> Powerful Kittenati Society Revealed
> Select group of powerful female politicos
Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
April 23, 2009
- Power poltics
Inebriated Reporters Special Investigation Team (IRSIT) has uncovered a secret society for “politico women” whose members include Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi as primary leaders. After paying off and sleeping with a number of highly connected officials over a period of several months, members if IRSIT have declared that the Kittenati Society is real, well connected, and despite a seemingly irrational penchant for holding meetings in the nude, a basic underground society designed to wield power in politics and society.
“It’s all about a new world order run by leftist women with a global outreach, secret knowledge about manipulation and exploitation of personal and corporate weakness, and a desire to ultimately hold public meetings in the nude,” said Hanna Playstation-Hydrolic, a well designed and powerful writer and part-time Hooters gal, who sometimes thinks like a video game but lifts weights like a cast iron machine. “I had to sleep with several men and women to get this information and while I tend to be straight in my thinking and physical experimentation, the whole investigative process was kind of a rush. Anyway, Michelle Obama, Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton are heading up the Kittenati Society, and when they have complete global control they’ll announce it at a press conference in the nude — which is the ultimate expression of power.”
- Someone named Martha
Not everyone believes that the Kittenati Society exists or that leftist women want to wield power while not wearing clothing. “The idea that Nancy Pelosi wants to rule the world naked is pretty crazy stuff, not the rule-the-world part, but her displaying saggy boobs to the masses and then trying to get them to do whatever she commands,” said Martha Laye-Mee, a cutting edge political analyst often confused with a porn star because of her last name. “Michelle Obama is always running around sleeveless and kind of flaunts her body, so that kind of makes sense for her, and Hillary had that topless bust made of herself so I guess it fits her style. Come to think of it, Pelosi is so arrogant that to make someone do her bidding while standing over them nude with her jugs at knee level would be a real power trip. Maybe the Kittenati nudity angle isn’t so crazy after all.”
Insiders say some of the Kittenati activities include courses in world domination while wearing leather, how to exploit a male presidents sexual weakness so they’ll let you meet with government agencies that as first lady you normally couldn’t do, and how to cross your legs when meeting nude with other countries leaders so you only display the parts you want to. Some connected officials say that consideration was made to allow Sarah Palin to join because she is attractive and politically connected, but she was excluded because her politics would have taken the group toward the conservative right.
- Sexual politics?
“Palin has a hot body and would have been able to control half of the world’s population on her own while governing in the nude, but she may have taken too much power from the left,” said a semi-clothed Kittenati member who refused to be identified, but who has lightening bolts tattooed around her left nipple and other physical locations. “The right is going to have to come up with their own secret society if they want to get conservative women running the world while going nude. We leftists have our own thing going.”
- The real puppet master
U.S. political organizations, White House officials and government agencies all deny that the Kittenati Society exists. “The idea is beyond absurd,” said Obama’s chief of staff Rahm Emanuel. “We only take our orders from George Soros. God help us if he decides to start issuing them in the nude. I’m creeped out just thinking about it, and there’s not much that creeps me out. Holy shit.”
(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com
Barely related documentation:
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Open Society Institute and Soros Foundations Network