Tag Archives: joke

The Importance of Paying Attention

Inebriated Press \ Random Walk Division
April 16, 2009

walk-into-barA fellow walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it’s filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be more than ten thousand dollars in it.

He approaches the bartender and asks, ‘What’s with the money in the jar?’

‘Well… you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money and the keys to a brand new Lexus.’

The man certainly isn’t going to pass this up. And so he asks, ‘What are the three tests?’

‘You must pay first… Those are the rules,’ says the bartender.

So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar.

‘Okay,’ the bartender says, ‘Here’s what you need to do:

First – You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in a minute or less, and you can’t make a face while doing it.

Second – There’s a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands.

Third – There’s a 90-year old lady upstairs who’s never had sex… You have to take care of that problem!’

The man is stunned.

‘I know I paid my $10, but I’m not an idiot! I won’t do it! You’d have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila, and then do all those other things…’

‘Your call,’ says the bartender… ‘But, your money stays where it is.’

As time goes on, and the man has a few more drinks, he finally says, ‘Where’s the damn tequila?’

He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks… but he doesn’t make a face, and he did it in fifty-eight seconds!

Next, he staggers out the back door, where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole.
Soon the people inside the bar hear growling, biting, and screaming sounds…
then nothing but silence!

Just when they think that the man surely must be dead he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped open and there are scratches and he’s bleeding all over his body.

He says, ‘Now where’s the old woman with the bad tooth?’

The moral to the story:
Listen carefully to the directions, and don’t trust your judgment when alcohol is involved.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

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Filed under Humor, Random Walk Division

Why men don’t write advice columns

 
Dear Walt,

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor’s daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbor’s daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years.

When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won’t go to counseling and I’m afraid I can’t get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Sheila  
 
 
THE REPLY ***********************************

Dear Sheila,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine.

Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires.

If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps,

Walt

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American seduced by Obama

081109_americans_want_obama

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Obama takes on Ahmadinejad

Obama takes on Ahmadinejad

Obama takes on Ahmadinejad

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Allegory: Politicians, Voters and Outhouses

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

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Filed under Humor, IP Toons, NEWS