Tag Archives: Islamic extremism

Home Grown US Terrorism, Breastfeeding Boosts GPA, and Most American’s are Conservatives

> American-born Islamic murderer spikes fear of more
> Breastfeeding leads to higher grade point average and college attendance
> Gallup poll: 40% of Americans are conservative, 35% moderate, 21% liberal

Inebriated Press
June 17, 2009

Harvesting higher IQ's and better GPA's

Harvesting higher IQ's and better GPA's

Associated Press reported Monday that an American-born Tennessee youth who became an Islamic extremist and then murdered U.S. Army recruiter Pvt. William Andrew Long on June 1 while he stood outside his Arkansas office smoking a cigarette, is sparking fears that there may be more.  And United Press International reported Monday that a new study shows that breastfeeding is associated with an increase in high school grade point average, and an increase in odds of attending college.  Meanwhile, Gallup reported on Monday that 40% of Americans interviewed in a new poll say their political views are conservative, while 35% consider themselves moderate, and 21% are liberal.  Pundits are debating how to get more people to breastfeed so their IQ’s are higher and they vote using common sense, so the U.S. will return to a free market economy, support individual and states’ rights, and fight terrorism in a practical waterboarding-if-necessary way in America and abroad.

Some guy named Zachary

Some guy named Zachary

“I think that with all the other crap the Democrats are sticking into their multi-trillion-dollar spending bills that we should be able to slip a breastfeeding provision into the healthcare bill.  If it’s found-out and fought by liberals, we may be able to get Bill Clinton to support it and offset them; I know he’s into breasts and stuff.  And once American’s are breastfeeding during office breaks and so-on, we’ll drive up the nations IQ average to a level where we’ll start behaving like traditional common-sense America again,” said Zachary Taylor-Maid, a golf shop pro and breast milk aficionado.  “I mean there’s serious shit to do, and we have to do it fast.  Obama is bankrupting the country and setting the stage for hyper inflation.  China, Russia and India are bailing U.S. Treasury’s and with U.S. printing presses hemorrhaging thousand dollar bills our currency will become worthless.  Meanwhile, he’s giving Miranda rights to terrorists in Afghanistan and taking away individual freedoms from Americans — all the way down to our friggin pocket knives.  Traditional America is on the ropes here.  The recent Republican Congress screwed up, but Obama and the Democrat Congress have us on a course to become a third world economy run by a Latin American styled dictatorship.  I’m worried whether there’s enough breast milk in America to turn this thing around as fast as we need to.”

Someone named Amy

Someone named Amy

“Not everyone thinks like Taylor-Maid.  “I’d be willing to chip-in a little breast milk if I was lactating, if I actually thought that creating a human breast milk product for American’s would be good for the country.  But let’s face it, this is crazy talk.  If you think that breast milk is better for you than Jack Daniels then you’ll probably also believe that Barack Obama doesn’t understand basic economics, rule of law and the U.S. Constitution.  We all know deep down that Barry is like a god and is doing an ingenious job of saving our country,” said Amy Clambake-Hymlick, an alfalfa sprout inspector and part-time nudist.  “The crazy right needs to chill out and realize that there are going to be an occasional US-born Islamic killer who shoots people because he disagrees with them. We’re all part of the whole world now, and there’ll probably be some Islamic extremist beheadings of Christians in the U.S. and there’ll probably be a few complaints when Barack creates his internal army and takes Americans guns and pocketknives away.  But it’s all part of the hope and change plan.  It’s nothing to worry about; Barry is simply integrating America into the world and making it more like a combination of the Middle East, Western Europe and Latin America.  Old style Constitutional law, individual freedom and free market economics don’t fit his vision.  It’s time we relax and get used to it.”

Arkansas JihadAssociated Press reported that Carlos Bledsoe’s transformation from Tennessee youth to an American-born Islamic extremist charged in a bloody rampage outside an Arkansas military recruiting station may signal an ominous new wave of violent homegrown jihadists, counterterror officials say. National security officials have long feared the emergence of a new breed of American militants who would raise little suspicion as they move in and out of the country carrying out the aims of terrorist groups like al-Qaida. Abdulhakim Muhammad, who grew up in Memphis, Tenn., converted to the Islamic faith, changed his name from Bledsoe, and traveled to Yemen in 2007. He was later arrested for overstaying his visa and deported back to the U.S. Muhammad was charged with killing Pvt. William Andrew Long, 23, of Conway, Ark., who had just completed basic training and was volunteering at the west Little Rock recruiting office before starting an assignment in South Korea. He was shot dead on June 1 while smoking a cigarette outside the building. An FBI-Homeland Security intelligence assessment document suggested Muhammad may have considered targeting other locations, including Jewish and Christian sites in several eastern U.S. cities.

Pvt. William Andrew Long

Pvt. William Andrew Long

Muhammad, 23, told The Associated Press in a jail cell interview last week that the shootings were an “act for the sake of God, for the sake of Allah, the Lord of all the world, and also a retaliation on U.S. military.” Earlier this year four Muslim ex-convicts were arrested in New York for allegedly plotting to bomb synagogues and shoot down military planes. While federal authorities foiled the plan, the incident inflamed concerns about the spread of Islamic extremism in prisons. Counterterrorism officials warn that unless individuals attract attention either through criminal behavior or even threat-laced Internet postings, U.S.-born radicals — particularly those operating alone — could go unseen until they take action. “One of the scariest things is that we don’t have a profile for how someone becomes radicalized,” said counterterrorism expert Matthew Levitt. “It’s different for everybody.”

This is raising his IQ, right?

This is raising his IQ, right?

United Press International reported that breastfeeding was associated with an increase in high school grade point average and an increase in the odds of attending college, U.S. researchers said. The study, published in the Journal of Human Capital, looked at the academic achievement of siblings — one of whom was breast fed as an infant and one of whom was not — found that an additional month of breastfeeding was associated with an increase in high school GPA of 0.019 points and an increase in the probability of college attendance of 0.014. “The results of our study suggest that the cognitive and health benefits of breast feeding may lead to important long-run educational benefits for children,” Sabia said in a statement.

Click to enlarge

Click to enlarge

Gallup.com reported that thus far in 2009, 40% of Americans interviewed in national Gallup Poll surveys describe their political views as conservative, 35% as moderate, and 21% as liberal. This represents a slight increase for conservatism in the U.S. since 2008, returning it to a level last seen in 2004. The 21% calling themselves liberal is in line with findings throughout this decade, but is up from the 1990s. These annual figures are based on multiple national Gallup surveys conducted each year, in some cases encompassing more than 40,000 interviews. The 2009 data are based on 10 separate surveys conducted from January through May. Thus, the margins of error around each year’s figures are quite small, and changes of only two percentage points are statistically significant. Thus far in 2009, Gallup has found an average of 36% of Americans considering themselves Democratic, 28% Republican, and 37% independent. When independents are pressed to say which party they lean toward, 51% identify as Democrats, 39% as Republicans, and only 9% as pure independents.

Living on the edge

Living on the edge

In other news, Forbes reported on Saturday that driving is the greatest threat to a woman’s health. If you’re like most women, you probably think breast cancer or maybe heart disease is the greatest risk to your health. Guess again. The real culprit is getting behind the wheel. Automobile accidents are the leading cause of death in women under the age of 35, according to the Centers for Disease Control, and are also a major cause of traumatic brain injury and fatality in women of all ages. But before you throw in your keys for good, a wealth of new research shows that auto accidents are highly preventable. The single best way to stay safe can be summed up like so: “Avoid getting distracted while operating your vehicle.” 

Ben & Jerry'sNo word on whether consuming breast milk or driving during lactation has any impact, but American’s were certainly distracted during the recent elections and the country has crashed into a ditch and our leadership has accelerated us toward a massive cliff.  Here’s hoping we come to our senses with or without pausing for afternoon breast milk breaks.  Mmmm IQ-building GPA-enhancing sweet-breast-milk breaks … who cares what Obama is doing!     Sorry about that, I think Obama & Company may be driving me mad.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Recruiter shootings spark homegrown terror fears
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090615/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/us_homegrown_radicals?ic

Breastfeeding may boost grades
http://www.upi.com/Health_News/2009/06/15/Breastfeeding-may-boost-grades/UPI-27101245042298/

“Conservatives” Are Single-Largest Ideological Group
http://www.gallup.com/poll/120857/Conservatives-Single-Largest-Ideological-Group.aspx

Driving is the real threat to a woman’s health
http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20090611/Forbes_women_health_090613/20090613?s_name=Autos

Comments Off on Home Grown US Terrorism, Breastfeeding Boosts GPA, and Most American’s are Conservatives

Filed under Humor, IP News

Senator Money Grubbing, Subway Boob Grabbing, While Waterboarding Pays Off Big

> California Dem uses taxpayer money to get hubby $13 mil.
> Subway groper grabs and runs, says “it’s a free country”
> Obama intel chief says waterboarding worked; statement cut from Obama’s CIA release

Inebriated Press
April 24, 2009

Feinstein and friend at recent event

Feinstein and friend at recent event

The Washington Times reported Tuesday that Democrat Senator Dianne Feinstein introduced legislation to route $25 billion in taxpayer money to a government agency that awarded her husband’s firm a lucrative contract. At the time of the deal Feinstein’s husband bought 10 million shares in the company whose value then leapt on the government award, increasing over a dollar per share for a tidy $13.4 million in profit. 

UK’s The Sun reported Tuesday that Colin Franklin assaulted five women in the subway during a 16-month spree across London, where he grabbed their breasts.  One girl screamed “What do you think you’re doing?” and he said “It’s a free country.”  Meanwhile, The New York Times reported Wednesday that Adm. Dennis C. Blair, Obama’s national intelligence director told colleagues in a memo last week that harsh interrogation techniques did produce significant information that helped fight terrorism.  Blair’s assessment was deleted from a condensed version of his memo released to the media last Thursday.  Some pundits say all’s fair in money grubbing and boob grabbing, and freedom-fighting terrorists should be left alone.

Someone named Mabel, getting tactile

Someone named Mabel, getting tactile

“Government corruption and cronyism is a long standing tradition among societies just like sexual assault and murder, and the fact that it’s going on shows how vital and healthy a social system is,” said Mabel Maibee-Moron, a postal recipient, part time vagrant and full time Obama supporter.  “Let’s not get confused by some minor income redistribution efforts that well meaning Democrats are engaged in, or by boob grabbers — heaven knows I’d like mine grabbed way more than they are.  A little freelance boob grabbing is good for everybody.  But on the waterboarding crap, that’s got to stop.  Just because some people crashed planes into the World Trade Center on 9-11 and would have destroyed buildings in downtown Los Angeles if we hadn’t waterboarded that al Qaeda guy for the intel that stopped it, doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t respect their right to disapprove of our country.  We’ve got to be more tolerant.  Thankfully Barack is hanging with the Iranian president, and South American dictators like he did back in Chicago with the Pentagon bomber and anti-American pastor.  Finally we’re respecting violent dissent the way we should.”

Someone named Lilly

Someone named Lilly

Not everyone agrees with Maibee-Moron.  “All the talk about hope and change spun by Obama and the Democrats and now what are they doing with it?  Robbing the country blind and setting us up for hyper inflation and economic ruin, all while dismantling the system that has kept the country safe since 9-11.  Pardon my French, but this is bullshit,” said Lilly Sunn-Beem, a landscape contractor in the flower of womanhood, who despite a sunny disposition is put off by morons of all stripes.  “We have official government corruption as well as unofficial cronyism.  Hell, the head of Treasury who oversees the IRS cheats on his taxes — I guess he won’t be audited this year.  And nobody grabs my boobs unless I want them too.  It’s as bad as Obama taking my money and handing it to vagrants who’ve done nothing for it, except this is physical.  Coping a feel is not a ‘right’.  Regarding waterboarding, hell, we’ve waterboarded more of our own military personnel as part of their training than we’ve ever waterboarded terrorists.  And when it saves lives and protects the country, you do it.  Is there no common sense left in Washington?  Is everyone there just padding their pockets and spending our money with no time left to think clearly?  Holy shit.”

Gett'n grabby

Gett'n grabby

The Washington Times reported that on the day the new Congress convened this year, Sen. Dianne Feinstein introduced legislation to route $25 billion in taxpayer money to a government agency that had just awarded her husband’s real estate firm a lucrative contract to sell foreclosed properties at compensation rates higher than the industry norms. Mrs. Feinstein’s intervention on behalf of the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. was unusual: the California Democrat isn’t a member of the Senate Committee on Banking, Housing and Urban Affairs with jurisdiction over FDIC; and the agency is supposed to operate from money it raises from bank-paid insurance payments – not direct federal dollars.   

About the same time of the contract award, Feinstein’s husband Richard Blum’s private investment firm, CB Richard Ellis Group (CBRE), reported to the Securities and Exchange Commission that it and related affiliates had purchased more than 10 million new shares in CBRE. The shares were purchased for the going price of $3.77; CBRE’s stock closed Monday at $5.14. That’s an increase of $1.37 a share and at 10 million shares that’s $13.4 million dollars in “found money.”  I wish my 401k had that kind of earning power, but I’m not married to Feinstein.

UK subwayThe Sun reported Colin Franklin, 43, sexually assaulted five victims aged between 17 and 25 in a 16-month spree across London, it is alleged. Daniel Robinson, prosecuting, told Southwark Crown Court jurors Franklin first struck at Kilburn Underground Station, in North West London, on May 2, 2007. He flicked his travelcard towards a teen’s legs then at the top of a flight of stairs “stretched out and grabbed her right breast”, the court was told. The girl screamed out: “What do you think you are doing?” to which he allegedly remarked: “It’s a free country”. CCTV footage then showed Franklin, who fled on to a Tube, acting suspiciously as he changed from a southbound to a northbound train.

Tradition?

Tradition?

Franklin got on a Tube at Caledonian Road, North East London, and as another victim sat reading a newspaper he appeared next to her on the other side of a glass partition, the court was told. Mr Robinson added: “He said something like ’that looks nice’. “She looks up and feels two hands groping her breasts. Naturally she is alarmed. He jumped off the train at Manor House.” Franklin, of Beckenham, Kent, was eventually arrested on December 8, last year. He denies five counts of sexual assault. The trial continues.

The New York Times reported that President Obama’s national intelligence director told colleagues in a private memo last week that the harsh interrogation techniques banned by the White House did produce significant information that helped the nation in its struggle with terrorists. Admiral Blair’s assessment that the interrogation methods did produce important information was deleted from a condensed version of his memo released to the media last Thursday. Also deleted was a line in which he empathized with his predecessors who originally approved some of the harsh tactics after the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001.

Waterboarding

Waterboarding

“I like to think I would not have approved those methods in the past,” Blair wrote, “but I do not fault those who made the decisions at that time, and I will absolutely defend those who carried out the interrogations within the orders they were given.” Admiral Blair’s private memo was provided by a critic of Mr. Obama’s policy. His assessment could bolster Bush administration veterans who argue that the interrogations were an important tool in the battle against al Qaeda. Gen. Michael V. Hayden, the director of the Central Intelligence Agency under Mr. Bush, said on Fox News Sunday last weekend that “the use of these techniques against these terrorists made us safer. It really did work.” Former Vice President Dick Cheney, in a separate interview with Fox, endorsed that conclusion and said he has asked the C.I.A. to declassify memos detailing the gains from the harsh interrogations.

Boob grab tech

Boob grab tech

In other news, Ohio’s Dayton Daily News reported Wednesday that Warren County is saying “no thank you” to federal stimulus funds. The county is the only one in the state that has rejected stimulus money for transportation improvements, according to the Ohio Department of Transportation. Commissioners rejected $373,000 in stimulus money to buy three new transit buses and upgrade their fleet, citing their opposition of deficit spending for buses and vans. “I’ll let Warren County go broke before taking any of Obama’s filthy money,” Commissioner Mike Kilburn said. “I’m tired of paying for people who don’t have. As Reagan said, ‘Government is not the answer, it’s the problem.'”  No word on how Kilburn feels about boob grabbing on the subway, Feinstein’s money redistribution or waterboarding, but since the guy’s got both common sense and balls, he’s probably pissed off at a lot of the crazy shit going on in America today.  Let’s clone him.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

EXCLUSIVE: Senator’s husband’s firm cashes in on crisis
http://washingtontimes.com/news/2009/apr/21/senate-husbands-firm-cashes-in-on-crisis/print/

‘Lovely boobs, can I grab ’em?’
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2387799.ece

Banned Techniques Yielded ‘High Value Information,’ Memo Says
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/22/us/politics/22blair.html?_r=3

Warren County to Obama: Keep your ‘filthy money’
http://www.daytondailynews.com/news/dayton-news/warren-county-to-obama-keep-your-filthy-money-90323.html

Comments Off on Senator Money Grubbing, Subway Boob Grabbing, While Waterboarding Pays Off Big

Filed under Humor, IP News