Tag Archives: greenhouse gas

NASA says Sun Causes Global Warming, Microsoft says Obama Tax Plan Will Cause Global Relocation; and Judge Rules Party Girl Can Go Out Saturday Nights

> New NASA study shows Sun Responsible for Planet Warming
> Microsoft CEO talks offshore move over Obama Tax Scheme
> Girl Guilty of Assault at Party gets Saturdays Off from Curfew

Inebriated Press
June 9, 2009

Party girl, or realist?

Party girl, or realist?

The Dakota Voice reported Friday that a new NASA study has determined that solar variation has made a significant impact on the Earth’s climate, and evidence for climate change based on the sun can be traced back as far as the Industrial Revolution.  And Bloomberg reported Wednesday that Microsoft CEO Steven Ballmer said they will move employees offshore if Congress enacts Obama’s plan to put higher taxes on U.S. companies’ foreign profits.  Meanwhile, United Press International (UPI) reported on Friday that a judge sentenced a 19-year old girl to stay home every night of the week but Saturday for an assault she committed at a party.  Pundits are debating the existence of “cause and effect” during the new era of Obamanomic relativism built on “hope and change”.

Someone named Penelope

Someone named Penelope

“Old school ‘forces of nature’ are irrelevant in this new age of economic and moral relativism, and just going with the flow of ethereal thought, government spending and passivism toward countries like Iran and North Korea as well as organizations like Al Qaeda and Hamas, is the way to find peace and happiness.  Obama’s new socialist America will make all of our dreams come true.  Besides, resistance is futile,” said Penelope Psyborg-Pusch, an amateur rocket scientist and part-time stripper at the Blonde Heifer Lounge and Waffle House.  “NASA is being silly about the sun, everyone knows that humans impact the earth’s temperature more than solar power, Al Gore proved that when he said it was so.  And no company will really relocate from the U.S. just because the Obama tax plan will take more of their profits and redistribute them to liberal voters.  Such talk by a company CEO is just bluster.  Now the girl who assaulted people at parties, she should be able to still go to parties, so that judge who said she needed to stay home weeknights but not weekends was right on.  No one should really be held responsible for their behavior as though their actions caused something.  The whole cause and effect theory is behind us now, and no longer relevant.  Obama is the new master of the economic world, as well as the physical world and time and space.  The quicker we realize that, the happier we’ll all be.  I wonder why my foot hurts.  A car ran over it earlier today but that couldn’t be the cause.  It’s just some random bodily event I suppose.  Like my period.”

Someone named Linda

Someone named Linda

Not everyone agrees with Psyborg-Pusch.  “Anyone can say that natural laws no longer exist and deny them if they want, but it doesn’t make them go away.  Pretending we impact the planet more that the celestial bodies around us, or that over-taxed companies won’t react to preserve themselves by abandoning the country they were founded in, is wrong not to mention it’s the height of arrogance.  The sun impacts the earth more than a few thousand SUV’s and Obama’s tax plans will cause the relocation of U.S. corporations to countries that are more tax friendly.  Cause and effect lives on,” said Linda Staiefree-Powers, a former pacifist-atheist who turned to god and guns after the Obama election.  “And if you think Obama’s massive spending won’t result in inflation and that the huge debt won’t crush the U.S. economically and even militarily, you’re dreaming.  The arrogance of some people astonishes me.  Socialism has never worked before, why will the Obama version be successful?  And some people think that with a few hundred years of data we can actually ‘know’ that you and I are changing the earth’s temperature and it’s not part of a thousand year cycle?  We think we alone exist in time and space that that no beings besides us exist in other dimensions that we can’t see?  In our little time crawling around on this planet we believe we’ve figured out that there are no gods and that relative ethics are humankind’s best hope for peace and harmony?  Our arrogance is truly amazing.  We know we understand more of the universe today than humans a thousand years ago, but we discount that humans a thousand years from now will know more than us.  And we think we have everything figured out.  Morons.  Will we refuse to learn from economic history, and deny the natural law inside our consciences as evidence that we came from more than dirt?  We lapse between belief that we’re animals or gods.  We’re both.  But too often we act like devils and behave dumber than cats.”

Global WarmingThe Dakota Voice reported that we have still more evidence that any warming occurring on planet earth is coming from natural sources and is cyclic in nature–NOT from the evil capitalism that Al Gore, the UN politicians at the IPCC and other socialists love to blame. A new study from NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center in Greenbelt, Maryland looking at climate data over the past century has concluded that solar variation has made a significant impact on the Earth’s climate. The report concludes that evidence for climate changes based on solar radiation can be traced back as far as the Industrial Revolution. Past research has shown that the sun goes through eleven year cycles. At the cycle’s peak, solar activity occurring near sunspots is particularly intense, basking the Earth in solar heat. According to Robert Cahalan, a climatologist at the Goddard Space Flight Center, “Right now, we are in between major ice ages, in a period that has been called the Holocene.”

global warmingSolar activity is increasing, and we are coming out of the “Little Ice Age” of just a few hundred years ago. Of course the planet is warming–we’re coming out of a cold spell! The Maunder Minimum period of diminished solar activity coincided with the Little Ice Age when Europe and North America experienced bitterly cold winters. About 1,000 years ago, Greenland was warm enough for the Vikings to colonize and grow vineyards.  Today Greenland is almost entirely covered in ice.  Tell me: is the earth warmer today than it was 1,000 years ago?  Did they have SUVs and coal power plants in the days of the Vikings?  This isn’t tough to figure out, people. The only thing tough about the global warming debate is trying to get the facts to match the socialist agenda of the global warming proponents.  Try as they might, they just can’t do it, and more and more people are starting to see that.

Silly businessman who thinks taxes will cost his shareholders

Silly businessman who thinks taxes will cost his shareholders

Bloomberg reported that Microsoft Corp. Chief Executive Officer Steven Ballmer said the world’s largest software company would move some employees offshore if Congress enacts President Barack Obama’s plans to impose higher taxes on U.S. companies’ foreign profits. “It makes U.S. jobs more expensive,” Ballmer said in an interview. “We’re better off taking lots of people and moving them out of the U.S. as opposed to keeping them inside the U.S.” Obama on May 4 proposed outlawing or restricting about $190 billion in tax breaks for offshore companies over the next decade. Such business groups as the National Foreign Trade Council, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce and the Business Roundtable have denounced the proposed overhaul. U.S. tax rules let companies defer paying corporate rates as high as 35 percent on most types of foreign profits as long as that money remains invested overseas. Obama says he wants to end such incentives to keep foreign profits tax-deferred so that companies would invest them in the U.S.  Ballmer said that, while the Obama proposals would preserve expense deductions related to research and experimentation costs, the overall deduction limits for companies that defer tax on foreign profits would raise the cost of employing U.S. workers. Fiduciary responsibility to shareholders would require Microsoft to cut costs, he said, meaning many jobs would be moved out of the country. Ballmer estimated that higher taxes under the proposal would reduce profits for companies that comprise the Dow Jones Industrial Average by between 10 and 15 percentage points. “It’s just a question of how much will the Dow come down,” Ballmer said. “It’s not about companies anyway; we’re talking about shareholders.”

Just some party girl

Just some party girl

UPI reported that a judge in England sentenced a teenage girl to stay home every night of the week but Saturday for an assault she committed at a party. Judge William Hart told Lisa Partington, 19, she had a curfew from 9 p.m. to 7 a.m. every day for the next two months — except Saturdays. “I give you one day off a week because it is summer and I don’t think it is necessarily in your interests for you to be confined to your home every evening of the week for the next two months,” the judge was quoted by the newspaper as saying. Partington had admitted assaulting Kimberley Moxham at a party in September.

IRS version of Flat TaxIn other news, the Los Angeles Times reported Friday that Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger said that he would like to see “radical” proposals come out of a commission now studying an overhaul of the state’s tax system, like “a 15% straight tax.” The current system, based on highly unstable income tax revenue that fluctuates with the economy, “doesn’t work,” Schwarzenegger said. Advocates of a flat tax, which applies a single tax rate to all income, say it increases compliance with the tax codes because it is so simple and easy to understand. But opponents dislike that it taxes the wealthy at the same rates as the poor.  No word on why these people don’t understand that the poor don’t pay income taxes, and that a flat tax is inherently fair, but then in a world where cause and effect no longer is in vogue and relative economics and ethics prevail, I should be getting used to this kind of insanity.  It’s no longer about common sense; it’s about “hope and change”.  As defined by the Obama minions. 

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

 
Source articles:

NASA Study Shows Sun Responsible for Planet Warming
http://www.dakotavoice.com/2009/06/nasa-study-shows-sun-responsible-for-planet-warming/

Ballmer Says Tax Would Move Microsoft Jobs Offshore
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=amBiYGyHOkZ8

Judge gives girl Saturdays off from curfew
http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/06/05/Judge-gives-girl-Saturdays-off-from-curfew/UPI-38781244249132/

Schwarzenegger suggests state consider flat tax
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2009/06/flat-tax.html

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Filed under Humor, IP News

Air is Killing You, Dagger-Dicking is Damaging, and Brazilian Monkey Nuts get the Axe

> Obama’s EPA declares the air you exhale a public danger
> Jamaican doctors report increase in rough sex injuries to men parts
> Brazilian monkeys to loose testicles

Inebriated Press
April 20, 2009

Greenhouse gas

Greenhouse gas

The Wall Street Journal reported Friday that the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) issued a finding that carbon dioxide — the air you exhale — is a greenhouse gas and poses a danger to the public.  This sets the stage for a battle over regulations that could have far reaching impact on Americans.  And, the U.K. Sun reported that Jamaican Doctors say there’s been an increase in injuries to men caused by rough sex referred to as “daggering” which can result in permanent penile damage.  Meanwhile, health officials in Brazil say they must catch Capuchin monkeys and give them vasectomies in order to control disease. Inebriated reporters who have stopped holding their breath, thus giving up on trying to save the world, are now contemplating the risks of rough sex, and disease caused by monkey testicles.

Someone named Holly

Someone named Holly

“It’s pretty obvious that the world would be better off without human beings since we exhale warm moist air and that’s a greenhouse gas, and it’s destroying the planet and life as we know it.  I held my breath as long as I could hoping that it would slow the warming of the earth following the ice age, but if I keep it up I’ll just pass out and die.  Screw that,” said Holly McWarm-Boddy, an environmentalist-writer who also sells SUV’s and rough sex part-time.  “I don’t know about the benefits of cutting off monkey nuts but I have a feeling that the country would be better off if climate change guys like Al Gore had theirs clipped.  Maybe that’s just wishful thinking.”

Someone named Jenni

Someone named Jenni

Not everyone sees it the way McWarm-Boddy does.  “We have almost a hundred years worth of data and that proves the earth has only been warming since we started tracking it, and that everything was great for the previous million years.  We don’t know for sure what happened to the dinosaurs, but it was probably Republican-driven SUV exhaust channeling backward across time somehow and killing them.  Damn conservatives,” said Jenni Hyper-Gasse, a professional trivia expert who lives off of government grants and other people’s labor, for the good of humankind.  “Once the Obama administration puts new rules in place that caps the number of conservatives that can live in the U.S. and then gradually reduces them over time, we’ll finally get the environmental problems that plague the planet under control.  Humans are bad in and of themselves, but conservative humans are worse, and American conservative humans — especially white males — are basically terrorists.  The recent Department of Homeland Security report pretty much spells that out.  My guess is that we’ll have to cut the nuts off of most white American males — especially if they’re in the military — before this is all over, just to reduce the disease that is conservatism.  It’s kind of a shame because a few of them are cute and I like a little rough sex now and then with real men rather than the metrosexuals I hang out with.  Oh well.  We all have to sacrifice for the good of the planet.”

EPAThe Wall Street Journal reported that the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency on Friday issued a finding that carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases pose a danger to the public, setting the stage for a battle over regulations that could have far-reaching impact on the U.S. economy. Unless superseded by congressional action, the EPA finding potentially could lead to a wave of new regulations, putting stricter emissions limits on a wide range of enterprises from power plants and oil refineries to automobiles and cement makers. Business groups have warned that using the Clean Air Act to control greenhouse gases could result in costly new burdens for businesses. Environmental groups have cheered the signals that the Obama administration would declare greenhouse gases a danger.

Save your breath, save the planet

Save your breath, save the planet

The House Energy and Commerce Committee will hold hearings this week on an Obama proposal to cap carbon emissions and sell tradable permits that businesses must buy to emit carbon dioxide. The EPA finding comes about two years after the Supreme Court found that carbon dioxide is a pollutant under the Clean Air Act and that the EPA can regulate it. The finding marks a significant turn in U.S. policy on climate change. It isn’t clear how quickly the Obama administration will act to start writing new rules based on the EPA finding.

Broken dagger

Broken dagger

The Sun reported that hospitals are treating a flood of agonized men for fractured penises due to a bizarre sex craze. Doctors in Jamaica report the number of cases has almost trebled in a year after a rise in so-called “daggering”. They say injuries occur during the fast, rough intercourse and can result in permanent damage. A doctor at Kingston Public Hospital on the island said: “We have noticed an increase. During very rigorous intercourse the man can hit the woman’s pubic bone and sustain a fracture. There is a loud popping sound, excruciating pain and swelling.”

Soon to be nutless monkey

Soon to be nutless monkey

NineMSN reported that the monkey business is about to end for some Brazilian primates. Health officials in the central city of Goiania plan to perform vasectomies on 25 wild, urban-dwelling monkeys to keep their population in check and control disease. They’re looking to catch male Capuchin monkeys in three city parks, each of which has about eight female mates. The animals will be netted, snipped and released. The parks’ monkey population has grown to about 170 in recent months, and project head Marize Moreira said on Thursday some have been found to carry yellow fever. Sick monkeys can’t pass the disease directly to humans, but mosquitoes that bite infected monkeys can transmit it.

Don't try building these at home; professionals only

Don't try building these at home; professionals only

In other news, the UK Metro reported Thursday that a man has been arrested in Spain for using veterinary instruments to perform breast and buttock implants on patients in his squalid home. The man, who reports say did not have a medical license, is believed to have charged patients between €250 and €500 to inject them with liquid silicone – using instruments designed for use by vets to inject animals. The injections were carried out in his home, which was reported to be filthy, and was also home to three dogs, one cat and a parrot. The man was arrested on Friday, following a complaint about a sub-standard breast enhancement. No word on whether he also cut off monkey’s nuts or repaired dagger damaged men’s dicks, but chances are he was exhaling carbon dioxide with no thought to the environment.  The bastard.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

EPA Calls Greenhouse Gases a Danger
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123997738881429275.html#mod=djemalertNEWS

Forget scary eco-crunch: This Earth is enough
Environmental campaigners say we’d need five planets if we all lived at American standards. Catchy – but wrong
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/LAC.20090416.COLOMBORG16ART1953//TPStory/Comment

‘Daggering’ sex alert for blokes
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2379533.ece

Brazilian monkeys face vasectomies
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=802835

Fake doctor used vet tools for boob jobs
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?Fake_doctor_used_vet_tools_for_boob_jobs&in_article_id=623247&in_page_id=2

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Financially stressed? Sell bodily fluids, have your hamster generate electricity

> Weak economy boosts sales of human blood and semen
> Scientists fit hamsters with nanogenerators that produce energy

Inebriated Press
February 23, 2009

090223_blood_gas-b-wABC News reported Saturday that since the economy began to crater, Americans have been selling blood, semen, ovaries and hair to generate extra income.  And the Telegraph reported Friday that scientists have managed to harness energy-producing power from hamsters by fitting them with tiny devices that capture biomechanical energy from their bodies when they run on exercise wheels.  Some people say bodily fluids and rodents are the key to a better, brighter future … that and a little income redistribution.

“You can’t underestimate the power and importance of precious bodily fluids or hamsters when it comes time to generating stimulus cash, procreating or changing America,” said General Jack D. Ripper, a berserk character from the movie Dr. Strangelove, currently a key military and hope-and-change advisor to the Obama administration.  “Removing the life-blood, savings and equity from hard working industrious citizens and companies and giving it to people who can’t afford their sub-prime mortgages and companies who have mis-managed businesses is the best way to create a ‘fair’ society where there are no haves and have-nots, and there’s a level playing field.  Some hard working people have had greater success than slackers and drop-outs, and we have to keep moving ahead with the transfer of assets from ‘Joe the Plumber types’ to those failures.  I’m not sure about using hamsters for electricity unless PETA says its okay, but it might be alright as long as successful businesses pay for hamster distribution to needy Democrats who want them.”

For sale

For sale

Not everyone agrees with Ripper.  “If you can sell your body or parts of it for money, and generate electricity from your pets, do it.  Harnessing nature by using animal power is a historical and time-proven process, and trading your body and its parts for cash is a normal extension of the world’s oldest profession — prostitution.  Actually it’s a lot like plain-old working-for-somebody-else for a living.  Most of us are trading our lives or parts of it to others in order to earn money.  These are market driven and aren’t about social engineering at all unless you choose to make it so,” said Mary Belle Hothipps, an industrial engineer and part-time stripper at the Golden Corral Bonanza.  “To socialists everything is about ‘leveling the playing field’ to the extent that they lower the successful and capable into the same tier as the lazy or incapable.  The stimulus bill just passed by the Democrats will take years worth of earnings from the capable and give it to the incapable, and borrow from the futures of those able to generate success.  The result is a bringing down of the best and brightest while creating an artificial lifestyle for those who haven’t earned it.  This is a step backwards from true progress and represents a devolving of American society.  It’s kind of a shame really, because the Europeans who practice this approach are only able to do it because American ethics and military power is keeping them safe from tyrants.  Once the U.S. has destroyed its own economy and weakened its ethical resolve and military, who will be there to protect America?  The Canadians?  I wish.”

Modern day trader

Modern day trader

ABC News reported that desperate times call for desperate measures. Since the economy began to crater, Americans have looked inward to their very bodily fluids for a boost, selling blood, semen, even their ovaries and hair for a few extra dollars. Companies that buy and sell blood have spotted an uptick in blood donations and created marketing campaigns that encourage people to give blood in exchange for help beyond just some extra cash. Over the, summer when gas prices hit a record high, a blood bank in Las Cruces, N.M., hung a banner outside the office that advertised its offer rather plainly: “Donate plasma for gas money.”  Donations of hair and sperm are also on the rise. But while a sperm offering can return up to $200 and a yard of hair up to $2,000, they pay relatively poorly compared to young women who donate their ovaries for money — an exchange that can pay up to $10,000 or more. Though specific statistics for recent years are not yet available, fertility experts across the country have anecdotally reported an increase in egg donor applications.   

Renewable energy

Renewable energy

The Telegraph reported that Dr Zhong Lin Wang of Georgia University’s Nano Research Group developed flexible jackets that when strapped to hamsters running on an exercise wheel captures biomechanical energy released as they run.  The jackets, which are fitted with wires plugged into a nanogenerator, produce energy when they are bent and stretched. In tests one hamster named Campbell’s Dwarf produced small amounts of AC power – around one twentieth of the output of an AA battery. Although it would take 1,000 hamsters to generate enough energy to power a mobile phone, Dr Wang said the technology could have practical applications when applied to larger animals and humans. “We believe that this is the first demonstration of a live animal producing current with nano-generators,” Dr Wang said. The Doctor added that the technology could be ready to be fitted into clothes within five years. It would capture energy produced not only when humans are active, but also from smaller movements such as when people are sat at computers.

Some people say that when this new technology is combined with the billions of dollars in the Obama stimulus package earmarked for Senate majority leader and Nevada Senator Harry Reid’s high-speed train, it’s going to pay off big-time.

New stimulus workers

New stimulus workers

“When the Obama-Reid high speed train is running between Los Angeles and Las Vegas it will be hauling L.A. residents to the worlds biggest bodily fluid collection-place and energy generating system that’ll rival the Hoover dam in power and fluid management.  And this economy will turn around on a dime,” said someone claiming to be Howard Hughes, an inventor, genius and recluse often considered dead, but only because he’s had a funeral.  “Once the legal brothels of Nevada use hookers to collect bodily fluids while wearing wires plugged into nanogenerators so that their movements create electricity, we’ll have a one-stop shop where paying customers will be generating electricity and providing bodily fluids for sale all while having a good time.  You can’t beat a system that can power cities and collect fluids for science while creating new jobs and providing a sexual service for people who want it.  Some individuals are confused about how a few billion dollars to put in high speed rail from L.A. to Las Vegas can be simulative to the economy, but those folks underestimate the powerful combination of sex and science.  We’re talking about new wealth and job creation plus renewable energy without greenhouse gases.  This is a perfect example of the Obama stimulus plan.  People get screwed and money is spread around.  What’s confusing about that?”

In other news, the Scottish Sun reported Friday that tooth decay is now the third most common reason children are admitted to UK hospitals, according to officials.  Nearly 37,000 kids a year are hospitalized with bad cavities — topped only by those with chest infections and premature tots. Tories blamed a lack of NHS dentists, saying many went private when new Government contracts were launched in 2006. Minister Mike Penning said: “Labour’s decade in charge has resulted in a significant deterioration in dental health.” Dr Nick Goodwin of The King’s Fund health think-tank added: “Dentists are leaving the NHS in droves.”  No word on how soon Obama will have this type of quality national health care operating in the U.S. but once the high speed train is done and the Census Bureau has been transferred to White House political control, we can expect the progress to keep speeding up.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

In the Red! Give Blood, Get Career Advice
http://abcnews.go.com/Business/Economy/Story?id=6924271&page=4

Hamsters in jackets harnessed for energy
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/scienceandtechnology/science/4731679/Hamsters-in-jackets-harnessed-for-energy.html

Tooth-rot children fill up our hospitals
http://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/scotsol/homepage/news/article2256492.ece

New scrutiny for stimulus
… an allocation for high-speed trains went from $300 million in the House version to $2.25 billion in the Senate version to $8 billion in the midnight conference version — with no explanation. Suspicion lingers that a large part of the funds will pay for a Disneyland-to-Las Vegas high-speed train venture supported by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev.
http://www.charleston.net/news/2009/feb/17/new_scrutiny_stimulus71922/

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Google Destroying the Environment, “Joy of Sex” Updated, No Pants Day 2K9

> Study says each Google search kicks out 7 grams of CO2
> Crown Publishing updates “Joy of Sex”
> Atlanta celebrates “No Pants Day 2K9”

 

 

Inebriated Press
January 16, 2009

Google destroying earth?

Google destroying earth?

Fox News reported this week that new research says performing a single Google web search from your computer generates about 7 grams of carbon dioxide and experts say there are 200 million Internet searches globally each day. And UPI reported last week that the book “The Joy of Sex” has been made-over with new chapters, including one on safe sex and another on transexualism.  Meanwhile the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported that the No Pants Brigade celebrated “No Pants Day 2K9″ last week, as travelers hopped aboard subway trains pant-less.  Pundits are debating the risk of performing web searches and performing Joy of Sex exercises while pant-less on the subway.

No Pants Day 2K9!

No Pants Day 2K9!

“I was searching Google for the new ‘Joy of Sex’ with my Blackberry without pants-on while I was riding the subway downtown, and the thought that I was destroying the planet and emotionally destabilizing the man sitting next to me, made me second guess what I was doing,” said Stacy Racy-Longleggs, a hot blond data analyst and juggler, whose presence weakens most men’s knees even when she’s fully clothed.  “I began to wonder if it was appropriate for me to risk damaging the environment and the man’s personal relationships by my actions.  I started to think about the ethical impacts of my behavior.  Perhaps I shouldn’t just do what I feel like whenever and wherever I want.  Maybe there’s something to this personal responsibility crap.”

Some people say humans are part of the environment so what we do and how we act is in accord with nature by our very existence.

090116-josx2“Don’t let people with personal agendas confuse you with some idea about responsibility to the environment and other humans, as though there were some standard of ethical behavior you’re supposed to adopt.  We are here like the grass and the rocks and the beavers and can do whatever we feel like,” said Penny Lane-Quartermaster, a small-time commodities broker with a penchant toward lawlessness and a chest full of silicon.  “Who gives a rat’s ass about the guy sitting next to you unless you feel like it, and why worry about the planets environment unless you think there’s some personal benefit to you by doing it.  Anybody who tries to tell you what to do is selling something.  You’re here like everything else and it’s you who defines what it is you say and do.  Screw the people who try to tell you how to behave … if you feel like it.  Stalin taught me that.  Bill Clinton updated it.”

Fox News reported that performing two Google searches from a desktop computer can generate about the same amount of carbon dioxide as boiling a kettle for a cup of tea, according to new research. While millions of people tap into Google without considering the environment, a typical search generates about 7 grams of CO2. Boiling a kettle generates about 15 grams. “Google operates huge data centers around the world that consume a great deal of power,” said Alex Wissner-Gross, a Harvard University physicist whose research on the environmental impact of computing is due out soon. “A Google search has a definite environmental impact.”

090116-google-logoA recent report by Gartner, the industry analysts, said the global IT industry generated as much greenhouse gas as the world’s airlines — about 2 percent of global CO2 emissions. “Data centers are among the most energy-intensive facilities imaginable,” said Evan Mills, a scientist at the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory in California. Banks of servers storing billions of Web pages require power.

United Press International (UPI) reported that the 1970s classic “The Joy of Sex” has gotten a makeover with 42 new chapters, including one on safe sex and another on transexualism, according to its publisher. The revised and updated “The Joy of Sex: The Timeless Guide to Lovemaking” replaces the pictures of hairy men in former editions with cleaner cut men, The Washington Post (NYSE:WPO) reported Saturday.

090116-joy-of-sex-bookThe new edition, by Crown Publishing Group, also ditches cracks about “one-legged ladies,” “negresses” and sex on horseback found in the original 1972 edition while adding a chapter on phone sex and a four-page resource guide on everything from menopause to eating disorders, the Post reported. The book originally written by Alex Comfort, a doctor and author who died in 2000, has been overhauled by Susan Quilliam, a British psychologist who advises a “practice session” before attempting new sexual positions so no one gets hurt.

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported that Atlanta’s No Pants brigade pre-empted Jamie Kendrick’s big plans of the Monster Jam truck rally on Saturday. En route from her Canton home to the Georgia Dome — on her very first MARTA ride — she witnessed nearly three dozen pranksters who took to the trains in their underwear. “I thought that maybe they work at Hooters,” the day care worker said of the two women standing in her car in white cotton high-cut briefs. “But then I thought, ‘I got new panties on, so does that mean I can take off my britches, too?’” She didn’t.

The idea of brotherhood of traveling pantless began in 2002, when seven people hopped New York City subways and dropped trou on their trips, according to Improv Everywhere, a New York-based guerrilla theater group. Saturday marked Atlanta’s first time participating in what is officially known as the “No Pants Day 2K9.” People react differently to the pantless. In Atlanta one man averted his eyes and clasped his female companion’s hand, to avoid a possible glance at the tighty whities. Most, though, just took pictures or burst into laughter.

Some people say that clothes are unnatural and that if humans were true to their natural origin they’d run around in their “birthday suits” all the time.

One woman's struggle against clothing

One woman's struggle against clothing

“We’re born nude and have to be taught to wear clothes which are completely unnatural, arbitrary and makes us subserviant to the clothing industry,” said Missy Mae-Bareclaw, a stripper at the Five-And-Dime Cheapskates Lounge and Tupperware Emporium.  “Not only is wearing clothes unnatural, it’s really immoral because it goes against the way we were born.  To compensate for my deep ethical struggles and yet appease social convention I wear mostly leather — which is animal based and closer to human skin than cotton, or I go nude.  That’s also why I strip, because I get paid to get natural and organic.  It’s the most natural way to work and live and still fit in.  True oneness with the planet requires us to avoid clothing and Internet based communications.  Everyone in the world should be nude and communicate in tactile ways.  It works at the Five-And-Dime.”

090116-j-o-tax

In other news, the Star Tribune reported last week that a former exotic dancer who worked at Rick’s Cabaret in Minneapolis between 2004 and 2006, and allegedly made about $80,000 in tips during one year, is now facing multiple felony charges for failing to report the money as income. Stephanie Antes, 28, of Albertville, is charged with five felony counts and one gross misdemeanor count of failing to file and pay income taxes and filing a false income tax return, according to the Minnesota Department of Revenue.  No word on how Stephanie feels about Google destroying the environment, but there’s no doubt that she backs No Pants Day 2K9, and probably has plans to enjoy the updated version of the “Joy of Sex” … if she’s not in jail for tax evasion.  You may be able to skip wearing clothes, but you can’t avoid paying taxes.  Unnatural though they may be, you pay them or the government has your ass – pantless or not.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Research Reveals Environmental Impact of Google Searches
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,479127,00.html

Crown Publishing updates ‘Joy of Sex’
http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/01/10/Crown_Publishing_updates_Joy_of_Sex/UPI-57101231615659/

No pants needed for MARTA ride
http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/atlanta/stories/2009/01/10/marta_no_pants.html?cxntlid=homepage_tab_newstab

Rick’s Cabaret exotic dancer didn’t report $80,000 in tips, charges say
http://www.startribune.com/local/37313284.html?elr=KArksLckD8EQDUoaEyqyP4O:DW3ckUiD3aPc:_Yyc:aUac8HEaDiaMDCinchO7DU

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