Tag Archives: China

China marries Iran, Saudi’s say 10-year-old girls should marry, and there’s a new St. Pauli Girl for beer drinkers to lust after

> Report: Iran signs oil deal with China
> Saudi cleric: it’s an injustice to NOT marry girls aged 10
> Breaking news: A new St. Pauli Girl has been chosen!

Inebriated Press
January 21, 2009

St. Pauli Girl Van Derham

St. Pauli Girl Van Derham

Breitbart reported last week that Iran and China signed a $2 billion agreement that allows Chinese development of an Iranian oil field. The two countries did a similar deal in December 2007, and despite U.S. concerns, their commitment to one another continues to grow.  And Mail Online reported last week that Saudi Arabia’s most senior cleric said 10-year-old girls are ready for marriage, and people who say they’re too young are being “unfair” to them. Meanwhile, BrandFreak reported last week that German beer company St. Pauli Girl, has selected Slovakian model Katarina Van Derham, to appear as their faux German barmaid in future promotions. The quest for oil, beer and fine women — of all ages — rolls on like the timeless traditions of communist-dictatorships, drinking and underaged sex. 

“There’s no stopping Communists and Islamofascists from hooking up for mutual benefit, or slowing Muslim men from marrying baby girls or blowing themselves or others to bits,” said Misty Mae-Morningside, a barmaid and holder of the ‘2009 Beer Babe’ title down at the Shady Hollow Stripper Bar and Welding Helmet Lounge.  “I don’t know whether it’s in their DNA or part of the Middle Eastern education system, but screwing helpless girls and blowing up innocent women in the marketplace is like a damned tradition over there. The Chinese just need the oil so they don’t give a shit one way or another.  As far as the new Pauli Girl goes, she’s hot, but hasn’t got nothin’ on me.”

Wife to-be of 50-year-old Guy

Wife to-be of 50-year-old Guy

Some people say there are traditions that should end.  “Marrying-off 10-year-old Saudi girls or giving birth control patches to 11-year-old U.S. children at King Middle School in Maine, is as wrong as Communists and Islamofascists working together to strengthen themselves against the free West,” said Mabel Matron-Ironside, a shopkeeper and pro-establishment Virginian, whose only regret in life is that the South didn’t win the U.S. Civil War.  “Just because you call underage marriage a tradition doesn’t make it right, and just because you believe in sexual freedom that doesn’t mean you should slap chemical patches on school children so they avoid pregnancy but inherit a bunch of drug related side-effects.  Doesn’t anyone think through this stuff?  I’m not sure whose fault it is, but I’m guessing it’s those damn Yankees up North.  Son’s of bitches.”

090121_iran_oilBreitbart reported that Iran’s official news agency says the country has signed a $1.76 billion deal with China to develop the North Azadegan oil field in southwestern Iran near the Iraq border. The IRNA report says the deal was signed between the National Iranian Oil Company and the China National Petroleum Corp. Iran’s Oil Minister Gholam Hossein Nozari says the field has an estimated 6 billion barrels of crude oil and will produce 75,000 barrels of oil per day for 25 years. In December 2007, China’s biggest refiner, Sinopec, signed a $2 billion agreement with Iran to develop another Iranian oil field, the Yadavaran. The deals illustrate China’s strong business ties with Iran despite U.S. pressure over the Iranian nuclear program.

Sheikh Abdul-Aziz Al Sheikh

Sheikh Abdul-Aziz Al Sheikh

The UK Mail Online reported that ten-year-old girls are ready for marriage, according to Saudi Arabia’s most senior cleric. Sheikh Abdul-Aziz Al Sheikh, the country’s grand mufti, told Al Hayat newspaper that those saying ten or 12-year-old girls are too young to marry are being ‘unfair’ to them. Al Sheikh’s comments come at a time when Saudi human rights groups have been pushing the government to put an end to marriages involving the very young and to define a minimum age for marriage. In the past few months, Saudi newspapers have highlighted several cases in which young girls were married off to much older men or very young boys.

The report followed a ruling by a court in Oneiza in central Saudi Arabia last month that dismissed a divorce petition by the mother of an eight-year-old girl whose father married her off to a man in his 50s. Newspaper reports said the court argued that the mother did not have the right to file such a case on behalf of her daughter and said that the petition should be filed by the girl when she reaches puberty. There are no statistics to show how many marriages involving children are performed in Saudi Arabia every year.

Van Derham

Van Derham

BrandFreak reported that continuing a 26-year tradition of finding stunning women who look great in German barmaid’s attire to represent its signature beer, St. Pauli Girl has selected Katarina Van Derham as its new bar wench for 2009. The Slovakian model’s selection is unique in that the beer brand partnered with Maxim.com for an online vote. Her bio states: “Van Derham grew up in a small village in the woods of Slovakia, a communist country at the time. She moved to the United States at age 22, without any intention of becoming a model.” Van Derham has already appeared in ad campaigns for AT&T, Dodge and the Rockstar Energy Drink. In regards to her new role as a faux German barmaid, she says, “I am very honored and look forward to meeting St. Pauli Girl fans all over the country.”

Some people say that as long as you have fans you can do whatever you want.

St. Pauli Girl

St. Pauli Girl

“Let’s face it, success is driven by popularity. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is popular with Jew haters, the Chinese are popular with Iran’s government because they need cash and political support, young girls are popular with old men and St. Pauli girl is popular with men of all ages.  It’s popularity that gives you money, power and freedom — unless you’re a Muslim girl of course — then you’re just screwed,” said Strawberry Dackari, a sweet tasting drink that will nonetheless leave you heaving and with a hangover if you imbibe too much.  “I may be nothing more than the figment of your imagination or a combination of alcohol, sugar and fruit, but I know about popularity.  It got an unknown community organizer elected to the most powerful position in the world.  Brand Obama will rule the globe and he can do whatever he wants. I’ll bet St. Pauli Girl is his if he wants her.  I wonder what he really does want … I mean besides power? I suppose time will tell.  It usually does.”

090121-google-apps

St. Google Girl?

In other news, the Cincinnati Enquirer reported last week that in the Cincinnati area, where legend holds that trends come 10 years late, “sexting” arrived well ahead of time. Teens there are taking nude photos of themselves or others, sending them on their cell phones or posting them online. Some teens do it as a joke. For others, it’s the new bold pickup line to get a date. A year ago, a 19-year-old Goshen cheerleading coach was charged and prosecuted for a misdemeanor, contributing to the unruliness of a child, for taking a topless photo of herself and a 15-year-old girl. A Glen Este Middle School boy was taken to juvenile court during the last school year for taking explicit photos of his girlfriend. “It’s ‘Kids Gone Wild,’ with technology being provided by the parents,” according to Jim Brown, school resource officer at Glen Este High School. No word on how Saudi clerics feel about this, but since these incidents involve girls older than 10 and the issue isn’t marriage to 50 year-old men, it’s kind of hard to decide which society the suicide bombers should attack.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Report: Iran signs oil deal with China
http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D95N2SAO0&show_article=1

It’s an injustice to NOT marry girls aged 10, says Saudi cleric
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1115624/Its-injustice-NOT-marry-girls-aged-10-says-Saudi-cleric.html

Important breaking news: A new St. Pauli Girl has been chosen!
http://www.brandfreak.com/2009/01/important-breaking-news-a-new-st-pauli-girl-has-been-chosen.html

Maine Middle School May Drug 11 Year Old Girls with Birth Control Patches
http://www.naturalnews.com/022934.html

Teens bare all on phones
http://news.cincinnati.com/article/20090113/NEWS0102/901130326

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Rigging Miss Asia, the Return of Chest Hair, and Heart Found at Car Wash

> Hong Kong rigs beauty contest to assure winner
> Hairy male chests get popular with women
> Human-sized heart found at car wash

Inebriated Press
December 23, 2008

Miss Asia or not

Miss Asia or not

Times Online reported last week that Hong Kong’s Asia Television (ATV) admitted that it had falsified viewer voting figures in a beauty contest so a 23-year-old Hong Kong student named Eunis Yao would win.  Hong Kong has been slowly transitioning into China’s fold, and the rigging of elections is seen as an important step in it’s progress.  Meanwhile, The Daily Beast reported that after many years of hairless male chests being the most popular, hairy-chests are making a comeback.  All this plus the finding of a human-sized heart making a surprise appearance at a carwash, are in the news and stirring the wonder of the holiday season into a steamy broth that smells kind of funny.

“I lost my heart at a car wash once when there was this girl named Wendy who used to dry off the cars wearing a wet T-shirt,” said an Inebriated reporter having a flash-back and getting drool on his notebook.  “She was a real hotty and could have won a Hong Kong beauty pageant without cheating.  I asked her out on a date but she was ahead of her time and wouldn’t go out with me because my chest was smooth and hairless.  If only I could have foretold the future that day, I could have glued some fur on.”

Hugh Jackman with chest

Hugh Jackman with chest

Not everyone has lost their heart, rigged an election or bemoaned the lack of chest hair.  “A guy can be hairy or hairless and if they’re smart, funny and nice to me, I’ll go out with them,” said Missy-Mae Hartt-Throbb, a bastion of femininity and human perfection, who hides it behind a blue Wal-Mart vest down at the store six days a week.  “I used to work at the Heavy Petting Cougar Cage, a strip club and plumbing supply store, but guys kept pretending they were giving me their heart when all they really wanted was a piece of my ass.  I got tired of it after a while and traded it for work at a department store.  I still get some of the same action but I can dress warmer.”

Burt Reynolds and chest admirer

Burt Reynolds and chest admirer

The Times Online reported that Hong Kong, central to China’s slow transition from dictatorship to democracy, has become the scene of a scandal about that most modern of democratic institutions: the television viewer poll. Last week an executive of Asia Television (ATV) admitted that his channel had falsified viewer voting figures in the beauty contest. The Miss Asia pageant was won by a 23-year-old Hong Kong student named Eunis Yao after votes were counted from mobile telephone text messages and the internet – but it has since emerged that she was not, in fact, the true choice of the people. They did not disclose who the real winner had been, but the nationality of the second and third-placed competitors provides fuel for speculation: could the vote fixing reflect official pressure to follow up China’s spectacular summer Olympic successes by crowning a Chinese beauty as the winner?

Jesse Klein, ponderer of hairy chests

Jesse Klein, ponderer of hairy chests

The Daily Beast reported that the real signifier of masculinity lies in chest hair. And it’s making a comeback. According to writer Jessi Klein, after many years of drought, chest hair has returned with a vengeance as the sign of sex appeal and virility. Mad Men star Jon Hamm (aka Don Draper) is entertainment’s tall drink of testosterone du jour. Clive Owen, the brooding, British Sin City hunk has unabashedly displayed his sexily untamed man fur. Aussie Hugh Jackman (the newly anointed Oscar host and People‘s latest “Sexiest Man Alive” pick) is only a hair or two behind his X-Men alter-ego Wolverine, and he is all the hotter for it. Klein wrote that when she meets a guy for the first time, she has no problem with his eyes wandering south for a second to check out her rack—that’s when she steals a glance at the little slip of landscape peeking out from the collar of his shirt. Is it heavily forested, gently grassy, or just a desert-like stretch of flesh, with nary a hair in sight to provide shade?

Harrison Ford displays heart

Harrison Ford displays heart

MSNBC reported that a human-sized heart found at a southwestern Michigan car wash has investigators wondering whether it came from a person or an animal. The organ was discovered in a corner of a manual wash bay at Soapy’s Car Wash, Paw Paw police said. The owner of the business found it Monday on the floor of the bay. Police first took the heart to an animal clinic, where a veterinarian was unable to determine its origin. The next stop was a local cardiologist, who said that while it was “consistent in size to a human heart,” he could not make a conclusive determination as to its source, said police Chief Patrick W. Alspaugh. The chief took the organ to Lansing’s Sparrow Hospital, where forensic scientists were to examine it. “If it’s a human heart, that prompts the question, ‘Then where’s the body?'” asked Alspaugh.  

Some people say that it takes a lot of heart to get along in today’s world.

Tom Selleck, just because

Tom Selleck, just because

“Times are tough for a lot of people and it isn’t always easy to be cheerful, raise your kids to show respect and have common sense, and keep beauty contests and elections fair,” said John Bush, a hairy chested contractor and family man, often ignored by politicians unless they need more of his income in taxes.  “But it’s important that we keep standing up for our values, working hard and even play hard once in a while.  That’s the kind of stuff that built this country and made America the freest and strongest nation in the world, and provided the most opportunity to the most people in history. I don’t like some things going on today, but I’m going to keep working hard and stand up for what I believe in.  I’m an American.  And that’s what American’s do.”

In other news, Gizmodo reported that the USB Group recently announced a new USB drive that saves data and tells the future.

Fortune telling USB drive

Fortune telling USB drive

The drive contains a little floating “stars say yes” and “stars say no” predictor of the future — kind of like the old 8-Ball toy globe.  So now you can back up your files and ask your drive if the Chinese girl will win the beauty contest and if your date will have chest hair.  No word on whether anyone really cares what it says, but what the heck, it is Christmas time and we should all have a little fun — even if it’s just silliness being spouted by Inebriated Press or sold by the USB Group.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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Institutionalizing Chinese Muckrakers, Oprah at 200, and Assisted Suicide Television

> Trouble-making Chinese citizens are dispatched to mental institutions
> Oprah Winfrey says she weighs 200 pounds
> Assisted suicide to be shown on television for first time

Inebriated Press
December 11, 2008

Ms. Fear of Working Out

Ms. Fear of Working Out

The New York Times reported Monday that Chinese officials have found a cost-effective way of dealing with whistle-blowers and other annoying citizens: ship them to the nearest psychiatric hospital for a two year stint and forcibly medicate them. And the Baker City Herald reported Tuesday that Oprah Winfrey says she has a “fear of working out” and has “fallen off the wagon” and gained 40 pounds, toping out at 200. Meanwhile the U.K. Telegraph reported yesterday, that British television is going to broadcast the death of a man committing assisted suicide at a Swiss euthanasia clinic.  Pundits are debating the societal benefits of drugging complainers, abandoning healthy diet and exercise, and made-for-TV death.

“We’re now living in an era where all things are relative and can be redefined every fifteen minutes.  That means that everything has entertainment possibilities, but dissent by citizens claiming common sense is no longer acceptable.  People who try to behave normally — in the 1980’s sense of the word — stress out and end up abandoning diet and exercise and balloon into walruses.  The smart people are flexible and use these times as opportunities for change — like Barack Obama,” said Missy Moore-Mayhem, a fashionable healthcare worker, whose rebuilt body and mind contain traces of her past, but is mostly modern, fresh and untouched by common-place reality. 

Ms. Moore-Mayhem

Ms. Moore-Mayhem

“What Barack does and says at any one moment often contradicts with what he’s done and said in the past — even as recent as last week.  This confuses old traditionalists, and even supporters like Oprah Winfrey.  It’s important that going forward everyone just trusts him to do whatever he wants at any one moment.  The idea that consistency has value is dead now. It’s one of the first things Barack is formally changing in America.  The Chinese understand this modern concept and have had to institutionalize people who don’t get it.  And the Brit’s are gaining an understanding by not fearing suicide, and are using the Swiss death-program for entertainment.  The U.S. is a bit backward, but with Obama leading the way we’re gaining on the enlightened Chinese Communists and Western Socialist Europeans by leaps and bounds.”

Not everyone sees it the way Moore-Mayhem does.  “Locking-up whistle-blowers in nut houses who were trying to do good, and forcing medication into them is wrong.  And it may be okay to debate the issue of assisted suicide, but filming it and presenting it on television for entertainment backed by sponsorship advertising is twisted — what do you sell, a new pistol that fits in your mouth comfortably or an oven that leaks gas on purpose,” asked Stacy Comb-Carmichael, an organic food store owner and alfalfa grower, who remains stuck on old-fashioned food and ethics.  “We have to fight for what we believe in and what we want.  We have to champion the Chinese dissidents and corporate whistle-blowers, we have to diet and exercise in an ongoing effort to stay strong and healthy, and we have to stop ‘reality television’ of all kinds because it’s the most twisted kind of ‘reality’ of all.  Fight to cure disease and don’t fight to kill and sensationalize those who want to bail out of the battle.  Life can be hard.  But it is still good if we’ll fight for the best of it.  Common sense is still alive.  We have to act like it and not sit around bemoaning the trends.  Edmund Burke said, ‘The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.’ Some of this stuff is evil and we’re not doing anything.”

Agent of Change

Agent of Change

The New York Times reported that local officials in Shandong Province have apparently found a cost-effective way to deal with gadflies, whistle-blowers and all manner of muckraking citizens who dare to challenge the authorities: dispatch them to the local psychiatric hospital. In an investigative report published Monday by a state-owned newspaper, public security officials in the city of Xintai in Shandong Province were said to have been institutionalizing residents who persist in their personal campaigns to expose corruption or the unfair seizure of their property. Some people said they were committed for up to two years, and several of those interviewed said they were forcibly medicated. The article, in The Beijing News, said most inmates were released after they agreed to give up their causes.

The Baker City Herald reported that an embarrassed Oprah Winfrey says she’s “fallen off the wagon” of healthy living and has ballooned to 200 pounds. In January’s “O” magazine, Winfrey, 54, details her recent struggles with an out-of-balance thyroid and how the condition made her develop “a fear of working out.” She says she’s gained 40 pounds since 2006, when she weighed 160. Winfrey’s weight and height put her body mass index at 31.8, which is obese, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The CDC says people who are obese are at higher risk for chronic conditions such as high blood pressure, diabetes and high cholesterol.

Made for TV Suicide

Made for TV Suicide

The Telegraph reported that the final moments of a man suffering motor neurone disease who chose assisted suicide at a controversial Swiss euthanasia clinic are to be screened on British television for the first time. Craig Ewert, 59, a retired university professor, opted for assisted suicide rather than spend the rest of his life locked in a “living tomb.” The final moments of terminally ill patients have been broadcast on British television before, but never in the case of an assisted suicide. Television watchdogs expressed concern that the programme, Right to Die, which will be shown on Sky Real Lives, would promote euthanasia. 

Husband or lover?

Husband or lover?

In other news, a new study revealed that young women are more promiscuous than men.  The study of 2000 women in the UK, commissioned by More magazine, found that by the age of 21, women have had an average of nine sexual partners – two more than their male partner. It also found a quarter of young women have slept with more than 10 partners in the first five years since losing their virginity, compared with 20 per cent of young men. More than half of respondents said they were not in love with the person they lost their virginity to and only 32 per cent believed it was important to be in love with someone before they had sex with them. Of the women surveyed, 50 per cent admitted they had cheated on a partner and half of those had been unfaithful at least twice. Only 25 per cent said they had a partner who cheated on them. No word on how the Chinese or Oprah feel about this, but someone on the Obama Presidential Transition Team mumbled that all change is good change.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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Intel: U.S. Clout Down, Risks Up

US clout down, risks up by 2025 -intel outlook

By Randall Mikkelsen
Reuters
Thu Nov 20, 2008

WASHINGTON, Nov 20 (Reuters) – U.S. economic and political clout will decline over the next two decades and the world will be more dangerous, with food and water scarce and advanced weapons plentiful, U.S. spy agencies projected on Thursday.

The National Intelligence Council analysis “Global Trends 2025” also said the current financial crisis on Wall Street is just the first phase of a global economic reordering.

The U.S. dollar’s role as the world’s major currency would weaken to become a “first among equals,” the report said.

The outlook is intended to inform U.S. President-elect Barack Obama of factors that will influence global events. It is based on a year-long global survey of experts and trends by U.S. intelligence analysts.

“The next 20 years of transition to a new system are fraught with risks,” said the report, which was more pessimistic about U.S. influence and the potential for conflict than the last outlook for 2020.

Thomas Fingar, chairman of the intelligence council and deputy national director of intelligence for analysis, said harmful outcomes were not inevitable.

“It is not beyond the mind of human beings, or political systems, (or) in some cases (the) working of market mechanisms to address and alleviate if not solve these problems,” Fingar told reporters. “We could have a better world in 2025.”

China and India, following a “state capitalism” economic model, were likely to join the United States atop a multipolar world and compete for influence, the report said.

Russia’s potential was less certain, depending on its energy wealth and internal investment. But Iran, Turkey and Indonesia were also seen gaining power.

POTENTIAL FOR CONFLICT

A world with multiple power centers has been less stable than one with a single or two rival superpowers, and there was a growing potential for conflict, the report said.

Global warming will be felt, and water, food and energy constraints may fuel conflict over resources.

“Strategic rivalries are most likely to revolve around trade, investments and technological innovation and acquisition, but we cannot rule out a 19th century-like scenario of arms races, territorial expansion and military rivalries,” the report said.

“Types of conflict we have not seen for a while — such as over resources — could reemerge,” it said.

Global wealth was seen shifting from the developed West to the energy-rich Gulf States and Russia, and to Asia, the rising center of manufacturing and some service industries.

Global rich-poor disparities would grow, leaving Africa vulnerable to increased instability.

A reordering of the world financial system was happening faster than the report’s authors envisioned, Fingar said. Last weekend’s Group of 20 summit of advanced and major developing countries in Washington showed work had begun, he said.

A shift away from an oil-based energy system will be underway or complete by 2025. Better renewable technologies such as solar and wind power offer the best opportunity for a quick and low-cost transition, the report said.

There was a greater, but still small, risk of nuclear attack, based on spreading technologies and the weakening of international nonproliferation systems.

If Iran were to acquire nuclear weapons, Fingar said, that could set off an arms race in the Middle East, which is considered in the report as an “arc of instability.”

The risk that militant groups would use biological weapons was greater than the risk of nuclear terrorism, the report said.

The appeal of terrorism could decline over the next two decades, particularly if Middle Eastern countries provide productive education and opportunities for their young people, the report said. But with a growing population, the pool of potential terrorism recruits is likely to be larger, and access to dangerous weapons will rise.

(Editing by Vicki Allen)
reuters.com

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NEWS: Rats: No Dog Meat Treats for Olympians

Dog meat off the menu during Beijing Olympics
Restaurant staff told to ‘patiently’ suggest other options for diners

Associated Press via MSNBC
July. 11, 2008

BEIJING – Canine cuisine is being sent to the doghouse during next month’s Beijing Olympic Games.

Dog meat has been struck from the menus of officially designated Olympic restaurants, and Beijing tourism officials are telling other outlets to discourage consumers from ordering dishes made from dogs, the official Xinhua News Agency reported Friday.

Waiters and waitresses should “patiently” suggest other options to diners who order dog, it said, quoting city tourism bureau Vice Director Xiong Yumei.

‘Fragrant meat’
Dog, known in Chinese as “xiangrou,” or “fragrant meat,” is eaten by some Chinese for its purported health-giving qualities.

Beijing isn’t the first Olympic host to slap a ban on the dish.

South Korea banned dog meat during the 1988 Seoul Olympics by invoking a law prohibiting the sale of “foods deemed unsightly.” After the Olympics, the ban was not strictly enforced.

Dog meat is also eaten in some other Asian countries, including Vietnam, the Philippines and Laos.

msnbc.msn.com

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