Tag Archives: Lincoln Bedroom

Obama’s Have Wild Night in Lincoln Bedroom

> New Leader starts “Hump Around the White House Tour”
> “Reflect on your life,” Abe Lincoln tells Barack

Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
March 31, 2009

Michelle Obama

Michelle Obama

President and First Lady Barack and Michelle Obama have been sleeping in a different room of the White House every night, with the goal of making-out in every one.  That’s the word from Inebriated Press tabloid reporter Inga Telouise-Frelove, who slipped a little cash to one of the White House staffers so they’d spill the beans.

“They’ve already made-out in the Oval Office and in the Bush’s old bedroom.  They’d been having a hell of a good time according to staffers, that is until they did the Lincoln Bedroom,” said Telouise-Frelove, reading from her notes and pausing to slam an occasional shot of Jack Daniels.  “They were going at it pretty heavy in the Lincoln Bedroom when Michelle let out a scream and shouted that Abraham Lincoln was standing beside the bed.  At first Barack thought she was having a fantasy about making out with Lincoln like she did Teddy Roosevelt earlier in the week, and kept banging away, but when she threw him into a pole lamp and his dick got caught in the fixture he realized something else was going on.  I only know all this is true because the staffer who told me all this is in charge of in-house spying and bedroom-bugging.”

Someone named Inga

Someone named Inga

According to Telouise-Frelove the White House staffer said that several Obama aids ran to the locked bedroom after Michelle started screaming, and heard Barack yell out “what do you want, you crazy black -hat -wearing bastard, and why are you staring at my wife’s tits?”  Staffers say they heard another man’s voice say, “Reflect on your life Obama. If I’d known the first black president in the White House would be a Socialist, I’d have thought twice about emancipation, and might not have gotten my brains blown out by that damn actor.  You’d better start fighting for individual freedom and less government, not more taxes and less liberty, you dumb shit.”

Not everyone thinks Lincoln appeared to the Obama’s or spoke to them.  “Lincoln is dead and buried, along with his ideals and common sense.  They no longer have a place in the White House, or the Federal Government for that matter,” said Rahm Emanuel, Obama’s Chief of Staff and all around low-life son-of-a-bitch (or so we’ve heard).  “Fairness, equality and liberty, opportunity to develop oneself from personal initiative, these are all hateful concepts of oppression foisted upon the common man by conservatives and Republicans who fail to understand the beauty of central power and income redistribution.  Barack has no reason to reflect on his life, I’ll continue to help him define it as we go.  There’s serious shit to do here, and there’s no place for ghosts or a president who starts doubting himself and has his dick caught in the furniture.”

Lincoln Bedroom

Lincoln Bedroom

The Obama’s have both denied that the Lincoln Bedroom saga ever happened or that they are on a “Hump Around the White House Tour”.  Speaking outdoors at the Obama Organic Garden yesterday, Michelle said she and Barack are respectful of the White House and have enjoyed exploring it, but do not engage in lewd behavior there.  “Besides,” she said, “until Baracks’ dick heals we’re pretty much just watching American Idol reruns at night.”

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

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