Tag Archives: Big Brother

Track People in Real-Time for Just $10 a Month, Make a Robber your Sex-Slave, and Stone Women Who Disagree with Your Right to Rape Them

> New GPS service tracks people for you, reminds them you’re watching
> Thief caught in business, fed Viagra, made a sex-slave
> Afghan women protest legalized rape, get pelted with stones

Inebriated Press
April 17, 2009

Big brotherCNet News reported Wednesday that AT&T is offering a new service that allows people to track the location of any cell phone on AT&T’s network from a mobile phone or PC.  And Russia Today reported Tuesday that a hairdresser from the Russian town of Meshchovsk subdued a man who tried to rob her shop, then fed him Viagra and raped him for three days in the utility room.  Meanwhile, MSNBC reported Wednesday that a group of some 1,000 Afghans swarmed a demonstration of 300 women protesting against a law legalizing marital rape, and threw stones at them while chanting “Death to the slaves of the Christians!”.  Inebriated reporters busily GPS-tracking former boy-friends and contemplating turning them into sex-slaves, paused long enough to say that if raping women is legal, then raping men is legal.

Someone named Amanda

Someone named Amanda

“First let me say that I abhor any kind of rape by anyone of anyone under any circumstance, and the notion that it’s okay at all is immoral, unethical and abuse in the highest degree.  That said, if raping women is legalized then so is raping men, particularly those who support the Afghan law, and I will act within the rules of equitable legislation if I want to, and guarantee it will be less fun than these bastards think it will be,” said Amanda Stone-Sharpp, a part-time writer and full-time baker at the Cup Cake and Full Metal Jacket Ammo Store.  “Rape inside or outside of marriage is equally wrong because it violates the individual, the person we are, the distinct human being that declares ‘I am’, and it takes from them the dignity that all human beings deserve.  It makes a person a non-person by declaring their own body and it’s internal functions are someone else’s to do with as they please, whenever they please.  I share my body with those I decide to share it with, and on my terms.  Anyone who violates that, deserves to die.  Let me clarify that in case you didn’t understand: anyone who rapes me, dies.  I will kill them myself if need be.  Capeshe?”

Someone named Himmler, with date

Someone named Himmler, with date

Not everyone agrees with Stone-Sharpp.  “I don’t need any moral clap-trap about what is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ about rape, murder or anything else I feel like doing.  If I am able to create a rule that says I can legally rape you, or tax your money and redistribute it, or lock you up as a subversive because you’re against abortion or believe in god, then it becomes my right,” said Acmed Himmler, an Arab Nazi with a predisposition toward social efficiency driven by personal power and a desire to kill anyone he disagrees with, for societies greater good.  “There are no moral imperatives, it’s all about power.  Nature has no ethics and Darwinism supported by Atheism makes man the center of the universe and whatever we decide is law.  The strong survive and the weak perish.  Raping indiscriminately, or killing Jews at our pleasure, is legal if we say so.  I will not be held to any set of ethics as though some ‘god’ is behind it that I have to answer to.  Moralists are a waste of time.  Naturally occurring chaos subjected to those who wield raw power is all that counts.  The future is mine.  I’m the new wave of old school baby.”

AT&T Tracking Service

AT&T Tracking Service

CNet News reported that AT&T is offering a new service that allows parents–or potentially jealous spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends–to track loved ones using their phones. AT&T’s service, called FamilyMaps, allows people to track the location of any cell phone on AT&T’s network from a mobile phone or PC. The person being tracked receives a text message informing him or her that he or she is being watched. Users can either track someone in real time by viewing the location on a map or they can set up the service to send them text message alerts or e-mails with location information. For example, a parent may get an alert each day that his child made it home from school. Or perhaps a jealous girlfriend looking to keep tabs on her boyfriend could set up the service to notify her if her boyfriend happens to wander into a bar or over to his ex-girlfriend’s apartment after work. The service uses satellite GPS technology and cell tower triangulation to pin-point the location of the phone. The service is not supported on prepaid or AT&T Go Phones. And the service costs $9.99 for two phones and $14.99 for up to five phones.

Bad ass Olga

Bad ass Olga

Russia Today reported that a hairdresser from the small Russian town of Meshchovsk has subdued a man who tried to rob her shop, and then raped him for three days in the utility room. The incident occurred on Saturday, March 14. The working day was coming to an end at a small hairdressers, when a man armed with a gun rushed in and demanded the day’s earnings. The frightened employees and customers agreed to fulfill his demand, but when the shop’s owner, 28-year-old Olga, was handing the money to the robber, she suddenly knocked him down on the floor and then tied him up with a hairdryer cord. The 32-year-old Viktor couldn’t have known that the woman was a yellow belt in karate.

Power of Viagra

Power of Viagra

Olga locked the unlucky robber in the utility room and told her colleagues that she was going to call the police – but didn’t do so. When everybody left for home, she approached the man and ordered him to ‘take of his underpants’ threatening to hand him over to the police if he refuses to cooperate. After that Olga raped her hostage for three straight days. She chained Viktor to a radiator with pink furry handcuffs and fed him Viagra. She eventually let the man go on Monday, March 16, saying: “Get out of my sight!” Viktor went straight to hospital as his genitals were injured, and then to the police. Olga was resentful when she was taken by the police. “What a bastard,” the woman said about Viktor. “Yes, we had sex a couple of times.” Both Olga and Viktor may now face prison terms. The woman could be convicted of rape, while the man of robbery.

Afghan protest

Afghan protest

MSNBC reported that a group of some 1,000 Afghans swarmed a demonstration of 300 women protesting against a new marriage law on Wednesday. The women were pelted with stones as police struggled to keep the two groups apart. The law, passed last month, says a husband can demand sex with his wife every four days unless she is ill or would be harmed by intercourse — a clause that critics say legalizes marital rape. It also regulates when and for what reasons a wife may leave her home alone.  Women’s rights activists scheduled a protest Wednesday attended by mostly young women. But the group was swamped by counter-protesters — both men and women — who shouted down the women’s chants. Some picked up gravel and stones and threw them at the women, while others shouted “Death to the slaves of the Christians!” Female police held hands around the group in an attempt to create a protective barrier, but did not arrest the people throwing stones. 

If the law says it's okay, it must be okay

If the law says it's okay, it must be okay

Fourteen-year-old Masuma Hasani said her whole family had come out to protest the law — both her parents and her younger sister who she held by the arm. “I am concerned about my future with this law,” she said. “We want our rights. We don’t want women to just be used.” As the back-and-forth continued, another demonstration of Shiite women who said they support the law began. “We don’t want foreigners interfering in our lives. They are the enemy of Afghanistan,” said 24-year-old Mariam Sajadi. Sajadi is engaged, and said she plans to ask her husband’s permission to leave the house as put forth in the law. She said other controversial articles — such as one giving the husband the right to demand sex from his wife every fourth day — have been misinterpreted by Westerners who are anti-Islam.

Oops, you're knocked up

Oops, you're knocked up

In other news, Sweden’s The Local reported Wednesday that a young Swedish couple found to their amazement that they were expecting a baby – despite the fact that the girl had a contraceptive implant. When the implant was removed the mystery became clear – she had been given a dummy model. Jessica Lindberg, who lives in Gothenburg, was only 16-years-old when she became pregnant. Both the National Board of Health and Welfare (Socialstyrelsen) and the public health disciplinary board (Hälsö- och sjukvårdens ansvarsnämnd – HSAN) have reviewed the case, but neither has managed to develop an explanation. The young couple are now the parents of a two-year-old boy. The couple’s insurance company has rejected their claim for compensation arguing that “no one has been hurt”. No word on whether the company considers men or women rape victims as being hurt, but that’s just because ethics are mere concepts and laws are actually subjective until raw power sorts them out.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

AT&T launches family-tracking service
http://news.cnet.com/8301-1035_3-10219786-94.html?tag=newsEditorsPicksArea.0

Hairdresser turns robber into sex-slave
http://russiatoday.ru/Top_News/2009-04-14/Hairdresser_turns_robber_into_sex-slave.html?fullstory

Violence flares at protest over Afghan sex law
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30223599/

Swedish teen pregnant after implant mix-up
http://www.thelocal.se/18864.html

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Filed under Division of Rant (with Pretzels), Humor

Google’s Spy Service and White House Clout Grows, while Zombies Roam Illinois

> Spy On Your Workers and let Google Track Your Movements
> Google’s Political Clout Grows as Obama Tech Initiatives Take Shape
> Road Sign warns Illinois Drivers about Zombies

Inebriated Press
February 6, 2009

090206_google_mapPC World reported yesterday that Google just launched a new geo-locater service called Latitude, which transmits the user’s location back to Google for display on Google’s online map service.  Now you can track your employees and loved ones, while you allow Google to load their database with a historical record of every place you go, every time you go there.  And the Wall Street Journal reported Wednesday that when a group of chief executives visited the White House last week to talk about stimulus with President Barack Obama, Google Inc.’s Eric Schmidt was perched right next to the new president. According to the article Mr. Schmidt said Google plans to be involved in discussions about “privacy and the balance of consumer versus government” power in the coming year.  Meanwhile, KSDK TV reported that an electronic road sign in Illinois warned drivers during their Tuesday morning commute, about road closings due to zombies. Pundits are debating whether Google technology has merged with Chicago-style politics to form the new Obama 2.0 Era where Big Brother is as close to you as your cell phone is to your ear.

Community Organizer 2.0

Community Organizer 2.0

“We’ve never had a community-organizer-President running the country with his hands on Google technology and whose Party controls both Houses of Congress, and the idea of all that tech and political power in the hands of the same guy who controls the CIA, FBI and the IRS, scares the dog loving shit right out of me,” said Harvey Oleo-Soybean, a food additive scientist who spends an inordinate amount of time cleaning up after himself these days.  “We know that Obama just converted his campaign machine into a group called ‘Organizing for America’ also known as Obama 2.0, and it’s got the campaigns 13 million email addresses, 4 million contributors and 2 million active volunteers behind it.  When you add the Google data collection on everybody, and now, their plan to track all of our movements, you’ve got some serious power.  And power corrupts.  And you can’t convince me that a Chicago politician like Obama can’t be corrupted … in fact there’s some question as to whether you can even become a politician in Chicago if you aren’t corrupt.  Holy shit!”

Friends of Obama 1.0

Friends of Obama 1.0

Not everyone is as concerned as Oleo-Soybean.  “Some people think that a community organizer who cut his teeth in Chicago politics and who served on a Board with an unrepentant anti-American Pentagon bomber, and who spent 20 years in the church of a preacher who wants god to damn America, and who raised funds and votes through the illegal activities of ACORN, will somehow use Google technology, and all the powers of the courts and spy agencies to his personal and political advantage.  How ridiculous,” said Lisa Lovely-Mayhem, an aerobics instructor and pseudo science teacher whose motto is ‘chaos is our friend’.  “So what if Illinois has convicted their last three governors and our new president did real estate deals with Tony Rezko, who is a convicted felon.  This doesn’t portend anything.  And Bill Clinton’s line about having sex in the Oval Office being ‘because he could’ doesn’t mean Obama will do things just because he can.  I’m sure his plan to change America is for the good, even though we don’t know what he means by that.  I may just be an Illinois zombie, but I like what’s going on!”

Google knows

Google knows

PC World reported that Google’s new geo-locator service, called Latitude, launched on Wednesday, transmits the user’s location back to Google for display using the service’s online maps. The location information comes from a GPS-equipped Smart phones or by triangulation using cell towers. An opt-in service, Latitude also works with laptop computers. The article said it’s easy to think of business uses for Latitude, such as tracking service people as they move from call-to-call. Delivery vehicles might also be tracked, and the service could also be used to make certain the closest resource is always sent to a customer’s request. It could also track specific people, which would be a boon to the personal assistants and group admins of the world. Bosses could also use the service to keep an eye on their charges to make sure they are where they are supposed to be.

The PC World article said the downside of Google’s Latitude is the amount of extremely personal information, such as the details of all a person’s travels that is sent to Google. Some people don’t trust Google to not become evil, if the company hasn’t already. They wonder why the company offers so many free applications unless it has some way to monetize them that isn’t obvious to the user.

Obama & Google CEO Schmidt

Obama & Google CEO Schmidt

The Wall Street Journal reported that when a group of chief executives visited the White House last week to talk about stimulus with President Barack Obama, Google Inc.’s Eric Schmidt wasn’t hard to spot, perched in a prime seat on the new president’s left side. Mr. Schmidt campaigned for Mr. Obama before the election, and Google officials were active in helping with the president’s transition. Now Google figures to be one of the tech companies that benefits from a stimulus program that is likely to include billions of dollars for information technology. Mr. Schmidt, in an interview, described the provisions to deploy Internet in rural and other areas as “a very big deal for us.”

Mr. Schmidt said Google plans to be involved in discussions about “privacy and the balance of consumer versus government” power in the coming year, while paying close attention to ensuring that the support for broadband and for science and technology research reflected in the stimulus bill gets realized. “There is no question technology has more influence with this president,” he said. “I think it is a personal interest.”

Of course you can trust me, I trust you

Of course you can trust me, I trust you

Privacy advocates are already fretting about the White House using Google’s YouTube service, which tracks visitors via electronic cookies. “Given the relationship of Schmidt to the campaign, I think there’s a real concern there’s a kind of open office, revolving door between Google and their goals and the Obama administration,” said Jeff Chester, founder of the Center for Digital Democracy, a consumer-privacy advocacy group.

Fund-raising disclosures show that Google employees ranked as the fourth-largest corporate source of campaign cash for Mr. Obama’s presidential run. After the election, 15 Google executives, including Mr. Schmidt, YouTube co-founder Chad Hurley and chief legal officer David Drummond gave a total of $166,000 to fund the inauguration, according to data released by the transition team. That makes Google employees the third-largest source of donations for Mr. Obama’s inauguration, according to data compiled by the nonpartisan Public Citizen. Google also allowed executives to take leaves of absence to help the Obama transition with policy planning.

Road closed due to zombies

Road closed due to zombies

KSDK TV reported that drivers in the Metro East were warned about zombies during their Tuesday morning commute. This happened on I-255 Southbound just south of the Pontoon Beach exit. Someone changed IDOT’s sign to read “DAILY LANE CLOSURES DUE TO ZOMBIES.” IDOT believes someone hacked the sign’s computer remotely. While crewmembers were still on the scene after fixing the message, the display changed back to the hoax. “We’ve talked to the company that supplies these and they have a patch out there they’ve applied to the program to fix the problem,” said Joe Gasaway with the Illinois Department of Transportation. Just last week, drivers in Austin, TX were warned about “Nazi zombies, run!” and “The end is near.” Pranksters there cut the padlock on the sign and changed the message.

Some people say that actions speak louder than words, and that just because someone shouts “hope and change” and “beware of Zombies” doesn’t really mean that they want what you want.

Zombies or the ACLU, tough to tell

Zombies or the ACLU, tough to tell

“When a guy says he wants to change America and help her realize her potential and then the first thing he does as President is sign an Executive Order to provide 1/2 billion dollars per year to fund abortions around the world, while we have octuplets born in this country that should be killed, it makes me think that perhaps I’m getting something different that I thought I was when I voted for him,” said a hapless hooligan who wondered into the bar around closing time.  “And who’s going to fund hunting and trapping all the zombies out wandering around our highways?  We can’t be having travel disrupted this way.  Sure we can have Google track them and then use laser targeting to have the Department of Defense blast them off the roads, but that would take away from tracking and trapping the Republicans.  We’ve got to use some good common sense here.  Maybe Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad can give Barack some new ideas when they meet to talk about wiping out the Jews.”

090206_zombie_strippersIn other news, the UK Telegraph reported Tuesday that a doctor advised a patient not to swing from chandeliers during sex. Dr Kenneth Hines, 65, also asked a female patient if she was cheating on her husband and joked to another about pretending to be in a pornographic film, it was claimed at a medical tribunal. The alleged incidents occurred at the Eastwood Medical Centre in South Woodford, east London between 2004 and 2006 after the women sought advice for a range of issues including pregnancy and miscarriage. The first woman, Ms C was told to “wait until she left the surgery”, when she asked whether it was safe to start trying for a baby after a miscarriage, and was later advised it was acceptable as long as she did not “pretend she was in a porn movie and swing from the chandeliers”, it was alleged. No word on whether the doctor meant what he said or if he’s working with Google on Obama 2.0 but once government controlled healthcare is in place we’ll probably find out.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Spy On Your Workers With Google Latitude
http://www.pcworld.com/businesscenter/article/158975/spy_on_your_workers_with_google_latitude.html

Google’s Clout Grows as Tech Initiatives Take Shape
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123370590038545591.html?mod=googlenews_wsj

Sign warns Illinois drivers about zombies
http://www.ksdk.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=166427&catid=3

Obama 2.0 — Volunteers of America or 2012 Campaign?
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/first100days/2009/01/29/obama-volunteers-america-campaign/

Doctor ‘told patient not to swing from chandeliers during sex’
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/4449055/Doctor-told-patient-not-to-swing-from-chandeliers-during-sex.html

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Filed under Humor, IP News