Tag Archives: D.C. Madam

Nipplegate Revisited, Porn Star Eyes Senate Run, and Woman Hides Crack in Crack

> U.S. Supreme Court calls for “wardrobe malfunction” review
> Porn star Stormy Daniels launches Senate “Listening Tour”
> Woman arrested; smuggled crack cocaine in vagina

Inebriated Press
May 5, 2009

Bit nipply out

Bit nipply out

The New York Times reported yesterday that the U.S. Supreme Court set aside a ruling by the U.S. Court of Appeals that had overturned a $550,000 fine imposed on CBS for Janet Jackson’s nipple flash during the 2004 Super Bowl, and called for “further consideration” of the conclusion.  And Politico reported last Friday that porn star Stormy Daniels is launching a “Listening Tour” across Louisiana, in order to meet with men and women and listen to issues and concerns, and gauge a potential run for the U.S. Senate.  Meanwhile, WHAS-TV 11, Louisville, Kentucky, reported that a woman was arrested Friday, for smuggling drugs that she concealed in her “private parts”.  Pundits are debating the risks and rewards of out-of-control clothing, out-of-control politics and out-of-control drug smuggling. 

Someone named Tom

Someone named Tom

“America is playing fast and loose with its ethics, economy, and damn near everything in between.  What with trillions of dollars in debt and the risk of future hyper-inflation that we call ‘stimulus’ today, and out-of-control clothing on singers, and porn star Senator-wannabe’s, not to mention vaginal drug smuggling,” said Tom Thumb-Naill, a small businessman who made money the past two years, and has complained about Obama’s tax-and-redistribution plan, so now Homeland Security considers him a terrorist suspect.  “I wouldn’t really give a shit, except every time I turn around I’m getting hosed.  I bust my ass to build a business and now I’m supposed to give my earnings to bums and vagrants who bought crack out of some woman’s crack and wasted their brains.  In the new America of hope and change, businessmen are considered terrorists and troublemakers.  I suppose electing Daniels as Senator makes some sense.  If we’re going to get screwed anyway it may as well be by someone who looks hot and knows how to give constituents a good time while doing us.  Shit I’m depressed.”

Someone named Misty

Someone named Misty

Not everyone sees it the way Thumb-Naill does.  “During times of significant societal change, some people will feel stress and may misunderstand the benefits of the things going on around them.  They may perceive loss when their taxes go up or inflation spikes, or they may have feelings of foreboding and even discomfort when they learn that free speech is only acceptable if it’s pro-liberal-socialist government — if they’re not used to the idea,” said Misty Breastplate-Barfly, a self-proclaimed intellectual, who lives on George Soros dime in an out-of-the-way villa where only deep thinking is allowed.  “In time American’s will warm to the talk-middle-of-the-road and rule-far-left governing approach of Barack Obama, our light bringer and space heater.  They’ll even come to appreciate the coercive techniques and Chicago Style Politics that characterizes our government today.  Centralized power in the hands of a small cadre of elite is a time honored and historically proven governing approach.  Only unenlightened conservatives, Neanderthals, and early American patriots have a hard time understanding and embracing this classic approach to power.  And like the Dodo bird, they’ll all go the way of extinction.  Want to buy some coke?  I keep some in my panties; oh, and I’m thinking of running for governor.”

Janet makes clean breast of it

Janet makes clean breast of it

The New York Times reported that the Supreme Court on Monday set aside a ruling by the United States Court of Appeals for the Third Circuit, in Philadelphia, that had overturned a $550,000 fine imposed by the Federal Communications Commission on CBS for the “wardrobe malfunction,” as the fateful moment has been described. The high court said the Third Circuit should give “further consideration” to its conclusion last July 21 that the F.C.C. was wrong to fine the network. So, what may be the most controversial fraction of a second in television history, the momentary baring of the singer Janet Jackson’s breast during the halftime show of the 2004 Super Bowl, will be debated once again in federal court. The lyrics sung by Justin Timberlake “Gonna have you naked by the end of this song,” was followed by the exposure of Ms. Jackson’s breast.  The event called ‘nipplegate’ by some lasted nine-sixteenths of one second. That is barely enough time for the speediest wide receiver to cover five yards on a dry field, but plenty of time to generate litigation that has lasted half a decade, with accompanying lawyers’ fees.

Senator wannabe

Senator wannabe

Politico reported that porn star Stormy Daniels has launched a “Listening Tour” across Louisiana. The star of such films as “Operation Desert Stormy” will appear in Baton Rouge on Tuesday and New Orleans on Wednesday in order to “meet with Louisiana men and women and listen to the issues and concerns they struggle with everyday” and gauge a potential run against Sen. David Vitter (R.). The untraditional path into politics for Daniels, a 29-year-old with no party affiliation at present, began in February when fans launched the website DraftStormy.com to encourage a run. Daniels hopes that her career as a porn star (and producer, writer and director) won’t prove much of a hindrance, since Vitter has some sexual history of his own: In July 2007, his phone number appeared in the published phone log of Deborah Jeane Palfrey, AKA the “D.C. Madam.”

WHAS-11 Louisville reported that there was an unusual arrest early Friday at metro corrections. Police say 20-year-old Ashley Greene concealed drugs within her private parts in attempt to hide them and to bring them into the jail. The arrest report says officers also found $60, crack cocaine and marijuana in that “same area”.

Some say that stash in snatch and crack in crack sound like some kind of Dr. Seuss storybook rhyme.

Snatch stasher

Snatch stasher

“During these trick turning times, I mean tricky times, it’s important to take a moment and smell the roses or sniff the cocaine, and reflect on the poetic meanings that lay beneath the flowery words in Obama’s speeches that seem so irrelevant and yet change our lives so much,” said a passing vagrant, currently an Obama appointed advisor to Central Intelligence.  “There’s the crack in the crack sir, and stash in the snatch sir, and green eggs and ham, so spam I am and I get in my email.  It’s a wobelgotom day of cauliflower memories and wolfblizer verbiage, with multicolored laptops beneath a blue verboten sky.  I don’t know what that means, but as long as my government check clears, why should I give a shit?  I’m awash in a world of hope and change.  Gone is traditional America.  Good luck trying to bring it back.”

Deep thoughts

Deep thoughts

In other news, CNN reported last Thursday that after Vice President Joe Biden told American’s to avoid swine flu by not traveling or going into confined spaces with other people, White House press secretary Robert Gibbs said that Biden meant something else.  “I know what he said, and I am telling you what he meant to say,” Gibbs said.  No word on how the Obama administration feels about a porn platform in the Senate, or storing crack in ones crack, but now that they engage in re-interpreting their own statements on a daily basis, we can expect ongoing conflicting announcements on all subjects, and it’s up to us to perceive any reality we wish, just as long as it favors the Obama administration.  Otherwise, you’re a potential terrorist.  And you don’t want that.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Justices Tell Appeals Court to Revisit Super Bowl Incident
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/05/business/media/05fcc.html?ref=global-home

Porn star flirts with La. Senate run
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0509/22007.html

Woman arrested for allegedly smuggling drugs, cash in her private parts
http://www.whas11.com/topstories/stories/whas11-local-090501-ashley-greene.cfd51ea.html

White House apologizes for undue alarm over Biden comments
http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2009/04/30/white-house-apologizes-for-undue-alarm-over-biden-comments/

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Porn Star Senator, Guerilla Gardeners; and Pink Slip Parties

> Porn star Stormy Daniels drafted for U.S. Senate run
> Guerilla gardening group gets busted by city council
> Pink Slip Parties — where the unemployed come to mingle

Inebriated Press
February 11, 2009

Stormy Daniels

Stormy Daniels

CNN reported yesterday that fans of porn star Stormy Daniels are drafting her to run for the U.S. Senate seat in Louisiana now held by Republican Sen. David Vitter.  Vitter is famous — or infamous — for his link to the “D.C. Madam,” the woman who ran a prostitution ring.  And Australia’s Daily Telegraph reported last week that mysterious gardeners were fixing Sydney’s worst eyesores — but they didn’t get city permits first so they had to stop.  Meanwhile, Associated Press reported last week that bar parties for the newly unemployed — in New York’s Wall Street district they’re called Wall Street Pink Slip Parties — are being held in growing numbers for out-of-work professionals.  Inebriated reporters awake just long enough to comment, say its high time businesses, cities and states recognize the power of booze, porn and clandestine gardening to turn the economy around.

“For too long stodgy politicians have distained guerilla and vigilante groups who have creative problem solving techniques, and out-of-work professionals have sobbed alone after being laid off; and, Senators have secretly banged porn stars rather than actually being one,” said Inebriated reporter Sumer Solstice, a part-time writer, part-time stripper and part-silicon woman of wonders.  “Once Stormy is in the Senate all after hour hijinks will simply be called caucusing — and probably be a lot more productive.  And if we can get city councils to let people who want to plant flowers plant that damn things, maybe we can even find a way to get cities looking nicer without added expense, and perhaps even find some of the unemployed pink-slip party-goers some work somehow.  Jeeze Louise, let’s take down the barriers to progress and use some creativity to solve some of our problems.  Free enterprise will always trump a government attempted bail-out because the folks can generate real value and not just shuffle tax burdens from generation to generation or interest group to interest group.”

Not everyone agrees with Sumer.  “You can’t have porn workers running the federal government or let vigilante gardening clubs roam the streets planting petunias and shrubs indiscriminately, you’ll have bedlam and the next thing you know bureaucracy as we know it will start breaking down,” said Jesse Longg-Winter, a buxom brunette pet store manager, and winner of the Ms. Know-It-All Award 1998.  “I’m fine with people who are out-of-work having pink-slip parties and giving one another support and job help.  There’s nothing wrong with that kind of networking.  But let’s not accept porn queen government and guerilla gardeners.  We’ve got to keep a few standards in tact regardless how much of our children’s future Obama plans to mortgage.  Let’s not throw all the babies away with the bath water.”

Candidate for Senate

Candidate for Senate

CNN reported that fans of porn star Stormy Daniels are drafting her to run for the U.S. Senate seat in Louisiana now held by Republican Sen. David Vitter. And it’s no racy gimmick, they say. The Draft Stormy Web site says that “2010 presents the Pelican State with the opportunity to start with a clean slate — to elect a representative that we can be proud of, who will work tirelessly, and who will challenge the status quo. We at the Draft Stormy campaign feel that Baton Rouge native Stormy Daniels is best suited to fulfill these duties.”

Vitter is famous — or infamous — for his link to the “D.C. Madam,” the woman who ran a prostitution ring. Elected to the Senate in 2004, he admitted to “a very serious sin in my past” in July 2007 after his phone number turned up in records of an escort service run by the late Deborah Jeane Palfrey, known as the D.C. Madam. Running for re-election, Vitter said his wife has forgiven him and is banking on the same sentiment from his constituents. Daniels, 29, isn’t affiliated with a party but is embracing the idea of a possible candidacy. She said she’s planning a “listening tour” around Louisiana to talk about a range of matters, including the economy — which along with women in business and protection of children are the three issues listed on her Web site. When told Vitter can be a tough opponent, she said she’s “always up for a good fight.” Senator Vitter’s office didn’t return CNN’s calls for comment.

Busted gardener

Busted gardener

The Daily Telegraph reported that using fake IDs, refusing to comply with the development application processes and wearing clever disguises – including posing as Leichhardt Council workers complete with T-shirts sporting the council’s logo – a six-person gardening gang was shut down during its 18th “hit”. The green thumb group, filming for a Channel 10 series called Guerrilla Gardeners, premiering later this month, were told to drop their tools by Sutherland Shire Council. It was the first time the team was busted before completing a project — having been busted by other councils around Sydney including Newtown, Ashfield and Canterbury — telling them to move on once they’re finished.  “It’s always a risk,” said Amy, who refused to give her full name.

Associated Press reported that the bar was crowded with well-dressed professionals enjoying drinks and conversation, a typical evening – except that many of them had no job. The event was a Wall Street Pink Slip Party, where the unemployed mix with recruiters and curious bystanders to network, look for work, and share their stories. Figures released last Friday showed that the unemployment rate hit 7.6 in January, a month with more layoffs than at any other time since 1974. Jobseekers are gathering in bars, delving into the business networking Web site LinkedIn, waiting in lines at city help centers, and even starting up hopeful conversations with prosperous-looking strangers on commuter trains – all in the hope of landing jobs in what seems to be a shrinking pool of opportunity.

Pink-slip-party

Pink-slip-party

Chandlee Bryan, a resume writer and career coach who acts as facilitator for the New York group, says the meetings help people fight off the solitude that comes with being jobless. “There’s a great deal of isolation,” she said. “That complicates the process and makes it harder, given that the majority of people find their jobs through networking.” That’s the point of the Wall Street Pink Slip Party – modeled after similar events held following the dot-com bust. Since the reincarnation was launched in November, the intensity at the parties is increasing.

Some people say that if porn workers ran the federal government everyone would have jobs, or if not, at least they’d keep their minds off their problems.

This Senate candidate has yard signs that are in demand

This Senate candidate has yard signs that are in demand

“You can only run a secret kamikaze gardening group or hang-out with other out-of-work people for so long and then you’ve got to do something to make some money and get a little action,” said someone claiming to be Bob Saget, a former comedian, former dumb video TV-show host and currently the person we’re supposedly quoting.  “That’s where good porn Senators come in. Bill Clinton wanted to offer hookers as part of national health care but didn’t have the personal discipline to pull it off.  Once he had Monica he didn’t give a rat’s ass about the rest of us.  Now a good porn worker in the Senate will bring the kinds of contacts and business experience necessary to bring about Bill’s dream.  And we’ll need more hookers and porn workers to fulfill the demand.  That puts people to work, takes folks minds off of bad times, and makes the nation so progressive that even the French will be jealous. Now we’re talk’n a serious stimulus package.”

An arresting officer

An arresting officer

In other news, Sweden’s The Local reported Monday that the presence of a male stripper and pictures of naked police officers brandishing their service weapons have prompted an investigation of a party thrown for members of the Gothenburg police force. The nine officers, none of whom were women, had just finished supplemental training to serve in special tactical units and included a number of seasoned veterans. The party was held in a rented cabin near Gothenburg and included the recent graduates as well as the instructors who had trained them during the six-month course. Police in Västra Götaland is western Sweden now plan to review their special forces recruiting procedures. Nothing that happened at the party was illegal, according to police. Nevertheless, it was inappropriate, they added. No word on whether the party helped improve the local economy or added to future job prospects, but when Stormy Daniels is a Senator, you can bet this kind of activity will strengthen the U.S. economy like gangbusters.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

CNN Clip:

 
Source articles:

Push to make porn star a senator no stunt, fan says
http://edition.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/02/09/senate.porn.candidate/?iref=mpstoryview

Guerilla garden gang nipped in the bud
http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,25014566-5006009,00.html

Legions facing layoffs turn to parties, Internet
http://abclocal.go.com/wpvi/story?section=news/business&id=6646665

Probe to follow naked Swedish police party
http://www.thelocal.se/17450.html

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