> Fox TV Network will Skip Obama’s Speech
> Boeing 747 and Fighter Jets Buzz New York City
> Israeli’s on Italian Cruise Ship Fire on Somali Pirates
April 29, 2009
The Associated Press reported Monday that Fox became the first broadcast network to turn down a request from President Obama for air time. Other networks have whined about his constant requests, but Fox finally said enough is enough. And, The New York Times reported Monday that a large U.S. passenger jet trailed by two jet fighters caused panic in New York City when they swooped past office towers rattling windows. “We ran like hell,” said one worker. Meanwhile, Fox News reported that an Italian cruise ship fended off a Somali pirate attack when its Israeli security forces exchanged fire with the bandits. Nine out of ten pets surveyed say things would be going pretty well nowadays, if PETA would just settle down and American’s would return to common sense in government.
“Woof woof, bark. Sorry about that, let me translate. You have a U.S. president who is in the media so much; pretty soon you just blow him off. It may be his strategy. And it doesn’t matter if you’re an Israeli or a U.S. Navy SEAL; you blow pirates away when you get the chance, that’s just the right thing to do. As far as the jets doing low altitude photo-op runs at the Statue of Liberty and towers in New York, you have to tell folks about it well in advance or you’ll scare the shit out of them. Only the Obama Administration and a bunch of liberals don’t really think 9-11 happened and that there’s no war on terror,” said Barfy the Dog, a short haired terrier who doubles as a U.S. defense contractor and an anti-neuter activist. “I may only be a small insignificant animal but I used to be named Sparky until the Democrats took control of both the White House and Congress. Now I’ve been renamed Barfy to reflect the gastrointestinal problems I’ve acquired as a result of the last series of U.S. elections. Things really aren’t all that bad in the world, what with continued advancement of science and medicine. But governments are going backwards into socialism and cronyism. I wouldn’t care if it wasn’t also happening in the U.S. The greatest nation to appear on earth for the “common man” with more freedom and opportunity is being tossed aside for a system of socialism that has a proven record of failure. As long as I get my chow and a few doggy treats I’m fine with any form of government, but it’s not that way for humans. The many end up carrying the few on their backs. And unemployment, inflation and unhappiness are the results. Silly human masters. It’s a sad state of affairs when even the pets know better.”
Someone named Ziggy
Not everyone agrees with Barfy the Dog. “Clip that dog now and don’t let him procreate and spread either his genes or ideas to others! We don’t need that kind of anti liberal-socialist-Democrat rhetoric bandied about by either humans, plants or animals,” said Ziggy Perlman-Nazi-McConnell, an environmentalist and theoretician, whose family heritage keeps him in conflict with himself most of the time, but whose belief system keeps him in lock step with the Obama administration. “All media and mediums should be reporting every word from the mouth of Barry, the great messiah president. His teleprompter-inspired talks placate the masses and help us all find oneness in the confusing morass where conservatives continue to raise inconvenient truths about over spending, hyper inflation and Islamofascist risk. Real freedom loving Americans will want to prosecute government officials and both the military and intelligence communities for keeping the country safe since 9-11, and will want to ban all weapons, anti-liberal verbiage, and pass laws that neuter pets and Republicans. I may only be one genius among the many Obamanomists whose intellect is so staggering that it is considered pure idiocy by ordinary hard working Americans, but my voice rings out like a wooden spoon hitting a big crock, to be respected and applauded by everyone. And if it’s not, well, naturally we’ll marginalize them and cut off their nuts. Sometimes we have to resort to that kind of thing so we can achieve true bipartisanship.”
Associated Press reported that Fox became the first broadcast network to turn down a request by President Barack Obama for time, opting to show its drama “Lie to Me” on Wednesday instead of the president’s prime-time news conference [note: some report that the president’s speech has a theme similar to the Fox drama]. Fox will direct viewers interested in the news conference to Fox News Channel and the Fox Business Network, which will both carry it. ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, MSNBC and CNBC are all carrying the 8 p.m. EDT event, on Obama’s 100th day in office. This will be Obama’s third prime-time news conference as president, a schedule that has caused some private grumbling among network executives. Carrying a news conference costs the four broadcast networks an estimated $10 million-plus in lost advertising revenue. Executives at Fox, owned by News Corp., would not comment on the decision. It’s not without precedent for the network; Fox didn’t carry a prime-time speech by President George W. Bush in November 2001 despite a request from the White House. An executive at one of the three other broadcasters, who asked for anonymity because the conversations were private, said that network’s executives had expressed concern to the White House about the frequency of prime-time news conferences and the financial sacrifice they were making in carrying the event. The executive said it was hoped the administration would show more flexibility in working with networks to find the best times to schedule the events.
The New York Times reported that a photo opportunity, showcasing Air Force One alongside the sweep of the New York City skyline, instead caused panic in New York City. As the low-flying Boeing 747 speeded in the shadows of skyscrapers, trailed by two fighter jets, the sight awakened barely dormant fears of a terrorist attack, causing a momentary panic that sent workers pouring out of buildings on both sides of the Hudson River. “I thought there was some kind of an attack,” said Paul Nadler, who sprinted down more than 20 flights of stairs after watching the plane from his office in Jersey City shortly after 10 a.m. “We ran like hell.” In fact, the blue and white plane with “The United States of America” emblazoned on its side was one of two regularly used by the president. It was soaring above Lower Manhattan, Staten Island and Jersey City so government photographers could take pictures near the Statue of Liberty for publicity purposes. Witnesses described the engine roar as the planes swooped by office towers close enough to rattle the windows and prompt evacuations at scores of buildings. Some sobbed as they made their way to the street.
“As soon as someone saw how close it got to the buildings, people literally ran out,” said Carlina Rivera, 25, who works at an educational services company on the 22nd floor of 1 Liberty Plaza, adjacent to the site of the Sept. 11, 2001, attack. “Probably about 80 percent of my office left within two minutes of seeing how close it got to our building.” Under federal regulations, in urban areas, airplanes must fly at least 1,000 feet above obstructions like buildings and bridges, and jetliner flights over Manhattan are typically at 8,000 feet or more. And planes do not typically approach local airports by flying low over the harbor. White House and City Hall officials later said that notice of the flight had gone to the director of the city’s event coordination and management office, which handles permits for events like block parties, street fairs and parades. The director, Marc Mugnos, was formally reprimanded for failing to notify his superiors, said a senior city official, who was given anonymity because this was a personnel matter. As the uproar reached Washington, dozens of officials at the White House, the Pentagon and the Department of Transportation rushed to find out who had authorized the flyover. The White House did not issue a statement, or a formal apology, for more than six hours. At first, the White House press secretary, Robert Gibbs, dismissed questions, saying: “You might be surprised to know I don’t know of every movement of Air Force One or what happens to it.” Neither the White House nor the F.A.A. explained why the mission was deemed a secret, even though officials conceded the primary purpose was picture taking.
Israeli Security, Kill or Be Killed
Fox News reported that an Italian cruise ship with 1,500 people on board fended off a pirate attack far off the coast of Somalia when its Israeli private security forces exchanged fire with the bandits and drove them away, the commander said Sunday. Cmdr. Ciro Pinto told Italian state radio that six men in a small white speed boat approached the Msc Melody and opened fire Saturday night, but retreated after the Israeli security officers aboard the cruise ship returned fire. None of the roughly 1,000 passengers and 500 crew members were hurt, Melody owner Msc Cruises said in a statement issued by its German branch. Domenico Pellegrino, head of the Italian cruise line, said Msc Cruises hired the Israelis because they were the best trained security agents, the ANSA news agency reported. Civilian shipping and passenger ships have generally avoided arming crewmen or hiring armed security for reasons of safety, liability and compliance with the rules of the different countries where they dock. Cruise line security work is a popular job for young Israelis who have recently been discharged from mandatory army service, as it is a good chance to save money and travel.
Some people say that saving money, traveling and shooting Muslim terrorists is the stuff that dreams are made of.
Someone named Kendra
“If you have to live in a world dominated by pacifists and pirates, getting work in the military or on cruise ships where you can carry weapons and shoot assholes, is like mother’s milk, apple pie and safe sex — for people who are into those things,” said Kendra Strongg-Bod, an ex-Marine and current food safety expert at the Plausible-Contact Strip-Club and Health-Food Store. “We’re living in an era where there are so many baddies needing to be capped and so few people willing to do it, or allow it to be done, that for those of us who have had the opportunity, it’s like a gift from heaven. And not only that, we get to send the bastards straight to hell. It’s as close to a religious experience that I’ve ever had; except for a couple times with this guy I’m seeing. But that’s a different story.”
In other news, U.S. News and World Report reported Tuesday that President Obama urged Americans on Monday to remain calm as the number of US cases of swine flu more than doubled and the World Health Organization raised its pandemic threat level. The President said, “This is obviously a cause for concern and requires a heightened state of alert. But it’s not a cause for alarm.” Reportedly this was also his reaction to Air Force One diving on the City of New York, the recent pirate hijackings by Somali Muslims, the leaping U.S. deficit now predicted to pass 10 trillion dollars, Al Qaeda and the Taliban nearing control of Pakistan, and his dog Bo crapping on the Oval Office carpeting. Some TV networks say they’ll just play the clip over-and-over in between commercials during regular programming, to assure American’s that the administration has everything under control. No word on how PETA feels about it, but who really cares what they think?
© 2009 InebriatedPress.com
Fox sticking with schedule instead of Obama
U.S. Jet Frightens New York in Photo-Op Gone Wrong
Italian Cruise Ship Fires on Somali Pirates
U.S. swine flu case numbers rise, more expected