Tag Archives: gun law

Tracing Ammo, Building a Fembot, and Muslim Preacher calls Christmas ‘Evil’

> Group wants U.S. to laser ID on each bullet and track it
> Canadian scientist builds the perfect robot woman
> Muslim lawyer and preacher brands Christmas ‘evil’

Inebriated Press
December 12, 2008

Coded Bullet - Now it's safe.

Coded Bullet - Now it's safe.

WorldNetDaily reported that new legislation pending in several states has many gun owners worried that anti-gun groups are trying to attack their Second Amendment rights. If the new rules pass, manufacturers will be required to laser-etch a serial number into the back of bullets and the inside of all cartridge casings. A government database would then track all the ammo and link it to the buyer, and buyers may have to track any they give a hunting buddy or family member.  Meanwhile a Canadian has built Aiko, the perfect robot woman that the designer says could be turned into a sexual partner with a few “tweaks,” and a Muslim lawyer-preacher has deemed Christmas to be ‘evil’.  Pundits are debating whether tracking bullet casings will stop Muslims from blowing-up folks who like Christmas, or if their time would be better spent building robot partners and protesting for the right to marry them.

“Killers will kill whether you register their bullets or not, that’s been proven by all the guns that are registered and the ones used in crimes that have their serial numbers filed off. Law abiding citizens don’t kill innocent people with registered or unregistered guns and ammo, it’s the perpetuators that need to be registered,” said Heather Majors-Masterson, a heavily-armed heavily-chested free living and loving American woman, who works hard, plays hard and thinks dead terrorists are the better for it.  “You want to build artificial women and put numbers on bullets, you go ahead, but all you’ll do is create a big bureaucracy and new costs that won’t earn you jack.  Start killing the killers on death row and treating good women in good ways and you’ll make bigger gains.  And for all you Christmas haters out there: blow it out your ass.  If you don’t like it then ignore it, that’s what I’m doing to you.  It’s not that hard.”

Aiko un-tweaked but ready

Aiko un-tweaked but ready

Not everyone agrees with Majors-Masterson.  “All things should be numbered and traceable and the info should be kept in government databases where the politburo, I mean the federal government, can have access to it, and keep everybody in line by watching everything they do and tracking their movements and stuff,” said Sally I. Wanakanda, a Christmas-hating idealist, who believes that evil is made up, and sexually transmitted disease is just an excuse to avoid uninhibited sex.  “A lot of people misunderstand the benevolence of government and especially dictators and totalitarian regimes.  They’re all just doing their best to make you run your life properly.  And deep down, who doesn’t hate Christmas with all the ‘peace on earth’ bullshit and talk of reindeer and other imaginary creatures.  Someday I’ll get absolute power and clean up all this silliness.”

WorldNetDaily reported that an organization known as Ammunition Accountability is pushing to make coding technology mandatory across the nation. If states pass the legislation, manufacturers will be required to laser etch a serial number into the back of each bullet and the inside of cartridge casings, a patented process developed by Seattle, Wash., resident Russ Ford and his business partners, Steve Mace and John Knickerbocker. According to its sample legislation, manufacturers would be forced to code all ammunition sold. Private citizens and retail outlets would be required to dispose of all non-coded ammunition no later than Jan. 1, 2011. Each vendor would record the following information about customers who buy the ammunition: Date, name, driver’s license or ID number, date of birth and ammunition identifier. The businesses would maintain records for three years from the date of purchase.

The National Rifle Association warns encoding ammunition would result in forfeiture of currently owned ammunition, separate registration for every box of ammo, outrageously expensive costs for police and private citizens and wasted taxpayer money that could be spent on traditional police programs. The NRA also suggests private citizens could be required to keep records on anyone who uses or buys their ammunition – even family members and friends. Furthermore, it said lawbreakers could find ways to prevent their bullets from being traced. “Criminals could beat the system,” the NRA claims. “A large percentage of criminals’ ammunition (and guns) is stolen. Criminals could also collect ammunition cases from shooting ranges, and reload them with molten lead bullets made without serial numbers.” Some bloggers suggested criminals could simply modify their own rounds by removing the coding before firing them. 

Inventor, lover and friend

Inventor, lover and friend

The U.K. Sun reported that Canadian inventor Le Trung, has brought a “female” robot to “life.”  Her name is Aiko, she can read a map, and will never, ever, nag. The Fembot is “in her 20s” — has a stunning 32-23-33 figure, pretty face and shiny hair. She is always happy to clean the house for “husband” Le, help with his accounts or get him a drink. Computer ace Le, 33, from Ontario, Canada, has spent two years and £14,000 building his dream girl. He had planned to make an android to care for the elderly. But his project — inspired by sci-fi robots like Star Wars’s C3PO — strayed off-course. Le said: “Aiko is what happens when science meets beauty.”

Robo-wife Aiko starts the day by reading Le the main newspaper headlines. The couple often go for a drive in the countryside, where Aiko proves a whizz at directions. And they always sit down for dinner together in the evening, although Aiko doesn’t have much of an appetite. Le says his relationship with Aiko hasn’t strayed into the bedroom, but a few “tweaks” could turn her into a sexual partner. Le said: “Her software could be redesigned to simulate her having an orgasm.” Aiko can already react to being tickled or touched. She also recognizes faces and speaks 13,000 sentences. Le said: “Aiko doesn’t need holidays, food or rest, and will work almost 24 hours a day. She is the perfect woman.”

Let's blow up Christmas!

Let's blow up Christmas!

The U.K. Telegraph reported that Muslim lawyer and preacher Anjem Choudary has branded Christmas “evil” in a sermon posted on the internet. Choudary, who recently praised the Mumbai terror attacks, urged all Muslims to reject traditional Christmas celebrations, claiming that they are forbidden by Allah. In the sermon posted on an Islamic website, he said: “In the world today many Muslims, especially those residing in western countries, are exposed to the evil celebration Christmas. The very concept of Christmas contradicts and conflicts with the foundation of Islam. Every Muslim has a responsibility to protect his family from the misguidance of Christmas, because its observance will lead to hellfire. Protect your Paradise from being taken away – protect yourself and your family from Christmas.” Choudary is Principal Lecturer at the London School of Shari’ah and a follower of the Islamist militant leader Omar Bakri Mohammed. Earlier this year, he led a meeting at the heart of the area where the liquid bombers lived, which warned of a British September 11.

Some people say that all religion, bullets and sex should be banned for the greater good.

“Humans are responsible for destroying the planet, for starting wars over religion and bombing children because they sing Christmas carols.  And children are disobedient and slothful and in general a waste of space, which is why abortionists keep promoting the freedom to kill them at older ages,” said a former Nazi who recently put his easy-going ways aside and got really hard-lined.  “If we banned all religions under penalty of death we’d be able to nuke most of the Middle East and North American lawfully, thereby destroying both the Great Satan and the Muslim hordes.  Then if we banned all bullets under penalty of death, we’d do away with all criminals and law enforcement.  Then if we banned sex under penalty of death we’d get rid of the remainder of humankind and free the earth of troublesome human impact on her climate.  Every clear thinking environmentalist has to support me.  It’s the next Great Idea.  I think Al Gore will get behind it.”

Accidental delivery

Accidental delivery

In other news, the U.K. Mail Online reported yesterday that the postal service accidentally delivered a Heckler and Koch assault rifle to grandmother Catherine Roots.  Apparently it was supposed to go to a police station.  “You just don’t expect something like that to be sent by a courier, as if it was a Christmas gift or something for the house,” said Ms. Roots. “My home is a smallholding with fields, caravans, holiday cottages and a horse-drawn carriage that I use for weddings. There’s no way you could confuse it with police headquarters.”  No word on whether etching numbers on bullets would have helped avoid the problem, or whether a Fembot would have seen it coming in advance and went away on Christmas holiday in order to avoid it.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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Obama Spins Gun Vote, Pistol Declared Medical Device, and Inflatable Breasts are Lost at Sea

> Barack Obama says gun-owning Americans have nothing to fear from his voting record
> New 9mm weapon certified as a Class I Medical Device by FDA
> Container with 130,000 inflatable breasts lost in Pacific

Inebriated Press
December 10, 2008

Silly gun toting American

Silly gun toting American

The Chicago Sun-Times reported that gun sales are shooting up around the country, and President-elect Barack Obama said Sunday that gun-owning Americans do not need to rush out and stock up before he is sworn in next month. Obama has voted for Draconian legislation against guns, and following his November election as U.S. president, gun sales in his home state of Illinois jumped 38%.  UK’s Sky News reported that the U.S. Food and Drug Administration has approved a new single-shot 9mm weapon called “The Palm Pistol” as a Class I Medical Device according to its maker, Constitution Arms. They say it’s ideal for use by the elderly and disabled.  Meanwhile, the U.K. Metro reported that 130,000 inflatable breasts went missing on the high seas while on route to Sydney, Australia, from Beijing.  Inebriated reporters are breaking out the eggnog and old movies as they contemplate guns and breasts, the way some people do sex and violence.

Sam Spade

Sam Spade

“I’ve always liked bombs and boobs in the movies and sometimes in real life, usually not at the same time — although it can get really interesting,” said Sam Spade, a hard ass movie detective, often found drinking bourbon, squeezing dames and cleaning a Webley-Fosbery .45. “I don’t trust anybody who votes for the most stringent forms of gun control, the most Draconian legislation, gun bans, ammunition bans and even an increase in federal excise taxes up to 500 percent for every gun and firearm sold, and then claims he believes in the second amendment.  Any guy who talks like that is parsing his words and redefining what he means as he goes.  I’ve met some of those sort of guys and had to slap them around.  They took it and liked it.  I’m not sure today’s America has the stomach for that kind of thing.  If the trend to the left keeps up, I’m not sure what America will have the stomach for.  Sad thing is it’ll mean tough hard ass American’s will be taking and liking it from assholes, tramps and terrorists.  If I wasn’t an imaginary character I’d come back and slap you in the face and try to wake you up myself.”

Not everyone agrees with Spade.  “The important thing is not that there are restrictive laws and reduced amounts of freedom coming to America, the important thing to remember is that when law-abiding citizens turn in their guns and ammo and focus only on inflatable breasts that are lost at sea, they’ll be all the better for it,” said a drunken hoot owl, who wandered into this story from another dimension outside of time and space.  “Polls show that Obama’s approval rating is higher than any first time president-elect.  And there are only a handful of conservative, freedom and personal responsibility cranks, who have a problem with the man.  When the Obama minions are leveraging politicians, company leaders and others who get in the way of Obamamania using the time-honored leftist tactics of intimidation and coercion; we’ll shove the nay-sayers to the side and get to making real progress.  Goofy gun owners think the original Constitution and Bill of Rights mean something in this day and age.  They’re out of touch with reality.  It’s about change baby.  America voted for change.  It’s a comin.”

The Palm Pistol

The Palm Pistol

The Chicago Sun-Times reported that as gun sales shoot up around the country, President-elect Barack Obama said Sunday that gun-owning Americans do not need to rush out and stock up before he is sworn in next month. “I believe in common-sense gun safety laws, and I believe in the second amendment,” Obama said at a news conference. “Lawful gun owners have nothing to fear. I said that throughout the campaign. I haven’t indicated anything different during the transition. I think people can take me at my word.”  But National Rifle Association spokesman Andrew Arulanandam said it’s not Obama’s words — but his legislative track record — that has gun-buyers flocking to the stores.

“Prior to his campaign for president, his record as a state legislator and as a U.S. Senator shows he voted for the most stringent forms of gun control, the most Draconian legislation, gun bans, ammunition bans and even an increase in federal excise taxes up to 500 percent for every gun and firearm sold,” Arulanandam said. Obama answered “yes” in 1996 to a questionnaire from an Illinois group on whether he supported a handgun ban. Nationally, background checks for gun purchases jumped nearly 49 percent during the week Obama was elected. Anecdotally, gun dealers around the country have reported spikes in sales. The Illinois State Rifle Association Reports gun sales for November were 38 percent higher than last year.

Palm Pistol with Dimensions’

Palm Pistol with Dimensions’

Sky News reported that a small arms manufacturer in the US is taking deposits for a gun specially designed for elderly and disabled people, who may be able to get it on prescription. The Palm Pistol is the world’s first ergonomic firearm, according to Constitution Arms. The single-shot 9mm weapon is grasped in the palm of the hand, with the barrel pointing out between the fingers. Instead of pulling a trigger to fire the gun, users press their thumb on a button at the top. “Point and shoot couldn’t be easier,” the New Jersey-based company claims on its website. And it goes on to say: “It is ideal for seniors, disabled or others who may have dexterity limitations or difficulty sighting and controlling a traditional revolver or semi-automatic pistol.” The Palm Pistol has been certified as a Class I Medical Device by the US Food and Drug Administration, Constitution Arms said. That means doctors could prescribe it to certain people, such as those who have had fingers amputated. The Palm Pistol will cost around $300 when it goes on sale.

Inflatable ego ... er boobs

Inflatable ego ... er boobs

The Metro reported that a magazine has asked beachcombers to keep a sharp eye out for inflatable breasts after 130,000 went missing en route to Sydney. Men’s magazine Ralph had intended to distribute the toys free with its January issue. It said the container left docks in Beijing two weeks ago but turned up empty in Sydney this week. The magazine’s editor Santi Pintado asked anyone with information on the current whereabouts of its freebie to get in touch. He said: “Unless Somali pirates have stolen them its difficult to explain where they are. If anyone finds any washed up on a beach, please let us know.”

Some people say that inflated egos have rougher edges than inflatable breasts, and are prone to rub people the wrong way.

Pamela Anderson

Pamela Anderson

“Anybody who continues to talk as though they can reinterpret things they’ve done and said with impunity, has an ego so big that it needs to be punctured and brought down to earth — or left to float out to sea,” said someone claiming to be Pamela Anderson, a blonde with a buoyant personality and a chest to match.  “What I mean is a person who constantly redefines who they are and what they mean will stop being believed and pretty soon their listeners will get pissed off and turn against them.  I kept upsizing my boobs and kept getting more and more popular with the guys and my TV show audiences, but they kept getting in my way when I bowled, so I downsized them.  My popularity went down with them. So I upsized again and so did my popularity.  What I’m saying is that if you do it right the first time and stick with it, you’ll avoid a lot of discomfort and surgical procedure. Changing back and forth a lot — whether it’s your belief system or your jugs — is uncomfortable and dangerous.  You risk infection in your mammaries and popularity.  That’s just the way it is, and no doctor prescribed 9mm can change it.”

Poking Box or High Tech Finger Pulling Joke?

Poking Box or High Tech Finger Pulling Joke?

In other news, a new Japanese toy lets you poke the inside of a box for endless fun.  Wired Gadgets reported last week that Bandai’s Tuttiki Bako (literally, ‘the poking box’) features a type of touch interface where you can ‘tease and harass the digital characters’ on-screen with your own finger.  According to the manufacturer, the box gives off a realistic sensation each time you touch a character, and you can see your own finger in the shadow-hand-style display. Apparently, this wonderful sounding feat is accomplished through motion sensors embedded inside the box. No word on what happens if other stuff is caught poking around in there or whether it’s FDA approved for the disabled and elderly, but word out of president-elect headquarters is that it’s getting a 500% tax when it comes to the U.S. in order to insure your safety.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

Suzanna Gratia-Hupp: What the Second Amendment is REALLY For
[Video at Google]

 

 

 

 

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