Tag Archives: Birth Control

Hearse Driver Breaks for Beer, “Pulling Out” Rivals Condoms, and Teacher Writes Book about Sex with Students

> Family waits at Cemetery while Hearse Driver Buys Beer
> Study: “Pulling Out” nearly as Effective as Condoms
> Woman teacher writes book describing sexual encounters with ‘favorite’ students

Inebriated Press
June 1, 2009

Beer, the sirens song

Beer, the sirens song

United Press International (UPI) reported Wednesday that the hearse driver for a funeral home stopped for a beer and failed to deliver a body to the cemetery while the family waited.  And CBS News reported Thursday that a new study claims withdrawal before ejaculation during intercourse, is nearly as effective at preventing pregnancy as condoms.  Meanwhile, Fox News reported Wednesday that a British teacher has been fired for publishing a novel describing sexual encounters with some of her students.  Pundits are debating the ethical risks and rewards of beer, condoms, and sex with children.

kareliya“There’s really nothing inherently wrong with teachers having sex with their students as long as the boys pull out soon enough and both the adult and child have been drinking heavily,” said some twisted bastard who will remain unnamed because she is likely to be nominated to the Supreme Court in the future.  “In a society where the random thoughts of a Hispanic woman trumps rule of law, white men and the U.S. Constitution, any freaking thing goes, and that’s how it should be.  Relative ethics, relative law, and sex with relatives and children are all fine.  There are no inherent rights or wrongs, it’s all up to whoever is in power to decide what’s good and bad, who’s happy or sad, who gives up most of their income and the slackers that it should be given to.  As far as the hearse driver who stopped for beer, let’s face it, it’s every person’s right to have beer. So what if the family waited in the cemetery wondering where the body of their loved one went.  The body was dead anyway so it didn’t care, and the family probably had nothing better to do than hang out.  If they’d been smart they’d have been someplace else slamming beer and having pullout sex.  Hope and change baby.  Let’s get with it.”

Someone named Lana

Someone named Lana

Not everyone agrees with the twisted bastard who discards morality and the Constitution, and will probably be on the Supreme Court defining both someday.  “Stopping off to buy beer when you should be delivering the body of a loved one to the family waiting at a cemetery is tasteless and rude — and I’m using kind words.  Go buy beer on your own time, after you’ve done your job.  And the idea that ethics are so relative and random that it’s okay for teachers to have sex with students and write books about it; or to promote the idea that not using condoms is no more risky than using them, is stupid, in addition to being wrong,” said Lana Ethical-Abbs, an account executive whose body and ethics are both lean, strong and attractive to many.  “Fire and then prosecute the teacher for illegal sexual contact with minors, fire the hearse driver and apologize to that poor family, then cut in-half the fee the mortuary was charging them; and then ignore the ridiculous ‘no-condoms are just as good as condoms’ study.  We need common sense and proper application of law, safe sex and beer acquisition.  It doesn’t seem that complicated to me.  But then, Obama just nominated a person to the Supreme Court who disagrees with the very Constitution she’ll be sworn to defend and correctly interpret, so I guess common sense isn’t in vogue anymore.  Liberal empathy is supposed to rule today.  Trouble is it’s funded by conservative taxpayer dollars and the erosion of both the rule of law and economic sustainability.  In the end it amounts to nothingness, the foundation is gone; it’s like ‘building ones house upon the sand’.  A family, society or a country can’t stay strong very long that way.”

HearseUPI reported that the hearse driver for a Bogota funeral home stopped for a beer and failed to deliver a body to the cemetery while the family waited, police said. The Latin American Herald Tribune reported Wednesday that relatives and friends of Tito Vasquez waited for several hours Sunday at the Campos de Cristo cemetery for the hearse to arrive so that they could bury their loved one. Vasquez’s family said they could not understand why his body was not being delivered for the funeral. Police said Vasquez’s body was eventually found in the hearse in the parking lot of a motel in Bogota’s San Bernardo neighborhood.

Jettison delivery! Bail! Bail!

Jettison delivery! Bail! Bail!

CBS News reported that most sexually active people don’t think that the pullout method is a very effective form of contraception, but according to a new study withdrawal before ejaculation during intercourse, is more than just “better than nothing,” and is nearly as effective at preventing pregnancy as condoms. The study, titled “Better than nothing or savvy risk reduction practice? The importance of withdrawal,” appears in the June edition of the journal Contraception. The authors found: “If the male partner withdraws before ejaculation every time a couple has vaginal intercourse, about 4% of couples will become pregnant over the course of a year. However, more realistic estimates of typical use indicate that about 18% of couples will become pregnant in a year using withdrawal. These rates are only slightly less effective than male condoms, which have perfect- and typical-use failure rates of 2% and 17%, respectively.”

Teacher and "favorite"

Teacher and "favorite"

Fox News reported that a British teacher reportedly has been fired for publishing a novel describing sexual encounters with some of her students. The fictional work “Stop! Don’t Read This” focuses on five of Leonora Rustamova’s “favorite” students at Calder High School and addresses the 39-year-old’s growing struggle to view her students as “kids.” She also writes about her tendency to flirt with students and allow them to flirt with and fantasize about her, according to the Daily Telegraph. In addition, the expletive-filled book featured stories of students drinking, skipping school and possibly using drugs. It also named other faculty members, including the school’s headmaster Stephen Ball, the Daily Telegraph reported. When she was suspended in January over the book’s release, more than 250 students and parents demonstrated in support of Rustamova, saying she was only try to encourage the students to read, the Telegraph reported. The school announced on Wednesday that she had been terminated following a disciplinary hearing into her conduct.

Some people say the teacher was simply using the same approach as Playboy’s Hugh Hefner because just at most men buy his porn magazine for the articles, most students are more interested in literature than sex.  A few others are just interested in silly old-fashioned writing and pre-Obama ideals.

Boring traditional American guy

Boring traditional American guy

“Give me a dusty old copy of Shakespeare over a glossy new Maxim any day, I’m way more into cryptic hard-to-read classic bullshit than some hot easy-to-see-through babe busting out of her clothes all over the place,” said some guy busting out of his clothes all over the place and probably lying like hell.  “Today’s ‘new’ trends like teacher-student sex, leaving people rot while you buy beer, and pullout contraception, are pathetic jokes.  Give me a gal with old-fashioned common sense, an in-shape body that will sustain her health in the long run, some old-school Trojans for that ‘just-in-case’ moment, and a couple Jack Daniels on-the-rocks after work.  That may sound boring as hell to some anti-Constitutional relativist who’d rather bang some school children, but my way built America and sustains it today.  It’ll continue sustaining it if the voters will pull their heads out of their asses long enough to elect some leaders who believe in limited government, lower taxes and a free market economy.  It’s time to get our shit together and get back to boring old traditional-American values.  The pretty boy in the White House isn’t doing us any favors.  Believe me.”

no-parkingIn other news, Florida’s St. Petersburg Times reported that Tarpon Springs police blame a local developer for installing fake “no parking” signs around a popular city restaurant that resulted in 233 tickets being written in a two-year span. At the same time, acting police Chief Robert Kochen acknowledged his department’s failure to properly handle the matter. In a 23-page report released this week, Kochen said developer Mike Bronson admitted recently to installing the signs along the city’s right of way after initially denying it. The report says criminal charges against Bronson would not be feasible at this time, but makes no mention of other possible penalties. Kochen said:” The Police Department’s patrol officers were doing their job and they had no reason (at the time) to believe any of these signs may have been unauthorized by the city.”  No word on how the police feel about hearse drivers buying beer instead of delivering bodies, or underage teacher-student sex, but since they were faked out by pretend no-parking signs it’s a good bet that they’re probably also faked out by the “benefits” of no-condom contraception.  But I could be wrong.  It seems that after two-years and a 23-page report they eventually figure shit out.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Hearse driver stops for beer
http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/05/27/Hearse-driver-stops-for-beer/UPI-85171243471695/

“Pulling Out” Rivals Condoms, Study Says
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/05/28/health/main5045514.shtml

Better than nothing or savvy risk-reduction practice? The importance of withdrawal
http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/journals/reprints/Contraception79-407-410.pdf

Report: British Teacher Fired for Writing Racy Novel About Her ‘Favorite’ Students
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,522407,00.html

Teacher sacked over racy novel that named students
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationnews/5393597/Teacher-sacked-over-racy-novel-that-named-students.html

Fake ‘no parking’ signs fool Tarpon Springs police, who write 233 tickets near Tarpon Turtle restaurant
http://www.tampabay.com/news/localgovernment/article1005017.ece

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FOXSexpert: 10 Sex Findings You Won’t Believe

By Yvonne K. Fulbright
Fox News
February 26, 2009

You don’t say.

For the last year, I’ve been struck by the number of studies that counter common sex beliefs. Just when we think we know it all, new data comes along and challenges what we believe. And it’s only by coincidence that my decision to highlight certain research efforts comes at a critical time.

Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright

Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright

In an effort to cut budgets, lawmakers in Georgia and Florida are attacking departments, research and courses rooted in sexuality and women’s studies. If successful, all of us stand to lose important scientific contributions that shape health promotion, intervention and inform policies and programs.

Sure to impact fields that deal with this area of study — like anthropology, sociology and ethnic studies — we risk our ability to obtain accurate, evidence-based findings to guide healthy sexuality efforts.

Check out some of the intellectual efforts afforded by academic freedom that impact all of us in one way or another:

1. More Birth Control = Better Sex

It’s hard enough for lovers to use one contraceptive method, let alone two. Both sexes think condoms undermine their sexual pleasure. Yet the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University found women who use a hormonal contraceptive plus condoms report higher overall sexual satisfaction.

This is because better sex goes way beyond the actual sex act, encompassing factors like relationship satisfaction and sexual self-esteem. And when it comes to the need for lovers to protect themselves, such data can’t be emphasized enough.

2. Abstinence Is Great … for Other Teens

A study at the University of Washington, published in “Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health,” found that while youth might believe in abstinence, they also intend to have sex. Many of the 365 kids ages 12 to 15 who were surveyed had a positive view about refraining from sex.

But those scoring the highest on both sex and abstinence intentions were the most likely to have sex. Such findings need to be considered in tailoring comprehensive sex education classes for youth.

3. Interventions Equally Effective

We tend to think teens who engage in risky behaviors, like alcohol use, also engage in high-risk sexual behaviors more than their cautious peers. Yet a study in the “Journal of Adolescent Health,” looking at data from the “Youth Risk Behavior Survey,” showed otherwise.

Researchers found that interventions, conducted in the 1990s and the early part of this century, aimed at reducing sexual activity are equally effective for both groups. The conclusions will be of great assistance to future sex education efforts.

4. Teens’ First Time Was a Good Time

The general thought is that most adolescents had a miserable experience their first time. However, a longitudinal 2008 study in “Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health,” found quite the contrary was true. Those who lost their virginity at the ages of 15-16 were much less likely to feel regret than those who first had sex at age 13 or younger.

Those who had been with their first-time partner for more than one month (remember, for youth this feels like an eternity) were also less likely to feel regret than those who had first sex with a casual partner. Such reports show the need to support youth in delaying sex and getting to know their partner.

5. Overweight Women Have More Sex

Most stereotypes on obese women hold that they don’t have sex. Yet a 2008 study in “Obstetrics and Gynecology,” involving some 8,000 females, shows that overweight women have more heterosexual sexual encounters than average-weight women. The percentages: 92 percent of obese women versus 87 percent of women with a normal body mass reported having intercourse with men.

This is a major wake-up call for physicians who assume large women don’t have the same sexual health needs that their smaller counterparts do.

6. Parental Laws Not Significant for Abortions

When parental involvement laws were enacted, many feared the consequences this would have on youth seeking out abortion-related services. According to The Guttmacher Institute, there is no strong evidence that having parental involvement laws in place prevents minors from obtaining an abortion.

Even in states where such laws are absent, six in 10 minors involve at least one parent in their decision to terminate their pregnancy. Abortion rates have steadily declined in states both with and without these parental involvement laws.

7. Women Couldn’t Care Less About Sexual Problems

Data has long indicated that about 40 percent of women have sexual problems. But a 2008 Harvard study published in “Obstetrics & Gynecology,” involving 32,000 women, shows only 12 percent are bothered by these issues. For a sexual concern to be labeled a disorder, a person must feel distress.

Such findings are a great relief for women who have been made to feel that there’s something wrong with them.

8. Tea Is Preferred to Sex

At least it is in Britain, when compared to sex on a first date. An informal poll of 541 British singles, conducted by Craigslist UK, found that they largely prefer ending a good first date with a cup of tea. Over four times as many participants voted for tea over sex. Such fun tidbits help to alleviate the pressures that come with living in a sexualized culture.

9. Students Do Listen

Learning life-changing behaviors in high school health classes appears to come down to who is teaching more than the curriculum. A study published in the “Journal of Health Promotion Practice,” which was conducted by the University of Kentucky and Ohio State University, indicated that students learn more from their regular classroom teachers when it comes to subjects like HIV and pregnancy prevention.

The reason? Knowledge and trust are huge motivating factors for kids who feel this way toward their teachers.

Also, it was found that teachers with specific training in sexuality are the best bet for students.

10. Virginity Pledges = Riskier Sex

An analysis by The National Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health found that those who promise to stay virginal until marriage are just as likely to have premarital sex as those who do not make such a pledge. They’re also much less likely to use condoms and other contraceptives when they are sexually active.

Data further revealed that pledgers tend to be more religious, more conservative and have a less positive attitude about sex. All of this data helps to guide researchers, educators and parents in their outreach efforts.

To learn more about how you can protect the pursuit of knowledge and human inquiry, visit the National Sexuality Resource Center at http://nsrc.sfsu.edu/

Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

foxnews.com

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