Tag Archives: Nevada

Schools Dodge Reality, “God” quotes Jimmi Hendrix, and Brothel features Male Prostitutes

> High School rejects valedictorian’s speech as “too real”
> Boy chosen as next Dalai Lama quotes Hendrix, bails Buddhist order
> Battling recession, brothel adds men for bigger market reach

 
Inebriated Press
June 8, 2009
 

Can this be marketed?

Can this be marketed?

Florida’s St. Petersburg Times reported Friday that Springstead High School has rejected Jem Lugo’s valedictory graduation speech because it was “too real”.  Lugo said nobody really tells students what they need to know in life and she set out to do it. “Get money,” was first on her to-do list.  And the UK Guardian reported a week ago Sunday that Osel Hita Torres, who was selected as a toddler to be the next Dalai Lama and put on a throne and worshipped by monks, has rejected the path and now is more likely to quote Jimi Hendrix than Buddha.  Meanwhile, Associated Press reported Friday that a Nevada brothel suffering from the recession thinks it’s been ignoring half the market – the half that prefers men – and is looking for male prostitutes.  Pundits are debating reality and illusion, and wondering how much longer American’s will ignore the disconnect between their love of Obama and their dislike for his policies.
 

Someone named Sandy

Someone named Sandy

“Polls have repeatedly shown that American’s like Obama and are hopeful that he’ll be a good president, but the same polls also show that the majority of American’s dislike his policies and think that they’re extremely risky and even economically dangerous,” said Sandy Shore-Beachead, a lithe and fertile thinker who sells furniture for money but gives good advice for free.  “They’re behaving like the Springhead High School administration that prefers to deal in platitudes and ignore the reality of what people are really facing.  It’s far better to step up to the plate like Osel Hita Torres who knows he’s not really god, and the brothel in Nevada that woke up to the fact that it’s been ignoring one half of the marketplace.  American’s need to realize that Obama IS his policies and all of his left-wing appointees reflect HIS beliefs and what HE WANTS the United States to become.  This blind stupor that has American’s thinking that Obama’s a great guy who somehow is surrounded by idiotic policy and leftist appointees as though it’s some accident or irrelevant illusion is ‘bullshit’.  That’s a technical term for the actual meaning of most things Obama says.  It’s time that people wake up and start acting within the reality that’s around them and stop pretending that Obama’s colorful rhetoric is somehow ‘truth’.  He’s no god either and hyper-spending will drive hyper-inflation and destroy this fine country.”
 

Someone named Mora

Someone named Mora

Not everyone agrees with Shore-Beachead.  “Obama is the light-bringer destine across time for this moment and he’ll lead us to a Statist-American paradise where all his appointed czars and state ownership of major corporations, control of healthcare and the environment, will bring us to nirvana,” said Mora Mi-Lov, a clerk at the Divine Smoke-Room and Vicks VapoRub Emporium, where her smile and gentle voice sooths the harried populous at $75 per hour.  “There’s no place in the Obama Age for a new Dalai Lama when the true light-bringer has come.  And schools are places of education so they know what valedictorians ought to say — we all know that this is the new era of platitudes and we shouldn’t let student upstarts start throwing around plain language that belongs in yesterday’s world.  As far as the brothel with male prostitutes goes, that works for me.”

Platitudes-R-Us

Platitudes-R-Us

The St. Petersburg Times reported when Jem Lugo, an 18-year-old Spring Hill resident bound for Harvard University, sat down to write her valedictory graduation speech, the Springstead High School senior tried to keep it real for her peers in the Class of 2009. But Lugo, who earned an unweighted 3.98 grade-point average, says she made it much too real for school officials who work with valedictorians each year to ensure their graduation speeches are appropriate. Lugo says Springstead principal Susan Duval rejected the address and told her to start over. Lugo says that the senior class sponsor, who read the speech first, used the word “appalled.”

“Nobody in speeches ever tells you what you actually need to know in life,” Lugo wrote. “I’m going to remind you of some basic concepts you can actually apply to your life. Crazy, right?” First, she says, “Get money. Do something with your life where you’re able to have a steady, reliable source of income.” The speech is full of other practical lessons, Lugo says. Say please and thank you. Keep in touch with high school friends. Don’t become a workaholic. Stand for something. “If you ever achieve any sort or fame or acclaim in your life, don’t mess it up,” she wrote. “Think Michael Phelps and Britney Spears.” According to Lugo, principal Duval told her she understood her aim for originality but warned the speech might offend some. On Thursday, Springstead’s graduation day, Lugo read another, shorter speech that did garner approval.

"God" during pre-Hendrix days

"God" during pre-Hendrix days

The Guardian reported that as a toddler, he was put on a throne and worshipped by monks who treated him like a god. But the boy chosen by the Dalai Lama as a reincarnation of a spiritual leader has caused consternation – and some embarrassment – for Tibetan Buddhists by turning his back on the order that had such high hopes for him. Instead of leading a monastic life, Osel Hita Torres now sports baggy trousers and long hair, and is more likely to quote Jimi Hendrix than Buddha. He bemoaned the misery of a youth deprived of television, football and girls. Movies were also forbidden – except for a sanctioned screening of The Golden Child starring Eddie Murphy, about a kidnapped child lama with magical powers. “I never felt like that boy,” he said. He is now studying film in Madrid and has denounced the Buddhist order that elevated him to guru status. “They took me away from my family and stuck me in a medieval situation in which I suffered a great deal,” said Torres, 24, describing how he was whisked from obscurity in Granada to a monastery in southern India. “It was like living a lie,” he told the Spanish newspaper El Mundo. Despite his rebelliousness, he is still known as Lama Tenzin Osel Rinpoche and revered by the Buddhist community.

Shady_Lady_Ranch_brothel,_Nye_County,_NevadaThe Associated Press reported that the owner of a Nevada brothel suffering from the recession thinks she has been ignoring about half the market – the half that prefers men. Bobbi Davis is looking for male prostitutes to help expand the clientele at the Shady Lady Ranch, her small roadside brothel about 150 miles north of Las Vegas. “We’ve had requests for men in the past, and there’s nothing else like this out there,” she said. Indeed, the 25 legal brothels scattered throughout 10 rural Nevada counties are staffed by women and cater to men. Nevada Brothel Association lobbyist George Flint says other brothels have approached him with the idea lately to drum up business. Like Nevada’s gambling, hotel and convention industries, the prostitution business has hit hard times. Flint estimates that bordellos have seen a roughly 50 percent drop in revenue since the economy turned sour.

Don't tell me she can't throw hard

Don't tell me she can't throw hard

In other news, CBS-TV 12 in West Palm Beach, Florida reported that when life handed a 40-year-old woman lemons, she used them and got arrested. During an argument at her North Military Trail home, Mandi Valentine threw several lemons at her husband and he was afraid he would be hit, he told police. Police arrested her the next morning and she was released from Palm Beach County Jail around lunchtime on her own recognizance. She is charged with simple assault. No word on how she feels about valedictorian speeches or the Dalai Lama, but based on how she acts with her husband she may be considering a male prostitute who’ll just do what she pays him to do. Or maybe not. You can only guess about people who throw lemons; its way easier to predict the behavior of people who implement government policies that are real lemons, because they’re always trying to screw somebody.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com
 

Source articles:

 Springstead High valedictorian’s speech rejected as too real
http://www.tampabay.com/news/education/k12/article1007433.ece?71
 
Boy chosen by Dalai Lama turns back on Buddhist order
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/may/31/dalai-lama-osel-hita-torres
 
Nevada brothel features male prostitutes
http://www.wbbm780.com/Nevada-brothel-features-male-prostitutes/4542045
 
Woman arrested for throwing lemons at husband
http://www.cbs12.com/news/arrested-4717214-lemons-husband.html

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No Waterboarding, No Sex Tax, No People of Color

> CIA to decommission all waterboarding sites
> Nevada drops proposed $5 sex tax
> Funeral home sued after black man switched for white woman

Inebriated Press
April 13, 2009

Bunny RanchThe Boston Globe reported Friday that the CIA has announced it is decommissioning all “black sites” where terrorism suspects were questioned and three were waterboarded.  And Associated Press reported Friday that the Nevada Senate Taxation Committee has voted down a proposal to levy a $5 tax on legal and illegal sex acts in the State.  Meanwhile, the Houston Chronicle reported last Wednesday that a family is suing a funeral home after it mixed up the body of their black relative and switched it with a white woman.  Pundits say that the Obama European Tour has completed the solution to all the world’s problems and now there are no terrorists to question, no need to tax sex, and no need for affirmative action because no one can tell the difference between black and white.

Someone named Monica

Someone named Monica

“With the Obama Administrations official announcement that there will no longer be references to a ‘war on terror’ and the presidents bowing and scraping before the Saudi King, and U.S. willingness to let Iran go nuclear now, there is no need to have facilities where we ask people suspected as terrorists any questions,” said Monica Maidrite-Playtex, a community organizer and activist, currently the senior advisor to the U.S. Department of Defense.  “There are no terrorists; Barack has declared it so.  As far as the sex tax goes, I think the government should control access to sex and probably require a tax to fund an oversight board to regulate it, but at this point it’s more important that we simply control access to healthcare entirely.  Regarding the confusion between a black man and white woman, this is simply an example of the progress Barack has made since being in office.  This sort of thing didn’t happen while Bush was president because he was so polarizing; he is to blame for everything wrong with America.  Thank god he’s back in Texas.”

Someone named Jean

Someone named Jean

Not everyone agrees with Maidrite-Platex.  “Just because someone declares that there is no war with terrorists doesn’t make it so; there are still plenty of Islamofascists plotting to kill Americans.  The world won’t be safer when Iran has a nuke.  And just because the U.S. put a budget guy in charge of CIA doesn’t mean the intelligence agency is better at it’s job,” said Jean Denim-Blu, a Hooters waitress who moonlights as an aluminum welder at the Metallic Owl and Strip Club.  “As far as the black guy confused with a white woman goes, it just shows you that it’s time to drop special funding for affirmative action and get on with living together.  We have a black president, the head of the Republican party is black, Oprah is the richest and most powerful woman in the world, Tiger Woods is the worlds best golfer, the best female tennis players are black, the fastest race car driver in the world is black, the NFL superbowl winning coach is black, the fastest human in the world is black.  It’s time to let this affirmative action shit go.  And sex should never be taxed.  That’s counter intuitive, it’s the best stimulus the world’s got, let it alone for crying out loud.”

Click for larger pic

Click for larger pic

The Boston Globe reported that the CIA will decommission the infamous “black sites” where terrorism suspects were interrogated with harsh techniques that included waterboarding, agency director Leon Panetta said yesterday. Panetta said in a letter to agency employees that he had informed Congress of the CIA’s detention policies following an order by President Obama in January banning harsh interrogations and ordering that the secret detention sites be closed. Panetta said that from now on the CIA would use “a dialog style of questioning”. 

Under the Bush administration three terrorists were waterboarded and officials said key information was obtained that resulted in the lives of thousands of Americans being saved from the prevention of planned terrorist attacks.

Bunny Ranch patriots against taxation

Bunny Ranch patriots against taxation

Associated Press reported that a proposal to levy a $5 tax on sex acts in Nevada has died in a state Senate committee. The 3-4 vote Thursday in the Nevada Senate Taxation Committee was one shy of the four needed to keep the proposal afloat. Committee Chairman Bob Coffin, the Las Vegas Democrat who sponsored the bill, says the state is desperate for revenue and has not collected taxes from prostitution since it was legalized in some rural counties more than 30 years ago. Sen. Mike McGinness, a Republican from Fallon who voted against the tax, says he wouldn’t support a new tax on services. Coffin has estimated the tax would’ve raised at least $2 million a year. Nevada is facing a more than $2.8 billion revenue shortfall.

White woman

White woman

The Houston Chronicle reported that seven siblings sued the funeral home that handles Harris County’s indigent burials for cremating their father’s body instead of preparing it for a funeral as they had requested. The 91-year-old black man’s body was mixed up with the body of a white woman that was supposed to be cremated, according to the lawsuit. Both bodies were being handled through the county’s indigent burial program. The lawsuit filed by Fred Woods’ children seeks $2.7 million in damages from Carnes Funeral Home and Cremate Texas, both of which are owned by funeral director Jay Carnes. It alleges the negligence of the funeral home and crematory caused a host of physical and mental problems, including post-traumatic stress disorder, anguish and humiliation.

Some people say that decommissioning “black sites”, voting down a sex tax proposed by a guy named “Coffin”, coupled with the funeral home problem with a “black man” all indicates that America continues to have serious issues with color and taxation.

Another white woman, just for further clarification.

Another white woman, just for further clarification.

“The term ‘black site’ as a place for terrorists and the black and white funeral-home problem and the Senator Coffin guy, all this is twisted shit designed by white people to put down the black man and put negative connotations on people of color everywhere,” said a passing drunk who stumbled into the Inebriated office and was instantly hired as an Op-Ed columnist.  “We’ve made progress, that’s true, because we’re damned good and have won our way up.  But bullshit prejudice still needs to be fought and affirmative action is needed to help offset the crap that still goes on.  But it doesn’t need to be funded by mandatory taxation from income.  A nationwide sex tax would easily cover the affirmative action costs, and it would be better because sex is voluntary.  People will be okay with spending a few bucks for sex when they want to have it.  Think about the benefits of that kind of program.  Each time some people have sex they’re helping strengthen society and giving some minority an education and lifting them out of poverty and giving them a chance.  Kind of makes you want to have sex for all kinds of reasons.  Makes prostitutes more like social workers than they already are.”

Hey buddy, what to share your meat? You can take that both ways.

Hey buddy, what to share your meat? You can take that both ways.

In other news, Reuters reported last Tuesday that human females may get offended at dates who expect sex after they buy them a steak dinner, but for chimpanzees, the exchange may be a fair one, German researchers reported. They found that female chimpanzees mate more frequently with males who often share meat with them. “Our results strongly suggest that wild chimpanzees exchange meat for sex, and do so on a long-term basis,” Cristina Gomes of the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology in Leipzig, Germany said in a statement. “Males who shared meat with females doubled their mating success, whereas females, who had difficulty obtaining meat on their own, increased their caloric intake without suffering the energetic costs and potential risk of injury related to hunting.” No word on how the chimps feel about a sex tax but so far none have been confused with either black men or white women.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

CIA will decommission detention ‘black sites’
http://www.boston.com/news/nation/washington/articles/2009/04/10/cia_will_decommission_detention_black_sites/

No sex tax in Nevada
http://www.wbbm780.com/No-sex-tax-in-Nevada/4180028

Suit over father’s cremation seeks $2.7 million
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/headline/metro/6365252.html

For chimps, candy is dandy but steak is quicker
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090408/sc_nm/us_chimps_dinner_1

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