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NASA says Sun Causes Global Warming, Microsoft says Obama Tax Plan Will Cause Global Relocation; and Judge Rules Party Girl Can Go Out Saturday Nights

> New NASA study shows Sun Responsible for Planet Warming
> Microsoft CEO talks offshore move over Obama Tax Scheme
> Girl Guilty of Assault at Party gets Saturdays Off from Curfew

Inebriated Press
June 9, 2009

Party girl, or realist?

Party girl, or realist?

The Dakota Voice reported Friday that a new NASA study has determined that solar variation has made a significant impact on the Earth’s climate, and evidence for climate change based on the sun can be traced back as far as the Industrial Revolution.  And Bloomberg reported Wednesday that Microsoft CEO Steven Ballmer said they will move employees offshore if Congress enacts Obama’s plan to put higher taxes on U.S. companies’ foreign profits.  Meanwhile, United Press International (UPI) reported on Friday that a judge sentenced a 19-year old girl to stay home every night of the week but Saturday for an assault she committed at a party.  Pundits are debating the existence of “cause and effect” during the new era of Obamanomic relativism built on “hope and change”.

Someone named Penelope

Someone named Penelope

“Old school ‘forces of nature’ are irrelevant in this new age of economic and moral relativism, and just going with the flow of ethereal thought, government spending and passivism toward countries like Iran and North Korea as well as organizations like Al Qaeda and Hamas, is the way to find peace and happiness.  Obama’s new socialist America will make all of our dreams come true.  Besides, resistance is futile,” said Penelope Psyborg-Pusch, an amateur rocket scientist and part-time stripper at the Blonde Heifer Lounge and Waffle House.  “NASA is being silly about the sun, everyone knows that humans impact the earth’s temperature more than solar power, Al Gore proved that when he said it was so.  And no company will really relocate from the U.S. just because the Obama tax plan will take more of their profits and redistribute them to liberal voters.  Such talk by a company CEO is just bluster.  Now the girl who assaulted people at parties, she should be able to still go to parties, so that judge who said she needed to stay home weeknights but not weekends was right on.  No one should really be held responsible for their behavior as though their actions caused something.  The whole cause and effect theory is behind us now, and no longer relevant.  Obama is the new master of the economic world, as well as the physical world and time and space.  The quicker we realize that, the happier we’ll all be.  I wonder why my foot hurts.  A car ran over it earlier today but that couldn’t be the cause.  It’s just some random bodily event I suppose.  Like my period.”

Someone named Linda

Someone named Linda

Not everyone agrees with Psyborg-Pusch.  “Anyone can say that natural laws no longer exist and deny them if they want, but it doesn’t make them go away.  Pretending we impact the planet more that the celestial bodies around us, or that over-taxed companies won’t react to preserve themselves by abandoning the country they were founded in, is wrong not to mention it’s the height of arrogance.  The sun impacts the earth more than a few thousand SUV’s and Obama’s tax plans will cause the relocation of U.S. corporations to countries that are more tax friendly.  Cause and effect lives on,” said Linda Staiefree-Powers, a former pacifist-atheist who turned to god and guns after the Obama election.  “And if you think Obama’s massive spending won’t result in inflation and that the huge debt won’t crush the U.S. economically and even militarily, you’re dreaming.  The arrogance of some people astonishes me.  Socialism has never worked before, why will the Obama version be successful?  And some people think that with a few hundred years of data we can actually ‘know’ that you and I are changing the earth’s temperature and it’s not part of a thousand year cycle?  We think we alone exist in time and space that that no beings besides us exist in other dimensions that we can’t see?  In our little time crawling around on this planet we believe we’ve figured out that there are no gods and that relative ethics are humankind’s best hope for peace and harmony?  Our arrogance is truly amazing.  We know we understand more of the universe today than humans a thousand years ago, but we discount that humans a thousand years from now will know more than us.  And we think we have everything figured out.  Morons.  Will we refuse to learn from economic history, and deny the natural law inside our consciences as evidence that we came from more than dirt?  We lapse between belief that we’re animals or gods.  We’re both.  But too often we act like devils and behave dumber than cats.”

Global WarmingThe Dakota Voice reported that we have still more evidence that any warming occurring on planet earth is coming from natural sources and is cyclic in nature–NOT from the evil capitalism that Al Gore, the UN politicians at the IPCC and other socialists love to blame. A new study from NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center in Greenbelt, Maryland looking at climate data over the past century has concluded that solar variation has made a significant impact on the Earth’s climate. The report concludes that evidence for climate changes based on solar radiation can be traced back as far as the Industrial Revolution. Past research has shown that the sun goes through eleven year cycles. At the cycle’s peak, solar activity occurring near sunspots is particularly intense, basking the Earth in solar heat. According to Robert Cahalan, a climatologist at the Goddard Space Flight Center, “Right now, we are in between major ice ages, in a period that has been called the Holocene.”

global warmingSolar activity is increasing, and we are coming out of the “Little Ice Age” of just a few hundred years ago. Of course the planet is warming–we’re coming out of a cold spell! The Maunder Minimum period of diminished solar activity coincided with the Little Ice Age when Europe and North America experienced bitterly cold winters. About 1,000 years ago, Greenland was warm enough for the Vikings to colonize and grow vineyards.  Today Greenland is almost entirely covered in ice.  Tell me: is the earth warmer today than it was 1,000 years ago?  Did they have SUVs and coal power plants in the days of the Vikings?  This isn’t tough to figure out, people. The only thing tough about the global warming debate is trying to get the facts to match the socialist agenda of the global warming proponents.  Try as they might, they just can’t do it, and more and more people are starting to see that.

Silly businessman who thinks taxes will cost his shareholders

Silly businessman who thinks taxes will cost his shareholders

Bloomberg reported that Microsoft Corp. Chief Executive Officer Steven Ballmer said the world’s largest software company would move some employees offshore if Congress enacts President Barack Obama’s plans to impose higher taxes on U.S. companies’ foreign profits. “It makes U.S. jobs more expensive,” Ballmer said in an interview. “We’re better off taking lots of people and moving them out of the U.S. as opposed to keeping them inside the U.S.” Obama on May 4 proposed outlawing or restricting about $190 billion in tax breaks for offshore companies over the next decade. Such business groups as the National Foreign Trade Council, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce and the Business Roundtable have denounced the proposed overhaul. U.S. tax rules let companies defer paying corporate rates as high as 35 percent on most types of foreign profits as long as that money remains invested overseas. Obama says he wants to end such incentives to keep foreign profits tax-deferred so that companies would invest them in the U.S.  Ballmer said that, while the Obama proposals would preserve expense deductions related to research and experimentation costs, the overall deduction limits for companies that defer tax on foreign profits would raise the cost of employing U.S. workers. Fiduciary responsibility to shareholders would require Microsoft to cut costs, he said, meaning many jobs would be moved out of the country. Ballmer estimated that higher taxes under the proposal would reduce profits for companies that comprise the Dow Jones Industrial Average by between 10 and 15 percentage points. “It’s just a question of how much will the Dow come down,” Ballmer said. “It’s not about companies anyway; we’re talking about shareholders.”

Just some party girl

Just some party girl

UPI reported that a judge in England sentenced a teenage girl to stay home every night of the week but Saturday for an assault she committed at a party. Judge William Hart told Lisa Partington, 19, she had a curfew from 9 p.m. to 7 a.m. every day for the next two months — except Saturdays. “I give you one day off a week because it is summer and I don’t think it is necessarily in your interests for you to be confined to your home every evening of the week for the next two months,” the judge was quoted by the newspaper as saying. Partington had admitted assaulting Kimberley Moxham at a party in September.

IRS version of Flat TaxIn other news, the Los Angeles Times reported Friday that Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger said that he would like to see “radical” proposals come out of a commission now studying an overhaul of the state’s tax system, like “a 15% straight tax.” The current system, based on highly unstable income tax revenue that fluctuates with the economy, “doesn’t work,” Schwarzenegger said. Advocates of a flat tax, which applies a single tax rate to all income, say it increases compliance with the tax codes because it is so simple and easy to understand. But opponents dislike that it taxes the wealthy at the same rates as the poor.  No word on why these people don’t understand that the poor don’t pay income taxes, and that a flat tax is inherently fair, but then in a world where cause and effect no longer is in vogue and relative economics and ethics prevail, I should be getting used to this kind of insanity.  It’s no longer about common sense; it’s about “hope and change”.  As defined by the Obama minions. 

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

 
Source articles:

NASA Study Shows Sun Responsible for Planet Warming
http://www.dakotavoice.com/2009/06/nasa-study-shows-sun-responsible-for-planet-warming/

Ballmer Says Tax Would Move Microsoft Jobs Offshore
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=amBiYGyHOkZ8

Judge gives girl Saturdays off from curfew
http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/06/05/Judge-gives-girl-Saturdays-off-from-curfew/UPI-38781244249132/

Schwarzenegger suggests state consider flat tax
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2009/06/flat-tax.html

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Legalizing Marijuana for Tax Money, Obama Endangering America, and More Soldiers Getting Knocked Up

> California Government Broke, May Legalize Marijuana for New Tax Revenue
> Former U.S. V.P. says Terrorist attack more likely under Obama administration
> Growing Number of Servicewomen Getting Pregnant

Inebriated Press
May 12, 2009

At least it's not Crack!

At least it's not Crack!

The Christian Science Monitor reported Friday that California government officials say it is time to consider decriminalizing marijuana and imposing big revenue-generating state taxes on it.  And Sunday, The Washington Times reported that former Vice President Dick Cheney said that the Obama administrations dismantling of many of the policies and protections instituted by the Bush administration after the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, makes the country more vulnerable to another attack.  Meanwhile, the UK Daily Star reported Sunday that Britain will not allow pregnant servicewomen to serve in areas of “danger” and that at least 133 Brit service women have been sent home from Afghanistan and Iraq after getting pregnant. Others are becoming pregnant in Britain so they can’t be shipped to serve in other countries or at sea. Some people say, you do whatever it takes to get what you want in the short-term, regardless the long-term risk.

Someone named Emma

Someone named Emma

“It’s about now, everything really is, and you can’t do anything in the future if you’re killed in Iraq anyway, so get knocked up and stay home, you can always dump the kid in an orphanage.  And the key to fixing California’s budget crisis now is to legalize drugs – addictive ones are the best – and then tax them like crazy, we can always get the federal government to fund an anti-drug program later,” said Emma Hipflex-Microfibre, a geneticist and part-time dancer down at the Twist and Shout DNA Lounge.  “As far as Obama dismantling anti-terrorism strategies, prosecuting CIA officials for protecting the country and all of that; well, like he said, he won the election so he can do what he wants.  It’s an extension of his apology tour and shows that when he said there was no war against terror and that there were merely some people in other countries dissatisfied with America, that he actually believes that.  He’s got a 90% approval rating among Democrats and that’s his base.  Also the Arab’s like him better than Bush, and that’s important to him.  Who cares that only 17% of Republicans like him and that business is afraid of him.  If the U.S. is attacked again it’ll probably be a bunch of American’s at work like last time, and most of them are Republicans or conservatives anyway.  Obama’s got nothing to lose.”

Someone named Adriana

Someone named Adriana

Not everyone agrees with Hipflex-Microfibre.  “Near-term considerations are important, yes, but you can’t ignore the long-term ramifications of decisions being made today.  That’s true whether it’s Obama setting the stage today for a terrorist debacle tomorrow, the legalization of drugs today so governments are addicted to the tax revenue and end up drug pushers tomorrow, and a military force that appears the proper size today, but is suddenly slashed when a chunk of the soldiers are voluntarily knocked up and out of commission tomorrow.  We can’t afford to behave like this,” said Adriana Nodoze-Spasm, an aluminum welder and part-time medium who twitches a lot and hasn’t slept since Obama’s inauguration due to the visions she’s been having.  “I’m a hell of a welder and can stick together most metals under almost any condition, but I can’t weld that kind of logic into a solid piece of rationality that is structurally sound.  I’m not saying that some of this crap won’t work near-term, but it’s the long-term that has me concerned.  And I eat right, work out and stay in shape, so I’m planning to be around in the long-term.  We’ve got to think smarter about this shit.”

Do it, Smoke it, Tax it

Do it, Smoke it, Tax it

The Christian Science Monitor reported that California’s governor said it was time to debate legalizing marijuana, and a new nationwide poll suggests a majority of voters favor decriminalizing the drug. California Assemblyman Tom Ammiano, (D) from San Francisco, has proposed legislation to begin treating marijuana like alcohol – giving anyone over 21 the right to use it but taxing it heavily. Taxing marijuana, supporters of Mr. Ammiano’s bill say, could bring the cash-strapped state $1.3 billion annually. Already the state collects about $18 million annually from medical marijuana. In a poll released last Wednesday by Zogby International, 52 percent of voters said they would support legalizing, taxing, and regulating marijuana use. According to the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA), marijuana is the most commonly used illicit drug in the country. “It’s hard to say that using marijuana will ruin your life when the last three American presidents are admitted marijuana users,” said Paul Armentano, deputy director of the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML).

Don't worry, Obama has things under control

Don't worry, Obama has things under control

The Washington Times reported that former Vice President Dick Cheney on Sunday said that the country is more vulnerable to a potential terrorist attack since the Obama administration took power. Mr. Cheney said that administration’s dismantling of many of the policies and protections instituted by President George W. Bush after the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks — including the planned closing of the Guantanamo Bay detention camp in Cuba and halting controversial prisoner interrogation techniques — have made the country more vulnerable to future attacks. “That’s my belief,” Mr. Cheney said on CBS’ “Face the Nation.” “I think to the extent that those [Bush-era] policies were responsible for saving lives, that the administration is now trying to cancel those policies … means in the future we’re not going to have the same safeguards we’ve had for the last eight years.”

New tactics for a new world

New tactics for a new world

The former vice president defended controversial interrogation techniques such as waterboarding, saying that it had been an effective tool in extracting useful information from suspected terrorists such as Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, who is accused of helping carry out the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks Washington and New York. “He did not cooperate fully in terms of interrogations until after waterboarding,” Mr. Cheney said. “Once we went through that process, he produced vast quantities of invaluable information about al Qaida.” Mr. Obama in January banned the practice on prisoners by U.S. interrogators. Mr. Cheney said he believes it’s his duty to speak out against the Obama administration “because I think the issues that are at stake here are so important.”

Hard men are good to find, or something like that

Hard men are good to find, or something like that

The Daily Star reported that at least 133 Brit servicewomen have been sent home from Afghanistan and Iraq after getting pregnant. 102 of British servicewomen returned early from Iraq between January 1, 2003 and February 28 of this year because they were expecting. And at least 31 female squaddies were flown home from Afghanistan for the same reason. Some are becoming pregnant before leaving Britain and others while on their mid-tour two-week rest and recuperation break. Many will have conceived by romping while on operations – potentially breaking forces’ rules. Pregnant women cannot be sent to Iraq or Afghanistan, nor can they go to sea in the Royal Navy. The shocking numbers were released by the Ministry of Defence (MoD) after a Freedom of Information request by the Daily Star Sunday. An MoD spokesman said: “All our forces are expected to behave within the Armed Forces Code of Conduct. If women become or discover they are pregnant on operations they are returned to the UK at the first  opportunity for their own wellbeing and to preserve  effectiveness.” Sex between servicemen and women in Iraq or Afghanistan could lead to misconduct charges if it caused a drop in military efficiency. Some observers say sex on tour cannot be stopped.

Others say sex plus violence is the biggest rush of all.

Babe without babe, some just soldier on

Babe without babe, some just soldier on

“You will never separate sex and violence, and that’s true whether it’s in the movies or on the battlefield.  They go together like adrenaline, testosterone and estrogen — it’s the bodies minefield and procreation system all lumped together, the way nature intended,” said a passing soldier and part-time healthcare philosopher who volunteered for duty in Iraq five years ago, and volunteers for duty daily to help female soldiers get knocked up.  “Until you’ve survived battlefield conditions fighting side by side and then get tucked in together safely in a quiet place in the peace that falls after the fight, you have no idea what sex can really be like.  It’s a whole new level of orgasm.  Live hard, fight hard, screw hard. That’s what I say, and to those babes who sign up for a piece of that, I say hooah and let’s saddle up!”

In other news, The Arizona Republic reported Saturday that the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) launched a hiring push in January and is still looking for employees. Phoenix spokesman Manuel Johnson said the organization considers all kinds of candidates for positions ranging from administrative to managerial, technical and lab work. Accountants, engineers, lawyers and scientists are among the most sought-after candidates. There are only about 12,500 in the world, and the agency usually hires between 800 and 1,000 nationally every fiscal year, Johnson said. Depending on the region to which they are assigned, new agents can take home between $61,100 and $69,900 annually. No word on how they feel about legalizing marijuana, dumbing down America’s terrorist defense system or how many FBI agents get knocked up each year, but if you’re looking to stay in the U.S. and bust some crooks, you may be the person they’re looking for.  Hooah and go saddle up!

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

 

Source articles:

A marijuana tax as the next new revenue stream?
http://news.yahoo.com/s/csm/20090508/ts_csm/apot

Cheney: Obama endangers the nation
http://washingtontimes.com/news/2009/may/10/cheney-says-obama-endangers-nation/

ARMY GIRLS CAUGHT IN BATTLE OF THE BULGE
http://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/view/80115/Army-girls-caught-in-battle-of-the-bulge/

Do you have what it takes to join the FBI?
http://www.azcentral.com/business/articles/2009/05/08/20090508biz-fbi0509.html?&wired

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