Tag Archives: change

Institutionalizing Chinese Muckrakers, Oprah at 200, and Assisted Suicide Television

> Trouble-making Chinese citizens are dispatched to mental institutions
> Oprah Winfrey says she weighs 200 pounds
> Assisted suicide to be shown on television for first time

Inebriated Press
December 11, 2008

Ms. Fear of Working Out

Ms. Fear of Working Out

The New York Times reported Monday that Chinese officials have found a cost-effective way of dealing with whistle-blowers and other annoying citizens: ship them to the nearest psychiatric hospital for a two year stint and forcibly medicate them. And the Baker City Herald reported Tuesday that Oprah Winfrey says she has a “fear of working out” and has “fallen off the wagon” and gained 40 pounds, toping out at 200. Meanwhile the U.K. Telegraph reported yesterday, that British television is going to broadcast the death of a man committing assisted suicide at a Swiss euthanasia clinic.  Pundits are debating the societal benefits of drugging complainers, abandoning healthy diet and exercise, and made-for-TV death.

“We’re now living in an era where all things are relative and can be redefined every fifteen minutes.  That means that everything has entertainment possibilities, but dissent by citizens claiming common sense is no longer acceptable.  People who try to behave normally — in the 1980’s sense of the word — stress out and end up abandoning diet and exercise and balloon into walruses.  The smart people are flexible and use these times as opportunities for change — like Barack Obama,” said Missy Moore-Mayhem, a fashionable healthcare worker, whose rebuilt body and mind contain traces of her past, but is mostly modern, fresh and untouched by common-place reality. 

Ms. Moore-Mayhem

Ms. Moore-Mayhem

“What Barack does and says at any one moment often contradicts with what he’s done and said in the past — even as recent as last week.  This confuses old traditionalists, and even supporters like Oprah Winfrey.  It’s important that going forward everyone just trusts him to do whatever he wants at any one moment.  The idea that consistency has value is dead now. It’s one of the first things Barack is formally changing in America.  The Chinese understand this modern concept and have had to institutionalize people who don’t get it.  And the Brit’s are gaining an understanding by not fearing suicide, and are using the Swiss death-program for entertainment.  The U.S. is a bit backward, but with Obama leading the way we’re gaining on the enlightened Chinese Communists and Western Socialist Europeans by leaps and bounds.”

Not everyone sees it the way Moore-Mayhem does.  “Locking-up whistle-blowers in nut houses who were trying to do good, and forcing medication into them is wrong.  And it may be okay to debate the issue of assisted suicide, but filming it and presenting it on television for entertainment backed by sponsorship advertising is twisted — what do you sell, a new pistol that fits in your mouth comfortably or an oven that leaks gas on purpose,” asked Stacy Comb-Carmichael, an organic food store owner and alfalfa grower, who remains stuck on old-fashioned food and ethics.  “We have to fight for what we believe in and what we want.  We have to champion the Chinese dissidents and corporate whistle-blowers, we have to diet and exercise in an ongoing effort to stay strong and healthy, and we have to stop ‘reality television’ of all kinds because it’s the most twisted kind of ‘reality’ of all.  Fight to cure disease and don’t fight to kill and sensationalize those who want to bail out of the battle.  Life can be hard.  But it is still good if we’ll fight for the best of it.  Common sense is still alive.  We have to act like it and not sit around bemoaning the trends.  Edmund Burke said, ‘The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.’ Some of this stuff is evil and we’re not doing anything.”

Agent of Change

Agent of Change

The New York Times reported that local officials in Shandong Province have apparently found a cost-effective way to deal with gadflies, whistle-blowers and all manner of muckraking citizens who dare to challenge the authorities: dispatch them to the local psychiatric hospital. In an investigative report published Monday by a state-owned newspaper, public security officials in the city of Xintai in Shandong Province were said to have been institutionalizing residents who persist in their personal campaigns to expose corruption or the unfair seizure of their property. Some people said they were committed for up to two years, and several of those interviewed said they were forcibly medicated. The article, in The Beijing News, said most inmates were released after they agreed to give up their causes.

The Baker City Herald reported that an embarrassed Oprah Winfrey says she’s “fallen off the wagon” of healthy living and has ballooned to 200 pounds. In January’s “O” magazine, Winfrey, 54, details her recent struggles with an out-of-balance thyroid and how the condition made her develop “a fear of working out.” She says she’s gained 40 pounds since 2006, when she weighed 160. Winfrey’s weight and height put her body mass index at 31.8, which is obese, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The CDC says people who are obese are at higher risk for chronic conditions such as high blood pressure, diabetes and high cholesterol.

Made for TV Suicide

Made for TV Suicide

The Telegraph reported that the final moments of a man suffering motor neurone disease who chose assisted suicide at a controversial Swiss euthanasia clinic are to be screened on British television for the first time. Craig Ewert, 59, a retired university professor, opted for assisted suicide rather than spend the rest of his life locked in a “living tomb.” The final moments of terminally ill patients have been broadcast on British television before, but never in the case of an assisted suicide. Television watchdogs expressed concern that the programme, Right to Die, which will be shown on Sky Real Lives, would promote euthanasia. 

Husband or lover?

Husband or lover?

In other news, a new study revealed that young women are more promiscuous than men.  The study of 2000 women in the UK, commissioned by More magazine, found that by the age of 21, women have had an average of nine sexual partners – two more than their male partner. It also found a quarter of young women have slept with more than 10 partners in the first five years since losing their virginity, compared with 20 per cent of young men. More than half of respondents said they were not in love with the person they lost their virginity to and only 32 per cent believed it was important to be in love with someone before they had sex with them. Of the women surveyed, 50 per cent admitted they had cheated on a partner and half of those had been unfaithful at least twice. Only 25 per cent said they had a partner who cheated on them. No word on how the Chinese or Oprah feel about this, but someone on the Obama Presidential Transition Team mumbled that all change is good change.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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Changing America


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Secret U.S. Order on Al Qaeda, $14 Bra Saves Lives, and Victim Turns Table on Robber

Since 2004 US military has used a secret order to attack Al Qaeda world-wide
Woman stabbed in chest, saved by underwire bra
Victim breaks free, wrestles gun away and shoots robber

Inebriated Press
November 11, 2008

The New York Times reported Sunday that since 2004 the United States military has used broad, secret authority to carry out nearly a dozen previously undisclosed attacks against Al Qaeda and other militants, in Syria, Pakistan and elsewhere.  And Australia’s News Limited reported Saturday that an English barmaid is alive to tell the story of how a $14 bra saved her life when she was stabbed in the chest by a mugger.  Meanwhile Florida’s St. Petersburg Times reported Saturday that a Tampa man was tied up and robbed, but after breaking free from the restraints and wrestling the gun away, the man fatally shot one of two robbers.  Pundits debate the ethics of defending oneself using secret orders, attacker’s weapons and women’s underwear.

“It’s every individual’s right and responsibility to defend themselves and their property using any means necessary, be that the right to fight back any-place at any-time against those you know are out to hurt you; to using attackers weapons against them, and wearing women’s undergarments,” said Thomas Knight-Trane, a personal trainer and self defense expert, who believes in shooting first and asking about underwire bras and satin panties later.  “I will not be among the passive sheep-to-the-slaughter crowd and sit around hoping somebody will bail me out.  Anybody who takes me on will get it right back.  I’m going down fighting.  Heck most of these attackers and terrorists are cowards and are surprised when the victim fights back.  Turning the tables gives you the element of surprise half the time.  The rest I leave to the Smith & Wesson .357 heat I carry in my underwire bra holster.”

Not everyone agrees with Knight-Trane.  “A violent response to violence just perpetuates it and makes the person defending themselves no better than the attacker,” said Stacy Lawmann-Discord, an animal rights activist who packs heat of a different kind inside her underwire bra; if you get my drift.  “What we need is more kindness and gentleness to all people and animals.  If we respond to terror attacks with kindness and gifts, the criminals and terrorists will soften their attitudes about us.  It seems to be working between the US and North Korea.  We keep giving in to their threats and they haven’t launched a missile into Japan.  We should probably give money to the United Nations to distribute to Al Qaeda so that they are more easy-going about things too.  I’m so against fighting and war.  But don’t touch any of my shit.  My brothers in SWAT.”

The New York Times reported that the United States military since 2004 has used broad, secret authority to carry out nearly a dozen previously undisclosed attacks against Al Qaeda and other militants in Syria, Pakistan and elsewhere, according to senior American officials. These military raids, typically carried out by Special Operations forces, were authorized by a classified order that Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld signed in the spring of 2004 with the approval of President Bush, the officials said. The secret order gave the military new authority to attack the Qaeda terrorist network anywhere in the world, and a more sweeping mandate to conduct operations in countries not at war with the United States. According to a senior administration official, the authority was spelled out in a classified document called “Al Qaeda Network Exord,” or execute order, that streamlined the approval process for the military to act outside officially declared war zones. The 2004 order identifies 15 to 20 countries, including Syria, Pakistan, Yemen, Saudi Arabia and several other Persian Gulf states, where Qaeda militants were believed to be operating or to have sought sanctuary, a senior administration official said.

Australia’s News.com reported that an English barmaid has told how a $14 bra saved her life when she was stabbed in the chest by a mugger. Victim Vicky Parsons, 26, said the point of the knife pierced her skin but the serrated blade caught on the wiring of a new bra. “The bra saved my life. It’s the best £6 ($14) I’ve ever spent,” she said. “One had a large sharp knife across my throat. I instinctively pushed it away and it cut my hand. He shouted, ‘Give me some money’ and I swore at him. Then he pushed the knife at my chest and ran off.” The shop that sold her the bra, Asda, said: “We’re delighted one of our bras saved Vicky. We would like to invite her to come in so she can replace the damaged item with a selection of new ones. This is our very own wonder bra.”

The St. Petersburg Times reported that late last Thursday night, two friends of Anthony Velez’s came to his apartment. They’d been there many times before, a neighbor said. This time, police said, they tied Velez up and robbed him. And this time, only one left alive. Velez, 21, fatally shot one of the men after breaking free from the restraints and wresting a gun away, Tampa police said. It happened about 11 p.m. at the Tuscany Point Apartments, 3350 W Hillsborough Ave. The other man fled on foot, and Velez suffered only minor injuries. The fugitive was identified by police as Ramon Antonio Varela, 34, with no known address. Varela is facing charges of felony murder, armed robbery with firearm and kidnapping. One of the Velez neighbors, Will Nieves, said Velez is a good guy, but too trusting. The two met when Velez moved into the apartments about a year ago. “I told him, ‘You’ve got to watch who you trust,” Nieves said. “In this world, not all that glitters is gold. Some people will hide behind a fake smile.’ ” 

Some people say that fake smiles, a bit of charm and the gift of gab, can get you all the way from community organizer into the highest office in the land.

“I guess folks are no longer interested in substance and the bottom line, and have a higher appreciation of well meaning but deceptive politicians who have no clue about what’s really going on in the world. Apparently we are to believe that first-term junior Senators who behave in a shallow left-wing manner, really know how to run things best and protect us from danger; and that they should be in charge because their chameleon-like ability enables them to dodge uncomfortable questions,” said some sarcastic guy still disgusted that a Vietnam vet with solid credentials, was beaten out of the U.S. presidency by a glib newbie sill wet behind the ears.  “I guess 53 percent of American voters forgot what happened to us on 9-11, and that it took guys like McCain to stop the terrorists so that we haven’t had another successful attack on our soil. If that’s the logic we’re going to have to live with over the next four years, then you better arm yourself to the teeth.  We’re going to have serious shit going on around here.”

In other news, World Net Daily reported Saturday that Arizona Supreme Court Chief Justice Ruth McGregor endorsed a demand from the Hispanic Bar Association to censor words and phrases such as “illegal aliens” and “illegal immigrants” and substitute “foreign nationals” in court documents. When a blog at Judicial Watch reported on the instructions, court officials threatened to sue the government-watchdog organization, prompting it to release a statement defending the story. No word on why the Court thinks we shouldn’t call illegal people illegal people or how much better things will be when all terms mean everything and nothing, but perhaps when ‘foreign nationals’ and ‘undocumented pharmacists’ (drug dealers) are running America, maybe then it’ll get clearer for those of us who still haven’t shaken off the last vestiges of common sense.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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