Tag Archives: Hugh Hefner

Virgin may Buy Playboy, Jeans Cause Tingling Thighs, and India Killed all the Dinosaurs

> Playboy loses millions, Virgin reportedly buyer
> Skinny jeans causing “tingling thighs syndrome”
> India’s volcanoes made Dinosaurs extinct

Inebriated Press
May 28, 2009

PEOPLE ALBAThe UK Daily Mail reported Sunday that Playboy has lost millions of dollars and Hugh Hefner is reported to be selling the company for nearly £200million, with Virgin tipped as a potential buyer. And, MyFox National reported Tuesday that “tingling thigh syndrome,” or meralgia paresthetica, which usually affects obese people or manual laborers, is cropping up in younger people — because they’re wearing skinny jeans.  Meanwhile, the Christian Science Monitor reported Saturday that the dinosaurs didn’t become extinct until 300,000 years after an asteroid slammed into Mexico, so the new theory is that volcanic eruptions in India wiped them out. Pundits are debating what gives them tingles: tight jeans, Playboy or dinosaur extinction theories.

Someone named Mandy

Someone named Mandy

“I admit enjoying dinosaur theories, and the tingling and numbness in my thighs from my skinny jeans were kind of interesting, but a guy I met after I did a Playboy spread actually gave me the best tingles overall,” said Mandy Maebee-Mitebee, a model and part-time Internet sensation best known for her rice pudding recipes. “I don’t know if Virgin will buy Playboy or whether everyone will give up skinny jeans because they’re losing feeling in their legs, but lay out whatever theory you want, the dinosaurs are all gone.  And if the Republicans don’t get their shit together they’ll be extinct too and so will traditional America. I might be loose with my morals and tight with my jeans, but I’m fiscally conservative and have had enough of Obama after his 100 days.  We’ve got to stop these trillion dollar spending programs and fast.”

Someone named Lucy

Someone named Lucy

Not everyone agrees with Maebee-Mitebee.  “I wear the jeans I want and no one needs to tell me if I’m comfortable.  The dinosaurs are gone, okay, whatever.  Virgin running Playboy?  Isn’t that counterintuitive, or something … I mean virgins, really,” asked Lucy Laiz-Nowon, a particle physicist and postal recipient who likes catalogues.  “Obama has things in hand and all we have to do is our jobs, let him and the Dem’s run things and watch the world go happily around.  Finally someone who looks nice, sounds nice, and runs the country as though he knows what he’s doing.  Maybe he does, maybe not, but I like him and that’s all that matters.  My IQ may be 200 but that doesn’t mean I’m anal.  There are some things I just don’t give a shit about and government is one of them.  Why bother?”

Hugh Hefner and friends

Hugh Hefner and friends

The Daily Mail reported that Hugh Hefner could soon be parting ways with the soft-porn empire he founded more than 56 years ago. The 83-year-old is reported to be selling the company for nearly £200million, with Virgin tipped as a potential buyer. Although the magazine was read by a quarter of all university students in its heyday in the 1970s, its circulation has taken a battering from the availability of free pornography on the internet. Earlier this month, Playboy announced it had made losses of £8.6million for the first three months of this year, compared to a £2.6million loss for the corresponding period in 2008. The company is said to have been furiously cutting costs and has reportedly sacked 25 per cent of its staff. Virgin Media’s name has been raised as a potential buyer by speculators, but no official interest in the acquisition has been confirmed.

Skinny jeans

Skinny jeans

MyFox National reported it turns out that “tingling thigh syndrome,” or meralgia paresthetica, which usually affects obese people or manual laborers, is cropping up in younger people. The onslaught on skinny jeans on the market has caused some younger people to suffer from the symptoms of this condition. MSNBC.com writes that experts have seen a rise in the condition among young women. One woman describes a tingly sensation running up and down her thighs while wearing tight jeans. According to the Mayo Clinic Web site, meralgia paresthetica is a condition characterized by tingling, numbness and burning pain in the outer part of your thigh. Lucky in most cases the condition can be relieved by conservative measures, such as wearing looser clothing. Salon.com says the condition may not be affecting very many people. “Numbers are hard to come by, but I think it’s safe to say we could be talking about handfuls of young women,” writes Kate Harding.

DinosaursThe Christian Science Monitor reported that for about 30 years, people have believed that dinosaurs were rendered extinct after a six-mile-wide asteroid slammed into what’s now the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico some sixty-five million years ago. But the April 27 issue of Journal of the Geological Society claims that mass extinctions didn’t occur until perhaps 300,000 years after the asteroid impact. Another study, reported in the journal Paleontologia Electronica, finds evidence that pockets of dinosaurs might have lived on after the asteroid strike. Princeton geoscientist Gerta Keller believes volcanic eruptions in India were responsible for extinctions. Critics — the majority of scientists in the field — remain unconvinced.

Ready for nursing, er

Ready for nursing, er

In other news, Australia’s WA Today reported Monday that an understaffed Prague clinic has signed up nurses by offering boob jobs, liposuction and tummy tucks as a bonus. Nurses, doctors and secretaries who signed with the small private clinic for three years could choose their free plastic surgery. Many Czech nurses have been tempted out of the country by higher wages offered in western European nations and the Czech health system now needs about 6,000 nurses in addition to the 90,000 it already employs, according to official data. No word on how Prague clinics feel about dinosaur extinction theory or if any of the nurses suffer from tingling thighs, but with their silicone bonuses they may be appearing soon in a new Czech Nurse Playboy spread on a Virgin cell phone near you.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Playboy for sale after making a loss of millions – and Virgin is tipped as a potential buyer
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1187066/Playboy-sale-making-loss-millions–Virgin-tipped-potential-buyer.html

Jeans May Cause Tingling Thigh Syndrome
http://www.myfoxdc.com/dpp/news/consumers/dpgo_Tingling_Thigh_Syndrome_fc_20090526_2513909

New dinosaur-extinction theories pop the big rock
http://www.suntimes.com/news/nation/1588538,CST-NWS-dino24.article

Czech clinic lures nurses with free boob jobs, tummy tucks
http://www.watoday.com.au/world/czech-clinic-lures-nurses-with-free-boob-jobs-tummy-tucks-20090525-bkmb.html

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Rich Guys Give More Orgasms, Playboy Bunny Cheats on Hugh, Researchers Study Blondes

> Scientists say wealthy men give women more orgasms
> Former Playmate admits cheating on Hugh Hefner
> Academic conference discusses blondes and sexual desire

Inebriated Press
January 23, 2009

Kendra 'Money Doesn't Equal Orgasm' Wilkinson

Kendra 'Money Doesn't Equal Orgasm' Wilkinson

The UK Times Online reported this week that a new study by Newcastle University scientists says that women’s orgasm frequency increases with the income of their partner.  And New Zealand’s Stuff.com reported that former Playboy bunny Kendra Wilkinson cheated on ex-boyfriend Hugh Hefner because the magazine founder couldn’t satisfy her.  Meanwhile, United Press International reported that researchers at the Sorbonne in Paris said an upcoming conference at the school will be focused on the link between blond hair and sexual desire.  Pundits are debating money, sex and hair color the way Bill Clinton does whenever Hillary is out of town — and with her new job as Obama’s Secretary of State — that’s even more often than it used to be. 

“I’ve done blondes and brunettes with cigars and half dollars by the gross back in my Oval Office days, and you can always get what you want with enough power whether you’ve got the bucks or not,” said someone claiming to be Bill Clinton, speaking through an interpreter at the Horny Mole Book, Beer and Strip Club for Intellectuals and Unclaimed Husbands.  “You can study this stuff all you want but it’s a waste of time to those of us who’d rather just do it.  That’s how I got the Playboy chick to sneak out on Hef for me.  I don’t know if I gave out any more orgasms than I did political pardons, but I got what I wanted and that’s what matters.”

Spitzer with Wife not Hooker

Spitzer with Wife not Hooker

Some people say money and sex makes the world go ’round regardless the color of your hair or political power.  “The development of civilization as we know it was built on sex and money.  It goes back to the world’s oldest profession — hooking, and to the second oldest — politics,” said former New York Governor Spitzer, contemplating lost youth, sex and power, but not necessarily in that order.  “From the day that Adam noticed Eve was naked to the day Judah gave a goat to his daughter-in-law in exchange for sex, thinking she was a hooker.  Throughout history, sex and money, or goats, have been in the offing and it’s the foundation of the world and society.  It’s all there in the Biblical book of Genesis and believe me I don’t quote it as much as I used to.”

Bill & Malinda Gates, Money & Mojo?

Bill & Malinda Gates, Money & Mojo?

Times Online reported that scientists have found that the pleasure women get from making love is directly linked to the size of their partner’s bank balance. They found that the wealthier a man is, the more frequently his partner has orgasms. “Women’s orgasm frequency increases with the income of their partner,” said Dr Thomas Pollet, the Newcastle University psychologist behind the research. He believes the phenomenon is an “evolutionary adaptation” that is hard-wired into women, driving them to select men on the basis of their perceived quality. The study is certain to prove controversial, suggesting that women are inherently programmed to be gold-diggers. However, it fits into a wider body of research known as evolutionary psychology which suggests that both men and women are genetically predisposed to ruthlessly exploit each other to achieve the best chances of survival for their genes. Pollet, and Professor Daniel Nettle, his co-author, believe that the female orgasm is an evolutionary adaptation that drives women to choose and retain high-quality partners. 

Kendra on the lam

Kendra on the lam

Stuff.com reported that former Playboy bunny Kendra Wilkinson cheated on ex-boyfriend Hugh Hefner because the iconic men’s magazine founder couldn’t satisfy her. The 23-year-old star – who recently moved out of the Playboy Mansion after splitting from the 82-year-old lothario – admits she used to “sneak” out of the famous party house to get the satisfaction Hugh couldn’t provide. She said: “I had to have sex every now and then, so I had to kind of sneak it. I had to have sex so I could feel my age, like a healthy human being.” The star said she found living in the mansion stifling, as she had little freedom. “Now I’m totally against his way of life,” she said. “With three girlfriends and all of that.”

UPI reported that researchers at the Sorbonne in Paris said an upcoming conference at the school will be focused on the link between blond hair and sexual desire. The Jan. 16-17 conference, titled “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” after the Howard Hawks-directed film starring Marilyn Monroe, will involve experts in literature, art, music and film discussing possible answers to questions including: “Why does the blonde exert such fascination and awaken so many fantasies?”

Kendra tried sports to take her mind off sex

Kendra tried sports to take her mind off sex

“Blondness awakens desire, probably because of the ambivalence it carries, from innocence to perversion,” said Marie-Camille Bouchindomme, an organizer of the conference. “Blond hair is an attribute of Venus, the goddess of carnal love, whose hair is sometimes the final rampart against her modesty.” Bouchindomme said discussions will be held to discuss the portrayals of blond women in paintings, books and the films of directors including Alfred Hitchcock, David Lynch and Brian De Palma.

In other news, Britney Spears has been working out like crazy and whipped her body into shape as she prepares for her tour “The Circus Starring Britney Spears.”  No word on the orgasmic frequency of rich singers on tour, but Brit’s blonde and in shape so she’s probably going to drive some guys crazy again.  Or something like that.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

Source documents:

Brit's bod is back

Brit's bod is back

Wealthy men give women more orgasms
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/science/article5537017.ece

Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%203:7-8;&version=31;

When Judah saw her, he thought she was a prostitute
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%2038:13-17;&version=31;

Playboy bunny admits cheating on Hugh
http://www.stuff.co.nz/4820586a1860.html

Academic conference discusses blondes
http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/01/14/Academic_conference_discusses_blondes/UPI-57071231966649/

Your First Look at Britney’s Tour
http://www.britneyspears.com/2009/01/exclusive-tour-rehearsal-pics.php?bfm_index=0&bfm_page=0

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