Tag Archives: leftist government

Rustlers steal Queen’s Cattle, Obama more Left than Chavez, and Mafia ruins Teen’s Shopping Spree

> Cattle Rustlers Stole Cows from Queen Elizabeth’s estate
> Venezuela’s Chavez says “Comrade” Obama’s Nationalization of GM Makes Him the Most Left-Wing
> Girls use Mafia to crack parents safe, worked, but not quite as hoped

Inebriated Press
June 5, 2009

Got a safe on ya?  You're not Mafia, right?

Got a safe on ya? You're not Mafia, right?

Reuters reported on Wednesday that cattle rustlers stole prized cattle from an English estate of Queen Elizabeth that were being fattened for the royal table.  And, Reuters reported Tuesday that Venezuela’s President Hugo Chavez says he and Cuban leader Fidel Castro are more conservative than U.S. President Obama, as Barack prepares to nationalize General Motors Corporation.  Meanwhile, Sweden’s The Local reported on Wednesday that two teenage girls who took the family safe to finance a day of shopping, asked a mafia guy to break it open for them.  They never saw it again.  Pundits are contemplating the ethical and practical implications of cattle rustling, nationalization of industry and ripping off your parents. 

Someone named Honey

Someone named Honey

“All’s fair in love, war, politics and elementary physics … as well as cattle rustling, robbing your own parents and other stuff if you can get away with it,” said Honey Sukle-Kreme, a candy store manager and part-time stripper down at the Sweet and Sassy Beer and Haircare Shoppe.  “There aren’t any real rights or wrongs, I think that’s been established by the theory of relativity and the Woodstock music festival, so we really should just move on.  I mean, some people still get hung up on the idea that stealing someone’s cattle, or over-taxing the middle class, or even nationalizing major industries because you can — is wrong or something.  It’s nothing of the kind.  If you have the power and the will to do any of those things, then you do it if you want to.  It’s basic evolutionary theory — survival of the fittest.  If I’m stronger than you I can take your stuff, whether you’re my parents, the queen, or private enterprise.  If you don’t like it, suck it, there’s nothing you can do.  I’d talk about this more, but my car is parked outside and the meter is about to expire.  If I don’t put some money in it I’ll have to pay a fine.  Why the damn meter officials don’t grasp the reality of relativity and Woodstock, and forget about giving me tickets I just don’t know.  Obama will fix that one of these days.  He’s a fixer kind of guy from Chicago you know.”

Someone named Wanda

Someone named Wanda

Not everyone exudes the same nectar as Sukle-Kreme.  “Holy crap, rustlers ripped off the queen and Obama is ripping off private enterprise, that’s some crazy shit.  Now the mafia ripping off some stupid girls is no biggy, what did the girls expect — they’ve never watched any mafia movies or something?  On the other hand American’s have had to have seen a few socialists, at least in history class, and should have known what Obama the community organizer was up to.  Sometimes people come face to face with their own stupidity and just smile and wave,” said Wanda Silikon-Basil, a buxom gardener known for her uncommon genius — mainly with fertilizer and bustiers.  “I tend to be pretty easy going and am pretty much an optimist, but I’m worried about whether the Queen is going to have enough beef to get her through the winter.  She’s getting along in age and it’s important that she gets enough protein.  As far as the U.S. goes with nationalization of industry, I could worry about that too, but the voters chose a one-term Senator whose only experience was in community organizing, and he’s never run a business or government — so the Americans are getting what they asked for.  You vote like a dumb shit and you get that kind of governance.  Stupid is as stupid does.  I’m not staying awake nights worrying about an idiotic decision like that.”

Queen Liz: Where's my beef?

Queen Liz: Where's my beef?

Reuters reported that cattle rustlers stole prized cows and bulls from an English country estate of Queen Elizabeth that were being fattened up for the royal dining table. Tony Barratt, the farmer in charge of some 300 livestock on the British queen’s Sandringham estate in southeastern England, told Reuters on Wednesday that police were investigating the disappearance of the cattle over the last week and said they had probably been illegally slaughtered by now. “It makes me so angry because this is beef which is enjoyed by the queen herself,” said Barratt.

Comrades Obama and Chavez

Comrades Obama and Chavez

Reuters reported that Venezuela’s President Hugo Chavez said on Tuesday that he and Cuban ally Fidel Castro risk being more conservative than U.S. President Barack Obama as Washington prepares to take control of General Motors Corp. During one of Chavez’s customary lectures on the “curse” of capitalism and the bonanzas of socialism, the Venezuelan leader made reference to GM’s bankruptcy filing, which is expected to give the U.S. government a 60 percent stake in the 100-year-old former symbol of American might. “Hey, Obama has just nationalized nothing more and nothing less than General Motors. Comrade Obama! Fidel, careful or we are going to end up to his right,” Chavez joked on a live television broadcast. Chavez, a vehement critic of the U.S. “empire,” has toned down his rhetoric since Obama took office in January. Obama and the federal government will take control of GM after a $30 billion injection of taxpayer funds.

Two Swedish girls

Two Swedish girls

The Local reported that two Swedish teenage girls who took a family safe to finance a day of shopping allege their plans were spoiled when they inadvertently handed the safe over to someone with ties to the mob. In order to pay for a joyride and accompanying shopping spree, the girls stole a safe containing 10,000 kronor ($1,300) in cash which belonged to the father of one of the girls. The girls stuffed the safe in a bag and headed to Malmö where they met up with a male acquaintance of one of the girls who was supposed to help them crack open the safe. But the acquaintance told the girls he lacked the right tools to open the safe, and instead had to hand it over to someone else. According to the girls, they never saw the safe again and allege it ended up in the hands of the mafia.
 

Ah shit, I should have spoken up earlier ...

Ah shit, I should have spoken up earlier ...

In other news, Bloomberg reported Wednesday that Federal Reserve Chairman Ben S. Bernanke said large U.S. budget deficits threaten financial stability and the government can’t continue indefinitely to borrow at the current rate to finance the shortfall. The Fed chief said in his remarks to the House Budget Committee that deficit concerns are already influencing the prices of long-term Treasuries. The budget deficit this year is projected to reach $1.85 trillion, equivalent to 13 percent of the nation’s economy, according to the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office. “Either cuts in spending or increases in taxes will be necessary to stabilize the fiscal situation,” Bernanke said. This year’s projected budget deficit is four times the size of last year’s shortfall. Wisconsin Representative Paul Ryan, the ranking Republican on the committee, said that the Treasury’s debt issuance and the Fed’s monetary stimulus, including purchases of government bonds, “can be a dangerous policy mix” and risks “runaway inflation” in the longer term.  No word on how Bernanke feels about stealing the Queens cattle, nationalizing industry or ripping off his parents, but I don’t give a shit about that. What I want to know is where the hell this guy’s been while Obama and the Democrats have been spending all of our money — and half of the next generations.  But maybe people really do come face to face with their own stupidity and just smile and wave.  At least he’s finally pulled his head out of his ass.  Now we’ll see if anyone else does.

(C) 2009 IebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Where’s the beef? Rustlers stole it your majesty
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090603/lf_nm_life/us_britain_royal_beef_1

Venezuela Chavez says “Comrade” Obama more left-wing
http://www.reuters.com/article/ObamaEconomy/idUSTRE5520GX20090603?feedType=RSS&feedName=ObamaEconomy&virtualBrandChannel=10441

‘Mafia’ ruined Swedish teens’ shopping spree
http://www.thelocal.se/19838/

Bernanke Warns Deficits Threaten Financial Stability
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=ahrOZ.gd85yc

Comments Off on Rustlers steal Queen’s Cattle, Obama more Left than Chavez, and Mafia ruins Teen’s Shopping Spree

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Women want bigger boobs, Dictator’s lie for legacy, Framed man gets jail

Breast enlargements increase 27 per cent
Castro lies about success
Man charged despite girlfriend admitting she framed him

Inebriated Press
January 5, 2009

Women are load'n up

Women are load'n up

The UK Sun reported Friday that more and more women are going for boob jobs, with breast enlargements increasing by 27 percent.  Newsweek reported Saturday that despite more and more Latin American countries being governed by the left, most don’t subscribe to the Cuban model, because Castro has been lying about his success.  Meanwhile, the Northwest Arkansas Times reported Friday that an Arkansas man faces charges of taking pictures of an underage girl taking a shower, even though his girlfriend admitted she took the pictures and framed him.  Pundits are debating whether fake boobs, fake leftist success and fake voyeurism should now be rewarded since we are in a “new era of change” where Barack Obama’s fake executive credentials qualify him for the highest office in the land.

“Perception has always been reality, but often in past years the truth has trumped the artificial and hindered the rewards due the fake; but that’s all changing now,” said Sandy ‘Silicon Heat’ Moore, a structurally sound political scientist and part-time stripper at the Cuban Cigar Express Lounge and Liars Club.  “It’s high time that silicon breasts, lies about boyfriends and leftist stories about success are rewarded the way they should be.  Craftiness and good looks are always more important than what’s real.  Finally American’s are understanding that, and that’s why Barack Obama is being celebrated like the second coming of god, even though all he’s done is been a candidate and a part-time community organizer.”

Nicola McLean & Silicon

Nicola McLean & Silicon

Not everyone sees it the way ‘Sandy Silicon’ does.  “You can only fake stuff for so-long before it comes back to bite you, and beauty is only skin-deep regardless of your chest size,” said Sissy Mary-Matron, a slender blonde sales rep and a weight-lifter at Knitters Heavy Yarn Shop.  “Fake boobs are great but don’t make up for stupidity or inner beauty and lies about the success of left-leaning governments don’t make for a solid economy or make nationalizing business the best in the long run.  And as far as lies about voyeurism goes, we’re living a reality-TV era where people value real stuff in fictional situations — like the recent American Idol version of the U.S. election.  I don’t like the trends and I think we lose in the end if we keep playing like this, but hey, its majority rules so away we go.”

The Sun reported that more women are splashing out on expensive boob jobs, new figures have revealed. The startling survey shows more girls – and fellas – are turning towards cosmetic surgery than ever before. Breast enlargements have increased a whopping 27 per cent – as women strive to look like babes Gemma Atkinson and Pamela Anderson. Tummy tucks also soared by a staggering 54 per cent and nose jobs by 40 per cent. Liposuction treatment rocketed too, says the report from the Harley Medical Group. Model Jodie Marsh boosted her bust to 32GG last year as she feared they would not stay “pert forever”. After the op Jodie said: “When gravity takes its toll, you’re left with boobs that really only look good in a push up bra – which is what mine had become. And I’d got to a point where I was like, I want them to look like this all the time, I don’t want to have to keep pushing them up.”

090105_fidel_castroNewsweek reported that many Latin countries are now governed by the left, but few subscribe to the Cuban model. The magazine said Castro’s claims of success have been greatly exaggerated. There is only one indisputable success the Castro regime can claim for the country — Cuba was the last large territory in Latin America to achieve independence from Spain (in 1898). Lacking most modern tools such as computers, Web access and current textbooks and a connection with the real economy, Cuba’s supposedly excellent education system would probably compare much less well to those of other Latin American countries in a survey that didn’t depend on the government’s own statistics. Much the same is true of the country’s famed health system. Castro did initially deliver decent first-level health care to millions of peasants and urban poor. But standards plummeted with the end of Soviet subsidies in the early 1990s, with no money, no access to technology. Many of the region’s countries are governed by the left. But with a few exceptions (Venezuela, Nicaragua, Bolivia and perhaps Ecuador), none of their leaders subscribe to the Cuban tenets of the past or the present. If anything, leaders like Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva in Brazil, Michelle Bachelet in Chile, Tabaré Vázquez in Uruguay and Alan García in Peru resemble a modernized version of the pre-Castro reformist left.

Gemma Atkinson plus science

Gemma Atkinson plus science

The Northwest Arkansas Times reported that a University of Arkansas employee faces charges for recording a teenage girl in the shower even though his girlfriend told police she did it to get him in trouble. Kevin Dale Robinson, 35, was charged Tuesday with possessing or viewing matter depicting explicit conduct involving a child and video voyeurism. Robinson is accused on Oct. 6 of possessing nude images of a 16-year-old girl and using a digital camera to secretly record her while she was taking a shower. Robinson, who works as a systems programmer for the UA’s information technology services department, told Fayetteville police when he was arrested Nov. 12 that he did not take the video recording of the teenage girl. On Nov. 13, Robinson’s longtime girlfriend, Lela Churchwell, told police that she had recorded the nude shower footage but told the victim and police that Robinson did it to get him in trouble. She said she tried to convince Robinson that he did it when he was drunk. She also told police she had become pregnant by another man and she planned to blackmail Robinson so he would move out of the house and she could stay there while he paid the mortgage. “Developments in the case” convinced prosecutors to file charges against Robinson even though his girlfriend claims she made up the story, said Mark Booher, 4th Judicial District deputy prosecutor. “It’s a bizarre case,” Booher said.

Some people say that life is bizarre and is about to get even more so as people abandon the desire for truth and common sense and pursue good times through illusion and pretend.

“As long as we’re having fun, who cares if life is built on truth or lies?  It’s all an illusion skating on top of relative ethics and designer morality anyway, let her rip, I say,” said a passing hoot owl occasionally mistaken for Charles Darwin but in a dress.  “Life is all about what you can get away with or pass off as truth in a way that benefits you.  If enough people buy what you’re selling you get money and power, if not, you rejigger your scheme and spin it another way.  The Bill Clinton administration taught us that and proved that it works.  If George W. had stained a few blue dresses and let the Islamofashists have their way he’d have been a hero in the media.  Of course he’d have been blamed for a few more attacks on the U.S. by terrorists, but we’d gotten used to that.”

Jenna Fischer in good lighting

Jenna Fischer in good lighting

In other news, Fox reported Friday that “The Office” star Jenna Fischer donned skimpy lingerie in the hilarious “Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story” early in 2008, and while most starlets are scared of flashing the flesh in front of dozens on a film set, Fischer actually thought this was way better than doing it at home. “In your house you don’t have a team of people lighting you perfectly. They can light your cellulite so you see it or don’t see it; it’s the most amazing thing. They can put makeup on your legs, you try on hundreds of outfits until you find the one that looks the most perfect on you,” Fischer said. “It really has nothing to do with whether you’re in shape or not. They can do pretty amazing things with any body type.”  No word on whether she likes Castro’s view of reality or if she thinks people who are framed should get prison, but word is she’s into the silicon lifestyle and hopes Obama will make breast enhancements mandatory in his national health care plan.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

More women going for bust
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2086840.ece

Castro’s False Claims of Success
http://www.newsweek.com/id/177685

Man charged despite girlfriend telling police she framed him
http://nwanews.com/nwat/News/72625/

‘The Office’ Star Jenna Fischer Tells the Naked Turth
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,475129,00.html

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