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Multi-Dimensional DVD Storage, Topless Coffee Shop Questions, and Save the Planet by Raising Veggies in Your Undies

> Futuristic DVD’s Store 2,000 Times more Data by Using Five Dimensions
> Topless Coffee Shop Waitress Spotted Outdoors, Is That Legal?
> UK Says Beat Climate Change with Veggies in Your Underwear

Inebriated Press
May 25, 2009

Undie Veggie Planet Savior

Undie Veggie Planet Savior

Science Daily reported last week that researchers in Australia have developed a way to store data in five dimensions thereby increasing DVD storage capacity by 2,000 times.  And Kennebec, Maine’s Morning Sentinel reported yesterday that police are investigating whether legally topless coffee shop workers are still legal if they’re that way outdoors.  Meanwhile, the UK Telegraph reported yesterday that the Royal Horticultural Society (RHS) is encouraging Brit’s to battle climate change by growing vegetables in their old underwear.  Underwear-based veggies will be on display for your education at Hampton Court Palace Flower Show, from July 7-12.  Some pundits say the way to save the planet is to go topless and use your bra to raise veggies while putting your chest in a different dimension so the general public can’t see your hooters.  Others just talk about god and ghosts.

Someone named Felicia

Someone named Felicia

“The nature of multi-dimensional space is that when it’s harnessed, it allows numerous things to exist in exactly the same place at the same time, and that’s true of movies and music on DVD’s; or ghosts, goblins and spectres in your attic,” said Felicia Hardwood-Floorr, a healthcare worker whose smooth and firm appearance is appreciated by most who know her.  “Some people say nothing exists that you can’t see, taste or touch.  That’s foolish.  We can’t see most of the light spectrum and can’t account for tons of things unless they’re self evident.  We can’t even successfully argue that we exist if we stay to strict rules of debate and don’t appeal to self evidence.  A good deal of what we know is either self evident or we believe it as an act of faith.  Some people believe there’s god and others don’t.  Both are articles of faith.  Honest people admit that; the intellectually dishonest ones dispute it.  As far as the legality of going topless goes, it’s according to city code.  It’s that simple.  I don’t know if I like the idea of raising veggies in my panties.  Putting my food in the space where my ass was isn’t my kind of multi-dimensional thing I guess.

Some people argue that saving the planet is like saving your soul.

Someone named Isabel

Someone named Isabel

“There isn’t anything in multi-dimensional space and there’s no point pretending that ghosts, or angels, or gods and demons hang out there, and DVD storage and light spectrums aren’t really in other dimensions, they’re just in space we hadn’t found,” said Isabel Dragon-Slayyr, a linear ethicist and earth sprite in denial.  “We’re all ahead if we raise carrots in our panties and cabbage in our bras and save Mother Earth, the birthing-womb to us all.  Save the earth and save your soul.  There is nothing more, nothing less.  Go topless if you want to, there are no rules if we say there aren’t.  Ethics are relative.  All things are whatever we make of them, or pretend they are, or declare they are.  To some people that’s depressing because it means there is no good or evil, and it makes life godless and inherently meaningless — but to me that’s liberating.  Freedom and chaos are my gods.  Now if I could get the IRS to go along with the relativity of money and believe that my cash is actually in their coffers the same time it’s in my checking account, I’d be all set.  Maybe there is something to this multi- dimensionalism physical space thing if we marry it to monetary relativity.  Hey, I’ll bet that’s what Obama is doing with the federal budget!”

Multi-dimensional movie & ghost storage

Multi-dimensional movie & ghost storage

Science Daily reported that futuristic discs with a storage capacity 2,000 times that of current DVDs could be just around the corner, thanks to new research from Swinburne University of Technology in Australia. For the first time researchers from the university’s Centre for Micro-Photonics have demonstrated how nanotechnology can enable the creation of ‘five dimensional’ discs with huge storage capacities. Discs currently have three spatial dimensions, but using nanoparticles the Swinburne researchers were able to introduce a spectral – or color – dimension as well as a polarization dimension.  “These extra dimensions are the key to creating ultra-high capacity discs,” Professor Min Gu said. “The polarization can be rotated 360 degrees. So for example, we were able to record at zero degree polarization. Then on top of that, we were able to record another layer of information at 90 degrees polarization, without them interfering with each other.” The research, carried out by Mr. Peter Zijlstra, Dr James Chon and Professor Min Gu was published last Thursday in the scientific journal Nature.

Coffee, tea, or ... donuts

Coffee, tea, or ... donuts

The Morning Sentinel reported that a state trooper was sent Saturday morning to a topless doughnut shop on Route 3 after a caller to the Augusta communications center reported that one of the waitresses was outside the shop without a top on. The Grand View Topless Coffee Shop opened Feb. 23, featuring topless waitresses and waiters serving coffee and doughnuts. The Vassalboro Planning Board approved a permit for the business, saying no town regulations prevented it. There is no mention in published reports if nudity outside the confines of the cafe is prohibited or allowed in Vassalboro. “I just know that I took a report of a female who was outside who had no top on and went over and spoke to them about it and advised them that I was going to be referring it to the DA’s office,” Trooper Shawn Porter of Troop D Barracks in Gray said. “It’s an ongoing investigation.”

'Hanging bra-sket'

'Hanging bra-sket'

The Telegraph reported that the Royal Horticultural Society (RHS) asked visitors to Chelsea Flower Show to donate clean unwanted bras, boxer shorts and jockey pants for its summer Grow Your Own campaign. Georgie Webb of the RHS, said old undies could be used like hanging baskets where people have little space. “Due to their conical shape, bras are ideal containers for turning into hanging baskets, and if you sew two together, you have what is best described as a ‘hanging bra-sket’. Once filled with compost you can grow salad leaves, herbs, alpine strawberries and even tumbling cherry tomatoes in them; the bigger the bra the more you can grow.”

The ‘good life’ display is part of a wider campaign by the RHS to encourage more people to grow their own fruit and vegetables. Gordon Brown, the Prime Minister and civic organization including the National Trust have also called for more people to grow their own food in order to improve healthy eating and tackle climate change by reducing food miles.

Zen sexIn other news, KOMO News Seattle reported that a woman accused of running several brothels in the area says her “work is spiritual in nature and that’s what the men are seeking,” according to the statement of probable cause. Rainbow Love, who was formerly known as Vivian W. Ellis, was arrested at her Marysville home during a police raid on Thursday. She is being held under investigation of promoting prostitution and money laundering. During the investigation, undercover detectives patronized the business at 3107 Eastlake Avenue East and were offered and agreed to sexual acts in exchange for $150 cash, the document said. Love refused to acknowledge the conversation she’d had with undercover detectives who’d sought service at the businesses, but did admit she knew some of her employees “may do more than a healing session with the clients,” the statement said. Love told detectives that she is the sole owner of the three businesses under investigation, which she ran under the license name the Light Body Temple. No word on how she feels about underwear-based veggies, but my guess is a lot of multi-dimensional stuff is going at her temple.

(C) 2009 Inebriated Press

 

Source articles:

‘Five Dimensional’ Discs With A Storage Capacity 2,000 Times That Of Current DVDs
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/05/090520192137.htm

Caller reports topless excursion
http://morningsentinel.mainetoday.com/news/local/6378705.html

Unwanted underwear donated at Chelsea Flower Show for Hampton Court Palace
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/gardening/chelseaflowershow/5369423/Unwanted-underwear-donated-at-Chelsea-Flower-Show-for-Hampton-Court-Palace.html

Accused madam: My work is spiritual
http://www.komonews.com/news/local/45876382.html

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NASA Lander Dies, So Does Drilling for Oil and Definition of Terrorist

Mars lander appears to have finally passed away
Obama to use executive powers to block drilling leases
Obama to transfer men formerly known as terrorists, to US from Guantanamo, try them as criminals

Inebriated Press
November 12, 2008

BetaNews reported yesterday that NASA’s Phoenix Mars lander has not issued any transmissions in a week, and it appears that it has run out of energy and “died”.  The death wasn’t unexpected. And Mathaba News Network reported Monday that president elect Obama will use executive power to reverse Bush era directives, including blocking new oil drilling leases on land in Utah. This was also not unexpected.  In addition, UK’s Times Online reported that aides to Barack Obama said yesterday, that he will move swiftly to close Guantanamo Bay and ship the “terrorist suspects” to the U.S. mainland where they will be tried as criminals. This wasn’t unexpected either.  American’s who have feared that an Obama presidency will display the man represented by his past community activist days and liberal leanings, plus his radical friends and associates, are seeing the very thing they expected.  And so are liberals as they cling to faith in anti-god and anti-guns.

“The power of change is alive, well and dominating America, and the U.S. will not be the same when we’re through converting it into a progressive European styled socialist welfare state that’s tolerant of fascists, drug users and Russian domination, but stands against personal responsibility, traditional religious teachings and conservative values,” said Libby Archetype, a multi-cultural bisexual policy expert, at the Change for Any Reason Institute, and director of the Obama as God Project.  “The old ways of doing and thinking are gone, swept away by the waters of reasonless optimism, baseless enthusiasm and blind faith in The One. There are no terrorists, only petty criminals who need training in positive self esteem, and there is no energy problem, only oodles of sun beams waiting to replace fossil fuels on January 20th.  And Barack will bring the NASA lander back to life.  It isn’t dead; it’s just frozen in the past by lifeless Bush rhetoric and clumsy but somehow successful protection of the country after 9-11.  Barack will change everything.”

Not everyone agrees with Archetype.  “Any decision to stop the search and development of oil while we continue developing new sources of energy is misguided, and any change to prosecuting men found on a battlefield to the same as a guy with too many parking tickets, is a perversion of both justice and common sense,” said Rock Hardd-Core, a muscle-bound philosophy professor often confused for someone else.  “I’m not arguing that we shouldn’t do something with the guys on Guantanamo, I’ve got plenty of ideas I can share but you can’t put them in print. But the notion that suddenly terrorists and war combatants’ are petty criminals with the rights of a U.S. citizen is absurd.  The Mars lander has died alright, and so has the last vestige of plain thinking and American logic.  God help us all.  No not that one, the Real One.”

BetaNews reported that Phoenix spacecraft appears to have finally passed away, although not before accomplishing its main NASA missions around exploring the terrain and weather conditions of the so-called “Red Planet.” On Monday, managers of the NASA spacecraft announced they are suspending any operations related to the vehicle until next spring, given that they haven’t received any transmissions from it for a week. The death of the Phoenix wasn’t unexpected, since the Martian winter had set in and the Phoenix’s solar panels had started to generate less energy. Still, NASA managers had hoped to eek out a few more weeks of performance from the craft. But right after the Phoenix completed its last major experiment on October 27, an unanticipated dust storm struck, and on-board batteries — already strained by running the experiment — started to give way. The space vehicle put itself into a low-energy safe mode, and then stopped sending signals. The Phoenix started to come back to life intermittently on October 30, but never managed to completely recharge its batteries, finally fading away.

Mathaba News Network quoted John Podesta, head of Obama’s transition team: “There’s a lot the president can do using his executive authority without waiting for congressional action.” The article went on to explain that President-elect Barack Obama will likely use his executive powers after taking office to block new drilling leases on environmentally sensitive land in Utah and to allow federal funding of stem-cell research, putting a quick mark on policy making. Podesta said Obama is “a transformational figure” and that the support he received among voters in some Republican states and conservative counties gives him a mandate to pursue his agenda aggressively.

The Times Online reported that Barack Obama will move swiftly to close Guantanamo Bay as soon as he takes office, his aides said Monday, in a clear and early sign of how determined he is to break with President Bush. Mr Obama is planning to ship dozens of terrorist suspects from the camp to face criminal trial in the US. He is looking at creating a new “terrorism court” on the US mainland to try up to 80 terror suspects, including Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the self-confessed September 11 master-mind. Mr Obama said last week that he would close the camp “as quickly as we can do prudently”. The move will face stiff opposition from many Republicans on Capitol Hill and a substantial number of Americans who strongly oppose bringing terror suspects to US soil with traditional rules of evidence that give those being prosecuted the presumption of innocence.
 
Some pundits argue that everyone is innocent because ethics are relative and law is subjective and arbitrary; as such they say, it can not be legally enforced.

“The true nature of life is evolutionary and changing as particles and matter spin about in a chaotic mass of time, chance, revolution and maybe-mightbe; Darwin taught us that, and we should know better than to attempt to put constraints on human nature, or try to bring order from chaos” said Misty Sunbeam-Notbright, a scholar of extraordinary clarity and vibrancy, whose only vice is her authoritarian bent to bully everyone into doing what she wants, and her intolerance of ideas not her own.  “There is no such thing as good or evil, there is no truth or lie, all is universal oneness, and discomfort is just the occasional friction of growth and newness as we evolve into greater beings.  Hand me that med bottle will you, I seem to have evolved a cold sore and man does it sting.”

In other news, Times Online reported last Friday that gun stores across the United States are reporting a massive surge in sales as buyers rush to stockpile firearms in case of a ban under soon-to-be President Obama. “He’s a gun-snatcher,” Jim Pruett, owner of Jim Pruett’s Guns and Ammo in northwest Houston, told the newspaper. “He wants to take our guns from us and create a socialist society policed by his own police force.”  Obama’s much reported remark that “bitter” small town Americans “cling to guns and religion” seems to have resonated with some citizens, and they’re cling to god and guns more tightly than ever. No word on how the left explains the evolution of citizens who have a sudden need to protect themselves and their rights, but perhaps it’s a case of “anti-transformational” discord that Obama and his suspects formerly known as terrorists, have elicited.  Or maybe common sense isn’t dead after all.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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