Tag Archives: Hillary Clinton

Obama, Pelosi, Clinton in Secret Kitten Club

> Powerful Kittenati Society Revealed
> Select group of powerful female politicos

Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
April 23, 2009

Power poltics
Power poltics

Inebriated Reporters Special Investigation Team (IRSIT) has uncovered a secret society for “politico women” whose members include Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi as primary leaders.  After paying off and sleeping with a number of highly connected officials over a period of several months, members if IRSIT have declared that the Kittenati Society is real, well connected, and despite a seemingly irrational penchant for holding meetings in the nude, a basic underground society designed to wield power in politics and society.

"Hanna"
“Hanna”

“It’s all about a new world order run by leftist women with a global outreach, secret knowledge about manipulation and exploitation of personal and corporate weakness, and a desire to ultimately hold public meetings in the nude,” said Hanna Playstation-Hydrolic, a well designed and powerful writer and part-time Hooters gal, who sometimes thinks like a video game but lifts weights like a cast iron machine.  “I had to sleep with several men and women to get this information and while I tend to be straight in my thinking and physical experimentation, the whole investigative process was kind of a rush.  Anyway, Michelle Obama, Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton are heading up the Kittenati Society, and when they have complete global control they’ll announce it at a press conference in the nude — which is the ultimate expression of power.”

Someone named Martha
Someone named Martha

Not everyone believes that the Kittenati Society exists or that leftist women want to wield power while not wearing clothing.  “The idea that Nancy Pelosi wants to rule the world naked is pretty crazy stuff, not the rule-the-world part, but her displaying saggy boobs to the masses and then trying to get them to do whatever she commands,” said Martha Laye-Mee, a cutting edge political analyst often confused with a porn star because of her last name.  “Michelle Obama is always running around sleeveless and kind of flaunts her body, so that kind of makes sense for her, and Hillary had that topless bust made of herself so I guess it fits her style.  Come to think of it, Pelosi is so arrogant that to make someone do her bidding while standing over them nude with her jugs at knee level would be a real power trip.  Maybe the Kittenati nudity angle isn’t so crazy after all.”

Insiders say some of the Kittenati activities include courses in world domination while wearing leather, how to exploit a male presidents sexual weakness so they’ll let you meet with government agencies that as first lady you normally couldn’t do, and how to cross your legs when meeting nude with other countries leaders so you only display the parts you want to.  Some connected officials say that consideration was made to allow Sarah Palin to join because she is attractive and politically connected, but she was excluded because her politics would have taken the group toward the conservative right. 

Sexual politics?
Sexual politics?

“Palin has a hot body and would have been able to control half of the world’s population on her own while governing in the nude, but she may have taken too much power from the left,” said a semi-clothed Kittenati member who refused to be identified, but who has lightening bolts tattooed around her left nipple and other  physical locations.  “The right is going to have to come up with their own secret society if they want to get conservative women running the world while going nude.  We leftists have our own thing going.”

The real puppet master
The real puppet master

U.S. political organizations, White House officials and government agencies all deny that the Kittenati Society exists.  “The idea is beyond absurd,” said Obama’s chief of staff Rahm Emanuel.  “We only take our orders from George Soros. God help us if he decides to start issuing them in the nude.  I’m creeped out just thinking about it, and there’s not much that creeps me out.  Holy shit.”

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Barely related documentation:

Secret society
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secret_society

Open Society Institute and Soros Foundations Network
http://www.soros.org/

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Obama Enjoys Anti-American Rants, Cheerleaders Enjoy Strip Clubs, and NATO runs Catch-and-Release Pirate Program

> Nicaraguan President rips America, Obama quietly takes notes
> High School cheerleaders take field trip to strip club
> NATO rescues fishermen from pirates, then frees the hijackers

Inebriated Press
April 22, 2009

HunksFox News reported Saturday that at the Summit of the Americas this past weekend, Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega ripped the U.S. as a terrorist nation for over 50 minutes, while President Obama sat listening quietly and taking notes.  And MSNBC reported last Friday that an Ohio teacher took a group of high school cheerleaders on a field trip to a male strip club.  Meanwhile, Fox News reported Saturday that NATO forces rescued 20 fishermen from pirates in the Gulf of Aden, but let the Somali hijackers go because they had no authority to arrest them.  Pundits are debating trends in leadership based on anti-Americanism, pro-pirate anti-hijacking, and sex-based field trips for underage schoolchildren. 

Someone named Maggie

Someone named Maggie

“The adults are all gone from American government and education, and all that’s left are people with the emotional equivalent of children, lacking both common sense and even the tiniest grasp of reality,” said Maggie Mae-Mooreless, an accountant and weightlifter who doubles as a hot blonde when she feels like it.  “Obama enjoyed Ortega’s rant against America because he felt like he was a kid again back in Jeremiah Wright’s church where he listened to him rant against the U.S. for twenty years.  Or, maybe it was like hanging with his Chicago neighbor Bill Ayers the Pentagon bomber who held fundraising events for Barack at his home where they talked treason. It probably felt like homecoming.  As far as NATO releasing pirate hijackers after catching them and then freeing their captives — that’s just beyond stupid.  Only the cheerleaders who want to hang with male stripers have a clue what they’re really doing.”

Ahmadinejad

Ahmadinejad

Not everyone agrees with Mae-Mooreless.  “There is nothing wrong with Obama admitting that America is a terrible country, responsible for all of the evil in the world, I’ve been saying that for years,” said Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, sharing an anti-American mind meld with Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega, but adding a few racial aspersions against the Jews.  “Bill Ayers is a patriot of the highest order and everyone should be bombing the Pentagon and preaching poetic anti-American diatribes in churches, synagogues and Mosques.  And then of course beheading infidels and other people I disagree with; taking money from hard working citizens who earn it and handing it around to those who don’t.  Basic bedlam and chaos, for god sake.  Prepping the way for the 12th Imam and Islam dominating the world and all that.  I wouldn’t mind a cheerleader or two to encourage this stuff.  Somali’s would do, they’ve got the right attitude.”

Hil & Obi

Hil & Obi

Fox News reported that at the Summit of the Americas this past weekend President Obama endured a 50-minute diatribe from socialist Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega that lashed out at a century of what he called terroristic U.S. aggression in Central America and included a rambling denunciation of the U.S.-imposed isolation of Cuba’s Communist government. Obama sat mostly unmoved during the speech but at times jotted notes. The speech was part of the opening ceremonies at the fifth Summit of the Americas here.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said, “I thought the cultural performance was fascinating.” Asked again about the Ortega speech, Clinton said: “To have those first class Caribbean entertainers all on one stage and to see how much was done in such a small amount of space, I was overwhelmed.” A senior administration official declined to criticize Ortega, saying the president wanted to focus on the future. Ortega’s speech, indulgent even by regional standards, also mocked the very summit he was attending and helping to open. Later, at a photo opportunity with Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, Obama held his tongue when asked what he thought about Ortega’s speech. In his 17-minute address to the summit, Obama misspoke on the sequence of events in Cuba.

CheerleadersMSNBC reported that a Butler Tech school district spokesman says teacher Lori Epperson took four high school cheerleaders to a male strip club.  Epperson has resigned from her teaching position in southwest Ohio. Epperson told school officials she had gotten permission from the parents of the 17- and 18-year-olds to bring them to Club Masque in Dayton. She says the girls asked her to take them to the bar.
 

Pirates, born to be free, even of NATO

Pirates, born to be free, even of NATO

Fox News reported that NATO forces rescued 20 fishermen from pirates who launched the latest attack in the Gulf of Aden on Saturday, but let the Somali hijackers go because they had no authority to arrest them. The release underscored the difficulties of stopping the skyrocketing piracy scourge in the Horn of Africa, where sea bandits also seized a Belgian-flagged ship carrying 10 foreign crew near the Seychelles islands and started hauling it toward Somalia.

“There isn’t a silver bullet” to solve the problem, said Roger Middleton, a piracy expert at London-based think-tank Chatham House. He said it’s common for patrolling warships to disarm then free brigands because they have rarely have jurisdiction to try them.

Some people say that instead of searching for a silver bullet, a few lead ones will do the trick.

Someone named Stacy

Someone named Stacy

“Blow the bastards away on the high seas or hang them from the yard arm the old fashioned way, but for crying out loud, when you catch them in the act of piracy, you don’t free them, holy shit,” said Stacy Anne-Freeport, an auto mechanic and pro-American citizen who values freedom, independence and the American way of life.  “Get some good old fashioned common sense back and we’ll solve half the world’s problems in an afternoon.”

In other news, Fox News reported that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad unleashed a blistering attack Monday against Israel and the United States, calling the Jewish state “racist” and lashing out at Americans for their support. Ahmadinejad called Israel the “most cruel and racist regime.” He followed by blaming the United States, Europe and Israel for the world’s financial crisis.  No word on whether Obama had anyone there taking notes for him, but when he sits down without conditions to chat about nukes with Ahmadinejad I’m guessing they’ll have plenty of anti-American ideas in common.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Obama Endures Ortega Diatribe
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/04/18/obama-endures-ortega-diatribe/

Strip club field trip
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30264815/

NATO Rescues 20 Fishermen From Pirates, Belgian Ship Seized
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,517042,00.html

Ahmadinejad Attacks Israel, U.S. at U.N. Racism Conference
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,517151,00.html

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Obama and Clinton Found in Love Nest

Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
December 30, 2008

73969402WM007_Democratic_PrStunned political pundits say president-elect Barack Obama and future Secretary of State Hillary Clinton were discovered shacked-up at an Arkansas resort, while former president Bill Clinton and first-lady-to-be Michelle Obama expressed disbelief from a Hooters in Chicago.  Inebriated reporters hiding in dumpsters and behind ice sculptures have the story.

081231_hillary_clinton1“I saw Hillary and Barack ice-skating together at an Arkansas resort and later disappear into a cabin with a pile of logs for a fire, and after I paid a local citizen who keeps recordings of wire-taps on all the cabins, I was given the story of the heated action that went on inside,” said Inebriated reporter Dank Apartment, a writer by trade and drinker out of habit.  “They had an emotional love-hate sexual-repressive relationship during the primaries.  Back then Barack said Hillary didn’t know shit about foreign policy and did nothing but have tea with foreign leaders’ wives; but now he’s named her to the top foreign policy position in the country and says she’s the nations top foreign policy expert.  It was just the sexual tension that brought out the conflicting statements, and now they’re working out that tension and are a lot more relaxed with each other.”

081231_james_carvilleNot everyone thinks it was Obama or Clinton. “I don’t think for one moment that Michelle and Bill were together at a Hooters in Chicago, there’s no doubt in my mind that it wasn’t really them,” said Democrat operative James Carvell, rubbing his head with bowling ball polish and yipping like a dog.  “Anyone who says it was is full of shit.  What did you say?  Barack and Hillary were naked together in a cabin?  I don’t know nothing, leave me alone.”

081231-super-obamaIn related news, Obama continues to say that all the statements he made during the primaries that conflict with what he’s doing now shouldn’t be seen as either lies or a change of positions.  “It was all preliminary stuff and you say whatever you need-to in order to get elected,” Obama reportedly said, while smoking a Marlboro he later claimed was a cheese stick.  “It’s not like politicians tell the truth or anything.  People know better than that.  We do whatever we want to, because we can.  Bill Clinton taught us that.  Now Hillary and I are revisiting it.  Why look so surprised?”

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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Monica Lewinsky and Hillary Clinton, New Obama Molls

Hillary eager to be part of Obama’s “adventure”
Lewinsky may join Obama administration; “honored by the opportunity”
Everything old is new again!

 

Inebriated Press
December 2, 2008

Team Players?

Team Players?

U.S. president-elect Barack Obama continued building his “team of rivals” by adding both of former president Bill Clinton’s Oral-Oval-Office sex-kittens to his administration.  CNN reported yesterday that Bill’s wife, U.S. Senator Hillary Clinton, is joining Obama’s national security team as secretary of state.  In accepting the offer Ms. Clinton said she wanted to be part of the “greatest adventure of our century.” And Yahoo! News reported last week that the Obama transition team is mulling a role for Monica Lewinsky in the new administration, and reportedly senior advisor David Axelrod likes the idea, but chief-of-staff Rahm Emanuel doesn’t.  Bill Clinton lied to a Grand Jury about sexual adventures with Ms. Lewinsky during his presidency, and these led to his impeachment hearings.  Pundits are debating what kind of “great adventure” Barack and his buddies have in mind for the Obama-Oral-Oval Office.

“All work and no play makes Barack a dull boy,” said Helga Monroe-Marilyn, a professional weight-lifter and part-time sex kitten, whose simultaneous dumb-bell and stripper-pole work is legendary down at Bobs’ Jiffy Lube and Strip Club. “Barack is a student of presidential administrations and he knows that President Lincoln’s ‘team of rivals’  made for some really interesting encounters during the Civil War, and that whenever Bill Clinton got Hillary and Monica in the same room to discuss sex and foreign policy, he had some of the most stimulating conversations – and other stuff – in his entire life.  Barack is smart enough to have learned from the two great former presidents and is fashioning his own Oval Office adventures by putting both pieces of ass, I mean both professional women, into key roles.” 

Adventurous Monica

Adventurous Monica

Not everyone sees it the way Monroe-Marilyn does.  “The guy’s playing with fire and if he’s not careful he’s going to get burned, and burned badly,” said someone claiming to be Leon Panetta, Bill Clinton’s former White House chief of staff; a man known for taking cover under Bill’s desk during various ‘adventures’. “Obama may have dodged the Jeremiah Wright, Bill Ayers and Tony Rezko shrapnel when those adventures took a bad turn, but he’s never toyed with the affections and aggression hard-wired into Hillary and Monica.  You can say he’ll handle them because he can get along with his hard-ass wife Michelle, but that’s only because she never suspected him of screwing around at work.  This is going to be different.  Obama is surrounding himself with way too many former Clinton administration people, and now even with the women Clinton was sexually involved with.  I guess Obama likes the high-wire act, but if he’s not careful these people will eat him alive.  And I mean that on all kinds of levels, and not all of them good.”

CNN reported that Senator Hillary Clinton decided to join her one-time rival’s team because she wanted to be part of the “greatest adventure of our century,” she said Monday after President-elect Barack Obama named her as his nominee for secretary of state. Clinton said she would work to restore America’s position as “a force for positive change” in the world. During the news conference, Obama called Clinton a woman of “extraordinary intelligence and toughness” who will “command respect in every capital.” In a statement, President Clinton said he was “deeply proud” that Obama has chosen his wife to be secretary of state.

081202-time-bill-monicaYahoo! News reported that President-Elect Barack Obama’s transition team is reported to be deeply divided over whether to offer a post to Monica Lewinsky, the former White House Intern whose intimate relationship with President Bill Clinton led to his impeachment. One group, which includes David Axelrod, Mr. Obama’s campaign manager who has been named his senior advisor, favors the move to balance the influence of the Clinton-era policy people by adding someone with a different perspective. A second faction led by Mr. Obama’s Chief-of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, is bitterly opposed believing that a Lewinsky appointment would needlessly antagonize the Clintons and their supporters. Before being elected to Congress, Mr. Emanuel served as a senior advisor to President Clinton.

New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson, Mr. Obama’s choice for Secretary of Commerce, said that Lewinsky was “a fresh face” with “a lot to offer.” Former South Dakota Senator Tom Daschle, who is expected to be nominated as Secretary of Health and Human Services, said that Miss Lewinsky’s presence in the White House would be “a huge distraction.” Monica Lewinsky was not available for comment. Through her attorney, William Ginsburg, she released a statement, which read, in part, “I am honored and humbled by the opportunity to serve my country again at this crucial juncture in our history.”

Some people say that service to ones country can take many forms, and sometimes the more of them, the better.

081202-hillary_clinton_cleavage“I heard that Monica has a master’s in Social Psychology now from the London School of Economics, so she can talk both econ and blow jobs using a combination of theory and experience,” said a passerby who refused to be identified for no particular reason.  “When you add Hillary’s relationship with Bill at all levels – sexual and policy — and then put these two women in the same room, Barack will be able to converse at the highest levels of economics, foreign policy and sex — traditional and extra marital.  Who wouldn’t want that opportunity if they were running the White House?  This Barack, he really is a genius, no doubt about it – that is if he doesn’t get his nuts cut off in some argument with them.  I hear Hillary still carries Bill’s balls in her purse after his Lewinsky affair.  What the hell.  Any guy who’ll sit down unconditionally with Iran’s Ahmadinejad must think he’s quick enough to protect his nad’s when the going gets rough.  More power to ‘em.”

In other news, the Associated Press reported last week that experts are encouraging people to take naps without guilt.  They say that taking a nap may boost a sophisticated kind of memory that helps us see the big picture and get creative. “Not only do we need to remember to sleep, but most certainly we sleep to remember,” is how Dr. William Fishbein, a cognitive neuroscientist at the City University of New York, put it at a meeting of the Society for Neuroscience last week. Fishbein says our brains keep working during naps and use the time to solve problems and come up with new ideas. No word on how many naps resulted in Obama’s decision to sign up both Hillary and Monica, but some people suspect he’s still asleep and they’re hoping to wake up from the dream themselves.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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