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Japanese Girls like Tough Guys, Florida’s New Underwear Law, and Media’s View of Obama as God

> Women in Japan crazy about Shogun Warlords: “picture-perfect masculinity”
> City in Florida passes new law requiring underwear
> Newsweek Editor on Obama: “He’s sort of God”

Inebriated Press
June 16, 2009

Busted

Busted

The Mainichi Daily News reported Saturday that young women are flocking to landmarks from the Warring States period, and college girls are buying up samurai-themed products. There is a constant shortage of men’s “armor” underwear and 80 percent of the buyers are women.  And Florida’s St. Petersburg Times reported that the Brooksville City Council has passed new rules that require people to wear clothes that “fit properly” and the wearing of underwear.  Enforcement of the new rules is in question.  Meanwhile, The New Republic reported that longtime Newsweek editor Evan Thomas told MSNBC’s Chris Matthew’s that Barack Obama stands above the country, above the world, as a “sort of God”.  Pundits are debating the power of underwear and Obama’s godhood.

Someone named Andrea

Someone named Andrea

“Pardon me if I don’t believe that Obama is God or that underwear in any form is destined to give me power I don’t currently have.  I understand the idea that putting great faith into something or someone can cause change in that it alters our perspectives and influences our behavior, but power and godhood from panties or a community organizer is a bit of a stretch,” said Andrea Aloha-Alabaster, a pastry chef and sensuous Hawaiian without a birth certificate who plans to run for government office some day.  “Political power is given by the people to a leader in the same way states grant authority to the federal government.  At least that’s how it’s supposed to work.  The federal government should not impose its will upon the states, unless the states grant it that right.  And no president should impose their will, or act like a god, unless the citizens establish that power within the presidency — and they have not.  Obama is no god, and my underwear, although silky and comfortable when I wear them, grants me no greater power than I carry already as an American citizen and an intelligent and cogent human being.  I am as I should be, let government and elected leaders be as they should be.  Now enough of the bullshit.”

Power underwear

Power underwear

Not everyone sees it the way Aloha-Alabaster does.  “When I have on my red underwear and garters with black stockings I wield power over men that I don’t have if I just wear my pink panties with the days-of-the-week on them.  There’s no question in my mind that the right underwear gives me power well beyond that of a typical person on a Tuesday.  And Barack Obama is way more than an organizer; he clearly is a god, maybe THEE god, because no typical organizer without government or business experience could have been elected president of the United States.  He must be god — or a demon — I’m pretty sure he’s the god thing,” said Cassy Sassy-Leather, a pole polisher down at the Hot Lace and Cool Leather Lounge.  “And power simply accrues to those who wield it indiscriminately unless they’re restricted.  No one is restricting Barack, so he’s on his way to ruling as god on earth.  And the federal government is absorbing states rights and assuming their power.  It’s no big deal; it’s just the way things work if no one stops it.  See this black bra and these red satin panties?  Watch me walk past those guys over there.  They’d kiss my ass and worship me if I asked them.  I’m like a god with these on in here.  Only Obama can get his ass kissed more than I can, but then he actually is god so you have to expect that.”

On the hunt for picture-perfect masculinity

On the hunt for picture-perfect masculinity

The Mainichi Daily News reported that young women are flocking to significant landmarks from the Warring States period, and college girls are buying up samurai-themed products. Sales of historical books are up, and there have been efforts to revive the publication of paperbacks on warlords. On weekends, Jidai Shobo, a bookstore specializing in historical books in Tokyo’s Chiyoda Ward, is packed with groups of young women. Stationery and mobile phone accessories with family crests of feudal lords line the shelves, with figurines of Sanada Yukimura, the most popular of the warlords, and others also for sale. “I like Kato Kiyomasa,” says customer Izumi Sekine, 34, of a warlord who served the shogun Tokugawa Ieyasu. “There’s an almost picture-perfect masculinity about him.”  More unorthodox products have seen a boost in sales as well. There is a constant shortage in stock of Sido brand underwear or men’s “armor” underwear, which cost a considerable 9,240 a pair. According to Tokyo-based manufacturer Rogin, about 80 percent of buyers are women. Researcher Tetsuaki Higashida from the Dentsu Communication Institute suggests that women are attracted to the masculinity of these warlords, compared to the more passive modern men that they know.

Can't work in this town girl

Can't work in this town girl

The St. Petersburg Times reported that if you want to work for the city of Brooksville, be sure that you use deodorant, that your clothes fit properly and that you cover up your wounds and tattoos. And, for goodness sake, wear underwear. If not, you could violate the city’s new dress code. The Brooksville City Council approved a dress and appearance policy by a count of 4-1 this month, with only Mayor Joe Bernardini casting the dissenting vote. He questioned how the code would be interpreted and enforced. “They said you had to wear undergarments,” Bernardini said, “but who’s going to be the judge of that? Sometimes when it comes to certain people going bra-less, it’s obvious. But who’s staring to see if that person doesn’t have underwear on?” City department heads and managers will be required to interpret and enforce the dress code.

"He's sort of God"

"He's sort of God"

The New Republic reported that Evan Thomas, a longtime editor at Newsweek, told Chris Matthews’s on MSNBC: “I mean, in a way, Obama’s standing above the country, above–above the world, he’s sort of God.” Such words would wreak havoc on any person’s ego, even Barack Obama’s. It also would enrage his enemies. After all, the president has told us that he is a mere student of history, and that he is. But history these days is no longer a discipline inclined to defend the truthfulness of its claims or the reasonableness of its arguments or the plausibility of its conclusions. More and more, history has become a competition between and among narratives, self-consciously disdainful of what we used to think of as fact. In this intellectual competition, the losers almost always win or, at least, they win the “moral argument.” Not in real history, mind you, but in many a Western professor’s classroom. And, sometimes, in an American president’s mind.

The truth is that Barack Obama has a penchant for narratives and yet an inclination to rise above them. Two grand but antithetical stories about the same problem, awaiting him and his Olympian skill for the discovery of “common ground”: That is Obama’s favorite script. He regards himself as a kind of unprecedented referee between histories and philosophies. He likes to think that he can see what others cannot see and that, therefore, they must come to him if they wish to live in peace and with meaning.

Obama: New GodIn addressing American intelligence and security professionals at the National Archives, the president aimed at bridging differences by showing that apparent contradictions are not contradictions at all and that everything will go together, if only for as long as he is speaking. National security that never compromises national values? No problem. National values that guarantee national security? Say it and it will be done. Yes, we have values that elevate and restrict us at once, the ideal of free men and women that procedurally protects also the guilty and the wicked–and never mind that, absent energetic domestic and international defenses, these principles would be outmaneuvered and outclassed on both fronts. And again at Notre Dame, the same above-it-all structure of rhetorical conciliation was applied by Obama to the subject of abortion. “Open hearts. Open minds. Fair-minded words.” Nice enough. But the debate on abortion will not be so tidily retired. All of this is rising above but not really reconciling anything. [Editors note: some people refer to Obama’s rhetorical approach as an exercise in “bullshit”; that’s a technical term]

Sex on the beachIn other news, Live Science reported on Friday that summer time sex is risky. With its warm nights, the summer season often brings out the best and the most adventurous feelings of love and lust. Why confine sex to the bedroom, or even the house, when there are beaches and pools and hot tubs to host our most private moments? A few reasons, as it turns out. Condom companies don’t test their products in such a condition, and therefore can’t vouch for their effectiveness when used in pools, hot tubs or other wet and wild setups. You might want to avoid water sex anyway, as improperly maintained pools, hot tubs and Jacuzzis can be breeding grounds for bacteria. And sand isn’t so good either.  According to researchers, 91 percent of the beaches they studied had detectable levels of enterococci (bacteria that can cause urinary tract infections, endocarditis, diverticulitis and meningitis), and 62 percent of them had traces of E. coli. No word on how masculinity-seeking Japanese women feel about summer sex but I’m sure that Obama’s national healthcare plan will have something to say on the subject.  And it’ll be right on target.  Because god always is.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

New wave of ‘history girls’ wooed by warlords’ masculinity
http://mdn.mainichi.jp/mdnnews/national/news/20090613p2a00m0na027000c.html

Brooksville’s new dress code requires deodorant, underwear
http://www.tampabay.com/news/politics/local/article1009923.ece

Narrative Dissonance
“I mean, in a way, Obama’s standing above the country, above–above the world, he’s sort of God.”
http://www.tnr.com/politics/story.html?id=cd70b25d-12b5-4f6f-8fd3-4a965be569f3

The Risks of Summer Sex
http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20090612/sc_livescience/therisksofsummersex

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Million Dollar Mattress, Hummingbird Sex, and Obama’s TARP Illusion

> Family tosses mattress housing $1 million cash stash
> G-Force’s during Hummingbird Sex would make Fighter Pilots Pass Out
> Obama’s TARP czar has no idea if it’s working, or where the money’s gone

Inebriated Press
June 12, 2009

Sex at the speed of a Hummingbird

Sex at the speed of a Hummingbird

AFP reported Thursday that a woman threw out her mothers’ old mattress not knowing it was stuffed with one million dollars.  And New Scientist reported Wednesday that during courtship-flights male hummingbirds sustain g-forces during acceleration that would cause a fighter jet pilot to pass out.  Meanwhile, The Weekly Standard reported Tuesday that Obama’s TARP oversight chair doesn’t know if it’s working, and doesn’t know where the money is going.  Vice President Joe Biden adds that “people are being scammed already” in the disbursement of $787 billion.  Some people say all’s fair in speed-sex and political-handouts.

A Happy Woman

A Happy Woman

“If you’re going for high-speed sex you have to expect to pass out now and then, it’s just a physical reality.  And if you’re going to jam though government spending plans so fast that no one reads the documentation or sets up a system of checks and balances, then you’re going to waste most of it, that’s just a bureaucratic reality,” said Happy Lucki-Thimaster, a sex worker and political analyst who built her trade during the Bill Clinton administration. “There’s nothing surprising or unusual about any of this.  And if you’re going to throw out other peoples mattresses without checking with them first, you may be tossing out something more valuable than you think.  But what the heck, all’s fair in fast sex, government mismanagement of your tax dollars, and lost fortunes in old bedding.  Shit happens and lots of times it’s purely predictable.  I can’t help but fantasize about having speed sex on a million dollar mattress bought with TARP funds.  It would be a real rush.  Makes me tingly just thinking about it.  Does it feel warm in here to you?”

Someone named Tricia

Someone named Tricia

Not everyone sees it the way Lucki-Thimaster does.  “Humming birds aren’t having high-speed sex; they’re just flapping their wings really fast, that’s all.  And Obama has his fingers on the pulse of everything and knows exactly what he’s doing and where all our money is going.  He said he’d go through the TARP thing and the budget line-by-line personally, and would account for every penny.  Trust him, he’s not just flapping his lips really fast,” said Tricia Kum-Lately, a circus manager and silicon investor, who often does Dallas just because.  “I had a million dollar mattress once but I quit hooking because it was bothering my back.  Now I work with circus clowns.  It’s remarkable how similar they are to the Democrat Congress and Obama administration — and I mean that in a positive way.  They could run the country just as well.  It gives me confidence that democracy works because it doesn’t take any brains or special training to run the world’s biggest economy.  Joe Biden is proof of that.  I’m so proud of this country.  In fact I think it’s the first time in my life that I’m really proud of America.  I guess I’ve got that in common with Michelle Obama.”

A surprising mattress

A surprising mattress

AFP reported that a stash of cash landed in the trash when a woman in Israel dumped her mother’s mattress not knowing it was stuffed with the equivalent of about one million dollars. Israeli media reported that the 40-year-old woman showed up at a garbage dump in a panic on Tuesday, looking for the valuable bedding. She had bought a new mattress for her mother and, wanting the gift to be a surprise, threw away the old one. She then found out the decades-old mattress contained her mother’s life savings. Workers are helping her search the garbage, but have found no sign of the cash so far.

Real hummingbird sex, or just faking it?

Real hummingbird sex, or just faking it?

New Scientist reported that male hummingbirds are breaking the speed record for love. During courtship flights, male Anna’s hummingbirds sustain accelerations that would cause a fighter jet pilot to pass out. Chris Clark, a biologist at the University of California at Berkeley, believes that the pressures of courtship push males to the limit of what is physically possible. Using high-speed video footage to study their flight, he has shown that, relative to their body size, male Anna’s hummingbirds are the fastest moving vertebrates. As they approach the ground, the hummingbirds spread their wings and tail, letting them pull them up into a skywards glide. At this stage, Clark calculated that their bodies undergo centripetal accelerations reaching 10 g – a force equivalent to 10 times the gravitational pull of Earth. Fighter jet pilots can pass out or temporarily lose their sight at accelerations above 7 g because their blood becomes unevenly distributed in their circulatory system.

We have no clue, but I wouldn't worry.

We have no clue, but I wouldn't worry.

The Weekly Standard reported that Obama’s transparency czar is using $84 million to build a web site that won’t be usable until October, and may not be useful until four years from now. Obama’s stimulus oversight guru, Joe Biden, says “people are being scammed already” in the disbursement of $787 billion. And, when asked whether TARP is working, Prof. Elizabeth Warren— head of the Congressionally formed oversight committee for that particular trillion-dollar project—says: “We can’t disclose what isn’t known. We’ve disclosed as much as we can, we’ve addressed this in our various reports. The Secretary of the Treasury says there are some positive indicators and there some negative indicators still in the economy. And that’s the best we can do.”  Aren’t giant, cumbersome government programs fun, especially now that the Obama administration’s cult of competence is in charge and offering unprecedented transparency and accountability?  When asked if she had a clear sense of what the overall TARP plan was and whether she was capable of summarizing what it’s supposed to be doing, she said: “No. And neither is Treasury. Treasury has given us multiple contradictory explanations for what it’s trying to accomplish.”

Fear not, for the wind and waves obey me

Fear not, for the wind and waves obey me

In other news, Associated Press reported Wednesday that the wind, a favorite power source of the green energy movement, seems to be dying down across the United States. And the cause, ironically, may be global warming – the very problem wind power seeks to address. The idea that winds may be slowing is still a speculative one, and scientists disagree whether that is happening. But a first-of-its-kind study suggests that average and peak wind speeds have been noticeably slowing since 1973, especially in the Midwest and the East. The study, which will be published in August in the peer-reviewed Journal of Geophysical Research, is preliminary, however, a couple of earlier studies also found wind reductions in Australia and Europe, offering more comfort that the U.S. findings are real. The new study “demonstrates, rather conclusively in my mind, that average and peak wind speeds have decreased over the U.S. in recent decades,” said Michael Mann, director of the Earth System Science Center at Penn State University.  No word on how the scientists feel about high-speed sex, million dollar mattresses or wasted TARP money, but you can bet they’re trying to harness the hot air pouring out of D.C. as a new energy source.  Or at least trying to get their piece of the federal budget so they can study it.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Dumped mattress lands cash in trash in Israel
http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5hvRwWnDjIUF3gNuTPVjHc7OPjTag

Male hummingbirds break speed record for love
http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn17277-male-hummingbirds-break-speed-record-for-love.html

video — http://brightcove.newscientist.com/services/player/bcpid1873822884?bctid=25816667001

TARP Oversight Chair Says She Doesn’t Know Whether It’s Working
http://www.weeklystandard.com/weblogs/TWSFP/2009/06/tarp_oversight_chair_says_she.asp

US Stimulus Fraud could hit $50B
http://macedoniaonline.eu/content/view/7101/52/

Not so windy: Research suggests winds dying down
http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/U/US_SCI_DIMINISHING_WINDS?SITE=PAPIT&SECTION=NATIONAL&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

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Rustlers steal Queen’s Cattle, Obama more Left than Chavez, and Mafia ruins Teen’s Shopping Spree

> Cattle Rustlers Stole Cows from Queen Elizabeth’s estate
> Venezuela’s Chavez says “Comrade” Obama’s Nationalization of GM Makes Him the Most Left-Wing
> Girls use Mafia to crack parents safe, worked, but not quite as hoped

Inebriated Press
June 5, 2009

Got a safe on ya?  You're not Mafia, right?

Got a safe on ya? You're not Mafia, right?

Reuters reported on Wednesday that cattle rustlers stole prized cattle from an English estate of Queen Elizabeth that were being fattened for the royal table.  And, Reuters reported Tuesday that Venezuela’s President Hugo Chavez says he and Cuban leader Fidel Castro are more conservative than U.S. President Obama, as Barack prepares to nationalize General Motors Corporation.  Meanwhile, Sweden’s The Local reported on Wednesday that two teenage girls who took the family safe to finance a day of shopping, asked a mafia guy to break it open for them.  They never saw it again.  Pundits are contemplating the ethical and practical implications of cattle rustling, nationalization of industry and ripping off your parents. 

Someone named Honey

Someone named Honey

“All’s fair in love, war, politics and elementary physics … as well as cattle rustling, robbing your own parents and other stuff if you can get away with it,” said Honey Sukle-Kreme, a candy store manager and part-time stripper down at the Sweet and Sassy Beer and Haircare Shoppe.  “There aren’t any real rights or wrongs, I think that’s been established by the theory of relativity and the Woodstock music festival, so we really should just move on.  I mean, some people still get hung up on the idea that stealing someone’s cattle, or over-taxing the middle class, or even nationalizing major industries because you can — is wrong or something.  It’s nothing of the kind.  If you have the power and the will to do any of those things, then you do it if you want to.  It’s basic evolutionary theory — survival of the fittest.  If I’m stronger than you I can take your stuff, whether you’re my parents, the queen, or private enterprise.  If you don’t like it, suck it, there’s nothing you can do.  I’d talk about this more, but my car is parked outside and the meter is about to expire.  If I don’t put some money in it I’ll have to pay a fine.  Why the damn meter officials don’t grasp the reality of relativity and Woodstock, and forget about giving me tickets I just don’t know.  Obama will fix that one of these days.  He’s a fixer kind of guy from Chicago you know.”

Someone named Wanda

Someone named Wanda

Not everyone exudes the same nectar as Sukle-Kreme.  “Holy crap, rustlers ripped off the queen and Obama is ripping off private enterprise, that’s some crazy shit.  Now the mafia ripping off some stupid girls is no biggy, what did the girls expect — they’ve never watched any mafia movies or something?  On the other hand American’s have had to have seen a few socialists, at least in history class, and should have known what Obama the community organizer was up to.  Sometimes people come face to face with their own stupidity and just smile and wave,” said Wanda Silikon-Basil, a buxom gardener known for her uncommon genius — mainly with fertilizer and bustiers.  “I tend to be pretty easy going and am pretty much an optimist, but I’m worried about whether the Queen is going to have enough beef to get her through the winter.  She’s getting along in age and it’s important that she gets enough protein.  As far as the U.S. goes with nationalization of industry, I could worry about that too, but the voters chose a one-term Senator whose only experience was in community organizing, and he’s never run a business or government — so the Americans are getting what they asked for.  You vote like a dumb shit and you get that kind of governance.  Stupid is as stupid does.  I’m not staying awake nights worrying about an idiotic decision like that.”

Queen Liz: Where's my beef?

Queen Liz: Where's my beef?

Reuters reported that cattle rustlers stole prized cows and bulls from an English country estate of Queen Elizabeth that were being fattened up for the royal dining table. Tony Barratt, the farmer in charge of some 300 livestock on the British queen’s Sandringham estate in southeastern England, told Reuters on Wednesday that police were investigating the disappearance of the cattle over the last week and said they had probably been illegally slaughtered by now. “It makes me so angry because this is beef which is enjoyed by the queen herself,” said Barratt.

Comrades Obama and Chavez

Comrades Obama and Chavez

Reuters reported that Venezuela’s President Hugo Chavez said on Tuesday that he and Cuban ally Fidel Castro risk being more conservative than U.S. President Barack Obama as Washington prepares to take control of General Motors Corp. During one of Chavez’s customary lectures on the “curse” of capitalism and the bonanzas of socialism, the Venezuelan leader made reference to GM’s bankruptcy filing, which is expected to give the U.S. government a 60 percent stake in the 100-year-old former symbol of American might. “Hey, Obama has just nationalized nothing more and nothing less than General Motors. Comrade Obama! Fidel, careful or we are going to end up to his right,” Chavez joked on a live television broadcast. Chavez, a vehement critic of the U.S. “empire,” has toned down his rhetoric since Obama took office in January. Obama and the federal government will take control of GM after a $30 billion injection of taxpayer funds.

Two Swedish girls

Two Swedish girls

The Local reported that two Swedish teenage girls who took a family safe to finance a day of shopping allege their plans were spoiled when they inadvertently handed the safe over to someone with ties to the mob. In order to pay for a joyride and accompanying shopping spree, the girls stole a safe containing 10,000 kronor ($1,300) in cash which belonged to the father of one of the girls. The girls stuffed the safe in a bag and headed to Malmö where they met up with a male acquaintance of one of the girls who was supposed to help them crack open the safe. But the acquaintance told the girls he lacked the right tools to open the safe, and instead had to hand it over to someone else. According to the girls, they never saw the safe again and allege it ended up in the hands of the mafia.
 

Ah shit, I should have spoken up earlier ...

Ah shit, I should have spoken up earlier ...

In other news, Bloomberg reported Wednesday that Federal Reserve Chairman Ben S. Bernanke said large U.S. budget deficits threaten financial stability and the government can’t continue indefinitely to borrow at the current rate to finance the shortfall. The Fed chief said in his remarks to the House Budget Committee that deficit concerns are already influencing the prices of long-term Treasuries. The budget deficit this year is projected to reach $1.85 trillion, equivalent to 13 percent of the nation’s economy, according to the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office. “Either cuts in spending or increases in taxes will be necessary to stabilize the fiscal situation,” Bernanke said. This year’s projected budget deficit is four times the size of last year’s shortfall. Wisconsin Representative Paul Ryan, the ranking Republican on the committee, said that the Treasury’s debt issuance and the Fed’s monetary stimulus, including purchases of government bonds, “can be a dangerous policy mix” and risks “runaway inflation” in the longer term.  No word on how Bernanke feels about stealing the Queens cattle, nationalizing industry or ripping off his parents, but I don’t give a shit about that. What I want to know is where the hell this guy’s been while Obama and the Democrats have been spending all of our money — and half of the next generations.  But maybe people really do come face to face with their own stupidity and just smile and wave.  At least he’s finally pulled his head out of his ass.  Now we’ll see if anyone else does.

(C) 2009 IebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Where’s the beef? Rustlers stole it your majesty
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090603/lf_nm_life/us_britain_royal_beef_1

Venezuela Chavez says “Comrade” Obama more left-wing
http://www.reuters.com/article/ObamaEconomy/idUSTRE5520GX20090603?feedType=RSS&feedName=ObamaEconomy&virtualBrandChannel=10441

‘Mafia’ ruined Swedish teens’ shopping spree
http://www.thelocal.se/19838/

Bernanke Warns Deficits Threaten Financial Stability
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=ahrOZ.gd85yc

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Terrorists Roam Wild and Free, Pubs Get Hard-Ass Regulation, and Motherhood Goes on Ice

> Pakistani court frees radical cleric with link to India bombing
> Brit pubs face draconian regulations
> Aging women with future hopes freeze eggs now for later

Inebriated Press
May 3, 2009

Woman freezing her eggs

Woman freezing her eggs

The Washington Post reported Tuesday that a Pakistani court ordered the release of a hard-line Islamist cleric with ties to last year’s deadly attacks in the Indian city of Mumbai, setting the stage for a new round of tensions between the neighboring countries.  And Reason Online reported Monday that pointless regulations are ruining British pub life, as customers must stand in “post-office-style” lines, no drinking is allowed while in line, and no one can order more than two drinks at a time — regardless of whether they’re with a group.  Pubs that want to promote a discount special must notify police seven days in advance.  Meanwhile, Essential Baby reported that aging women who want to keep motherhood an option are freezing their unfertilized eggs for $12,000 a pop, hoping to have them thawed and fertilized in the future.  Inebriated reporters busying themselves by drinking three pints at a time in our news offices, and eating fried eggs by the dozen, thus destroying some chickens’ future, wonder when they should start buying assault rifles in preparation for the terrorists who will likely be showing up any day now.

AK-47 with proud owner

AK-47 with proud owner

“I’ve heard a lot of good things about AK-47’s and I guess even the Chinese versions of the Russian gun are pretty good.  With a little practice I could probably take down some asshole son-of-a-bitch Islamo bastard,” said Lacy Racy-Smoothbottom, a sweet talking, well toned part-time writer and full-time stripper down at the Lazy Space-Cadet Lounge and Hyperbolic Chamber.  “We may even have to use them to take the West back from Statism with all its bureaucratic over-regulation that stifles commerce, individual freedom and a good time.  The Islamofascist and Socialist-Statists are all bent on control and consolidating power over the individual.  It’s a crime against individual rights, free market economics and common sense.  As far as the egg freezing thing goes, I’m not up for that.  If I decide I want a family I’ll do it the old fashioned way.  Get married and get knocked up.  If it doesn’t work out we can adopt.  I’m not doing the $12,000 freeze-thaw, dump my guy’s sperm in a Petri dish and see what happens stuff.  I’m not saying its wrong or anything, but it’s not for me.  Call me old fashioned, but I like the physical effort of doing it myself.  If I can’t get pregnant we’ll adopt; nothing wrong with maybe saving a kid from some abortionist’s knife.  It might be the best thing for everybody.  Especially the kid.”

Prego hooters waitress in disgusting T

Prego hooters waitress in disgusting T

Not everyone agrees with Racy-Smoothbottom.  “No one should have an assault rifle or any weapon that can hurt another person.  As soon as we ban all guns we’ll have peace in our time.  The radical clerics just want to talk and reach an understanding,” said Heather Halfpint-Shorrt, an 8-month pregnant Hooters waitress currently suing the restaurant for making her wear a full sized T-shirt instead of a little halter top.  “And it’s good that Brit pubs are putting hard rules in place, we don’t have enough customer-control rules in Hooters.  We should make everyone pay tips in advance and let that determine how good the service is, and stuff like that.  As far as freezing my eggs now for later goes, well to be honest, I’m kind of past the point of caring about that.”

MumbaiThe Washington Post reported that Pakistan’s Lahore High Court’s decision to free radical cleric Hafiz Mohammed Saeed, a hard-liner linked to last year’s deadly attacks in the Indian city of Mumbai, came amid growing tension in Pakistan’s northwest, where security forces on Tuesday rescued dozens of students and teachers kidnapped by militants and where the army continues to battle Taliban fighters in the Swat Valley. India has demanded Pakistan vigorously pursue those behind the November siege of its commercial capital that killed 164 people and left nine of 10 gunmen dead. Pakistan has said it took several alleged suspects into custody, including Saeed, the head of a charity that the U.N. says is a front group for Lashkar-e-Taiba, the militant organization blamed in the attack. But the Muslim-majority country has a poor track record of prosecuting alleged militant leaders, and India and Pakistan argued for weeks after the attack over the proper amount of evidence needed to convict the suspected masterminds. On Tuesday morning, Saeed’s lawyer, A.K. Dogar, emerged from the courthouse to declare that jurists had decided Saeed’s continued detention was without basis. There was no immediate Indian comment Tuesday.

Back before draconian laws ...

Back before draconian laws ...

Reason Online reported that if you want to buy a drink at a pub in Oldham, northern England, you must stand in an orderly “post-office-style” line. It must be a straight line, starting one meter from the bar, with barriers, signage, and a “supervisor.” There must be no drinking while standing in line, and no drinking within one meter of the bar. Customers cannot order more than two drinks at one time. And if a pub wants to advertise discounted drinks, it must give the police and local council at least seven days’ notice. Pubs were once one of the most autonomous spaces in Britain; now they are one of the most regulated. The pub landlord has lost his dominion, and pubs need a local authority license for almost every possible activity that goes on within their walls. One Staffordshire pub hurriedly axed its 25-year-old dominos team, when police discovered that it lacked a license for sporting activity. Once the landlady had acquired a license, though, she discovered that nobody would be allowed to watch the dominos, since this “would constitute a live sporting event” and require a further license. The pub was also missing other key licenses, she said: “I was told that I couldn’t have music playing, I can have the TV on but with no sound. The regulars can’t sing any songs.” Dancing also requires official paperwork. One unlicensed York pub was threatened with a £20,000 fine, after an “impromptu jig by pensioner Mavis Brogden.” Police officers now have unprecedented legal powers over public houses.

Egg Harvest & You

Egg Harvest & You

Essential Baby reported Monday that more and more women who are single but aging and want to keep the option of motherhood open while not rushing into parenthood, are having their unfertilized eggs frozen before their fertility goes into decline.  An increasing number of women in their 30s, have opted for the treatment originally designed for those facing fertility-damaging cancer therapies. Women pay almost $12,000 to have unfertilized eggs extracted from their ovaries and then frozen and stored until they’re ready to try for a baby. In Brisbane, Australia each year, more than 100 women in their 30s are having their eggs frozen by the Queensland Fertility Group, which advertises its services to GPs and in newspapers and leaflets in women’s health clinics. “Social egg-freezing” has grown a lot over the past five years as techniques for egg-freezing have improved. Melbourne IVF, which has done 32 “social” egg freezes in the past decade, has now had two babies born from such eggs. According to Melbourne IVF fertility specialist Dr Kate Stern, new techniques have improved the survival rate of thawed eggs from one in five to six in 10.

Miss Atom 2009

Miss Atom 2009

In other news, MosNews reported Wednesday that Russia has selected Miss Atom 2009.  As usual, all the 350 contestants that competed for the title had one more thing in common, apart from being beautiful: they all work for the Russian nuclear industry. The beauty contest, held this year for the sixth time, only features employees of nuclear energy agencies and research institutions.  This year’s participants came from Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, Kazakhstan and Lithuania. The first prize, a trip to Cuba, went to Yekaterina Bulgakova, legal consultant at the Institute of Research for Atomic Reactors (NIIAR).  No word on whether she has her own AK-47, likes pub regulations or plans to have her eggs frozen now for later, but with that rare combination of both beauty and brains why would I worry about that?  Meet me in Cuba!

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Pakistan court orders release of Mumbai suspect
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/06/01/AR2009060102953.html

Two Pints of Non-Alcoholic Lager and a Packet of Fat-Free Crisps
How pointless regulations are ruining British pub life
http://www.reason.com/news/show/133827.html

How ‘social egg-freezing’ is putting motherhood on ice
http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/parenting/conception/how-social-eggfreezing-is-putting-motherhood-on-ice-20090601-bs8o.html

Russia selects Nuclear Beauties 2009
http://www.mosnews.com/gallery/288.phtml

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101-year-old Smoker Still Smokes, Virginity Auction Winner Pulls out, and Man Accidentally Shoots own Genitals

> Smoked every Day for 94 Years: “You gotta have some vice”
> Winner of 22-year-old’s Virginity in Online Auction Pulls out: wife won’t let him finish
> Show-off stuffs gun in pants, blasts penis: embarrassed

Inebriated Press
June 2, 2009

Back on the market

Back on the market

Canada’s Edmonton Sun reported Sunday that a 101 year-old woman smokes after every meal and has smoked every day since 1914 — when she was 7 years old.  She says it’s a bad habit, but figures everyone has to have at least one.  And, the New York Post reported Saturday that the winner of 22-year-old Natalie Dylan’s virginity — for $3.8 million — has yet to meet her in the flesh because his wife won’t let him.  Meanwhile, Australia’s The Gaea News reported that a man blew his manhood apart trying to impress his friends by stuffing a loaded gun into his pants and pulling the trigger.  Pundits debate the nature of personal freedom and responsibility, while thoughts of cigarettes, guns and virginity spin around in their brains like out-of-control kites.

Someone named Abby

Someone named Abby

“It’s every person’s right to smoke if, when and where they want to; to sell our virginity to the highest bidder, and to blow our genitalia off just to impress our friends,” said Abby Longtree-Gunnsmoke, a free-loving smooth-talking elementary school teacher, currently contemplating liaisons with mature students and immature faculty.  “I smoke because I want to and it should be my right.  More people die in car accidents but we don’t ban automobiles.  We know the risks and can take them or not; nothing wrong with that. And the guy who won the girl’s virginity should have to pay up whether he takes delivery or not.  A deal is a deal. Without rule of law and enforcement of the same, we get lawlessness and the marketplace breaks down.  Don’t think we’re going to dodge the effects of the Obama administrations flouting rules of law; we’ll end up paying for that.  As far as guys shooting their dicks off — what the hell, they shoot their mouths off all the time.  Does it really matter that a few of the more arrogant ones blast off body parts.  It’s Darwin’s theory in action.  More power to them.”

Some kind of Candy

Some kind of Candy

Not everyone agrees with Longtree-Gunnsmoke.  “It’s important and for our own protection, that we not be allowed to smoke, to have weapons that can shoot through genitalia, to sell off our virginity in online auctions, or do anything a politician or bureaucrat says we shouldn’t do.  Politicians and bureaucrats know better than regular people, especially conservatives, about how to properly and safely live our lives and do what’s right in the eyes of the Politburo, I mean the experts who are in charge,” said Candy Apple-Gumm, a tasty treat and legend in her own mind.  “Freedom and personal responsibility are risky when left to individuals to decide.  We need leaders in Washington D.C. to tell us how to live and what we can and can’t do. They need to tell us which companies the government should run for our benefit, and how many trillions of future dollars should be spent now so we can enjoy the coming inflationary times.  Silly conservatives are getting all worked up over the grand but perfect visions that liberals have, and are able to lavish on them today through the Obama administration.  I’d talk more but I’m selling my virginity online for the fifth time.  I suppose I shouldn’t but some rules are meant to be broken and who’s to know if I’m really a virgin or not?  I’m a liberal so what I say is always right.  If you’re unsure about anything, anything at all, just ask me and I’ll tell you what it means and how you should live.  That kind of wisdom just comes naturally to me.  It’s true of all us liberals.  We simply know better.  It’s time you just accepted that.”

cigsThe Edmonton Sun reported that at 101-years-of-age Winnie Langley figures there’s no point in stopping smoking now. She’s managed to defy health worries and the standard limitations on the human form by living to 101 years old — while smoking every single day. “You gotta have some vice,” the English widow told Sun Media from her home in South London. “Some drink until it’s coming out of their ears … me, I smoke.” Spry Winnie, who struggles to figure out how to turn down the TV so she can better hear questions, has smoked more than 171,500 cigarettes during her long and remarkable life. She was just seven years old when she lit her first one in 1914 — days after the First World War began. She’s felt the pressure to quit, but says the habit has helped calm her nerves and get her through two world wars. “It’s just one after every meal,” she explains. Asked what she would tell those who see her as symbol that smoking is alright, the straight-talking grannie points out: “Don’t start — it’s just a bad habit.” While never inhaling, she counts herself lucky her habit has never caused her harm. “I put it to my lips, and it’s a waste of money.”

Do I hear $1 million? Do I hear $50? Let's restart the bidding.

Do I hear $1 million? Do I hear $50? Let's restart the bidding.

The New York Post reported that Natalie Dylan won’t be taking her golden chastity belt off anytime soon. The 22-year-old California virgin who auctioned off her virtue online for $3.8 million has yet to meet her winning bidder in the flesh – because his wife won’t let him. Natalie Dylan (not her real name) admitted the deal had fallen through. Last week, she got a phone call from the rogue Romeo, a 38-year-old Australian real-estate businessman, who said he had to back out. “I told him to go back into marriage therapy,” sniped Dylan. The Aussie cad then sheepishly asked for his $250,000 deposit back. Dylan said no hard feelings; it would be returned. Now Dylan, who launched the online campaign last fall through the Moonlite Bunny Ranch – a legal brothel in Carson City, Nev., owned by Dennis Hof – is back on the auction block.

Girls handle guns better than guys ... see ...

Girls handle guns better than guys ... see ...

The Gaea News reported that a German man blew his manhood apart while trying to impress his friends by stuffing a loaded gun into his trouser pocket and pulling the trigger, thinking the safety catch was on. Lukas Neuhardt, in a bid to score points with his friends, tucked the gun into his trouser pocket and pulled the trigger. The embarrassed 27-year-old apparently told ambulance officers that he had been shot at by a masked mugger during a robbery. But cops reportedly cast a shadow of doubt over his explanation after finding that the gunshot had miraculously left his trousers untouched. “Instead there was a charred hole in his pocket so either it was the shot of the century or he did it himself,” said a police source. Neuhardt later had his genitals stitched by surgeons but has been left facing up to three years in prison for breaching Germany’s tough new anti-gun laws.

Sealed for your protection

Sealed for your protection

In other news, Australia’s Courier-Mail reported Saturday that private school girls are being ordered to wear bike pants under their clothes at social functions to reduce the risk of being sexually assaulted. Girls’ schools have issued the directive to students attending dances amid concerns that inappropriate touching by boys could lead to criminal charges. “Girls should not wear overly revealing clothing such as very short, tight shorts or skirts or strapless, strappy, backless or plunging tops or dresses,” the newsletter said. “Short skirts, dresses or shorts must only be worn over leggings or tights.” The strict dress code is being enforced at entry points to school dances. No word on why they don’t think the girls ever remove their clothing in the presences of boys on their own, but like bureaucrats and politicians most school officials simply know better.  Now behave yourself.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

‘It’s just a bad habit’
http://www.edmontonsun.com/news/world/2009/05/31/9629781-sun.html

‘DEFLOWER DEAL’ GUY PULLS OUT
http://www.nypost.com/seven/05302009/news/nationalnews/deflower_deal_guy_pulls_out_171718.htm

Man shoots own penis while tucking loaded gun!
http://blog.taragana.com/n/man-shoots-own-penis-while-tucking-loaded-gun-65842/

Bike pants dress code for school dances to ward off sex
http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,25557345-952,00.html

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Multi-Dimensional DVD Storage, Topless Coffee Shop Questions, and Save the Planet by Raising Veggies in Your Undies

> Futuristic DVD’s Store 2,000 Times more Data by Using Five Dimensions
> Topless Coffee Shop Waitress Spotted Outdoors, Is That Legal?
> UK Says Beat Climate Change with Veggies in Your Underwear

Inebriated Press
May 25, 2009

Undie Veggie Planet Savior

Undie Veggie Planet Savior

Science Daily reported last week that researchers in Australia have developed a way to store data in five dimensions thereby increasing DVD storage capacity by 2,000 times.  And Kennebec, Maine’s Morning Sentinel reported yesterday that police are investigating whether legally topless coffee shop workers are still legal if they’re that way outdoors.  Meanwhile, the UK Telegraph reported yesterday that the Royal Horticultural Society (RHS) is encouraging Brit’s to battle climate change by growing vegetables in their old underwear.  Underwear-based veggies will be on display for your education at Hampton Court Palace Flower Show, from July 7-12.  Some pundits say the way to save the planet is to go topless and use your bra to raise veggies while putting your chest in a different dimension so the general public can’t see your hooters.  Others just talk about god and ghosts.

Someone named Felicia

Someone named Felicia

“The nature of multi-dimensional space is that when it’s harnessed, it allows numerous things to exist in exactly the same place at the same time, and that’s true of movies and music on DVD’s; or ghosts, goblins and spectres in your attic,” said Felicia Hardwood-Floorr, a healthcare worker whose smooth and firm appearance is appreciated by most who know her.  “Some people say nothing exists that you can’t see, taste or touch.  That’s foolish.  We can’t see most of the light spectrum and can’t account for tons of things unless they’re self evident.  We can’t even successfully argue that we exist if we stay to strict rules of debate and don’t appeal to self evidence.  A good deal of what we know is either self evident or we believe it as an act of faith.  Some people believe there’s god and others don’t.  Both are articles of faith.  Honest people admit that; the intellectually dishonest ones dispute it.  As far as the legality of going topless goes, it’s according to city code.  It’s that simple.  I don’t know if I like the idea of raising veggies in my panties.  Putting my food in the space where my ass was isn’t my kind of multi-dimensional thing I guess.

Some people argue that saving the planet is like saving your soul.

Someone named Isabel

Someone named Isabel

“There isn’t anything in multi-dimensional space and there’s no point pretending that ghosts, or angels, or gods and demons hang out there, and DVD storage and light spectrums aren’t really in other dimensions, they’re just in space we hadn’t found,” said Isabel Dragon-Slayyr, a linear ethicist and earth sprite in denial.  “We’re all ahead if we raise carrots in our panties and cabbage in our bras and save Mother Earth, the birthing-womb to us all.  Save the earth and save your soul.  There is nothing more, nothing less.  Go topless if you want to, there are no rules if we say there aren’t.  Ethics are relative.  All things are whatever we make of them, or pretend they are, or declare they are.  To some people that’s depressing because it means there is no good or evil, and it makes life godless and inherently meaningless — but to me that’s liberating.  Freedom and chaos are my gods.  Now if I could get the IRS to go along with the relativity of money and believe that my cash is actually in their coffers the same time it’s in my checking account, I’d be all set.  Maybe there is something to this multi- dimensionalism physical space thing if we marry it to monetary relativity.  Hey, I’ll bet that’s what Obama is doing with the federal budget!”

Multi-dimensional movie & ghost storage

Multi-dimensional movie & ghost storage

Science Daily reported that futuristic discs with a storage capacity 2,000 times that of current DVDs could be just around the corner, thanks to new research from Swinburne University of Technology in Australia. For the first time researchers from the university’s Centre for Micro-Photonics have demonstrated how nanotechnology can enable the creation of ‘five dimensional’ discs with huge storage capacities. Discs currently have three spatial dimensions, but using nanoparticles the Swinburne researchers were able to introduce a spectral – or color – dimension as well as a polarization dimension.  “These extra dimensions are the key to creating ultra-high capacity discs,” Professor Min Gu said. “The polarization can be rotated 360 degrees. So for example, we were able to record at zero degree polarization. Then on top of that, we were able to record another layer of information at 90 degrees polarization, without them interfering with each other.” The research, carried out by Mr. Peter Zijlstra, Dr James Chon and Professor Min Gu was published last Thursday in the scientific journal Nature.

Coffee, tea, or ... donuts

Coffee, tea, or ... donuts

The Morning Sentinel reported that a state trooper was sent Saturday morning to a topless doughnut shop on Route 3 after a caller to the Augusta communications center reported that one of the waitresses was outside the shop without a top on. The Grand View Topless Coffee Shop opened Feb. 23, featuring topless waitresses and waiters serving coffee and doughnuts. The Vassalboro Planning Board approved a permit for the business, saying no town regulations prevented it. There is no mention in published reports if nudity outside the confines of the cafe is prohibited or allowed in Vassalboro. “I just know that I took a report of a female who was outside who had no top on and went over and spoke to them about it and advised them that I was going to be referring it to the DA’s office,” Trooper Shawn Porter of Troop D Barracks in Gray said. “It’s an ongoing investigation.”

'Hanging bra-sket'

'Hanging bra-sket'

The Telegraph reported that the Royal Horticultural Society (RHS) asked visitors to Chelsea Flower Show to donate clean unwanted bras, boxer shorts and jockey pants for its summer Grow Your Own campaign. Georgie Webb of the RHS, said old undies could be used like hanging baskets where people have little space. “Due to their conical shape, bras are ideal containers for turning into hanging baskets, and if you sew two together, you have what is best described as a ‘hanging bra-sket’. Once filled with compost you can grow salad leaves, herbs, alpine strawberries and even tumbling cherry tomatoes in them; the bigger the bra the more you can grow.”

The ‘good life’ display is part of a wider campaign by the RHS to encourage more people to grow their own fruit and vegetables. Gordon Brown, the Prime Minister and civic organization including the National Trust have also called for more people to grow their own food in order to improve healthy eating and tackle climate change by reducing food miles.

Zen sexIn other news, KOMO News Seattle reported that a woman accused of running several brothels in the area says her “work is spiritual in nature and that’s what the men are seeking,” according to the statement of probable cause. Rainbow Love, who was formerly known as Vivian W. Ellis, was arrested at her Marysville home during a police raid on Thursday. She is being held under investigation of promoting prostitution and money laundering. During the investigation, undercover detectives patronized the business at 3107 Eastlake Avenue East and were offered and agreed to sexual acts in exchange for $150 cash, the document said. Love refused to acknowledge the conversation she’d had with undercover detectives who’d sought service at the businesses, but did admit she knew some of her employees “may do more than a healing session with the clients,” the statement said. Love told detectives that she is the sole owner of the three businesses under investigation, which she ran under the license name the Light Body Temple. No word on how she feels about underwear-based veggies, but my guess is a lot of multi-dimensional stuff is going at her temple.

(C) 2009 Inebriated Press

 

Source articles:

‘Five Dimensional’ Discs With A Storage Capacity 2,000 Times That Of Current DVDs
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/05/090520192137.htm

Caller reports topless excursion
http://morningsentinel.mainetoday.com/news/local/6378705.html

Unwanted underwear donated at Chelsea Flower Show for Hampton Court Palace
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/gardening/chelseaflowershow/5369423/Unwanted-underwear-donated-at-Chelsea-Flower-Show-for-Hampton-Court-Palace.html

Accused madam: My work is spiritual
http://www.komonews.com/news/local/45876382.html

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Two Shot at Anti-Violence Rally; Love, Noise and the Female Condom; and Romance Survives Shot to Chest

> Peace Rally Turns Violent, Two Injured in Shooting
> FDA Approves New Female Condom; this Version ‘Rustles Less’
> Prison Psychologist shoots Lover, Reconciles, No Charges Filed

Inebriated Press
May 20, 2009

Ah the sting of hot lead, how I've missed you

Ah the sting of hot lead, how I've missed you

KOCO News Oklahoma reported Monday that two people were arrested Sunday in Midwest City after a shooting during an anti-violence rally.  And the Washington Post reported Monday that the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has approved a new female condom that is made of thinner polyurethane than earlier models, so it conducts body heat and sensation better — and rustles less. Meanwhile the North Carolina News and Observer reported Monday that a prison psychologist lost her job last month after shooting her lover in the chest with a .38-caliber Smith & Wesson revolver.  However, the couple has reconciled and no charges have been filed.  Some people say all’s fair in love and gun violence.

Someone named Sammi

Someone named Sammi

“There’s no point in getting excited about being blasted in the chest by your lover, or a few folks getting shot up during an anti-violence rally.  Love and violence go together like peace and war, or hope and change; they’re conceptual things that thrive on contrast and a few emotional outbursts that give meaning to life.  Who hasn’t longed for the warmth of true love, or the sting of a .38-caliber bullet piercing their breastplate,” said Sammi Sadist-Outthere, a part-time sex-worker and a pretty container of anti-wisdom in a world turned upside down.  “As far as the female condom goes, it’s a joke like most kinds of birth control.  What woman hasn’t wanted the experience of getting knocked up just to see how her body reacts?  After all you can just hack the kid out before it grows past the legal age limit where it’s a crime. As you can tell I’m kind of mercenary about this stuff but hey, it’s my body and my gun so it’s my right to do with either whatever I feel like.  Until you’ve had flaming STD’s and a serious gunshot wound plus a few other near-death experiences, you’ve never had the rush that makes being alive worthwhile.  People may call me psycho but the truth is I’m today’s new woman.  Hope and change baby, I’m leading the way forward.”

Someone named Nancy

Someone named Nancy

Not everyone lives with the reckless abandon that Sadist-Outthere does.  “Shootings at anti-violence rally’s? Attempted murder with a .38 caliber handgun is a relationship builder? Aborting kids for the experience? Holy shit, I thought we’d lost our minds when we elected an inexperienced community organizer as the U.S. president, but apparently we were only warming to the subject,” said Nancy Drew-Theline, a financial analyst whose work on risk management has affected her social outlook.  “We need an infusion of common sense before this country’s wheels come off altogether and we get sucked down the drain into social chaos.  Obama has us poised for more economic chaos by quadrupling government debt, and spending trillions of dollars to feel stimulated.  The economy has already started coming around on its own with only 6% of the stimulus spent.  A free market economy with low taxes and modest regulation will correct itself, we’ve got to wise up fast. As far as the female condom goes, it’s simply another tool to control the risk of pregnancy.  If it works for you, then use it.  Personally, I use it plus oral contraception and I make guys wear double condoms.  Why risk starting a life you don’t want when you can avoid it by taking precautions.  As far as STD’s go, don’t trade fluids and you don’t invite STD’s.  It’s probably my risk management work, but I pre-screen all my dates by taking them to the Quality of Life Group’s San Francisco STD Testing office on Mission Street.  If they don’t pass their tests, they don’t pass mine.  Maybe I’m an ethical hard ass and health nut, but my ass is healthy and it’s staying that way.”

Stop the violence rallyKOCO Oklahoma reported that two people were arrested Sunday after a shooting at an anti-violence rally in the town of Midwest, according to police. One person was shot in the torso and another was shot multiple times during the event at Regional Park. More than 1,200 people gathered for the event, geared toward encouraging teens to turn away from violence. Alfred Frazier, 17, and Sam ZayZay, 22, were arrested initially, police said. ZayZay has since been released pending further investigation. Frazier is accused of shooting with intent to kill. Investigators are talking to two other people possibly involved in the shooting. The names of the shooting victims have not been released. Police have not indicated whether the shooting is gang-related.

Female condom

Female condom

The Washington Post reported that The Female Health Company in Chicago has received FDA approval for their new female condom.  The new and improved condom, the FC2, an upgrade from the FC which still on the market, is made of thinner polyurethane than the earlier model, so it conducts body heat and sensation better — and rustles less. Company vice president Jack Weissman says that in the U.S., female condom use is important both for family-planning purposes and for protection against HIV/AIDS and other STDs. The company is working with family-planning and HIV/AIDS clinics throughout the country, brokering deals that allow clinics to dispense free female condoms just as they currently give out free male condoms. The company’s first product, the FC (for female condom), was launched in 1994 and landed like a lead balloon among consumers, who complained that it was too pricey, that its feel wasn’t conducive to satisfying sex and that, of all things, it made too much noise. That product’s still on the market, retailing for about $17 for a package of 5. The FC2 should be available by autumn.

Gun shot lovers. Sounds like a Country song

Gun shot lovers. Sounds like a Country song

The News & Observer reported that a prison psychologist lost her job last month after shooting her lover, a convicted felon recently released from the minimum-security facility where she worked. Kristel K. Rider shot Lamount K. Friend once in the chest on April 21 in front of his grandparents’ home near Clayton. He survived, though the .38-caliber bullet from her Smith & Wesson revolver barely missed his heart. And the two apparently have reconciled and no charges have been filed in the case. It is a felony for Correction employees to have sex with people in state custody, a crime punishable by up to 31 months in prison for each count. As Friend’s therapist, Rider appears to have violated several ethical rules through her relationship with the inmate, potentially imperiling her state license. Therapists are forbidden from having romantic relationships with those they treat because their position potentially gives them emotional power over the patient. Keith Acree, the spokesman for the state prison system, confirmed that Rider treated Friend at Neuse. However, he said the prison system could find no evidence that the two had sex while Friend was incarcerated. Friend’s court record contains more than 30 criminal convictions for transgressions such as robbery, illegal firearms possession and cocaine trafficking. Martha Storie, director of the N.C. Psychology Board, said that Rider has an active license. The board does not publicly disclose whether a complaint against a licensee has been made or whether an investigation is pending.

Paris: New Age Princess, or Di trying

Paris: New Age Princess, or Di trying

In other news, UK’s The Sun reported Tuesday that Paris Hilton says her scandalous life-style has prevented her from fulfilling her dream of being like Princess Diana. The heirhead socialite makes the claims in a new documentary on her life, which debuted at the Toronto International Film Festival last September and was shown in Cannes at the weekend. Hilton’s bad behavior includes her infamous sex tape with Rick Solomon, other leaked saucy videos and pictures, a charge for Driving Under the Influence (DUI) and a short spell behind bars. No word on why she hasn’t acted like Princess Di if that’s who she wanted to emulate, but in a world turned upside down, it’s the rush that’s more important than the risk — if you don’t plan on being around very long.  And that’s true whether you’re talking STD’s or the U.S. economy.  Manage your risk, or live fast and die hard.  You make the call.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com 

Source articles:

2 Shot At Anti-Violence Rally In Midwest City
http://www.koco.com/cnn-news/19492478/detail.html

Romance born in prison survives shooting
http://www.newsobserver.com/news/story/1531664.html

Learning to Love the Female Condom
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/checkup/2009/05/learning_to_love_the_female_co.html

San Francisco STD Testing
http://www.sanfranciscostdtesting.com

Paris: Di hopes ruined by sex tape
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/film/article2434734.ece?OTC-RSS&ATTR=Film

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