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Redneck Santa Sleigh


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Santa Obama


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Tracing Ammo, Building a Fembot, and Muslim Preacher calls Christmas ‘Evil’

> Group wants U.S. to laser ID on each bullet and track it
> Canadian scientist builds the perfect robot woman
> Muslim lawyer and preacher brands Christmas ‘evil’

Inebriated Press
December 12, 2008

Coded Bullet - Now it's safe.

Coded Bullet - Now it's safe.

WorldNetDaily reported that new legislation pending in several states has many gun owners worried that anti-gun groups are trying to attack their Second Amendment rights. If the new rules pass, manufacturers will be required to laser-etch a serial number into the back of bullets and the inside of all cartridge casings. A government database would then track all the ammo and link it to the buyer, and buyers may have to track any they give a hunting buddy or family member.  Meanwhile a Canadian has built Aiko, the perfect robot woman that the designer says could be turned into a sexual partner with a few “tweaks,” and a Muslim lawyer-preacher has deemed Christmas to be ‘evil’.  Pundits are debating whether tracking bullet casings will stop Muslims from blowing-up folks who like Christmas, or if their time would be better spent building robot partners and protesting for the right to marry them.

“Killers will kill whether you register their bullets or not, that’s been proven by all the guns that are registered and the ones used in crimes that have their serial numbers filed off. Law abiding citizens don’t kill innocent people with registered or unregistered guns and ammo, it’s the perpetuators that need to be registered,” said Heather Majors-Masterson, a heavily-armed heavily-chested free living and loving American woman, who works hard, plays hard and thinks dead terrorists are the better for it.  “You want to build artificial women and put numbers on bullets, you go ahead, but all you’ll do is create a big bureaucracy and new costs that won’t earn you jack.  Start killing the killers on death row and treating good women in good ways and you’ll make bigger gains.  And for all you Christmas haters out there: blow it out your ass.  If you don’t like it then ignore it, that’s what I’m doing to you.  It’s not that hard.”

Aiko un-tweaked but ready

Aiko un-tweaked but ready

Not everyone agrees with Majors-Masterson.  “All things should be numbered and traceable and the info should be kept in government databases where the politburo, I mean the federal government, can have access to it, and keep everybody in line by watching everything they do and tracking their movements and stuff,” said Sally I. Wanakanda, a Christmas-hating idealist, who believes that evil is made up, and sexually transmitted disease is just an excuse to avoid uninhibited sex.  “A lot of people misunderstand the benevolence of government and especially dictators and totalitarian regimes.  They’re all just doing their best to make you run your life properly.  And deep down, who doesn’t hate Christmas with all the ‘peace on earth’ bullshit and talk of reindeer and other imaginary creatures.  Someday I’ll get absolute power and clean up all this silliness.”

WorldNetDaily reported that an organization known as Ammunition Accountability is pushing to make coding technology mandatory across the nation. If states pass the legislation, manufacturers will be required to laser etch a serial number into the back of each bullet and the inside of cartridge casings, a patented process developed by Seattle, Wash., resident Russ Ford and his business partners, Steve Mace and John Knickerbocker. According to its sample legislation, manufacturers would be forced to code all ammunition sold. Private citizens and retail outlets would be required to dispose of all non-coded ammunition no later than Jan. 1, 2011. Each vendor would record the following information about customers who buy the ammunition: Date, name, driver’s license or ID number, date of birth and ammunition identifier. The businesses would maintain records for three years from the date of purchase.

The National Rifle Association warns encoding ammunition would result in forfeiture of currently owned ammunition, separate registration for every box of ammo, outrageously expensive costs for police and private citizens and wasted taxpayer money that could be spent on traditional police programs. The NRA also suggests private citizens could be required to keep records on anyone who uses or buys their ammunition – even family members and friends. Furthermore, it said lawbreakers could find ways to prevent their bullets from being traced. “Criminals could beat the system,” the NRA claims. “A large percentage of criminals’ ammunition (and guns) is stolen. Criminals could also collect ammunition cases from shooting ranges, and reload them with molten lead bullets made without serial numbers.” Some bloggers suggested criminals could simply modify their own rounds by removing the coding before firing them. 

Inventor, lover and friend

Inventor, lover and friend

The U.K. Sun reported that Canadian inventor Le Trung, has brought a “female” robot to “life.”  Her name is Aiko, she can read a map, and will never, ever, nag. The Fembot is “in her 20s” — has a stunning 32-23-33 figure, pretty face and shiny hair. She is always happy to clean the house for “husband” Le, help with his accounts or get him a drink. Computer ace Le, 33, from Ontario, Canada, has spent two years and £14,000 building his dream girl. He had planned to make an android to care for the elderly. But his project — inspired by sci-fi robots like Star Wars’s C3PO — strayed off-course. Le said: “Aiko is what happens when science meets beauty.”

Robo-wife Aiko starts the day by reading Le the main newspaper headlines. The couple often go for a drive in the countryside, where Aiko proves a whizz at directions. And they always sit down for dinner together in the evening, although Aiko doesn’t have much of an appetite. Le says his relationship with Aiko hasn’t strayed into the bedroom, but a few “tweaks” could turn her into a sexual partner. Le said: “Her software could be redesigned to simulate her having an orgasm.” Aiko can already react to being tickled or touched. She also recognizes faces and speaks 13,000 sentences. Le said: “Aiko doesn’t need holidays, food or rest, and will work almost 24 hours a day. She is the perfect woman.”

Let's blow up Christmas!

Let's blow up Christmas!

The U.K. Telegraph reported that Muslim lawyer and preacher Anjem Choudary has branded Christmas “evil” in a sermon posted on the internet. Choudary, who recently praised the Mumbai terror attacks, urged all Muslims to reject traditional Christmas celebrations, claiming that they are forbidden by Allah. In the sermon posted on an Islamic website, he said: “In the world today many Muslims, especially those residing in western countries, are exposed to the evil celebration Christmas. The very concept of Christmas contradicts and conflicts with the foundation of Islam. Every Muslim has a responsibility to protect his family from the misguidance of Christmas, because its observance will lead to hellfire. Protect your Paradise from being taken away – protect yourself and your family from Christmas.” Choudary is Principal Lecturer at the London School of Shari’ah and a follower of the Islamist militant leader Omar Bakri Mohammed. Earlier this year, he led a meeting at the heart of the area where the liquid bombers lived, which warned of a British September 11.

Some people say that all religion, bullets and sex should be banned for the greater good.

“Humans are responsible for destroying the planet, for starting wars over religion and bombing children because they sing Christmas carols.  And children are disobedient and slothful and in general a waste of space, which is why abortionists keep promoting the freedom to kill them at older ages,” said a former Nazi who recently put his easy-going ways aside and got really hard-lined.  “If we banned all religions under penalty of death we’d be able to nuke most of the Middle East and North American lawfully, thereby destroying both the Great Satan and the Muslim hordes.  Then if we banned all bullets under penalty of death, we’d do away with all criminals and law enforcement.  Then if we banned sex under penalty of death we’d get rid of the remainder of humankind and free the earth of troublesome human impact on her climate.  Every clear thinking environmentalist has to support me.  It’s the next Great Idea.  I think Al Gore will get behind it.”

Accidental delivery

Accidental delivery

In other news, the U.K. Mail Online reported yesterday that the postal service accidentally delivered a Heckler and Koch assault rifle to grandmother Catherine Roots.  Apparently it was supposed to go to a police station.  “You just don’t expect something like that to be sent by a courier, as if it was a Christmas gift or something for the house,” said Ms. Roots. “My home is a smallholding with fields, caravans, holiday cottages and a horse-drawn carriage that I use for weddings. There’s no way you could confuse it with police headquarters.”  No word on whether etching numbers on bullets would have helped avoid the problem, or whether a Fembot would have seen it coming in advance and went away on Christmas holiday in order to avoid it.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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