Tag Archives: common sense

Schools Dodge Reality, “God” quotes Jimmi Hendrix, and Brothel features Male Prostitutes

> High School rejects valedictorian’s speech as “too real”
> Boy chosen as next Dalai Lama quotes Hendrix, bails Buddhist order
> Battling recession, brothel adds men for bigger market reach

 
Inebriated Press
June 8, 2009
 

Can this be marketed?

Can this be marketed?

Florida’s St. Petersburg Times reported Friday that Springstead High School has rejected Jem Lugo’s valedictory graduation speech because it was “too real”.  Lugo said nobody really tells students what they need to know in life and she set out to do it. “Get money,” was first on her to-do list.  And the UK Guardian reported a week ago Sunday that Osel Hita Torres, who was selected as a toddler to be the next Dalai Lama and put on a throne and worshipped by monks, has rejected the path and now is more likely to quote Jimi Hendrix than Buddha.  Meanwhile, Associated Press reported Friday that a Nevada brothel suffering from the recession thinks it’s been ignoring half the market – the half that prefers men – and is looking for male prostitutes.  Pundits are debating reality and illusion, and wondering how much longer American’s will ignore the disconnect between their love of Obama and their dislike for his policies.
 

Someone named Sandy

Someone named Sandy

“Polls have repeatedly shown that American’s like Obama and are hopeful that he’ll be a good president, but the same polls also show that the majority of American’s dislike his policies and think that they’re extremely risky and even economically dangerous,” said Sandy Shore-Beachead, a lithe and fertile thinker who sells furniture for money but gives good advice for free.  “They’re behaving like the Springhead High School administration that prefers to deal in platitudes and ignore the reality of what people are really facing.  It’s far better to step up to the plate like Osel Hita Torres who knows he’s not really god, and the brothel in Nevada that woke up to the fact that it’s been ignoring one half of the marketplace.  American’s need to realize that Obama IS his policies and all of his left-wing appointees reflect HIS beliefs and what HE WANTS the United States to become.  This blind stupor that has American’s thinking that Obama’s a great guy who somehow is surrounded by idiotic policy and leftist appointees as though it’s some accident or irrelevant illusion is ‘bullshit’.  That’s a technical term for the actual meaning of most things Obama says.  It’s time that people wake up and start acting within the reality that’s around them and stop pretending that Obama’s colorful rhetoric is somehow ‘truth’.  He’s no god either and hyper-spending will drive hyper-inflation and destroy this fine country.”
 

Someone named Mora

Someone named Mora

Not everyone agrees with Shore-Beachead.  “Obama is the light-bringer destine across time for this moment and he’ll lead us to a Statist-American paradise where all his appointed czars and state ownership of major corporations, control of healthcare and the environment, will bring us to nirvana,” said Mora Mi-Lov, a clerk at the Divine Smoke-Room and Vicks VapoRub Emporium, where her smile and gentle voice sooths the harried populous at $75 per hour.  “There’s no place in the Obama Age for a new Dalai Lama when the true light-bringer has come.  And schools are places of education so they know what valedictorians ought to say — we all know that this is the new era of platitudes and we shouldn’t let student upstarts start throwing around plain language that belongs in yesterday’s world.  As far as the brothel with male prostitutes goes, that works for me.”

Platitudes-R-Us

Platitudes-R-Us

The St. Petersburg Times reported when Jem Lugo, an 18-year-old Spring Hill resident bound for Harvard University, sat down to write her valedictory graduation speech, the Springstead High School senior tried to keep it real for her peers in the Class of 2009. But Lugo, who earned an unweighted 3.98 grade-point average, says she made it much too real for school officials who work with valedictorians each year to ensure their graduation speeches are appropriate. Lugo says Springstead principal Susan Duval rejected the address and told her to start over. Lugo says that the senior class sponsor, who read the speech first, used the word “appalled.”

“Nobody in speeches ever tells you what you actually need to know in life,” Lugo wrote. “I’m going to remind you of some basic concepts you can actually apply to your life. Crazy, right?” First, she says, “Get money. Do something with your life where you’re able to have a steady, reliable source of income.” The speech is full of other practical lessons, Lugo says. Say please and thank you. Keep in touch with high school friends. Don’t become a workaholic. Stand for something. “If you ever achieve any sort or fame or acclaim in your life, don’t mess it up,” she wrote. “Think Michael Phelps and Britney Spears.” According to Lugo, principal Duval told her she understood her aim for originality but warned the speech might offend some. On Thursday, Springstead’s graduation day, Lugo read another, shorter speech that did garner approval.

"God" during pre-Hendrix days

"God" during pre-Hendrix days

The Guardian reported that as a toddler, he was put on a throne and worshipped by monks who treated him like a god. But the boy chosen by the Dalai Lama as a reincarnation of a spiritual leader has caused consternation – and some embarrassment – for Tibetan Buddhists by turning his back on the order that had such high hopes for him. Instead of leading a monastic life, Osel Hita Torres now sports baggy trousers and long hair, and is more likely to quote Jimi Hendrix than Buddha. He bemoaned the misery of a youth deprived of television, football and girls. Movies were also forbidden – except for a sanctioned screening of The Golden Child starring Eddie Murphy, about a kidnapped child lama with magical powers. “I never felt like that boy,” he said. He is now studying film in Madrid and has denounced the Buddhist order that elevated him to guru status. “They took me away from my family and stuck me in a medieval situation in which I suffered a great deal,” said Torres, 24, describing how he was whisked from obscurity in Granada to a monastery in southern India. “It was like living a lie,” he told the Spanish newspaper El Mundo. Despite his rebelliousness, he is still known as Lama Tenzin Osel Rinpoche and revered by the Buddhist community.

Shady_Lady_Ranch_brothel,_Nye_County,_NevadaThe Associated Press reported that the owner of a Nevada brothel suffering from the recession thinks she has been ignoring about half the market – the half that prefers men. Bobbi Davis is looking for male prostitutes to help expand the clientele at the Shady Lady Ranch, her small roadside brothel about 150 miles north of Las Vegas. “We’ve had requests for men in the past, and there’s nothing else like this out there,” she said. Indeed, the 25 legal brothels scattered throughout 10 rural Nevada counties are staffed by women and cater to men. Nevada Brothel Association lobbyist George Flint says other brothels have approached him with the idea lately to drum up business. Like Nevada’s gambling, hotel and convention industries, the prostitution business has hit hard times. Flint estimates that bordellos have seen a roughly 50 percent drop in revenue since the economy turned sour.

Don't tell me she can't throw hard

Don't tell me she can't throw hard

In other news, CBS-TV 12 in West Palm Beach, Florida reported that when life handed a 40-year-old woman lemons, she used them and got arrested. During an argument at her North Military Trail home, Mandi Valentine threw several lemons at her husband and he was afraid he would be hit, he told police. Police arrested her the next morning and she was released from Palm Beach County Jail around lunchtime on her own recognizance. She is charged with simple assault. No word on how she feels about valedictorian speeches or the Dalai Lama, but based on how she acts with her husband she may be considering a male prostitute who’ll just do what she pays him to do. Or maybe not. You can only guess about people who throw lemons; its way easier to predict the behavior of people who implement government policies that are real lemons, because they’re always trying to screw somebody.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com
 

Source articles:

 Springstead High valedictorian’s speech rejected as too real
http://www.tampabay.com/news/education/k12/article1007433.ece?71
 
Boy chosen by Dalai Lama turns back on Buddhist order
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/may/31/dalai-lama-osel-hita-torres
 
Nevada brothel features male prostitutes
http://www.wbbm780.com/Nevada-brothel-features-male-prostitutes/4542045
 
Woman arrested for throwing lemons at husband
http://www.cbs12.com/news/arrested-4717214-lemons-husband.html

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Is justice blind, or just stupid?

Below:

> Lawyers fall behind in IQ study
Study: Lawyers have become less intelligent compared to the average person …
> Sex charge teacher walks free from court
Judge: “I find it impossible to decide if he has been harmed by what you did …”

Lawyers fall behind in IQ study

Kit Chellel
TheLawyer.com
27-Feb-2009

Lawyers have become less intelligent compared to the average person over the last decade, research from the Centre for Market and Public Organisation (CMPO) has revealed.

The study compared IQ scores for lawyers born in 1958 to those born in 1970 – who are currently climbing the ranks of law firms and barristers’ chambers.

Lawyers in the earlier group scored 11 per cent better than the average, but the 1970 group were just 8 per cent more intelligent.

This was a greater fall than the majority of other professions where the gap narrowed by around 1 percentage point.

Despite the shrinking ability gap, lawyers are now more likely to have come from a wealthier background than those born in the fifties, with the family income for the parents of lawyers increasing much faster than the average (TheLawyer.com 2 Feb 2009).

Lindsey Macmillan, a researcher at the Bristol University-based CMPO, said:  “Despite the fact that lawyers are looking a lot less like the average person in terms of their family income, they are looking more like the average person in terms of ability.”

The gap in IQ performance compared to the average fell for most other vocations, as well as the law. Doctors, teachers, bankers and stock brokers
all moved closer to average intelligence between the two studies.

Artists, engineers, scientist and journalists have all become more intelligent when compared to average IQ scores, the research found.

090303-iq_tests

Source: Social mobility and the Professions, Lindsey Macmillan, CMPO, University of Bristol

thelawyer.com

Sex charge teacher walks free from court

The Oxford Times – UK
6:34pm Friday 27th February 2009

Controversial judge Julian Hall today let a teacher who had sex with a 15-year-old boy walk free after saying he wasn’t sure she harmed him.

Catherine Armstrong, 33, had promised the boy a “birthday bonk” for his 16th and had sex with him several times while he was still 15.

Catherine Armstrong

Catherine Armstrong

She initially denied the charges but then admitted two counts of sexual activity with a child and one of touching him while in a position of trust.

The teenager — who cannot be identified but has learning difficulties — asked Judge Hall at the trial to be “nice to her” when he sentenced her.

He said it took him “a stupidly long time to realise that what we were doing was wrong”.

Mother-of-two Armstrong, of Hunt Road, Thame, wrote emails to her young lover after the relationship broke down, in which she declared her love.

Yesterday Judge Hall — criticised in the past for his sentencings of paedophiles — gave Armstrong a 12-month prison sentence but suspended it for two years after calling the case unique. He said: “I find it impossible to decide if he has been harmed by what you did but you shouldn’t have done it.”

She will sign the Sex Offenders’ Register for five years.

oxfordtimes.co.uk

In other news, the Obama Administration may invite Iran to a high level meeting on how to fight Islamic terrorism in Afghanistan, and is offering to throw our European allies under the bus by dropping the missile defense system President Bush promised them, in exchange for Russia agreeing to help manage Iran.  It appears that IQ’s of polticians is falling even faster than lawyers and judges.

Below:
> US May Invite Iran to High-Level Meeting on Afghanistan
> U.S. Offers To Abandon Missile-Defense Plans

US May Invite Iran to High-Level Meeting on Afghanistan

By ASSOCIATED PRESS
Mar 5, 2009 23:07

BRUSSELS — In its first overture to Iran, the Obama administration is pushing to convene a high-level meeting on Afghanistan this month that would include an invitation to Teheran, Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton said Thursday.

The administration has been searching for ways to engage Iran, even as it confronts Teheran over its links to terrorism and pursuit of a nuclear program. Throughout her tour of the Middle East and Europe this week, Clinton has mixed tough talk about Iranian behavior with a hope that areas of cooperation can be found. She frequently cited Afghanistan as an example.

Clinton announced the plan for the meeting during a gathering of NATO foreign ministers here, telling reporters it would be “a big-tent meeting with all the parties who have a stake and an interest in Afghanistan.”

jpost.com

U.S. Offers To Abandon Missile-Defense Plans

By Brian Whitmore
Radio Free Europe / Radio Liberty
03.03.2009

U.S. President Barack Obama has written a letter to Russian President Dmitry Medvedev suggesting that a missile-defense system Washington is planning to build in Europe will become unnecessary if Moscow helps curb Iran’s nuclear program.

Senior U.S. administration officials said the letter was hand-delivered to the Kremlin leader three weeks ago. It was first made public in a report in the Russian daily “Kommersant” on March 2.

“What I said in the letter was that obviously to the extent that we are lessening Iran’s commitment to nuclear weapons, then that reduces the pressure for or the need for a missile-defense system,” Obama said at a news conference in Washington with British Prime Minister Gordon Brown on March 3.

Obama added that the letter did not offer “some sort of quid pro quo” but was “was simply a statement of fact that I’ve made previously.”

News that a possible deal involving missile defense and Iran — two of the main irritants in Russian-American relations during the administration of former U.S. President George W. Bush — came just days before Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is due to meet Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov for talks in Geneva.

Speaking at a news conference in Jerusalem with Israeli Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni on March 3, Clinton said she would have a “broad agenda to discuss” in her March 6 meeting with Lavrov, and that Iran and missile defense were both high priorities.

“We intend to do all that we can to deter and prevent Iran from obtaining nuclear weapons,” Clinton said. “That is our stated policy; that is the goal of any tactic that we employ.”

Clinton did not provide any information or details about a deal being in the works.

Speaking at a press conference the same day in Madrid with Spanish Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, Russian President Medvedev said he hoped the “positive signals that we have received from Washington will be embodied in agreements.”

Medvedev added that Russia is working closely with the United States on the Iranian nuclear issue, but he denied that a tit-for-tat deal trading in missile defense for cooperation on Iran was in the works.

“Nobody is setting conditions for any trade-offs, especially on the Iranian issue,” Medvedev said. “We are already working in close contact with our American colleagues on the Iranian nuclear issue.”

‘No Quid Pro Quo’

A senior U.S. administration official confirmed to RFE/RL on March 2 that “a letter from President Obama was sent to President Medvedev.” The official would not comment on the letter’s specific contents, but said that Washington would welcome Moscow’s help in curbing the Iranian nuclear program.

“One way to reduce the level of the [Iranian nuclear] threat is through a strategic dialogue with Russia,” the official said, speaking on condition of anonymity. The official added that the United States was prepared to consult with Russia about “alternative missile-defense configurations.”

“The New York Times,” also citing senior U.S. administration officials, reported that the letter was not an offer of a direct quid pro quo but rather an attempt to provide Moscow with an incentive to work together with Washington in resolving the Iranian nuclear issue.

The latest report by the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) says Iran now possesses 1,010 kilograms of low-enriched uranium. The report raised concerns that Iran now has enough uranium, and the means to enrich it further, to produce nuclear fuel and the fissile core for nuclear warheads.

Washington has long sought Moscow’s help in curbing Iran’s nuclear program, which it alleges is aimed at obtaining nuclear weapons. Tehran has consistently rejected the charge.

Russia is a veto-wielding member of the UN Security Council and its vote there is essential in imposing tough sanctions against Tehran. Russia also has extensive commercial contacts with Iran, particularly in the nuclear sector, that can be used as leverage if Moscow so chooses.

The United States has long been critical of Russia for helping Iran build the Bushehr nuclear power plant in southwestern Iran, arguing that it could be used as a cover for a weapons program.

Devil In The Details

Analysts say such commercial contacts could make Moscow reluctant to lean on Iran.

Yevgeny Volk, director of the Heritage Foundation’s Moscow office, said the “devil will be in the details” of any agreement that could limit Russia’s nuclear cooperation with Iran.

“Nuclear cooperation with Iran is very profitable for Russia both politically and economically,” Volk said. “Russian participation in Iran’s nuclear program provides a livelihood for many people in the Russian nuclear industry who are concerned about the crisis. And politically, Russia is interested in political cooperation with Iran in order to limit American influence in Central Asia.”

The U.S. plan to install a radar facility in the Czech Republic and deploy 10 interceptor missiles in Poland was a signature project of the administration of former U.S. President George W. Bush, who argued it was necessary to counter a growing Iranian nuclear threat.

Moscow staunchly opposed a deployment so close to its borders, arguing that it constituted a threat to Moscow’s security.

Obama has repeatedly said he plans to continue the missile defense project, provided that it is proven to actually work and is cost-effective. A senior administration official told RFE/RL that the plans could be altered “depending on the nature of the threat.”

Analysts said this left the administration sufficient flexibility to cut a deal with Russia when such an agreement would be advantageous to U.S. interests.

rferl.org

 

 

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BBQ Tong Torture, Nude Protests, and Trends in Roller-coaster Birthing

> Crooks burn man with BBQ tongs, steal baseball cap collection
> Protesting in the nude in vogue
> Woman rides roller-coaster for hours, unaware of pending birth

Inebriated Press
December 22, 2008

Pregnant or protesting?

Pregnant or protesting?

WSMV-Nashville reported last week that a man was tortured in his home by teenagers using heated barbecue tongs and demanding cash.  Finding no money, they stole his baseball cap collection.  And the UK Sun reported that when it comes to protesting or raising money for a good cause, more and more people are turning to public nudity to get attention.  Meanwhile, the UK Telegraph reported that a woman who spent hours on a roller-coaster-ride went to the hospital with stomach cramps only to discover she was about to give birth.  “I had no idea I was pregnant,” said the fun-park attendee.  Pundits are debating the societal roller-coaster ride of in-home BBQ torture, nude protesters and women shocked to find kids falling out between their legs when all they want to do is have fun.

Will Obama ban this weapon?

Will Obama ban this weapon?

“I remember the time I was surprised by nude PETA protesters giving birth using BBQ tongs outside a grocery store one afternoon in Des Moines, Iowa,” said Bob Thumb, a fry chief and part-time vagrant, always trying to hitch-hike a ride someplace.  “They were saying that Iowa pigs needed more room to give birth and where demonstrating how tricky it is to have kids in a small confined area on the plaza.  I think they’re all nuts, but it was still pretty darned interesting.  The screaming kind of took the positive edge off my experience, but it was pretty cool anyway.  I’d still rather have Pam Anderson protesting nude, but hey, this is Iowa and we take what we can get.  That’s why we still have all the politicians start their presidential campaigns here.”

081222-obamafriends1Not everyone sees it the way Thumb does.  “Nude protests and accidental births are more signs that the world is in an ethical free-fall, and kids torturing a guy in his home for his baseball-cap collection just reinforces that.  Society has lost all traces of common sense and has gotten so lenient we’re letting the whacko’s do what they want in the name of freedom, while the innocent regular folks get shit-on without justice,” said Nancy Drew-Colt, an opinionated fire-arms dealer who packs heat and routinely kicks idiots in the ass because they deserve it.  “And all the Obama talk about ‘change we can believe in’ is followed up with comments that he disagrees with most of the U.S. Constitution indicates we’re continuing to shift away from the traditional values that build this country.  No wonder he didn’t want to wear American flag lapel pins and hung around with convicted racketeer Tony Rezko, anti-American Preacher Jeremiah Wright, Pentagon bomber Bill Ayers and of course Illinois Governor Rod ‘This-Senate-seat-for-hire’ Blagojevich.  The change we’re getting is old-style Chicago politics dressed up in high-tech internet communications.  Yee-ha.”

BBQ tong burns

BBQ tong burns

WSMV-Nashville reported Antonio Viegas was sound asleep when he heard his wife scream. She was out warming up her truck for work. The next thing Viegas knew, three teenagers were in the bedroom, throwing the couple to the ground. During the struggle, one of the robbers’ guns went off, Viegas said. The three teenagers kept demanding cash. When Viegas told them his money was in the bank, they pistol-whipped him, he said. The teens disappeared into the kitchen, where Viegas said they heated barbecue tongs and burned him repeatedly on the neck. Convinced Viegas wasn’t lying about the bank, the teens took his shoes and his baseball cap collection and fled. Because of the torture, police consider these teenagers extremely dangerous.

081222-pam-peta-protest2The Sun reported that when it comes to making a protest or raising money for a 081222-paris-champagne-promogood cause, some people show plenty of naked ambition – literally! Staff at cosmetic firm Lush in Berlin peeled off to make a stand about plastic packaging earlier this week. But they’re not the only ones to get down to the bare essentials to raise awareness about an issue. Members of the public in their hundreds and celebs such as Paris Hilton, Danielle Lloyd and Sarah Michelle Gellar have stripped off to help make the world a better place.

081222-naked-peace-protestThe Telegraph reported that a woman spent hours being thrown around a corkscrew-style roller-coaster ride – unaware she was pregnant and about to give birth. Issy McMurdo was taken to hospital just days later with excruciating stomach cramps which she believed had been caused by something she had eaten. But nurses told the surprised 21-year-old that she was actually in labor. Miss McMurdo, a barmaid, said: “It was a massive shock when they gave me a scan and told me I was in labor. I simply had no idea I was pregnant. I thought I had just put on a little bit of weight. I even went to Alton Towers where pregnant women are warned not to go on the rides. I was flung upside down on the Air ride at speeds of up to 50mph and hurled down drops of 53ft, so it was quite lucky I didn’t go into labor there.”

Some people say it’s the lack of awareness in society today that is causing all the trouble.

081222-sarah-michelle-gellar-skin-disease-awareness1“People in Britain are unaware they’re pregnant and about to give birth, and people in the United States are unaware they just elected a one-term U.S. Senator with no business or governing experience the President, and are about to have their Constitution torn apart,” said Abraham Washington-Lincoln, a fictional character left to make sense of things in the world after most of the real people have abandoned reality.  “People all think they’re voting for the next American Idol TV star instead of President and think that sex and pregnancy are unrelated.  Because nobody notices anything women are going naked in droves trying to get people to notice a cause or product — Paris Hilton is selling champagne nude, Pam Anderson is selling animal ethics naked, Sarah Michelle Gellar is talking up skin disease by showing all of hers and naked people are talking against plastic packaging, etcetera, etcetera. And what are people thinking about when they see them?  Not the cause you can bet on that!  At least most of them look good nude.  Looks may only be skin deep and beauty in the eye of the beholder, but if you’re not going to pay attention to reality you may as well get your heart rate up because it’s healthy.  At least that’s what the article called ‘An eyeful a day keeps the doctor away’ says.  Maybe strip clubs are really health clubs after-all.”

Hard Drive Christmas Tree

Hard Drive Christmas Tree

In other news, Gizmodo reports that a guy made a Christmas tree from 70 recycled computer hard drives.  No word on whether he was nude and using tongs, or if he’s unknowingly made anyone pregnant, but at least the “tree” looks good and won’t hurt the U.S. Constitution.  Finally, something to be thankful for.

 

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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Institutionalizing Chinese Muckrakers, Oprah at 200, and Assisted Suicide Television

> Trouble-making Chinese citizens are dispatched to mental institutions
> Oprah Winfrey says she weighs 200 pounds
> Assisted suicide to be shown on television for first time

Inebriated Press
December 11, 2008

Ms. Fear of Working Out

Ms. Fear of Working Out

The New York Times reported Monday that Chinese officials have found a cost-effective way of dealing with whistle-blowers and other annoying citizens: ship them to the nearest psychiatric hospital for a two year stint and forcibly medicate them. And the Baker City Herald reported Tuesday that Oprah Winfrey says she has a “fear of working out” and has “fallen off the wagon” and gained 40 pounds, toping out at 200. Meanwhile the U.K. Telegraph reported yesterday, that British television is going to broadcast the death of a man committing assisted suicide at a Swiss euthanasia clinic.  Pundits are debating the societal benefits of drugging complainers, abandoning healthy diet and exercise, and made-for-TV death.

“We’re now living in an era where all things are relative and can be redefined every fifteen minutes.  That means that everything has entertainment possibilities, but dissent by citizens claiming common sense is no longer acceptable.  People who try to behave normally — in the 1980’s sense of the word — stress out and end up abandoning diet and exercise and balloon into walruses.  The smart people are flexible and use these times as opportunities for change — like Barack Obama,” said Missy Moore-Mayhem, a fashionable healthcare worker, whose rebuilt body and mind contain traces of her past, but is mostly modern, fresh and untouched by common-place reality. 

Ms. Moore-Mayhem

Ms. Moore-Mayhem

“What Barack does and says at any one moment often contradicts with what he’s done and said in the past — even as recent as last week.  This confuses old traditionalists, and even supporters like Oprah Winfrey.  It’s important that going forward everyone just trusts him to do whatever he wants at any one moment.  The idea that consistency has value is dead now. It’s one of the first things Barack is formally changing in America.  The Chinese understand this modern concept and have had to institutionalize people who don’t get it.  And the Brit’s are gaining an understanding by not fearing suicide, and are using the Swiss death-program for entertainment.  The U.S. is a bit backward, but with Obama leading the way we’re gaining on the enlightened Chinese Communists and Western Socialist Europeans by leaps and bounds.”

Not everyone sees it the way Moore-Mayhem does.  “Locking-up whistle-blowers in nut houses who were trying to do good, and forcing medication into them is wrong.  And it may be okay to debate the issue of assisted suicide, but filming it and presenting it on television for entertainment backed by sponsorship advertising is twisted — what do you sell, a new pistol that fits in your mouth comfortably or an oven that leaks gas on purpose,” asked Stacy Comb-Carmichael, an organic food store owner and alfalfa grower, who remains stuck on old-fashioned food and ethics.  “We have to fight for what we believe in and what we want.  We have to champion the Chinese dissidents and corporate whistle-blowers, we have to diet and exercise in an ongoing effort to stay strong and healthy, and we have to stop ‘reality television’ of all kinds because it’s the most twisted kind of ‘reality’ of all.  Fight to cure disease and don’t fight to kill and sensationalize those who want to bail out of the battle.  Life can be hard.  But it is still good if we’ll fight for the best of it.  Common sense is still alive.  We have to act like it and not sit around bemoaning the trends.  Edmund Burke said, ‘The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.’ Some of this stuff is evil and we’re not doing anything.”

Agent of Change

Agent of Change

The New York Times reported that local officials in Shandong Province have apparently found a cost-effective way to deal with gadflies, whistle-blowers and all manner of muckraking citizens who dare to challenge the authorities: dispatch them to the local psychiatric hospital. In an investigative report published Monday by a state-owned newspaper, public security officials in the city of Xintai in Shandong Province were said to have been institutionalizing residents who persist in their personal campaigns to expose corruption or the unfair seizure of their property. Some people said they were committed for up to two years, and several of those interviewed said they were forcibly medicated. The article, in The Beijing News, said most inmates were released after they agreed to give up their causes.

The Baker City Herald reported that an embarrassed Oprah Winfrey says she’s “fallen off the wagon” of healthy living and has ballooned to 200 pounds. In January’s “O” magazine, Winfrey, 54, details her recent struggles with an out-of-balance thyroid and how the condition made her develop “a fear of working out.” She says she’s gained 40 pounds since 2006, when she weighed 160. Winfrey’s weight and height put her body mass index at 31.8, which is obese, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The CDC says people who are obese are at higher risk for chronic conditions such as high blood pressure, diabetes and high cholesterol.

Made for TV Suicide

Made for TV Suicide

The Telegraph reported that the final moments of a man suffering motor neurone disease who chose assisted suicide at a controversial Swiss euthanasia clinic are to be screened on British television for the first time. Craig Ewert, 59, a retired university professor, opted for assisted suicide rather than spend the rest of his life locked in a “living tomb.” The final moments of terminally ill patients have been broadcast on British television before, but never in the case of an assisted suicide. Television watchdogs expressed concern that the programme, Right to Die, which will be shown on Sky Real Lives, would promote euthanasia. 

Husband or lover?

Husband or lover?

In other news, a new study revealed that young women are more promiscuous than men.  The study of 2000 women in the UK, commissioned by More magazine, found that by the age of 21, women have had an average of nine sexual partners – two more than their male partner. It also found a quarter of young women have slept with more than 10 partners in the first five years since losing their virginity, compared with 20 per cent of young men. More than half of respondents said they were not in love with the person they lost their virginity to and only 32 per cent believed it was important to be in love with someone before they had sex with them. Of the women surveyed, 50 per cent admitted they had cheated on a partner and half of those had been unfaithful at least twice. Only 25 per cent said they had a partner who cheated on them. No word on how the Chinese or Oprah feel about this, but someone on the Obama Presidential Transition Team mumbled that all change is good change.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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Secret U.S. Order on Al Qaeda, $14 Bra Saves Lives, and Victim Turns Table on Robber

Since 2004 US military has used a secret order to attack Al Qaeda world-wide
Woman stabbed in chest, saved by underwire bra
Victim breaks free, wrestles gun away and shoots robber

Inebriated Press
November 11, 2008

The New York Times reported Sunday that since 2004 the United States military has used broad, secret authority to carry out nearly a dozen previously undisclosed attacks against Al Qaeda and other militants, in Syria, Pakistan and elsewhere.  And Australia’s News Limited reported Saturday that an English barmaid is alive to tell the story of how a $14 bra saved her life when she was stabbed in the chest by a mugger.  Meanwhile Florida’s St. Petersburg Times reported Saturday that a Tampa man was tied up and robbed, but after breaking free from the restraints and wrestling the gun away, the man fatally shot one of two robbers.  Pundits debate the ethics of defending oneself using secret orders, attacker’s weapons and women’s underwear.

“It’s every individual’s right and responsibility to defend themselves and their property using any means necessary, be that the right to fight back any-place at any-time against those you know are out to hurt you; to using attackers weapons against them, and wearing women’s undergarments,” said Thomas Knight-Trane, a personal trainer and self defense expert, who believes in shooting first and asking about underwire bras and satin panties later.  “I will not be among the passive sheep-to-the-slaughter crowd and sit around hoping somebody will bail me out.  Anybody who takes me on will get it right back.  I’m going down fighting.  Heck most of these attackers and terrorists are cowards and are surprised when the victim fights back.  Turning the tables gives you the element of surprise half the time.  The rest I leave to the Smith & Wesson .357 heat I carry in my underwire bra holster.”

Not everyone agrees with Knight-Trane.  “A violent response to violence just perpetuates it and makes the person defending themselves no better than the attacker,” said Stacy Lawmann-Discord, an animal rights activist who packs heat of a different kind inside her underwire bra; if you get my drift.  “What we need is more kindness and gentleness to all people and animals.  If we respond to terror attacks with kindness and gifts, the criminals and terrorists will soften their attitudes about us.  It seems to be working between the US and North Korea.  We keep giving in to their threats and they haven’t launched a missile into Japan.  We should probably give money to the United Nations to distribute to Al Qaeda so that they are more easy-going about things too.  I’m so against fighting and war.  But don’t touch any of my shit.  My brothers in SWAT.”

The New York Times reported that the United States military since 2004 has used broad, secret authority to carry out nearly a dozen previously undisclosed attacks against Al Qaeda and other militants in Syria, Pakistan and elsewhere, according to senior American officials. These military raids, typically carried out by Special Operations forces, were authorized by a classified order that Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld signed in the spring of 2004 with the approval of President Bush, the officials said. The secret order gave the military new authority to attack the Qaeda terrorist network anywhere in the world, and a more sweeping mandate to conduct operations in countries not at war with the United States. According to a senior administration official, the authority was spelled out in a classified document called “Al Qaeda Network Exord,” or execute order, that streamlined the approval process for the military to act outside officially declared war zones. The 2004 order identifies 15 to 20 countries, including Syria, Pakistan, Yemen, Saudi Arabia and several other Persian Gulf states, where Qaeda militants were believed to be operating or to have sought sanctuary, a senior administration official said.

Australia’s News.com reported that an English barmaid has told how a $14 bra saved her life when she was stabbed in the chest by a mugger. Victim Vicky Parsons, 26, said the point of the knife pierced her skin but the serrated blade caught on the wiring of a new bra. “The bra saved my life. It’s the best £6 ($14) I’ve ever spent,” she said. “One had a large sharp knife across my throat. I instinctively pushed it away and it cut my hand. He shouted, ‘Give me some money’ and I swore at him. Then he pushed the knife at my chest and ran off.” The shop that sold her the bra, Asda, said: “We’re delighted one of our bras saved Vicky. We would like to invite her to come in so she can replace the damaged item with a selection of new ones. This is our very own wonder bra.”

The St. Petersburg Times reported that late last Thursday night, two friends of Anthony Velez’s came to his apartment. They’d been there many times before, a neighbor said. This time, police said, they tied Velez up and robbed him. And this time, only one left alive. Velez, 21, fatally shot one of the men after breaking free from the restraints and wresting a gun away, Tampa police said. It happened about 11 p.m. at the Tuscany Point Apartments, 3350 W Hillsborough Ave. The other man fled on foot, and Velez suffered only minor injuries. The fugitive was identified by police as Ramon Antonio Varela, 34, with no known address. Varela is facing charges of felony murder, armed robbery with firearm and kidnapping. One of the Velez neighbors, Will Nieves, said Velez is a good guy, but too trusting. The two met when Velez moved into the apartments about a year ago. “I told him, ‘You’ve got to watch who you trust,” Nieves said. “In this world, not all that glitters is gold. Some people will hide behind a fake smile.’ ” 

Some people say that fake smiles, a bit of charm and the gift of gab, can get you all the way from community organizer into the highest office in the land.

“I guess folks are no longer interested in substance and the bottom line, and have a higher appreciation of well meaning but deceptive politicians who have no clue about what’s really going on in the world. Apparently we are to believe that first-term junior Senators who behave in a shallow left-wing manner, really know how to run things best and protect us from danger; and that they should be in charge because their chameleon-like ability enables them to dodge uncomfortable questions,” said some sarcastic guy still disgusted that a Vietnam vet with solid credentials, was beaten out of the U.S. presidency by a glib newbie sill wet behind the ears.  “I guess 53 percent of American voters forgot what happened to us on 9-11, and that it took guys like McCain to stop the terrorists so that we haven’t had another successful attack on our soil. If that’s the logic we’re going to have to live with over the next four years, then you better arm yourself to the teeth.  We’re going to have serious shit going on around here.”

In other news, World Net Daily reported Saturday that Arizona Supreme Court Chief Justice Ruth McGregor endorsed a demand from the Hispanic Bar Association to censor words and phrases such as “illegal aliens” and “illegal immigrants” and substitute “foreign nationals” in court documents. When a blog at Judicial Watch reported on the instructions, court officials threatened to sue the government-watchdog organization, prompting it to release a statement defending the story. No word on why the Court thinks we shouldn’t call illegal people illegal people or how much better things will be when all terms mean everything and nothing, but perhaps when ‘foreign nationals’ and ‘undocumented pharmacists’ (drug dealers) are running America, maybe then it’ll get clearer for those of us who still haven’t shaken off the last vestiges of common sense.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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