of a condom in her McDonald’s Happy Meal. Fribourg state police said the mother called them after the girl discovered the condom among her French fries. Police said Monday they were investigating where the condom came from and how it got into the Happy Meal. They said an analysis was being done to determine if the condom posed a health risk. McDonald’s in Switzerland declined to comment because of the ongoing investigation.

Some say all-the-world’s a screwed up Happy Meal.

Nymph pausing in the cascade of time

Nymph pausing in the cascade of time

“There are so many sensual possibilities — involving taste, touch, sight, sound and smell — on the earth; not to mention the ‘great ideas’ of love, freedom, justice, beauty and truth.  Add to that exploration, science and philosophy, plus historical knowledge on civics and government learned through cause and effect.  And we have the resources, data and knowledge to create utopia, but look at the bullshit humankind has wrought,” said a playful nymph in an un-playful moment during a pause in the cascade of time.  “We have the stuff that dreams are made of, and instead of creating the dream we divine a nightmare — with dirty condoms in our Happy Meals, Socialists in the White House, and taxes on addictive and non-addictive habits.  Missing too, are the days when men would cut each other’s ears off over great sex.  Ah yes, we’ve even lost the pleasures of a simpler time.”

Googles' GoatIn other news, FOX reported Monday that last week Google brought in a herd of goats to mow the grass on its Mountain View, Calif. headquarters rather than using lawnmowers. The company said that it wanted to take a more “low-carbon” approach with the goats reducing the company’s contribution to air and noise pollution. The cost of hiring the 200-some goats is about the same price as mowing, but the goats were “a lot cuter to watch.” Turns out another tech company uses goat power to mow its property, Yahoo has also employed goats to graze their grounds.  No word on whether Google and Yahoo executives have been cutting each other’s ears off as they compete for the goats attention.  ‘Nuf said.  Eat your Happy Meal.  Spit out the rubbery stuff.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

China’s ultimatum: smoke or be fined
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25426774-13762,00.html
 
The battle of Van Gogh’s ear: Artist didn’t chop it off – Gauguin attacked him in brothel row over woman
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1177205/The-battle-Van-Goghs-ear-Artist-didnt-chop–Gauguin-attacked-brothel-row-woman.html

Girl allegedly finds condom in ‘Happy Meal’
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30561605/

Google Goes Green With Goats
http://www.myfoxdc.com/dpp/dpg_original/dpgo_Google_Goats_Green_fc_20090504_2460969

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Google’s Spy Service and White House Clout Grows, while Zombies Roam Illinois

> Spy On Your Workers and let Google Track Your Movements
> Google’s Political Clout Grows as Obama Tech Initiatives Take Shape
> Road Sign warns Illinois Drivers about Zombies

Inebriated Press
February 6, 2009

090206_google_mapPC World reported yesterday that Google just launched a new geo-locater service called Latitude, which transmits the user’s location back to Google for display on Google’s online map service.  Now you can track your employees and loved ones, while you allow Google to load their database with a historical record of every place you go, every time you go there.  And the Wall Street Journal reported Wednesday that when a group of chief executives visited the White House last week to talk about stimulus with President Barack Obama, Google Inc.’s Eric Schmidt was perched right next to the new president. According to the article Mr. Schmidt said Google plans to be involved in discussions about “privacy and the balance of consumer versus government” power in the coming year.  Meanwhile, KSDK TV reported that an electronic road sign in Illinois warned drivers during their Tuesday morning commute, about road closings due to zombies. Pundits are debating whether Google technology has merged with Chicago-style politics to form the new Obama 2.0 Era where Big Brother is as close to you as your cell phone is to your ear.

Community Organizer 2.0

Community Organizer 2.0

“We’ve never had a community-organizer-President running the country with his hands on Google technology and whose Party controls both Houses of Congress, and the idea of all that tech and political power in the hands of the same guy who controls the CIA, FBI and the IRS, scares the dog loving shit right out of me,” said Harvey Oleo-Soybean, a food additive scientist who spends an inordinate amount of time cleaning up after himself these days.  “We know that Obama just converted his campaign machine into a group called ‘Organizing for America’ also known as Obama 2.0, and it’s got the campaigns 13 million email addresses, 4 million contributors and 2 million active volunteers behind it.  When you add the Google data collection on everybody, and now, their plan to track all of our movements, you’ve got some serious power.  And power corrupts.  And you can’t convince me that a Chicago politician like Obama can’t be corrupted … in fact there’s some question as to whether you can even become a politician in Chicago if you aren’t corrupt.  Holy shit!”

Friends of Obama 1.0

Friends of Obama 1.0

Not everyone is as concerned as Oleo-Soybean.  “Some people think that a community organizer who cut his teeth in Chicago politics and who served on a Board with an unrepentant anti-American Pentagon bomber, and who spent 20 years in the church of a preacher who wants god to damn America, and who raised funds and votes through the illegal activities of ACORN, will somehow use Google technology, and all the powers of the courts and spy agencies to his personal and political advantage.  How ridiculous,” said Lisa Lovely-Mayhem, an aerobics instructor and pseudo science teacher whose motto is ‘chaos is our friend’.  “So what if Illinois has convicted their last three governors and our new president did real estate deals with Tony Rezko, who is a convicted felon.  This doesn’t portend anything.  And Bill Clinton’s line about having sex in the Oval Office being ‘because he could’ doesn’t mean Obama will do things just because he can.  I’m sure his plan to change America is for the good, even though we don’t know what he means by that.  I may just be an Illinois zombie, but I like what’s going on!”

Google knows

Google knows

PC World reported that Google’s new geo-locator service, called Latitude, launched on Wednesday, transmits the user’s location back to Google for display using the service’s online maps. The location information comes from a GPS-equipped Smart phones or by triangulation using cell towers. An opt-in service, Latitude also works with laptop computers. The article said it’s easy to think of business uses for Latitude, such as tracking service people as they move from call-to-call. Delivery vehicles might also be tracked, and the service could also be used to make certain the closest resource is always sent to a customer’s request. It could also track specific people, which would be a boon to the personal assistants and group admins of the world. Bosses could also use the service to keep an eye on their charges to make sure they are where they are supposed to be.

The PC World article said the downside of Google’s Latitude is the amount of extremely personal information, such as the details of all a person’s travels that is sent to Google. Some people don’t trust Google to not become evil, if the company hasn’t already. They wonder why the company offers so many free applications unless it has some way to monetize them that isn’t obvious to the user.

Obama & Google CEO Schmidt

Obama & Google CEO Schmidt

The Wall Street Journal reported that when a group of chief executives visited the White House last week to talk about stimulus with President Barack Obama, Google Inc.’s Eric Schmidt wasn’t hard to spot, perched in a prime seat on the new president’s left side. Mr. Schmidt campaigned for Mr. Obama before the election, and Google officials were active in helping with the president’s transition. Now Google figures to be one of the tech companies that benefits from a stimulus program that is likely to include billions of dollars for information technology. Mr. Schmidt, in an interview, described the provisions to deploy Internet in rural and other areas as “a very big deal for us.”

Mr. Schmidt said Google plans to be involved in discussions about “privacy and the balance of consumer versus government” power in the coming year, while paying close attention to ensuring that the support for broadband and for science and technology research reflected in the stimulus bill gets realized. “There is no question technology has more influence with this president,” he said. “I think it is a personal interest.”

Of course you can trust me, I trust you

Of course you can trust me, I trust you

Privacy advocates are already fretting about the White House using Google’s YouTube service, which tracks visitors via electronic cookies. “Given the relationship of Schmidt to the campaign, I think there’s a real concern there’s a kind of open office, revolving door between Google and their goals and the Obama administration,” said Jeff Chester, founder of the Center for Digital Democracy, a consumer-privacy advocacy group.

Fund-raising disclosures show that Google employees ranked as the fourth-largest corporate source of campaign cash for Mr. Obama’s presidential run. After the election, 15 Google executives, including Mr. Schmidt, YouTube co-founder Chad Hurley and chief legal officer David Drummond gave a total of $166,000 to fund the inauguration, according to data released by the transition team. That makes Google employees the third-largest source of donations for Mr. Obama’s inauguration, according to data compiled by the nonpartisan Public Citizen. Google also allowed executives to take leaves of absence to help the Obama transition with policy planning.

Road closed due to zombies

Road closed due to zombies

KSDK TV reported that drivers in the Metro East were warned about zombies during their Tuesday morning commute. This happened on I-255 Southbound just south of the Pontoon Beach exit. Someone changed IDOT’s sign to read “DAILY LANE CLOSURES DUE TO ZOMBIES.” IDOT believes someone hacked the sign’s computer remotely. While crewmembers were still on the scene after fixing the message, the display changed back to the hoax. “We’ve talked to the company that supplies these and they have a patch out there they’ve applied to the program to fix the problem,” said Joe Gasaway with the Illinois Department of Transportation. Just last week, drivers in Austin, TX were warned about “Nazi zombies, run!” and “The end is near.” Pranksters there cut the padlock on the sign and changed the message.

Some people say that actions speak louder than words, and that just because someone shouts “hope and change” and “beware of Zombies” doesn’t really mean that they want what you want.

Zombies or the ACLU, tough to tell

Zombies or the ACLU, tough to tell

“When a guy says he wants to change America and help her realize her potential and then the first thing he does as President is sign an Executive Order to provide 1/2 billion dollars per year to fund abortions around the world, while we have octuplets born in this country that should be killed, it makes me think that perhaps I’m getting something different that I thought I was when I voted for him,” said a hapless hooligan who wondered into the bar around closing time.  “And who’s going to fund hunting and trapping all the zombies out wandering around our highways?  We can’t be having travel disrupted this way.  Sure we can have Google track them and then use laser targeting to have the Department of Defense blast them off the roads, but that would take away from tracking and trapping the Republicans.  We’ve got to use some good common sense here.  Maybe Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad can give Barack some new ideas when they meet to talk about wiping out the Jews.”

090206_zombie_strippersIn other news, the UK Telegraph reported Tuesday that a doctor advised a patient not to swing from chandeliers during sex. Dr Kenneth Hines, 65, also asked a female patient if she was cheating on her husband and joked to another about pretending to be in a pornographic film, it was claimed at a medical tribunal. The alleged incidents occurred at the Eastwood Medical Centre in South Woodford, east London between 2004 and 2006 after the women sought advice for a range of issues including pregnancy and miscarriage. The first woman, Ms C was told to “wait until she left the surgery”, when she asked whether it was safe to start trying for a baby after a miscarriage, and was later advised it was acceptable as long as she did not “pretend she was in a porn movie and swing from the chandeliers”, it was alleged. No word on whether the doctor meant what he said or if he’s working with Google on Obama 2.0 but once government controlled healthcare is in place we’ll probably find out.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Spy On Your Workers With Google Latitude
http://www.pcworld.com/businesscenter/article/158975/spy_on_your_workers_with_google_latitude.html

Google’s Clout Grows as Tech Initiatives Take Shape
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123370590038545591.html?mod=googlenews_wsj

Sign warns Illinois drivers about zombies
http://www.ksdk.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=166427&catid=3

Obama 2.0 — Volunteers of America or 2012 Campaign?
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/first100days/2009/01/29/obama-volunteers-america-campaign/

Doctor ‘told patient not to swing from chandeliers during sex’
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/4449055/Doctor-told-patient-not-to-swing-from-chandeliers-during-sex.html

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ACORNs don’t fall far from the tree

Obama trained ACORN organizers
Friends of Obama funded Kenyan socialist

Inebriated Press \ Division of Rant (with Pretzels)
October 20, 2008

Fox News reported last week that while presidential candidate Barack Obama says he has only limited ties to ACORN, the community organization under federal investigation for registering voters illegally in six states, he has in fact, conducted training sessions for ACORN workers, and his campaign recently paid an ACORN subsidiary $800,000 for voter canvassing efforts.  Also, as a matter of record and reported in the book “The Obama Nation,” a group calling itself “Friends of Obama” contributed $1 million to a Marxist presidential candidate in Kenya, Raila Odinga.  In 2007 Obama, then a US Senator, with his wife Michelle, also appeared with Odinga at numerous events throughout the country.  Pundits argue that Marxist connections throughout Obama’s background and his recent comments to Ohioan Joe the Plumber, that “some income redistribution is good for everybody” doesn’t mean that his refusal to wear American flag lapel pins or say the Pledge of Allegiance really has significance.

“No one can accuse a man named Barack Hussein Obama, or any other person with an Indonesian-Muslim or radical Jeremiah-Wright-Christian background, that they will make decisions that could accidentally harm America,” said Bio Sphere, a column of gas and light, often considered the secret genius behind comedian Bill Ayers.  “And although it’s true that Barack’s affiliations would disqualify him for a job working for the federal government, there are no rules like that to stop American’s from electing him president of the United States, and making him the only Kenyan Luo Tribe member to rule the most powerful country in the world.  And that $1 million donation to Odinga, hey, he’s a relative from Obama’s Luo tribe, so leave that alone.  Who doesn’t help out their kin? This is just one more Fox News report designed to make people stop and think.  This is an election and there’s no room for that.”

Not everyone agrees with Bio Sphere.  “I like Barack and think he’d make a great neighbor if Tony Rezko and Bill Ayers weren’t around there too, but I kind of do think a person is a reflection of his friends and associates,” said Marcy Hart-Throbb, a cashier at the Purple Pyramid Navel Jewelry Store and occasional dynamite blonde, depending on her mood.  “Barack seemed too good to be true with his smooth good looks and elitist background from Harvard, and his down-home community organizer attitude.  But lately I’m thinking that his plan to hike taxes for his plus-$1 trillion dollar spending plans, and his comments to the plumber who just wants to hold on to his savings that ‘income distribution is good for everybody’ might not be so good.  I mean, Marxism is so expensive in terms of money and freedom.  Even though Democrat Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi from Berkeley and Democrat majority leader in the Senate, Harry Reid are there to rein him in, maybe they’ll need tax dollars to pay for the additional $300 billion they said they wanted to spend last week.  I suppose the money comes from someplace, right?”

Fox News reported last Thursday that Barack Obama says he only had limited ties to ACORN, and they began in 1995. But other encounters with the group, plus a voter-registration drive he conducted called Project Vote three years earlier, calls his account into question. The Democratic presidential candidate made his remarks in an effort to distance himself from the low-income advocacy group, which is under investigation for voter fraud in several states.
 
Obama conducted training sessions for ACORN workers a decade ago, and his campaign also recently paid an ACORN subsidiary for canvassing efforts. Plus his work with a group called Project Vote back in 1992 raises questions about whether he was involved with ACORN back then. ACORN was also registering voters at that time, and its relationship with Project Vote casts some doubt on Obama’s statement that his involvement with ACORN didn’t begin until three years later.

A blogger for Obama’s campaign Web site in February wrote: “When Obama met with ACORN leaders in November, he reminded them of his history with ACORN and his beginnings in Illinois as a Project Vote organizer … Senator Obama said, ‘I come out of a grassroots organizing background. … Even before I was an elected official, when I ran (the) Project Vote voter registration drive in Illinois, ACORN was smack dab in the middle of it.'” Also, Chicago ACORN organizer Toni Foulkes wrote in the 2003 edition of the journal Social Policy that the two groups were working to register voters when Obama led the effort in Illinois. It has already been widely reported that his campaign paid more than $800,000 to a group called Citizens Services Inc., an ACORN subsidiary, to “augment” Obama’s grassroots organizing efforts in the Ohio, Texas and Pennsylvania primaries. Pundits argue that getting money and training for community groups is what community organizers do, so it can’t be held against Obama.

“People fail to understand that pumping money into areas of the community and training and organizing them to intimidate officials so that they will accommodate their wants — be that in the US or Kenya — is what a good community organizer like Obama does for a living; so any attempt to hold that against him is unfair,” said someone claiming to be Saul Alinsky, author of ‘Rules for Radicals’ the socialist tome that gave Obama his organizing skill set.  “He’s applied my techniques and taught them to ACORN employees as well as any of my pupils has; he may be my best pupil.  You have to use skills like his to get people to give you power and once you have power; you have a kingdom and can do what you want.  That’s why in my book I said, ‘Let us not forget at least an over-the-shoulder acknowledgement to the very first radical: from all our legends, mythology, and history, the first radical known to man who rebelled against the establishment and did it so effectively that he at least won his own kingdom — Lucifer.’  I’m not saying Barack is up to that standard, but you have to admit, he’s hidden the truth with a facade of lies that few have penetrated, and win or lose, you have to give him a lot of credit for trying. He may even pull it off.”

And that’s got some Inebriated reporters stone cold sober.

© 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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