Tag Archives: blonde

Rich Guys Give More Orgasms, Playboy Bunny Cheats on Hugh, Researchers Study Blondes

> Scientists say wealthy men give women more orgasms
> Former Playmate admits cheating on Hugh Hefner
> Academic conference discusses blondes and sexual desire

Inebriated Press
January 23, 2009

Kendra 'Money Doesn't Equal Orgasm' Wilkinson

Kendra 'Money Doesn't Equal Orgasm' Wilkinson

The UK Times Online reported this week that a new study by Newcastle University scientists says that women’s orgasm frequency increases with the income of their partner.  And New Zealand’s Stuff.com reported that former Playboy bunny Kendra Wilkinson cheated on ex-boyfriend Hugh Hefner because the magazine founder couldn’t satisfy her.  Meanwhile, United Press International reported that researchers at the Sorbonne in Paris said an upcoming conference at the school will be focused on the link between blond hair and sexual desire.  Pundits are debating money, sex and hair color the way Bill Clinton does whenever Hillary is out of town — and with her new job as Obama’s Secretary of State — that’s even more often than it used to be. 

“I’ve done blondes and brunettes with cigars and half dollars by the gross back in my Oval Office days, and you can always get what you want with enough power whether you’ve got the bucks or not,” said someone claiming to be Bill Clinton, speaking through an interpreter at the Horny Mole Book, Beer and Strip Club for Intellectuals and Unclaimed Husbands.  “You can study this stuff all you want but it’s a waste of time to those of us who’d rather just do it.  That’s how I got the Playboy chick to sneak out on Hef for me.  I don’t know if I gave out any more orgasms than I did political pardons, but I got what I wanted and that’s what matters.”

Spitzer with Wife not Hooker

Spitzer with Wife not Hooker

Some people say money and sex makes the world go ’round regardless the color of your hair or political power.  “The development of civilization as we know it was built on sex and money.  It goes back to the world’s oldest profession — hooking, and to the second oldest — politics,” said former New York Governor Spitzer, contemplating lost youth, sex and power, but not necessarily in that order.  “From the day that Adam noticed Eve was naked to the day Judah gave a goat to his daughter-in-law in exchange for sex, thinking she was a hooker.  Throughout history, sex and money, or goats, have been in the offing and it’s the foundation of the world and society.  It’s all there in the Biblical book of Genesis and believe me I don’t quote it as much as I used to.”

Bill & Malinda Gates, Money & Mojo?

Bill & Malinda Gates, Money & Mojo?

Times Online reported that scientists have found that the pleasure women get from making love is directly linked to the size of their partner’s bank balance. They found that the wealthier a man is, the more frequently his partner has orgasms. “Women’s orgasm frequency increases with the income of their partner,” said Dr Thomas Pollet, the Newcastle University psychologist behind the research. He believes the phenomenon is an “evolutionary adaptation” that is hard-wired into women, driving them to select men on the basis of their perceived quality. The study is certain to prove controversial, suggesting that women are inherently programmed to be gold-diggers. However, it fits into a wider body of research known as evolutionary psychology which suggests that both men and women are genetically predisposed to ruthlessly exploit each other to achieve the best chances of survival for their genes. Pollet, and Professor Daniel Nettle, his co-author, believe that the female orgasm is an evolutionary adaptation that drives women to choose and retain high-quality partners. 

Kendra on the lam

Kendra on the lam

Stuff.com reported that former Playboy bunny Kendra Wilkinson cheated on ex-boyfriend Hugh Hefner because the iconic men’s magazine founder couldn’t satisfy her. The 23-year-old star – who recently moved out of the Playboy Mansion after splitting from the 82-year-old lothario – admits she used to “sneak” out of the famous party house to get the satisfaction Hugh couldn’t provide. She said: “I had to have sex every now and then, so I had to kind of sneak it. I had to have sex so I could feel my age, like a healthy human being.” The star said she found living in the mansion stifling, as she had little freedom. “Now I’m totally against his way of life,” she said. “With three girlfriends and all of that.”

UPI reported that researchers at the Sorbonne in Paris said an upcoming conference at the school will be focused on the link between blond hair and sexual desire. The Jan. 16-17 conference, titled “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” after the Howard Hawks-directed film starring Marilyn Monroe, will involve experts in literature, art, music and film discussing possible answers to questions including: “Why does the blonde exert such fascination and awaken so many fantasies?”

Kendra tried sports to take her mind off sex

Kendra tried sports to take her mind off sex

“Blondness awakens desire, probably because of the ambivalence it carries, from innocence to perversion,” said Marie-Camille Bouchindomme, an organizer of the conference. “Blond hair is an attribute of Venus, the goddess of carnal love, whose hair is sometimes the final rampart against her modesty.” Bouchindomme said discussions will be held to discuss the portrayals of blond women in paintings, books and the films of directors including Alfred Hitchcock, David Lynch and Brian De Palma.

In other news, Britney Spears has been working out like crazy and whipped her body into shape as she prepares for her tour “The Circus Starring Britney Spears.”  No word on the orgasmic frequency of rich singers on tour, but Brit’s blonde and in shape so she’s probably going to drive some guys crazy again.  Or something like that.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

Source documents:

Brit's bod is back

Brit's bod is back

Wealthy men give women more orgasms
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/science/article5537017.ece

Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%203:7-8;&version=31;

When Judah saw her, he thought she was a prostitute
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%2038:13-17;&version=31;

Playboy bunny admits cheating on Hugh
http://www.stuff.co.nz/4820586a1860.html

Academic conference discusses blondes
http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/01/14/Academic_conference_discusses_blondes/UPI-57071231966649/

Your First Look at Britney’s Tour
http://www.britneyspears.com/2009/01/exclusive-tour-rehearsal-pics.php?bfm_index=0&bfm_page=0

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Got Blondes with Swiss alphorns?

Alphorn players break ranks to hit new notes

SwissInfo.ch
December 29, 2008

With her pierced nose and ripped jeans Eliana Burki is a symbol of anarchy in the Swiss alphorn scene.

Eliana blows this thing

Eliana blows this thing

The alphorn was used by shepherds in the 18th century to communicate across the Alps. Burki, aged 25 and from Bern, became fixated by the traditional instrument at the age of five and was performing in concerts alongside adults from the age of nine.

Daily practice allowed her to go beyond the 12-note range of most players and use the alphorn in a blues-funk-jazz style that is at odds with the more purist form. The result landed her a record deal and a chance to work with David Bowie producer David Richards.

“You can compare it to the punks of the 1970s. I feel like them,” she told swissinfo. “The instrument is difficult to play and I needed to practise for 20 years to develop this virtuosity. I take it to the limits but there are many more limits waiting for me.”

Burki is just one of the new wave of alphorn players who are experimenting with the instrument, trying to extend its purpose beyond a mere symbol of Switzerland.

The first tentative innovations started 40 years ago when Swiss musicians such as jazz player Hans Kennel started to explore the alphorn’s musical potential by combining it with other instruments, and Hans-Jurg Sommer developed groundbreaking compositions that later became standards.

Tourist attraction

“The alphorn was not necessarily considered an interesting instrument then. It was much more a symbol,” said Stefan Schwietert, a Swiss filmmaker who produced a 2003 documentary, Das Alphorn, on the movement.

He says popular culture in post-war Switzerland suffered as Europe bowed to a more influential “Americanisation” of culture. Traditional music was either strictly preserved or sentimentalized in television shows, and led many artists to lose touch with their roots.

“In Switzerland finally there was a generation that got beyond this huge wall that had been built and rediscovered that there were actually very strong, powerful traditions in alpine music. For example, big spontaneity in singing and improvisation,” Schwietert told swissinfo.

“Rediscovering that was something the younger generation could connect to. That’s why it slowly started in the 1970s and became a movement, where really a large number of musicians started to deal with this music again and pick it up and use it for their own artistic identity.”

Two camps

The alphorn was named the Swiss national instrument in 1827 by musicologist Joseph Fétis after centuries of use by herdsmen. But by that time it had almost disappeared from common usage and was seen mainly as a tourist attraction.

It was formally brought back into Swiss social life with the founding of the Federal Yodelling Association in 1910, which has organised alphorn blowing courses since 1921 and published traditional tunes and new compositions.

Although anyone can join the association, it introduced strict rules for musicians who want to perform in competitions. A dress code has to be followed and entrants cannot stray too far from the traditional alphorn folklore compositions.

Willi Michel, a player and yodeler from the Lauterbrunnen valley in the Bernese Oberland, tries to straddle the two camps.

He has played the instrument since the age of 13 and started making the instruments himself. The shape of one particular piece of wood inspired him to fabric a square alphorn to see how it would sound. To his surprise the effect was the same as a rounded one.

Michel took the final product – now painted black and white instead of the usual wooden veneer – to a competition and during the unofficial second half took to the stage, to a stern response from the head of the local folklore society.

“He called me and said you had better put that alphorn away. That’s not the traditional way. We don’t like it,” Michel said.

But word had spread about his unusual alphorn and he was invited to perform with it on a televised music entertainment show. His appearance was the final straw for the Federal Yodelling Association who suggested it would be best if he turned in his membership.

“I said, that’s ok, that’s a good reason to leave the association. I don’t want to harm it. I am traditional but I am open to other influences,” he said.

“I think there is a lot more experimental stuff that can be done with the alphorn. I think change should happen but it should be related to tradition. The association doesn’t like it of course but they have to go with the flow, as with anything.”
Change in the air

But change is already in the air, according to Antje Burri of the Federal Yodelling Association.

The association turns 100 in 2010 and is coming up with a new logo and prospectus to attract people to, and inform them about, the three traditions they safeguard: alphorn blowing and flag and stone throwing.

“There are people who are interested in tradition. It’s a good thing, a great symbol for Switzerland,” Burri told swissinfo.

“The association is there to gather ideas, to be able to support and sustain the tradition in the future. But we are not closed in. People can get involved in modern music. It’s a personal choice.”

swissinfo, Jessica Dacey
swissinfo.ch

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U.S. Economy and Miss England are Doomed, or Maybe Not

“Black Friday” Sales Were 3% Better Than Last Year
Gas Prices Falling, OPEC Still Pumping
Miss England Grows a Dress Size. Still Looks Hot
 

Inebriated Press
December 1, 2008

Too chubby?!

Too chubby?!

The Seattle Post-Intelligencer reported that sales during the day after Thanksgiving, traditionally called “Black Friday” since it’s used to get retailers profitable and put their ledgers in the “black,” rose 3 percent to $10.6 billion, according to preliminary figures released Saturday by ShopperTrak RCT Corp. And the Associated Press reported that OPEC held off on announcing new oil output cuts on Saturday, but its alarm over falling demand and declining prices may have laid the groundwork for future reductions in an effort to hike the cost of oil.  Meanwhile modeling agencies are telling Miss England that she’s too fat to get a contract because she’s grown into a size 10 dress.  Pundits are debating whether the beauty queen and the economy are really doomed or if the “experts” doth protest too much.

“3% higher sales in a so called economic downturn plus lower gas prices and a curvy Miss England with just a bit more to drool over, doesn’t constitute a world on the edge of collapse,” said Inebriated reporter Dusty Sackcloth, an introspective student of buying power and hot blondes, who also writes part-time for reasons unknown.  “So we’ve got some idiots who can’t run car companies and executives who don’t use common sense when making housing loans.  Fire them and put somebody in place with a clue.  Those morons aren’t stopping the regular folks who work hard and make their house payments from shopping if they want to – and that’s the majority of people.  ‘Experts’ think the election is still going on and talk like the economy is in free-fall.  Well, we already elected somebody president and did the ‘change’ thing, so reporters are supposed to start reporting some facts again instead of spin.  Idiots.  Even drunken hoot owls like me can figure this shit out.”

Our Saudi pals want your money.

Our Saudi pals want your money.

Not everyone agrees with Sackcloth the hoot owl.  “OPEC will raise prices again soon and finish off our economy, and the sales on Friday won’t make any retailers money because they slashed prices to try and get people into the stores; and as far as Miss England goes, she’s so chubby she’ll never be a model, she needs to be thinner than a pencil like all fine looking women,” said Holly Holindale-Sause, a testy librarian who often whacks kids who whisper too loudly or lean Republican.  “Until this country completes the move into Obamaland’s Western European Socialist model, we won’t live the giddy life that we all deserve.  I expect constant bad news until the day after January 20th.  Only after the inauguration will the moon beams and monkey gods bless us with good news.”

The Seattle Post-Intelligencer reported that the holiday shopping season got off to a surprisingly solid start, according to data released Saturday by a research firm. But the sales boost during the post-Thanksgiving shopathon came at the expense of profits as the nation’s retailers had to slash prices to attract the crowds in a season that is still expected to be the weakest in decades. Last year, shoppers spent about $10.3 billion on the day after Thanksgiving, dubbed Black Friday because it was historically the sales-packed day when retailers would become profitable for the year. This year Sales during the day after Thanksgiving rose 3 percent to $10.6 billion.  “It’s truly amazing when you think about all the news that led into the holiday season, it certainly appears that consumers are willing to spend more than most expected,” said ShopperTrak co-founder Bill Martin. Black Friday is an important barometer of people’s willingness to spend during the holidays.

The Associated Press reported that OPEC held off on announcing new oil output cuts on Saturday, but its alarm over falling demand and a slumping economy potentially laid the groundwork for a big reduction when it meets again in a matter of weeks. The outcome of Saturday’s meeting in Cairo, convened about a month after the group decided to pull 1.5 million barrels per day of oil from the market, seemed unlikely to put a floor beneath crude prices that have fallen by around 60 percent from their mid-July highs of $147 per barrel. Ahead of the meeting, the U.S. benchmark light, sweet crude futures contract settled a penny lower Friday at $54.43 in an abbreviated session on the New York Mercantile Exchange. OPEC ministers, according to a statement, agreed to “take any additional action … to balance oil supply and demand, and achieve market stability” during their Dec. 17 extraordinary meeting in Oran, Algeria.

Fear of curves

Fear of curves

UK’s Daily Star reported Saturday that modeling agencies are turning down sexy Miss England Laura Coleman because she is too fat. The blonde has gone up a dress size to a perfect 10. Miss Coleman, who will take part in Miss World in South Africa next month, has found that most agencies have a problem with her new curves. Laura, 22, said: “I really think the curvy girl should be promoted more as a positive image in the media. But the agencies seemed to have a problem with me when I wasn’t skinny any more.” Eating disorder specialist Emmy Gilbert added: “The fashion world endorses an ideal which can be unattainable or, if achieved, highly dangerous.”

Some people say its way-better to look good and live dangerously than look less attractive and be safe and secure.

“I’m so relieved that voters elected Barack Obama president because he’s much better looking and more articulate than John McCain, even though he’s the more dangerous choice because he has no experience and no track record of managing anything,” said Stacy Wild-Cide, a suicidal Hooters waitress who has risky sex with good-looking men as often as possible.  “If you’re not hot looking and walking on the edge of oblivion you’re not living.  And it’s boring when you’re not living out on the edge.  I’m so happy America isn’t boring anymore.  I’ve got a feeling the next four years are going to be really something.  I’m up for a wild ride.”

Never say die McQueen

Never say die McQueen

In other news, the Los Angeles Times reported that a new memoir called “Steve McQueen: The Last Mile” talks about how in McQueen’s last year of life he spent his time living with his girlfriend in a hangar at the Santa Paula Airport. During the day, he learned to pilot a World War II-era biplane. In the evening, the tough-guy superstar would crack open cold beers with grease monkeys, fledgling pilots and aging flyboys who still had a few loop-de-loops left in them. On Saturday nights, the couple kicked back in their hangar — really a big storage shed — to watch “The Love Boat” and “Fantasy Island” on a black-and-white TV. Dinner was often a feed at the local Chinese restaurant. No word on whether McQueen spent any time worried about his babes dress size or the economy, but the fact is he was doomed but still had a good time anyway.  And when you get right down to it, we’re all going to go sometime.  It’s up to us to decide whether we want to spend our time pissing and moaning or have a little fun on the way out.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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