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Multi-Dimensional DVD Storage, Topless Coffee Shop Questions, and Save the Planet by Raising Veggies in Your Undies

> Futuristic DVD’s Store 2,000 Times more Data by Using Five Dimensions
> Topless Coffee Shop Waitress Spotted Outdoors, Is That Legal?
> UK Says Beat Climate Change with Veggies in Your Underwear

Inebriated Press
May 25, 2009

Undie Veggie Planet Savior

Undie Veggie Planet Savior

Science Daily reported last week that researchers in Australia have developed a way to store data in five dimensions thereby increasing DVD storage capacity by 2,000 times.  And Kennebec, Maine’s Morning Sentinel reported yesterday that police are investigating whether legally topless coffee shop workers are still legal if they’re that way outdoors.  Meanwhile, the UK Telegraph reported yesterday that the Royal Horticultural Society (RHS) is encouraging Brit’s to battle climate change by growing vegetables in their old underwear.  Underwear-based veggies will be on display for your education at Hampton Court Palace Flower Show, from July 7-12.  Some pundits say the way to save the planet is to go topless and use your bra to raise veggies while putting your chest in a different dimension so the general public can’t see your hooters.  Others just talk about god and ghosts.

Someone named Felicia

Someone named Felicia

“The nature of multi-dimensional space is that when it’s harnessed, it allows numerous things to exist in exactly the same place at the same time, and that’s true of movies and music on DVD’s; or ghosts, goblins and spectres in your attic,” said Felicia Hardwood-Floorr, a healthcare worker whose smooth and firm appearance is appreciated by most who know her.  “Some people say nothing exists that you can’t see, taste or touch.  That’s foolish.  We can’t see most of the light spectrum and can’t account for tons of things unless they’re self evident.  We can’t even successfully argue that we exist if we stay to strict rules of debate and don’t appeal to self evidence.  A good deal of what we know is either self evident or we believe it as an act of faith.  Some people believe there’s god and others don’t.  Both are articles of faith.  Honest people admit that; the intellectually dishonest ones dispute it.  As far as the legality of going topless goes, it’s according to city code.  It’s that simple.  I don’t know if I like the idea of raising veggies in my panties.  Putting my food in the space where my ass was isn’t my kind of multi-dimensional thing I guess.

Some people argue that saving the planet is like saving your soul.

Someone named Isabel

Someone named Isabel

“There isn’t anything in multi-dimensional space and there’s no point pretending that ghosts, or angels, or gods and demons hang out there, and DVD storage and light spectrums aren’t really in other dimensions, they’re just in space we hadn’t found,” said Isabel Dragon-Slayyr, a linear ethicist and earth sprite in denial.  “We’re all ahead if we raise carrots in our panties and cabbage in our bras and save Mother Earth, the birthing-womb to us all.  Save the earth and save your soul.  There is nothing more, nothing less.  Go topless if you want to, there are no rules if we say there aren’t.  Ethics are relative.  All things are whatever we make of them, or pretend they are, or declare they are.  To some people that’s depressing because it means there is no good or evil, and it makes life godless and inherently meaningless — but to me that’s liberating.  Freedom and chaos are my gods.  Now if I could get the IRS to go along with the relativity of money and believe that my cash is actually in their coffers the same time it’s in my checking account, I’d be all set.  Maybe there is something to this multi- dimensionalism physical space thing if we marry it to monetary relativity.  Hey, I’ll bet that’s what Obama is doing with the federal budget!”

Multi-dimensional movie & ghost storage

Multi-dimensional movie & ghost storage

Science Daily reported that futuristic discs with a storage capacity 2,000 times that of current DVDs could be just around the corner, thanks to new research from Swinburne University of Technology in Australia. For the first time researchers from the university’s Centre for Micro-Photonics have demonstrated how nanotechnology can enable the creation of ‘five dimensional’ discs with huge storage capacities. Discs currently have three spatial dimensions, but using nanoparticles the Swinburne researchers were able to introduce a spectral – or color – dimension as well as a polarization dimension.  “These extra dimensions are the key to creating ultra-high capacity discs,” Professor Min Gu said. “The polarization can be rotated 360 degrees. So for example, we were able to record at zero degree polarization. Then on top of that, we were able to record another layer of information at 90 degrees polarization, without them interfering with each other.” The research, carried out by Mr. Peter Zijlstra, Dr James Chon and Professor Min Gu was published last Thursday in the scientific journal Nature.

Coffee, tea, or ... donuts

Coffee, tea, or ... donuts

The Morning Sentinel reported that a state trooper was sent Saturday morning to a topless doughnut shop on Route 3 after a caller to the Augusta communications center reported that one of the waitresses was outside the shop without a top on. The Grand View Topless Coffee Shop opened Feb. 23, featuring topless waitresses and waiters serving coffee and doughnuts. The Vassalboro Planning Board approved a permit for the business, saying no town regulations prevented it. There is no mention in published reports if nudity outside the confines of the cafe is prohibited or allowed in Vassalboro. “I just know that I took a report of a female who was outside who had no top on and went over and spoke to them about it and advised them that I was going to be referring it to the DA’s office,” Trooper Shawn Porter of Troop D Barracks in Gray said. “It’s an ongoing investigation.”

'Hanging bra-sket'

'Hanging bra-sket'

The Telegraph reported that the Royal Horticultural Society (RHS) asked visitors to Chelsea Flower Show to donate clean unwanted bras, boxer shorts and jockey pants for its summer Grow Your Own campaign. Georgie Webb of the RHS, said old undies could be used like hanging baskets where people have little space. “Due to their conical shape, bras are ideal containers for turning into hanging baskets, and if you sew two together, you have what is best described as a ‘hanging bra-sket’. Once filled with compost you can grow salad leaves, herbs, alpine strawberries and even tumbling cherry tomatoes in them; the bigger the bra the more you can grow.”

The ‘good life’ display is part of a wider campaign by the RHS to encourage more people to grow their own fruit and vegetables. Gordon Brown, the Prime Minister and civic organization including the National Trust have also called for more people to grow their own food in order to improve healthy eating and tackle climate change by reducing food miles.

Zen sexIn other news, KOMO News Seattle reported that a woman accused of running several brothels in the area says her “work is spiritual in nature and that’s what the men are seeking,” according to the statement of probable cause. Rainbow Love, who was formerly known as Vivian W. Ellis, was arrested at her Marysville home during a police raid on Thursday. She is being held under investigation of promoting prostitution and money laundering. During the investigation, undercover detectives patronized the business at 3107 Eastlake Avenue East and were offered and agreed to sexual acts in exchange for $150 cash, the document said. Love refused to acknowledge the conversation she’d had with undercover detectives who’d sought service at the businesses, but did admit she knew some of her employees “may do more than a healing session with the clients,” the statement said. Love told detectives that she is the sole owner of the three businesses under investigation, which she ran under the license name the Light Body Temple. No word on how she feels about underwear-based veggies, but my guess is a lot of multi-dimensional stuff is going at her temple.

(C) 2009 Inebriated Press

 

Source articles:

‘Five Dimensional’ Discs With A Storage Capacity 2,000 Times That Of Current DVDs
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/05/090520192137.htm

Caller reports topless excursion
http://morningsentinel.mainetoday.com/news/local/6378705.html

Unwanted underwear donated at Chelsea Flower Show for Hampton Court Palace
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/gardening/chelseaflowershow/5369423/Unwanted-underwear-donated-at-Chelsea-Flower-Show-for-Hampton-Court-Palace.html

Accused madam: My work is spiritual
http://www.komonews.com/news/local/45876382.html

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Coffee Reduces Breast Size, New Airport X-rays Show You Naked

Study says java shrinks boobs
New airport scanners see ‘private parts’

Inebriated Press
October 23, 2008

UPI reported this week that a Swedish researcher has discovered drinking lots of coffee reduces the size of many women’s breasts.  And UPI reported last week that new X-ray scanners being tested at a Melbourne, Australia airport are effective enough to reveal the nude bodies of travelers.  Pundits are debating why the Aussies and Swede’s don’t just hook-up and give airline passengers mamograms as a free bonus for putting up with bad airline service.

With or without coffee?

With or without coffee?

“It’s well known that business women who have to travel a lot don’t have time for routine mamograms or chest x-rays, and the airlines would be doing a real service for passengers by having a doctor on hand to review the scans and provide a health report to women when they get off the plane at their destination,” said Peggy Wite-Socks, a hard working business-class woman from Chicago, and a depressed baseball fan.  “The economy is soft, the lines at airports are long, and I know I’m stressed-out more than usual.  The least the airlines could do is provide a benefit to me for all the x-rays they’re pumping through my body while they look for weapons of mass distruction in my crotch and cleavage.  It’s bad enough my breasts are shrinking because of all the coffee I’ve been draining trying to get through a hectic day.  Now I’ve got government-sanctioned peeping Tom’s looking at my boobs and winking at me, but not helping me an ounce.  Let’s get an airline-government healthcare combo going.  The machines are already checking me out.  Get some eyes on them that can do me some good.”

Traveler viewed with old school equipment.

Traveler viewed with old school equipment.

Not everyone agrees with Wite-Socks.  “There’s always next year, and the economy will be better, terrorists will be at bay, the Sox will be winning, and thinking about our health will be put-off to go to the beach,” said Misty Rae-Tampa, a exuberant college vollyball coach, who’s cup size has gone up despite pounding caffine drinks, because her local silicon specialist gave her a great deal.  “This x-ray stuff at airports is getting out of hand and has to be reined in.  Talk about a lack of privacy!  Now they can see me nude … my current date hasn’t seen me nude and I’ve known him a month.  These airport people I’ve never met and they’re seeing me from angles I’ve never seen me from.  This stuff is really creeping me out.  It’s past the point of right or wrong and ventured into the weird and the twisted. Com’on Joe tell me it’s not so!”

UPI reported that drinking a lot of coffee reduces the size of many women’s breasts, according to a Swedish researcher. Helena Jernstrom, an oncologist at Lund University in southern Sweden, said that the effect is the result of a gene that about half of women possess. “Drinking coffee can have a major effect on breast size,” Jernstrom said. Jernstrom became interested in the subject because of research that has shown that large-breasted women are more likely to be diagnosed with breast cancer, while downing at least three cups of coffee a day reduces cancer risk. She decided to look for a correlation directly between drinking coffee and breast size and found one. Her study tracked 270 women. Jernstrom’s results were published in the British Journal of Cancer.

UPI reported that new X-ray scanners being field tested at Melbourne Airport in Australia are effective enough to reveal the nude bodies of travelers, according to Cheryl Johnson, general manager of the Office of Transport Security. The scanners are to be used on domestic passengers at the Airport for the next six weeks.  Johnson said the scanners can see right through clothing to the “genitals and breasts (of passengers) while they’re going through the machine”. However, she said “the faces are automatically blurred” by the machines. “It will show the private parts of people, but what we’ve decided is that we’re not going to blur those out, because it severely limits the detection capabilities,” Johnson said. Some people say privacy is an illusion and that relationships, just like the markets, are better when they are completely transparent.

Nader, what you see is what you get.

Nader, what you see is what you get.

“Too often people we meet are hiding behind a fasade designed to deceive and even mislead,” said Ralph Nader, a blemished in-your-face environmentalist and corporate greed hater, who hides nothing from anyone and often disgusts people he meets in saunas.  “We need market transparency, we need corporate transparency, we need to see people naked whenever we want and not just on the Internet.  I want what I want and so does everybody else, they just mistake what they want for something different than what I want.  If folks would get to wanting what I do, we’d solve a lot of big problems in society that’s for darn sure.  What did you say your name was again?”

In other news, The West Virginia Record reported last Friday that a Fairmont woman has filed suit against a Morgantown company, claiming one of its employees masturbated in front of her after offering her a job. Heather Kelly claims she could not take the job because of the conduct of the employee for Worldwide Industrial Services. Kelly interviewed with Richard See for an office position with Worldwide according to a complaint filed Oct. 1 in Monongalia Circuit Court. After a 30-minute interview, See offered her the job on the condition that he could take a picture of her breasts, the suit states. Kelly claims she was shocked, embarrassed and humiliated and began to gather her belongings to leave. As she was leaving, See told her that the job paid $300 per week and would be worth a quick picture of her breasts, then asked if he could at least touch one of them, according to the complaint. No word on whether See plans to go to work for airport security so he can check out womens’ breasts and grope them in the line-of-duty, but odds are good it’s his next job. The guy’s a natural.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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