Tag Archives: budget deficit

NASA to Bomb Moon, Woman to Skydive Topless, and US Public Wary of Deficit and Obama Governance

> US Space Agency Preps Missile for Moon Explosion in Water Search
> Barmaid with 36GG Bust to Leap Topless from Plane: “I like to live on the edge”
> WSJ Poll finds Americans Fear growing Budget Deficit and Government’s Economic Intervention

Inebriated Press
June 19, 2009

Less risky than Obama's budget?

Less risky than Obama's budget?

Mercury News reported Monday that NASA is preparing to fly a rocket booster into the moon, triggering a six-mile-high explosion that scientists hope will confirm the presence of water.  And the Lancashire Evening Post reported Wednesday that busty barmaid Charlotte Robinson is gearing up for a topless skydive.  Meanwhile, the Wall Street Journal reported Thursday that Americans are increasingly wary of the growing budget deficit and the Obama administrations economic interventions.  Pundits are debating the benefits of blowing up the moon and the U.S. economy, while others consider leaping from airplanes without clothes on.

Someone named Charlotte

Someone named Charlotte

“I think that living on the edge is a hell of a lot of fun and a real rush.  I mean think about it, we’re in an economy that Obama is pumping trillions of dollars into, to remove L.A. tattoos, and build high-speed trains we don’t need, and study why pigs stink — not to mention his move to take over two of the Big Three car companies and nationalize them.  The value of the dollar will free-fall and inflation will go through the roof.  I’m jazzed up just thinking about it and that’s before I imagine myself free-falling at a couple hundred miles per hour with my naked boobs flapping as I plunge toward earth from an airplane.  This is life the way it’s meant to be lived,” said Charlotte Sunblok-Areola, an account executive at the Satin, Lace and Diesel Parts Company. “If it was left to me to blow up the moon I don’t think I could have a better year.  Oh I suppose maybe it could be better if I were able to get rid of a couple STD’s I have from risky sex, but what the heck, I like life on the edge and sometimes it stings a little.”

Someone named Karen

Someone named Karen

Not everyone sees it the way Sunblok-Areola does.  “The NASA moon bombing is a little weird but I suppose maybe its okay in the cause of science, I mean if they find water or something.  But this notion that pumping trillions of dollars into the U.S. economy on shit we don’t need and then call it ‘stimulus’ doesn’t stimulate me at all.  How can anyone call irresponsible spending a responsible thing to do, its foolishness,” said Karen Cashin-Carrey, a fiscal conservative and ethical relativist who pastes disproportionate logic together as best she can, but lately has been coming up empty.  “And this idea that skydiving topless is going to be fun is as logical as government run national healthcare.  You’re not going to get what you’re expecting and it’s going to hurt.  You think the government can operate healthcare better than private industry?  It can’t run Medicare, Medicaid or Social Security.  Why will it do a better job of keeping you healthy?  And skydiving topless will put your breasts out there with blowing dirt and bugs and leaves and shit.  You think it’ll be fun when those things smack against your nipples and breasts at several hundred miles per hour?  Hell no.  Wake up people, you’re not thinking straight.  Doing dumb shit doesn’t just sting a little; it hurts a lot, maybe not today but tomorrow and for a long time afterward.  This stuff doesn’t fix easily, even when you stop the stupidity and start the healing process.”

NASA's Big Bang

NASA's Big Bang

The Mercury News reported that in an unprecedented scientific endeavor — and what may be one of the coolest space missions ever — NASA is preparing to fly a rocket booster into the moon, triggering a six-mile-high explosion that scientists hope will confirm the presence of water. The four-month mission of the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite (LCROSS), which will be directed from NASA’s Ames Research Center at Moffett Field, is to discover whether water is frozen in the perpetual darkness of craters near the moon’s south pole. As a potential source of oxygen for life support and hydrogen for rocket fuel, that water would be a tremendous boost to NASA’s plans to restart human exploration of the moon. The plans are for LCROSS to separate from the Centaur booster less than 10 hours before impact and will be less than 400 miles above the moon when the spent rocket booster collides at a speed five times faster than a bullet from a .44 Magnum. NASA plans to stream a live view from LCROSS as the Centaur, followed by the spacecraft, plows into the moon. If all goes as planned it would hit the moon in the early morning hours of Oct. 8.

skydive nakedThe Lancashire Evening Post reported that busty barmaid Charlotte Robinson is gearing up for a skydive with a difference. The 24-year-old, from Catterall in Garstang, will jump 14,000ft from a Turbine Porter aircraft – topless. The bubbly mother-of-one will be strapped to the front of an instructor and will freefall at more than 120mph before the parachute opens. She is hoping the jump, at the Black Knights Parachute Centre, Hillam Lane, Cockerham, will raise hundreds of pounds for the North West Air Ambulance. She said: “I don’t know if I’ll hurt myself – I might do because I’m a 36GG. I don’t know how the topless part came about. I’m just a bit mental really and definitely outgoing. I’m a bit nervous. The only other thing I’ve done is a bungee jump when I was about 12. But I do like to live on the edge.”

click to enlarge (stop spending to shrink)

click to enlarge (stop spending to shrink)

The Wall Street Journal reported that after a fairly smooth opening, President Barack Obama faces new concerns among the American public about the budget deficit and government intervention in the economy as he works to enact ambitious health and energy legislation, a new Wall Street Journal/NBC News poll finds. These rising doubts threaten to overshadow the president’s personal popularity and his agenda, in what may be a new phase of the Obama presidency. “The public is really moving from evaluating him as a charismatic and charming leader to his specific handling of the challenges facing the country,” says Peter D. Hart, a Democratic pollster who conducts the survey with Republican Bill McInturff. Going forward, he says, Mr. Obama and his allies “are going to have to navigate in pretty choppy waters.”

Nearly seven in 10 survey respondents said they had concerns about federal interventions into the economy; including Mr. Obama’s decision to take an ownership stake in General Motors Corp., limits on executive compensation and the prospect of more government involvement in health care. A solid majority — 58% — said that the president and Congress should focus on keeping the budget deficit down, even if takes longer for the economy to recover. Mr. Obama’s overall job approval and personal ratings have slipped, particularly among independent voters. His job approval rating now stands at 56%, down from 61% in April. Among independents, it dropped from nearly two-to-one approval to closely divided. When asked what the most important economic issue facing the country is, 24% cited the deficit, vs. just 11% who named health care.

No pornIn other news, the Telegraph reported Tuesday that a woman has cancelled her church wedding and country house reception after discovering her fiancé is a secret porn star. Haylie Hocking, 27, only found out that strapping 30-year-old fitness fanatic Jason Brake made adult films just weeks before the big day. A friend organizing her hen night searched online for a male stripper and spotted Jason with a woman in a porn movie. Now Haylie has called her vicar to cancel the wedding. She said: “There was no way I could marry an adult film star.” He told her he was a personal trainer when the couple began dating. After eight months, he proposed and bought her a diamond engagement ring. But Jason’s secret emerged when Haylie’s friend Lisa tried to book a stripper for a hen party. After Jason finally admitted he was earning money from making porn, Haylie called off the wedding. Haylie said: “I don’t know if I will ever be able to trust a man again.”  No word on whether she trusts politicians with her healthcare, or how she feels about NASA bombing the moon, but she seems pretty traditional so she probably has no plans to leap from a plane topless with her breasts pummeling her face and arms and being pummeled themselves.  But I could be wrong.  After all, Americans elected a president with no governing or business experience.  Sometimes rational people do irrational things.  Maybe there are times when the pummeling we get, we deserve.  But smart folks learn from their mistakes.  Here’s hoping Americans are smart folks.  Time will tell.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

NASA/Ames ready to explode one of the coolest space missions ever
http://www.siliconvalley.com/ci_12590357

Busty barmaid prepares for topless skydive
http://www.lep.co.uk/news/Busty-barmaid-prepares-for-topless.5372581.jp

Public Wary of Deficit, Economic Intervention
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124527518023424769.html#mod=testMod

Woman cancels wedding after finding fiancé was porn star
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/5549158/Woman-cancels-wedding-after-finding-fiance-was-porn-star.html

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Home Grown US Terrorism, Breastfeeding Boosts GPA, and Most American’s are Conservatives

> American-born Islamic murderer spikes fear of more
> Breastfeeding leads to higher grade point average and college attendance
> Gallup poll: 40% of Americans are conservative, 35% moderate, 21% liberal

Inebriated Press
June 17, 2009

Harvesting higher IQ's and better GPA's

Harvesting higher IQ's and better GPA's

Associated Press reported Monday that an American-born Tennessee youth who became an Islamic extremist and then murdered U.S. Army recruiter Pvt. William Andrew Long on June 1 while he stood outside his Arkansas office smoking a cigarette, is sparking fears that there may be more.  And United Press International reported Monday that a new study shows that breastfeeding is associated with an increase in high school grade point average, and an increase in odds of attending college.  Meanwhile, Gallup reported on Monday that 40% of Americans interviewed in a new poll say their political views are conservative, while 35% consider themselves moderate, and 21% are liberal.  Pundits are debating how to get more people to breastfeed so their IQ’s are higher and they vote using common sense, so the U.S. will return to a free market economy, support individual and states’ rights, and fight terrorism in a practical waterboarding-if-necessary way in America and abroad.

Some guy named Zachary

Some guy named Zachary

“I think that with all the other crap the Democrats are sticking into their multi-trillion-dollar spending bills that we should be able to slip a breastfeeding provision into the healthcare bill.  If it’s found-out and fought by liberals, we may be able to get Bill Clinton to support it and offset them; I know he’s into breasts and stuff.  And once American’s are breastfeeding during office breaks and so-on, we’ll drive up the nations IQ average to a level where we’ll start behaving like traditional common-sense America again,” said Zachary Taylor-Maid, a golf shop pro and breast milk aficionado.  “I mean there’s serious shit to do, and we have to do it fast.  Obama is bankrupting the country and setting the stage for hyper inflation.  China, Russia and India are bailing U.S. Treasury’s and with U.S. printing presses hemorrhaging thousand dollar bills our currency will become worthless.  Meanwhile, he’s giving Miranda rights to terrorists in Afghanistan and taking away individual freedoms from Americans — all the way down to our friggin pocket knives.  Traditional America is on the ropes here.  The recent Republican Congress screwed up, but Obama and the Democrat Congress have us on a course to become a third world economy run by a Latin American styled dictatorship.  I’m worried whether there’s enough breast milk in America to turn this thing around as fast as we need to.”

Someone named Amy

Someone named Amy

“Not everyone thinks like Taylor-Maid.  “I’d be willing to chip-in a little breast milk if I was lactating, if I actually thought that creating a human breast milk product for American’s would be good for the country.  But let’s face it, this is crazy talk.  If you think that breast milk is better for you than Jack Daniels then you’ll probably also believe that Barack Obama doesn’t understand basic economics, rule of law and the U.S. Constitution.  We all know deep down that Barry is like a god and is doing an ingenious job of saving our country,” said Amy Clambake-Hymlick, an alfalfa sprout inspector and part-time nudist.  “The crazy right needs to chill out and realize that there are going to be an occasional US-born Islamic killer who shoots people because he disagrees with them. We’re all part of the whole world now, and there’ll probably be some Islamic extremist beheadings of Christians in the U.S. and there’ll probably be a few complaints when Barack creates his internal army and takes Americans guns and pocketknives away.  But it’s all part of the hope and change plan.  It’s nothing to worry about; Barry is simply integrating America into the world and making it more like a combination of the Middle East, Western Europe and Latin America.  Old style Constitutional law, individual freedom and free market economics don’t fit his vision.  It’s time we relax and get used to it.”

Arkansas JihadAssociated Press reported that Carlos Bledsoe’s transformation from Tennessee youth to an American-born Islamic extremist charged in a bloody rampage outside an Arkansas military recruiting station may signal an ominous new wave of violent homegrown jihadists, counterterror officials say. National security officials have long feared the emergence of a new breed of American militants who would raise little suspicion as they move in and out of the country carrying out the aims of terrorist groups like al-Qaida. Abdulhakim Muhammad, who grew up in Memphis, Tenn., converted to the Islamic faith, changed his name from Bledsoe, and traveled to Yemen in 2007. He was later arrested for overstaying his visa and deported back to the U.S. Muhammad was charged with killing Pvt. William Andrew Long, 23, of Conway, Ark., who had just completed basic training and was volunteering at the west Little Rock recruiting office before starting an assignment in South Korea. He was shot dead on June 1 while smoking a cigarette outside the building. An FBI-Homeland Security intelligence assessment document suggested Muhammad may have considered targeting other locations, including Jewish and Christian sites in several eastern U.S. cities.

Pvt. William Andrew Long

Pvt. William Andrew Long

Muhammad, 23, told The Associated Press in a jail cell interview last week that the shootings were an “act for the sake of God, for the sake of Allah, the Lord of all the world, and also a retaliation on U.S. military.” Earlier this year four Muslim ex-convicts were arrested in New York for allegedly plotting to bomb synagogues and shoot down military planes. While federal authorities foiled the plan, the incident inflamed concerns about the spread of Islamic extremism in prisons. Counterterrorism officials warn that unless individuals attract attention either through criminal behavior or even threat-laced Internet postings, U.S.-born radicals — particularly those operating alone — could go unseen until they take action. “One of the scariest things is that we don’t have a profile for how someone becomes radicalized,” said counterterrorism expert Matthew Levitt. “It’s different for everybody.”

This is raising his IQ, right?

This is raising his IQ, right?

United Press International reported that breastfeeding was associated with an increase in high school grade point average and an increase in the odds of attending college, U.S. researchers said. The study, published in the Journal of Human Capital, looked at the academic achievement of siblings — one of whom was breast fed as an infant and one of whom was not — found that an additional month of breastfeeding was associated with an increase in high school GPA of 0.019 points and an increase in the probability of college attendance of 0.014. “The results of our study suggest that the cognitive and health benefits of breast feeding may lead to important long-run educational benefits for children,” Sabia said in a statement.

Click to enlarge

Click to enlarge

Gallup.com reported that thus far in 2009, 40% of Americans interviewed in national Gallup Poll surveys describe their political views as conservative, 35% as moderate, and 21% as liberal. This represents a slight increase for conservatism in the U.S. since 2008, returning it to a level last seen in 2004. The 21% calling themselves liberal is in line with findings throughout this decade, but is up from the 1990s. These annual figures are based on multiple national Gallup surveys conducted each year, in some cases encompassing more than 40,000 interviews. The 2009 data are based on 10 separate surveys conducted from January through May. Thus, the margins of error around each year’s figures are quite small, and changes of only two percentage points are statistically significant. Thus far in 2009, Gallup has found an average of 36% of Americans considering themselves Democratic, 28% Republican, and 37% independent. When independents are pressed to say which party they lean toward, 51% identify as Democrats, 39% as Republicans, and only 9% as pure independents.

Living on the edge

Living on the edge

In other news, Forbes reported on Saturday that driving is the greatest threat to a woman’s health. If you’re like most women, you probably think breast cancer or maybe heart disease is the greatest risk to your health. Guess again. The real culprit is getting behind the wheel. Automobile accidents are the leading cause of death in women under the age of 35, according to the Centers for Disease Control, and are also a major cause of traumatic brain injury and fatality in women of all ages. But before you throw in your keys for good, a wealth of new research shows that auto accidents are highly preventable. The single best way to stay safe can be summed up like so: “Avoid getting distracted while operating your vehicle.” 

Ben & Jerry'sNo word on whether consuming breast milk or driving during lactation has any impact, but American’s were certainly distracted during the recent elections and the country has crashed into a ditch and our leadership has accelerated us toward a massive cliff.  Here’s hoping we come to our senses with or without pausing for afternoon breast milk breaks.  Mmmm IQ-building GPA-enhancing sweet-breast-milk breaks … who cares what Obama is doing!     Sorry about that, I think Obama & Company may be driving me mad.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Recruiter shootings spark homegrown terror fears
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090615/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/us_homegrown_radicals?ic

Breastfeeding may boost grades
http://www.upi.com/Health_News/2009/06/15/Breastfeeding-may-boost-grades/UPI-27101245042298/

“Conservatives” Are Single-Largest Ideological Group
http://www.gallup.com/poll/120857/Conservatives-Single-Largest-Ideological-Group.aspx

Driving is the real threat to a woman’s health
http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20090611/Forbes_women_health_090613/20090613?s_name=Autos

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Beware of: Falling Computers, Bacteria Laced Skin Care Products, and the Obama Administration

> Home Computer Injuries Leap
> FDA warns against using Clarcon skin products
> U.S. Representative tells China not to believe Obama on Budget

Inebriated Press
June 11, 2009

Risky computer behavior

Risky computer behavior

HealthDay News reported on Tuesday that from 1994 to 2006 there has been a 732 percent increase in home computer injuries nationwide.  Research shows that a growing number of people are tripping over cables and getting hit by falling equipment.  And Associated Press reported Monday that the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is warning consumers not to use skin products made by Clarcon because of high levels of disease-causing bacteria.  Meanwhile, The Straits Times reported Tuesday that Representative Mark Kirk (R-IL) told Chinese leaders that the US budget deficit could be larger than predicted and the budget that the US government has put forward should not be believed.  Inebriated reporters heavily medicated with Jack Daniels, put forth their view of truth and lies.

Someone named Suzi

Someone named Suzi

“Who gives a rats ass what Republicans say about the budget or the FDA says about skin care products or whether computers are falling from the sky.  Life is risky and if you’re going to be alive for a while, you assume some risks of a personal and financial nature, what the hell.  Anyway, you can’t believe most things that politicians and the government say,” said Suzi Blaktape-Mostly, an occasional reporter when wearing clothing and deciding to behave respectable.  “It’s all one big crap shoot and the administration is lying about the budget and the Republicans are telling tales to the Chinese.  So what?  FDA officials are probably getting fewer kickbacks under this administration so they’re squeezing the skin care companies by talking the bacteria thing.  And no computer has fallen from the sky near me.  I think it’s people getting hurt during rough sex that are using computer injury as an excuse because it’s easier to explain.  At least that’s what I do.”

Someone named Rachael

Someone named Rachael

Not everyone sees it like Blaktape-Mostly.  “The Republicans are telling it the way it is, whether that’s to the Chinese or the American people.  The Obama administration is spending trillions with no revenue stream, and that’s a fact.  And the FDA is trying its damndest to stop people from harming themselves with bad products.  It’s what they do and why the agency exists.  As far as computer injuries go, it just makes sense that if there are more PC’s around then the likelihood of people bumping into them or tripping over the cables is just going to increase,” said Rachael Holddmi-Tiet, an occasional columnist when she’s not working iron at Mikes Steel Mill and BBQ Strip Club.  “It’s true that politicians and government officials stretch the truth, but the Obama administration is setting a whole new standard for misdirection and outright falsehood.  I can’t believe that Obama and his minions are so stupid that they believe they can spend trillions of dollars and have a healthy budget and an inflation free economy.  So that means they have to be lying about it.  Of course I admit I still think that logic can prevail and that people aren’t all morons, so I give common sense a chance.  Maybe that’s the flaw in my thinking.”

Beware of killer computers!HealthDay News reported that computers are everywhere in the home these days — the office, the kid’s room, maybe even on the kitchen table. And that, according to new research, has led to more people showing up in emergency rooms with computer-related injuries. That increase has not been slight: From 1994 to 2006, injuries caused by people tripping over computer wires or getting hit by falling equipment rose from about 1,300 a year to 9,300 a year, an increase of 732 percent nationwide. Children under the age of 5 had the highest injury rate. The leading cause of injury for small children, and for adults over 60, was tripping or falling over computer equipment. But while most injuries were to the extremities such as the arms or legs, young children were five times more likely than other age groups to sustain a head injury.

FDA WarningAssociated Press reported that the Food and Drug Administration warned consumers Monday not to use skin products made by Clarcon because of high levels of disease-causing bacteria found during a recent inspection. Clarcon Biological Chemistry Laboratory Inc. of Roy, Utah, issued a voluntary recall of some skin sanitizers and skin protectants marketed under several different brand names, the FDA said in a statement. Consumers should not use any Clarcon products and should throw them away, the FDA said. Analyses of several samples of over-the-counter topical antimicrobial skin sanitizer and skin protectant products revealed high levels of various bacteria, including some associated with unsanitary conditions, according to the agency. Some of these bacteria can cause opportunistic infections of the skin and underlying tissues and could result in medical or surgical attention as well as permanent damage.

Obama budgetThe Straits Times reported that senior Chinese leaders have privately voiced fear over the soaring US budget deficit and are increasingly looking to diversify from the dollar, Representative Mr Mark Kirk said Monday after a trip to China that included talks with government officials and central bank chief Dr Zhou Xiaochuan. Mr Kirk’s assessment differed with that of Treasury Secretary Mr Timothy Geithner, who said last week on a separate visit that Chinese leaders had expressed ‘justifiable confidence’ on the future of the recession-hit US economy. Mr Kirk said that Chinese leaders were sharply critical in private of the US Federal Reserve’s policy of ‘quantitative easing’ – a form of flooding the financial system with cash, which critics deride as printing imaginary money. Government officials estimate a deficit of 1.841 trillion US dollars for the 2009 budget. 

Lying fun!Mr Kirk, a former diplomat who remains an active reservist in the US Navy, is seen as a rising star in the Republican Party and is eyeing a run next year for Mr Obama’s former US Senate seat in Illinois. He said he told the Chinese that the budget deficit could be even bigger than predicted, due in part to the rising costs to the US economy of health care. “One of the messages I had – because we need to build trust and confidence in our number one creditor – is that the budget numbers that the US government has put forward should not be believed,” Mr Kirk said. “Congress is actually going to spend quite a bit more,” he said. China is the largest creditor to the United States with some 700 billion dollars invested in Treasury bonds.

The nest may be empty ...

The nest may be empty ...

In other news, CNN reported Tuesday that parents adjusting to the last of their children leaving home, find that at first they’re depressed, but then couples spend more time with friends, have impromptu dates and more sex. “I absolutely miss my kids,” said Jane Shure, a 54-year-old mother of two from Philadelphia, who officially became an empty nester in August 2007.  “But I’m enjoying a really full life now.” Sara Gorchoff, Ph.D., a postdoctoral researcher at UC Berkeley, says a fall Sunday with the kids can now become a chance to go hiking together; raucous family meals turn into intimate dinners for two. And sex can regain some of the old abandon of the pre-children days.  No word on how ’empty nesters’ feel about Obama’s budget numbers or bacteria laden skin care products, but my guess is that more of them are in emergency rooms claiming to have been injured by computers rather than from having sex with reckless abandon.  But I’m only guessing.  There’ll probably be a stimulus funded study coming out to tell us the facts any day now.  Just as soon as the tattoo removal in L.A. is completed.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Computers Causing Injuries in the Home
http://news.yahoo.com/s/hsn/20090609/hl_hsn/computerscausinginjuriesinthehome

FDA warns against using Clarcon skin products
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090609/ap_on_go_ot/us_clarcon_recall

China airs fears: congressman
http://www.straitstimes.com/Overcoming%2BThe%2BStorm/Latest%2BStories/Story/STIStory_387854.html

Sex and other perks of empty nesting
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/06/09/o.end.empty.nest.syndrome/index.html

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Rustlers steal Queen’s Cattle, Obama more Left than Chavez, and Mafia ruins Teen’s Shopping Spree

> Cattle Rustlers Stole Cows from Queen Elizabeth’s estate
> Venezuela’s Chavez says “Comrade” Obama’s Nationalization of GM Makes Him the Most Left-Wing
> Girls use Mafia to crack parents safe, worked, but not quite as hoped

Inebriated Press
June 5, 2009

Got a safe on ya?  You're not Mafia, right?

Got a safe on ya? You're not Mafia, right?

Reuters reported on Wednesday that cattle rustlers stole prized cattle from an English estate of Queen Elizabeth that were being fattened for the royal table.  And, Reuters reported Tuesday that Venezuela’s President Hugo Chavez says he and Cuban leader Fidel Castro are more conservative than U.S. President Obama, as Barack prepares to nationalize General Motors Corporation.  Meanwhile, Sweden’s The Local reported on Wednesday that two teenage girls who took the family safe to finance a day of shopping, asked a mafia guy to break it open for them.  They never saw it again.  Pundits are contemplating the ethical and practical implications of cattle rustling, nationalization of industry and ripping off your parents. 

Someone named Honey

Someone named Honey

“All’s fair in love, war, politics and elementary physics … as well as cattle rustling, robbing your own parents and other stuff if you can get away with it,” said Honey Sukle-Kreme, a candy store manager and part-time stripper down at the Sweet and Sassy Beer and Haircare Shoppe.  “There aren’t any real rights or wrongs, I think that’s been established by the theory of relativity and the Woodstock music festival, so we really should just move on.  I mean, some people still get hung up on the idea that stealing someone’s cattle, or over-taxing the middle class, or even nationalizing major industries because you can — is wrong or something.  It’s nothing of the kind.  If you have the power and the will to do any of those things, then you do it if you want to.  It’s basic evolutionary theory — survival of the fittest.  If I’m stronger than you I can take your stuff, whether you’re my parents, the queen, or private enterprise.  If you don’t like it, suck it, there’s nothing you can do.  I’d talk about this more, but my car is parked outside and the meter is about to expire.  If I don’t put some money in it I’ll have to pay a fine.  Why the damn meter officials don’t grasp the reality of relativity and Woodstock, and forget about giving me tickets I just don’t know.  Obama will fix that one of these days.  He’s a fixer kind of guy from Chicago you know.”

Someone named Wanda

Someone named Wanda

Not everyone exudes the same nectar as Sukle-Kreme.  “Holy crap, rustlers ripped off the queen and Obama is ripping off private enterprise, that’s some crazy shit.  Now the mafia ripping off some stupid girls is no biggy, what did the girls expect — they’ve never watched any mafia movies or something?  On the other hand American’s have had to have seen a few socialists, at least in history class, and should have known what Obama the community organizer was up to.  Sometimes people come face to face with their own stupidity and just smile and wave,” said Wanda Silikon-Basil, a buxom gardener known for her uncommon genius — mainly with fertilizer and bustiers.  “I tend to be pretty easy going and am pretty much an optimist, but I’m worried about whether the Queen is going to have enough beef to get her through the winter.  She’s getting along in age and it’s important that she gets enough protein.  As far as the U.S. goes with nationalization of industry, I could worry about that too, but the voters chose a one-term Senator whose only experience was in community organizing, and he’s never run a business or government — so the Americans are getting what they asked for.  You vote like a dumb shit and you get that kind of governance.  Stupid is as stupid does.  I’m not staying awake nights worrying about an idiotic decision like that.”

Queen Liz: Where's my beef?

Queen Liz: Where's my beef?

Reuters reported that cattle rustlers stole prized cows and bulls from an English country estate of Queen Elizabeth that were being fattened up for the royal dining table. Tony Barratt, the farmer in charge of some 300 livestock on the British queen’s Sandringham estate in southeastern England, told Reuters on Wednesday that police were investigating the disappearance of the cattle over the last week and said they had probably been illegally slaughtered by now. “It makes me so angry because this is beef which is enjoyed by the queen herself,” said Barratt.

Comrades Obama and Chavez

Comrades Obama and Chavez

Reuters reported that Venezuela’s President Hugo Chavez said on Tuesday that he and Cuban ally Fidel Castro risk being more conservative than U.S. President Barack Obama as Washington prepares to take control of General Motors Corp. During one of Chavez’s customary lectures on the “curse” of capitalism and the bonanzas of socialism, the Venezuelan leader made reference to GM’s bankruptcy filing, which is expected to give the U.S. government a 60 percent stake in the 100-year-old former symbol of American might. “Hey, Obama has just nationalized nothing more and nothing less than General Motors. Comrade Obama! Fidel, careful or we are going to end up to his right,” Chavez joked on a live television broadcast. Chavez, a vehement critic of the U.S. “empire,” has toned down his rhetoric since Obama took office in January. Obama and the federal government will take control of GM after a $30 billion injection of taxpayer funds.

Two Swedish girls

Two Swedish girls

The Local reported that two Swedish teenage girls who took a family safe to finance a day of shopping allege their plans were spoiled when they inadvertently handed the safe over to someone with ties to the mob. In order to pay for a joyride and accompanying shopping spree, the girls stole a safe containing 10,000 kronor ($1,300) in cash which belonged to the father of one of the girls. The girls stuffed the safe in a bag and headed to Malmö where they met up with a male acquaintance of one of the girls who was supposed to help them crack open the safe. But the acquaintance told the girls he lacked the right tools to open the safe, and instead had to hand it over to someone else. According to the girls, they never saw the safe again and allege it ended up in the hands of the mafia.
 

Ah shit, I should have spoken up earlier ...

Ah shit, I should have spoken up earlier ...

In other news, Bloomberg reported Wednesday that Federal Reserve Chairman Ben S. Bernanke said large U.S. budget deficits threaten financial stability and the government can’t continue indefinitely to borrow at the current rate to finance the shortfall. The Fed chief said in his remarks to the House Budget Committee that deficit concerns are already influencing the prices of long-term Treasuries. The budget deficit this year is projected to reach $1.85 trillion, equivalent to 13 percent of the nation’s economy, according to the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office. “Either cuts in spending or increases in taxes will be necessary to stabilize the fiscal situation,” Bernanke said. This year’s projected budget deficit is four times the size of last year’s shortfall. Wisconsin Representative Paul Ryan, the ranking Republican on the committee, said that the Treasury’s debt issuance and the Fed’s monetary stimulus, including purchases of government bonds, “can be a dangerous policy mix” and risks “runaway inflation” in the longer term.  No word on how Bernanke feels about stealing the Queens cattle, nationalizing industry or ripping off his parents, but I don’t give a shit about that. What I want to know is where the hell this guy’s been while Obama and the Democrats have been spending all of our money — and half of the next generations.  But maybe people really do come face to face with their own stupidity and just smile and wave.  At least he’s finally pulled his head out of his ass.  Now we’ll see if anyone else does.

(C) 2009 IebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Where’s the beef? Rustlers stole it your majesty
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090603/lf_nm_life/us_britain_royal_beef_1

Venezuela Chavez says “Comrade” Obama more left-wing
http://www.reuters.com/article/ObamaEconomy/idUSTRE5520GX20090603?feedType=RSS&feedName=ObamaEconomy&virtualBrandChannel=10441

‘Mafia’ ruined Swedish teens’ shopping spree
http://www.thelocal.se/19838/

Bernanke Warns Deficits Threaten Financial Stability
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=ahrOZ.gd85yc

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