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Q & A with Bob & Joan: Can Something Be Done About the National Debt and Does Anyone Really Care?

The “Bob and Joan Chronicles” of Inebriated Press
May 27, 2009
 
Q.
 
Bob,
 
Some of you conservatives are whining about Obama’s trillions in new spending and the massive deficit being created, as though it should actually matter to Americans.  Well no one cares about the deficit or the risk of hyper inflation, and even if you say you do, it doesn’t matter because you’re irrelevant. There’s nothing that an individual can do.  It’s a practical impossibility.
 
You should just shut up and enjoy the ride like everyone else.  What do you think you’re accomplishing by telling other people you care about it?  You’re wasting your time you dumb ass.
 
Hugs and kisses,
 
Joan
 
A.
 
My Dearest Joan,
 
Your warm and thoughtful words regarding my time management and the concern I have about America’s debt and the risk of future economic collapse, touches me deeply, and your statement telling me to shut-up because I’m irrelevant, is both kind and loving encouragement.  How I long to set aside petty questions and gently caress your back, neck and shoulders, easing your present tensions, and then softly kiss the bridge of your nose as only I can.  But alas, such is not my mandate.  I must address your misunderstanding about the level of concern among Americans, and most importantly, the power of the individual.
 
Most Americans are worried about the national debt and many are concerned that President Obama is fiscally irresponsible.  In a recent Washington Post/ABC News poll, nearly nine in ten Americans (87 percent) said they were either “very” (59 percent) or “somewhat” (27 percent) concerned about the size of the federal budget deficit.  While many Americans like President Obama personally, they don’t like many of his policies and are worried about his spending and the risky national debt.  Whether elected officials will respond to these concerns or be voted out of office remains to be seen, but more and more citizens are telling them exactly how they feel, and have even begun public protesting – as displayed on April 15th in “tax day rally’s” against the “tax and spending” of both major Parties.  Public pressure will continue to grow as we near the elections in the fall of 2010.  The liberal Democrats controlling Congress and the White House are proving they are who the conservatives said they were.  And American voters are paying attention and have begun reacting against them.  All is not lost on the fiscal front.  Momentum is changing.

Now, about your belief that the individual is irrelevant and that effort by one person — such as myself — to make change is a practical impossibility.  The United States of America was founded on the inalienable rights of the individual.  Rights that the nation’s founders believed were endowed upon individuals by their Creator, and among those rights were the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  Initially those words and others in the U.S Constitution and Bill of Rights were conceptual constructs.  Until individuals — farmers, millers, merchants and others – irrelevant people mostly, took up arms and made theory a reality.  Many believed it was impossible for irrelevant rabble to defeat the British Empire, yet the fools did it.  And it was a pipe dream as well as a practical impossibility that any nation would actually try to put men on the moon, yet silly irrelevant Americans – many of them toiling in obscurity – accomplished the mission, and placed a number of their own citizens there.   During World War II, individuals from all around America rolled into Paris freeing it from the Nazi’s.  Individual men and women crossed America, carving out life and civilization in the fields, plains and mountains — building cities, towns, states.  They fought disease, floods, drought, and countless challenges.  They built a new nation – based on the rights of the individual.  And what of the individual and American invention?  How about Alexander Graham Bell, Thomas Edison, Benjamin Franklin, Samuel Morse, George Washington Carver, the Wright Brothers, Bill Gates, and others.  Much more could be written about what common irrelevant Americans have accomplished. 

The irrelevant founded America.  They are its life-blood.  The individual is the heart of America’s constitution.  Protecting those rights and freedoms is important to us.  The impossible is what America is as a nation.  And the impossible has been accomplished from time to time by Americans, often to the surprise and disbelief of other nations.  The freedom, power and rights of the individual are why many Americans are Americans.  The fatalistic belief that the individual is irrelevant is why some American’s gave up being Europeans and left for the ‘New World’.  I and other American’s aren’t inclined to become Europeans today – even though there are some of us who want to become Western European Socialists.  The American electorate has lost its way before and found its way back.  We elected Jimmy Carter and then Ronald Reagan.  We can do it again.

And so, my fine and gentle Joan, I’m here to tell you that the battle for traditional “common sense” America is not over.  “Irrelevant individuals” still believe that they can make a difference — as they have for generations.  And as long as traditional Americans continue to believe that by their actions they will have an impact, they will in fact have an impact.  The 87% who said they were concerned about the national debt, can change the direction of this country.  Those individuals are not really irrelevant.  I am among them.

I hope this finds you cool where you want to be and warm where you need to be.

With the sweetest of wishes and most tender feelings toward you oozing from my core like moisture on my muscular pec’s in the heat of a summer night, I remain most affectionately yours,

Bob

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The False Choice of Liberalism

Far Side: False Choice

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Legalizing Marijuana for Tax Money, Obama Endangering America, and More Soldiers Getting Knocked Up

> California Government Broke, May Legalize Marijuana for New Tax Revenue
> Former U.S. V.P. says Terrorist attack more likely under Obama administration
> Growing Number of Servicewomen Getting Pregnant

Inebriated Press
May 12, 2009

At least it's not Crack!

At least it's not Crack!

The Christian Science Monitor reported Friday that California government officials say it is time to consider decriminalizing marijuana and imposing big revenue-generating state taxes on it.  And Sunday, The Washington Times reported that former Vice President Dick Cheney said that the Obama administrations dismantling of many of the policies and protections instituted by the Bush administration after the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, makes the country more vulnerable to another attack.  Meanwhile, the UK Daily Star reported Sunday that Britain will not allow pregnant servicewomen to serve in areas of “danger” and that at least 133 Brit service women have been sent home from Afghanistan and Iraq after getting pregnant. Others are becoming pregnant in Britain so they can’t be shipped to serve in other countries or at sea. Some people say, you do whatever it takes to get what you want in the short-term, regardless the long-term risk.

Someone named Emma

Someone named Emma

“It’s about now, everything really is, and you can’t do anything in the future if you’re killed in Iraq anyway, so get knocked up and stay home, you can always dump the kid in an orphanage.  And the key to fixing California’s budget crisis now is to legalize drugs – addictive ones are the best – and then tax them like crazy, we can always get the federal government to fund an anti-drug program later,” said Emma Hipflex-Microfibre, a geneticist and part-time dancer down at the Twist and Shout DNA Lounge.  “As far as Obama dismantling anti-terrorism strategies, prosecuting CIA officials for protecting the country and all of that; well, like he said, he won the election so he can do what he wants.  It’s an extension of his apology tour and shows that when he said there was no war against terror and that there were merely some people in other countries dissatisfied with America, that he actually believes that.  He’s got a 90% approval rating among Democrats and that’s his base.  Also the Arab’s like him better than Bush, and that’s important to him.  Who cares that only 17% of Republicans like him and that business is afraid of him.  If the U.S. is attacked again it’ll probably be a bunch of American’s at work like last time, and most of them are Republicans or conservatives anyway.  Obama’s got nothing to lose.”

Someone named Adriana

Someone named Adriana

Not everyone agrees with Hipflex-Microfibre.  “Near-term considerations are important, yes, but you can’t ignore the long-term ramifications of decisions being made today.  That’s true whether it’s Obama setting the stage today for a terrorist debacle tomorrow, the legalization of drugs today so governments are addicted to the tax revenue and end up drug pushers tomorrow, and a military force that appears the proper size today, but is suddenly slashed when a chunk of the soldiers are voluntarily knocked up and out of commission tomorrow.  We can’t afford to behave like this,” said Adriana Nodoze-Spasm, an aluminum welder and part-time medium who twitches a lot and hasn’t slept since Obama’s inauguration due to the visions she’s been having.  “I’m a hell of a welder and can stick together most metals under almost any condition, but I can’t weld that kind of logic into a solid piece of rationality that is structurally sound.  I’m not saying that some of this crap won’t work near-term, but it’s the long-term that has me concerned.  And I eat right, work out and stay in shape, so I’m planning to be around in the long-term.  We’ve got to think smarter about this shit.”

Do it, Smoke it, Tax it

Do it, Smoke it, Tax it

The Christian Science Monitor reported that California’s governor said it was time to debate legalizing marijuana, and a new nationwide poll suggests a majority of voters favor decriminalizing the drug. California Assemblyman Tom Ammiano, (D) from San Francisco, has proposed legislation to begin treating marijuana like alcohol – giving anyone over 21 the right to use it but taxing it heavily. Taxing marijuana, supporters of Mr. Ammiano’s bill say, could bring the cash-strapped state $1.3 billion annually. Already the state collects about $18 million annually from medical marijuana. In a poll released last Wednesday by Zogby International, 52 percent of voters said they would support legalizing, taxing, and regulating marijuana use. According to the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA), marijuana is the most commonly used illicit drug in the country. “It’s hard to say that using marijuana will ruin your life when the last three American presidents are admitted marijuana users,” said Paul Armentano, deputy director of the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML).

Don't worry, Obama has things under control

Don't worry, Obama has things under control

The Washington Times reported that former Vice President Dick Cheney on Sunday said that the country is more vulnerable to a potential terrorist attack since the Obama administration took power. Mr. Cheney said that administration’s dismantling of many of the policies and protections instituted by President George W. Bush after the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks — including the planned closing of the Guantanamo Bay detention camp in Cuba and halting controversial prisoner interrogation techniques — have made the country more vulnerable to future attacks. “That’s my belief,” Mr. Cheney said on CBS’ “Face the Nation.” “I think to the extent that those [Bush-era] policies were responsible for saving lives, that the administration is now trying to cancel those policies … means in the future we’re not going to have the same safeguards we’ve had for the last eight years.”

New tactics for a new world

New tactics for a new world

The former vice president defended controversial interrogation techniques such as waterboarding, saying that it had been an effective tool in extracting useful information from suspected terrorists such as Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, who is accused of helping carry out the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks Washington and New York. “He did not cooperate fully in terms of interrogations until after waterboarding,” Mr. Cheney said. “Once we went through that process, he produced vast quantities of invaluable information about al Qaida.” Mr. Obama in January banned the practice on prisoners by U.S. interrogators. Mr. Cheney said he believes it’s his duty to speak out against the Obama administration “because I think the issues that are at stake here are so important.”

Hard men are good to find, or something like that

Hard men are good to find, or something like that

The Daily Star reported that at least 133 Brit servicewomen have been sent home from Afghanistan and Iraq after getting pregnant. 102 of British servicewomen returned early from Iraq between January 1, 2003 and February 28 of this year because they were expecting. And at least 31 female squaddies were flown home from Afghanistan for the same reason. Some are becoming pregnant before leaving Britain and others while on their mid-tour two-week rest and recuperation break. Many will have conceived by romping while on operations – potentially breaking forces’ rules. Pregnant women cannot be sent to Iraq or Afghanistan, nor can they go to sea in the Royal Navy. The shocking numbers were released by the Ministry of Defence (MoD) after a Freedom of Information request by the Daily Star Sunday. An MoD spokesman said: “All our forces are expected to behave within the Armed Forces Code of Conduct. If women become or discover they are pregnant on operations they are returned to the UK at the first  opportunity for their own wellbeing and to preserve  effectiveness.” Sex between servicemen and women in Iraq or Afghanistan could lead to misconduct charges if it caused a drop in military efficiency. Some observers say sex on tour cannot be stopped.

Others say sex plus violence is the biggest rush of all.

Babe without babe, some just soldier on

Babe without babe, some just soldier on

“You will never separate sex and violence, and that’s true whether it’s in the movies or on the battlefield.  They go together like adrenaline, testosterone and estrogen — it’s the bodies minefield and procreation system all lumped together, the way nature intended,” said a passing soldier and part-time healthcare philosopher who volunteered for duty in Iraq five years ago, and volunteers for duty daily to help female soldiers get knocked up.  “Until you’ve survived battlefield conditions fighting side by side and then get tucked in together safely in a quiet place in the peace that falls after the fight, you have no idea what sex can really be like.  It’s a whole new level of orgasm.  Live hard, fight hard, screw hard. That’s what I say, and to those babes who sign up for a piece of that, I say hooah and let’s saddle up!”

In other news, The Arizona Republic reported Saturday that the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) launched a hiring push in January and is still looking for employees. Phoenix spokesman Manuel Johnson said the organization considers all kinds of candidates for positions ranging from administrative to managerial, technical and lab work. Accountants, engineers, lawyers and scientists are among the most sought-after candidates. There are only about 12,500 in the world, and the agency usually hires between 800 and 1,000 nationally every fiscal year, Johnson said. Depending on the region to which they are assigned, new agents can take home between $61,100 and $69,900 annually. No word on how they feel about legalizing marijuana, dumbing down America’s terrorist defense system or how many FBI agents get knocked up each year, but if you’re looking to stay in the U.S. and bust some crooks, you may be the person they’re looking for.  Hooah and go saddle up!

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

 

Source articles:

A marijuana tax as the next new revenue stream?
http://news.yahoo.com/s/csm/20090508/ts_csm/apot

Cheney: Obama endangers the nation
http://washingtontimes.com/news/2009/may/10/cheney-says-obama-endangers-nation/

ARMY GIRLS CAUGHT IN BATTLE OF THE BULGE
http://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/view/80115/Army-girls-caught-in-battle-of-the-bulge/

Do you have what it takes to join the FBI?
http://www.azcentral.com/business/articles/2009/05/08/20090508biz-fbi0509.html?&wired

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Q&A with Bob & Joan: Should the U.S. Close Military Bases, Cut Defense Spending; Centralize Forces at Home?

“The Bob and Joan Chronicles” of Inebriated Press
April 22, 2009

Q.

Bob,

You conservatives are complaining about the Obama administration’s plan to slash military spending on new technology and missile defense systems designed to stop first strike nuclear attacks and other conventional warfare from countries like China, Russia, North Korea and others.  But the Obama administration has already pointed out that there is no longer a threat of conventional warfare, only the possibility of small skirmishes with a few small bands of Muslim extremists, or Mexican drug dealers.

The U.S. has military bases and personnel scattered all over the world, in places like Japan, South Korea, Germany and Belgium.  That’s excessive since there are no wars there and the U.S. has no global mandate to be the world’s “police force.”  And now that the U.S. has put Democrats in charge of Congress and in the White House, they’ve been spending trillions of dollars on social programs that all Americans want, and that makes the far flung military too expensive to maintain.  Isn’t it about time to close the foreign military bases and bring the troops home where they can guard the U.S. border from Mexican drug dealers and illegal aliens?

Quit whining about the liberals that Americans have put in charge you dumb bastard.

Hugs and kisses,

Joan

A.

My Dearest Joan,

Your contemplation on the plight of we conservatives over an over-extended military and the free-spending liberals touches me deeply, and your suggestion that we eliminate military-bases world-wide as a solution, are warm and gentile words of encouragement and hope, despite the absurdity and global risk that implementation of such a scheme would entail.  How I long to set aside such petty questions and instead lay my head upon your bosom and bask in the warm glow of your beauty and charm, but such is not my mandate.  I must speak to you honestly about our challenge.

You see, despite the fact that there are not open hostilities between China, Russia, North Korea, Iran and other countries with the U.S. and its allies, the notion that none will ever be forthcoming is but wishful thinking.  The fact that a large and powerful American military is arranged in multiple locations of diverse nature around the globe is one of the key reasons that such a peace presently exists.  In addition to this, the diverse nature and location of U.S. military systems is a practical strategy — not having concentrated military assets in a single location, which, if attacked and crushed, would render the U.S. defense system largely destroyed all in one blow.  Avoiding a circumstance that befell the U.S. Navy at Pearl Harbor, as well as providing the tactical ability to move defensive systems to any part of the globe quickly from a diversity of locations, is a valuable strategic advantage for America and the defense of it’s allies.

Regarding the gargantuan spending on everything that can be imagined by the liberal mind, thereby creating massive debt, the risk of economic collapse and hyper-inflation; the idea that cutting major R&D for future defense systems and stopping current system development would result in savings are mere drops in the bucket, and even if such cuts were sane, they’d not begin to replace the funds being spent.  We have two hopes in this regard.  One, that bureaucrats are too lazy to spend the money fast enough to put us in tremendous debt in the next year and a half.  And two, that Republicans awake from their stupor and adopt Ronald Reagan’s attitude about smaller government and less taxing and spending, and run good campaigns and take control of Congress in the elections less than two years ahead.  Then, having taken power in Congress, to stop the foolish spending and begin to dismantle Obama’s United States of Socialist America (USSA), currently under development.

Regarding the Mexican border, we don’t need a massive troop surge to stop the problems there.  We just need to take the issue seriously and enforce the laws we have and support the professionals and volunteers already working there.  However, if we wanted to be more aggressive in stopping the problem, we’d simply declare several miles of ground inside the US/Mexican border as “no man’s land” and set up military snipers to shoot anyone found in that sector.  We’ve done it successfully in the Middle East and other areas.  These men, properly posted, can secure many miles of terrain and kill efficiently, inexpensively and with pin-point accurately.  A couple weeks of this and no one would bother trying to come into the U.S. illegally across the US/Mexican border.

And so, my fine and gentle Joan, I must tell you that if true Americans — the 46% who voted for McCain and not Obama — were in charge, we could solve these problems without resorting to silly notions of slashing our military power in effort to fund tattoo removal in Los Angeles (part of the ‘stimulus package’ recently passed by Congress).  It is my hope that those who voted the liberals into office because they wanted “change” will shake off their mental weirdness and put real Americans in charge in the near future.  In the meantime, we conservatives must prepare, must battle stupidity as best we can, and love those who love us, and try to neutralize those who don’t.

I hope this finds you happy, well, and firm where you want to be; and soft where you’d like to be.

With the warmest of feelings toward you, barely contained behind my muscular physique,

Bob

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America turns against Israel; Bad Girls are fun at Parties, Disasters at Life

> Obama cancels visit with Israel P.M. ,“out of town” that day
> Bad girls versus good girls, big trade-offs

Inebriated Press
April 21, 2009

Good girls or bad girls?

Good girls or bad girls?

Australia’s The Age reported Saturday that the increasingly tense dialogue between U.S. President Obama and new Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is beginning to look downright unfriendly.  Last Thursday the White House informed Mr Netanyahu that a planned first meeting with President Obama in Washington next month had been called off because the President decided to leave town.  Meanwhile, FunReports has announced that bad girls are fun in parties and sex, but scary and untrustworthy in family life.  Pundits are debating whether fun presidents and women are worth the risk of future disaster.

A guy named Dick

A guy named Dick

“Life is short and you need to get every adrenaline rush you can, so I voted for Obama because he has no experience running any form of business or government, and no management education or operations skills at all — so you know it’s going to be a wild ride.  That’s also why I always go after the hottest women who have no ethics standing in the way of a crazy no-holds-barred night on the first date,” said Dick Nukem-Sixx, a night club manager and restaurateur when he’s not hospitalized.  “No relationship should remain stable longer than six months, then it should be turned upside down just for the excitement.  That’s true whether it’s the US-Israel relationship, US-Iran, US-Russia, or Debbie doing Dallas.  Life isn’t about taking the safe and predictable path, that’s way dull.  Better to let it all hang out, switch up attitude and nuclear weaponry and see what happens.  I’ve had a hell of a lot of fun living this way.  The only downside is all the prescription drugs I’m taking to manage STD’s, pain and psycho-therapy.  Still, I’m not bored.  I get depressed when I sit still too long.  Better to risk my life and those around me than be bored.”

A gal named Chloe

A gal named Chloe

Not everyone agrees with Nukem-Sixx.  “No relationship is perfect, there are always ups and downs, you have to expect that, but a mature person or country understands that stability has value in and of itself, and that it’s hard to find people or countries you can count on, so you need to work at building and maintaining good relationships.  One-night-stands or short term missile defense might be fun for the moment, but what do they do for you in the long run?  Leave you wishing there was something more,” said Chloe Vesba-Firmm, a sheet metal worker and secret Mensa member, who finds people she likes and then lives, loves and never let’s go.  “I’m not saying some thing’s don’t end, but I won’t let them end without trying to fix them.  Why did Obama blow off Israel and kiss the hand of the Saudi King?  Israel is the only stable democracy in the Middle East and the Saudi’s fund Wahhabi Islam a violent, intolerant ‘faith’ that’s currently the reason we’re fighting terrorism today.  Obama’s the kind of guy who chases the bad girls at parties only to find out that when he tries to live with them they wreck his life.  I don’t care what he does with his personal life, but doing this shit with America is just plain bad.”

Muslim ObamaThe Age reported that watching the drama unfold inside Israel, the increasingly tense dialogue between US President Barack Obama and new Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is taking on all the trappings of a duel.  Can Israel still call the United States its best international friend? Apparently not. Almost every day brings news of another sore point between the two countries, a source of yet further inflammation of their once warm relations. It is bad enough that President Obama uses almost every opportunity he can to set the parameters of a final peace agreement between Israel and the Palestinians. Now US officials are openly using Israeli anxiety over Iran’s fledging nuclear program as a bargaining chip to force Israel’s hand on giving up control of the West Bank Palestinian territory.

Obama IslamWhite House chief-of-staff Rahm Emanuel was quoted last week laying down the law to Israel. If Israel wants US help to defuse the Iranian threat, Mr Emanuel was reported to have told Jewish leaders in Washington, then start evacuating settlements in the West Bank. Talkback radio blazed with fury across the country the same day, as Israelis protested that no US official had the right to tell them where to live. Then on Thursday came the news that Mr Netanyahu’s planned first meeting with President Obama in Washington next month had been called off. Administration officials informed Mr Netanyahu’s office that the President would not be “in town”. Mr Obama has also dropped the Bush administration’s opposition to the Iranian financed terrorist group Hamas being part of a future Palestinian Authority government.

Bad girls

Bad girls

FunReports.com reported that bad girls are fun in parties and sex, but dangerous in family life. An evaluation criterion is quite simple. It has to do with a stranger asking a girl for favors. A good girl will say a quick and categorical “no” while a bad one will ask the man “when”. There is a set of virtues and shortcomings both types of the girls are bestowed with.  Bad girls have an optimistic attitude to life. They are full of energy. They do not indulge in self-analysis. They do not tend to fall into a period of depression. Life is a never-ending show for them. Bad girls are hungry for sex. They enjoy sexual experimentation. They will do anything they want and maybe more than you want them to when having sex with you.

Fun, dangerous

Fun, dangerous

However, despite obvious advantages, bad girls are really bad when it comes to certain things. First, they can not be trusted. Indeed, these vultures are serial flirters and were made to seduce anything that moves. Second, they can be dangerous if they happen to be behind the wheel. They can be as wild and reckless driving a car as they are when making love. These girls are always unpredictable, they often end up in a company of junkies or rummies. You can not build a solid relationship with this kind of girl. Soon you will find out that she is very selfish and simply does not give a damn about her potential partner. Girls like that enjoy being extravagant. They love going on a shopping spree if money is at hand. They will make lousy wives and mothers, their life is a string of divorce.

So you had better court the good ones. The good ones can vary as well but this is the truth: you can experience the precious moments of inner peace and comfort only when a good girl looks after you. She will take care of you when you fall ill, she will miss you when you are out somewhere. Sex is not the top priority for good girls so you do not have to be a super lover. A girl like that is unlikely to cheat on you. Stop worrying even if she is exceptionally pretty. Remember how she told you to beat it on the first date when you tried to make out with her after having a few drinks. She can discourage any guy in a similar way. Good girls mostly stick to monogamous relationships.

Bare armed and dangerous

Bare armed and dangerous

In other news, WSB-TV Atlanta reported that Loganville, Georgia police said they arrested a man after he entered the automobile of two female waitresses from Hooters intending to have sex with them. Police said Christopher Childers, 40, saw the two 19-year-old girls walk into a Wal-Mart to do some shopping. While they were in the store, Childers allegedly got into their car, found pictures of the girls in their uniforms which he placed in his truck. He then got back into the girls’ car to wait for them, police said.

When the girls returned, one girl slammed Childers leg with the car door and the other called 911, Loganville Police Chief Mike McHugh confirmed to Channel 2 Action News. Employees from Wal-Mart came outside to assist the two females and the group held Childers inside the vehicle until police arrived. Upon officers’ arrival, Childers was still inside the victim’s vehicle. Loganville Police Department officer Artie Turner said that Childers told them he was waiting for the girls because “they looked easy” and he had a conservative girlfriend.  No word on whether Iran thinks Obama looks easy, but according to the UK Times Online, French President Sarkozy says Obama is “weak”.  Looks like the adrenaline rush from all the “Obama fun” with the economy and foreign policy is going to come to an end eventually.  Time will tell just how big a disaster that’s going to be.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Obama’s stance worries Israelis
http://www.theage.com.au/world/obamas-stance-worries-israelis-20090417-aa90.html?page=-1

Bad girls are fun in parties and sex, but boring in family life
http://www.funreports.com/fun/23-11-2005/1298-bag_girl-0

Hooters Girls Battle Man Hiding In Car
http://www.wsbtv.com/news/19208184/detail.html#-

Sarkozy snipes at ‘dim’ Spanish PM and ‘weak’ Barack Obama
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/europe/article6106250.ece

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Cleared to Orgasm before 11pm, Legalizing Illegal Immigrants, and the Swedish Child Porn Library

> Standards Authority OKs Orgasms on Early Evening TV
> Obama to Legalize 12 million Illegal Aliens
> Swedish National Library Reported for Child Porn
.
Inebriated Press
April 10, 2009

Orgasm before 11pmThe UK Telegraph reported Wednesday that a ruling by the Advertising Standards Authority says it’s okay if women orgasm on television before 11pm, or at least appear to do so.  And the New York times reported Wednesday that U.S. president Obama will initiate a plan to make legal status possible for an estimated 12 million illegal immigrants.  Meanwhile, The Local reported Monday that Swedish child protection groups are attempting to stop the distribution of the National Library’s collection of child pornography.  The library holds large quantities of pornography, featuring children as young as 10-years-old. Inebriated reporters, stumbling around half naked behind a local strip club, have come in out of the rain long enough to debate why some people are bothered by any of this news. 

Someone named Sandy

Someone named Sandy

“Since all ethics are subjective and arbitrary, people who argue on behalf of common sense saying that child porn is wrong, or that illegal immigration is against the law, or that sex on TV during childrens viewing hours is bad somehow, are all confused and irrelavant.  They say there’s some value to social stability, and that child abuse is bad,” said Sandy Twisted-Deviant, a pretend reporter of no repute, who hopes the decision by the Standards Authority will somehow result in her having an instant orgasm each evening at 10pm.  “Rule of law is an old-fashioned standard foised upon humankind by hard ass old timers who held the silly idea that individual human beings had value that should be protected, and that individual rights were ‘bestowed on them by their creator, and that among those rights were life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness’.  It’s a bunch of clap-trap.  The State gives rights and decides how to value them.  The idea that an indivdual human life has any value went away when we decided to kill unborn kids, and that happened centries ago.  Silly reform type people are clinging to irrational logic.  There are no rules.  Chaos is natural and should be embrased.  Based on his policy initiatives, Barack Obama understands this.  The old America is gone baby.  And good ridance.”

Someone named Nancy

Someone named Nancy

Not everyone agrees with Twisted-Deviant.  “Sex on TV during kids viewing hours, legalizing law breakers, and State sanctioned child porn distribution systems, demonstrate a decline of civil society into a morase of relativism and arbitrary ethics.  It’s like a black hole sucking away truth, justice, freedom, love and beauty — all the things that make humanity different from the animals,” said Nancy Happi-Halo, a conservative social activist disguised as a hot blonde nuclear physicst.  “The concept of rights derived from god and endowed upon human beings makes taking it away wrong, and defending it a core principle of both religion and human duty.  Lacking that, Twisted-Deviant has a point, human ethics are whatever we make up.  The founders of the United States understood that, having lived in Europe and under the changing ethics of whatever king was in charge at the time.  I know that interpretation of god’s will is the reason hundreds, maybe thousands of religions have all popped up and are fought over.  Yet within each of them is the kernal of ‘fairness’.  And its the key, unless it’s perverted in an attempt to oppress some sex, or person, or group.  I’ve concluded that being a ‘god and guns’ person, like the original American founders, gives me the best shot at living in a country with real freedoms, rights and economic opportunity and stability.”

Daylight OrgasmThe Telegraph reported that the Advertising Standards Authority cleared an advert promoting orgasm enhancing gel. It was given a post-11pm restriction by the TV ad clearance body Clearcast, but ran on Channel 4 at 10.05pm, prompting a complaint to the ASA that it was “offensive and overly graphic”. The advert for Durex Play O Orgasmic Gel featured a montage of silent clips of women who appeared to express sexual ecstasy set to an excerpt from Mozart’s “Magic Flute”. A female voice-over stated “Feel like never before. New Durex Play O. Pleasure enhancing gel for women. Durex Play, all you need.” The ASA said that despite the ad being run earlier than Clearcast’s scheduling advice it considered the TV ad was “unlikely to cause offence to viewers”. The decision comes just over a week after the ASA recommended that the whole system be liberalised to allow pre-watershed adverts for condoms and abortions.

Obama gets illegal's backing

Obama gets illegal's backing

The New York Times reported that President Obama plans to begin addressing the country’s immigration system this year, including a plan to make legal status possible for an estimated 12 million illegal immigrants. Mr. Obama will frame the new effort — likely to rouse passions on all sides of the highly divisive issue — as “policy reform that controls immigration and makes it an orderly system,” said the official, Cecilia Muñoz, deputy assistant to the president and director of intergovernmental affairs in the White House. Mr. Obama plans to speak publicly about the issue in May, administration officials said, and over the summer he will convene working groups, including lawmakers from both parties and a range of immigration groups, to begin discussing possible legislation for as early as this fall. In broad outlines, officials said, the Obama administration favors legislation that would bring illegal immigrants into the legal system by recognizing that they violated the law, and imposing fines and other penalties to fit the offense. Anticipating opposition, Mr. Obama has sought to shift some of the political burden to advocates for immigrants, by encouraging them to build support among voters for when his proposal goes to Congress. Administration officials emphasized that many details remained to be debated.

Swede Child Porn Library

Swede Child Porn Library

The Local reported that the Swedish national library will be reported to the police for the possession and distribution of child pornography by two Swedish child protection groups, Hand i Hand (literally: hand in hand) and the Föreningen Anhöriga Till Sexuellt Utnyttjade Barn (ATSUB – The Association of Relatives to Sexually-abused Children). Birgitta Holmberg at ATSUB told The Local on Monday that the purpose of the police report is two-fold. Firstly to put a stop to the distribution of the National Library’s collection of child pornography, and secondly to expose how much of the library’s collection has been copied. The existence of the National Library’s collection of child pornography emerged after a visit by the writer Valentin Bart in November 2008. Not only does the library hold large quantities of pornography, featuring children as young as 10-years-old, but access to the material was straightforward, and easy to get and copy. “We want strict licensing and control of researchers,” Holmberg said.

Hire me baby, I'm new and improved

Hire me baby, I'm new and improved

In other news, Reuters reported Wednesday that when the going gets tough, some of the tough get going to the plastic surgeon’s office. Some surgeons and patients are now citing increased interest in surgery among people wanting to look younger and “fresher” for the ever-competitive job market. The American Society of Plastic Surgeons released a recent survey showing that American women were looking at cosmetic surgery to get a competitive edge in the workplace. About 13 percent of the 756 women surveyed, between the ages of 18 and 64, say they would consider having a cosmetic medical procedure to make them more confident and more competitive in the job market. Manhattan plastic surgeon Stephen Greenberg saw an opportunity in this growing trend and recently began promoting a “Job Fighter Package” for men and women.

“We’ve probably done no less than 50 to 60 tune-ups since launching the package about five months ago,” Greenberg said, noting that not all the “tuneups” have involved surgeries, but also less costly and invasive procedures like cosmetic injectables. No word on the doc’s feel about TV orgasms, State sanctioned library child porn distribution or legalizing illegal immigrants, but if it allows them to create a “child porn fighter” package, or “free the illegals” package, and gets them an orgasm before 11pm, you can bet they’ll be big-time supporters.  Let chaos rein.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Women may orgasm on television before 11pm
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/5124704/Women-may-orgasm-on-television-before-11pm.html

Obama to Push Immigration Bill as One Priority
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/09/us/politics/09immig.html

Swedish national library reported for child porn
http://www.thelocal.se/18704/20090406/

Plastic surgery is latest accessory for job seekers
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30112465/

Comments Off on Cleared to Orgasm before 11pm, Legalizing Illegal Immigrants, and the Swedish Child Porn Library

Filed under Division of Rant (with Pretzels), Humor

White House Sex Chat Line, Assisted Suicide for the Healthy, and New Legalized Rape Law

> Journalists calling in for Obama conference get sex chat line
> Swiss clinic to help healthy woman kill herself
> Afghan President establishes law sanctioning marital rape

Inebriated Press \ Division of Rant (with Pretzels)
April 6, 2009

Miss Sex Chat & Miss Legal Rape

Miss Sex Chat & Miss Legal Rape

Agence France Presse (AFP) reported last Thursday that journalists in the U.S. calling a toll-free number to join a conference call with President Obama in London, instead had their call answered with the line “Do you feel like getting nasty?” — as a sultry voiced Swank magazine sex-chat woman picked up their call.  And Times Online reported last Friday that the Swiss assisted-suicide clinic Dignitas was criticized after revealing plans to help a healthy woman to die. The clinic’s founder described suicide as a “marvelous opportunity” that should not be restricted to the terminally ill.  Meanwhile, Afghan President Karzai provoked international outrage with a draconian Taleban-era law that explicitly sanctions marital rape.  Pundits are debating whether the White House sex chat line can offset the trillions in new Obamanomic spending enough that they’ll want to remain in the country, or if they should just rape their wives and commit suicide instead.

White House Operator

White House Operator

“I have to hand it to Obama, I’d never have thought of putting a sex chat line in the White House.  He’s one-upping Clinton who used to rent out the Lincoln Bedroom for orgies.  If Obama instructs the travel office to offer a package to the public with sex-chat followed by a hooker-rendezvous in the Lincoln Bedroom, I’ll bet he can rake in a lot of bucks and offset part of the $12 trillion in spending that he’s initiated in the last 60 days,” said Zack Loft-Basement, a chief-of-staff wanna-be and occasional user.  “But if Obama doesn’t get spending under control and give some tax relief to business in order to truly stimulate the economy, we’re going to end up with hyper inflation and draconian taxation.  My wife will get really frigid I’ll be left to rape her and kill myself — all according to acceptable laws of course — but still, it’d be a real bother.”

Someone named Cathy

Someone named Cathy

Not everyone thinks the way Loft-Basement does.  “I have mixed feelings about the White House sex chat line, just like I did the Condi Rice nude calendar to help fund the State Department, and Bill Clinton selling nude pic’s of Hillary to fund her run for president.  It just seems like maybe we’re going too far and should just cut some costs or something,” said Cathy Scot-Ireland-Tissue, a genius in her own mind and a sex tramp in the minds of others.  “And anyone who condones raping women for any reason should be assigned to an assisted-suicide clinic and be removed from the land of the living.  I do have to wonder about the clinic that plans to help healthy people kill themselves though.  Do you suppose they’ve considered maybe recommending some mental health counseling instead?  I don’t like to be on anti-depressant drugs either, but it seems a bit drastic to just off yourself.”

AFP reported that journalists based in the United States got a shock last Thursday when they dialed a toll-free number to join a conference call with senior officials accompanying US President Barack Obama in London. The number turned out to be a sex chat line inviting callers to use their credit card numbers. “Do you have any hidden desires?” a sultry voiced woman asked. “Well, do you feel like getting nasty? Then you came to the right place — brought to you by the girls of Swank magazine,” she said. Reporters finally got through to the two officials in London — National Security Advisor James Jones and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton — when they gave up on the US “800” number and instead dialed an international number. The White House did not offer an explanation when asked how it sent the wrong number in an email listing both numbers — one for journalists in the United States and the other for those overseas.

Purveyor of Death

Purveyor of Death

Times Online reported that the founder of the Swiss assisted suicide clinic Dignitas was criticized yesterday after revealing plans to help a healthy woman to die alongside her terminally ill husband. Ludwig Minelli described suicide as a “marvelous opportunity” that should not be restricted to the terminally ill or people with severe disabilities. Critics said that the plans highlighted the risks of proposals to legalize assisted suicides in Britain for people in the final stages of a terminal illness.

The Zurich University Clinic has found that more than a fifth of people who had died at Dignitas did not have a terminal condition. Mr Minelli admitted that some of the people who had been helped to die at the clinic had been psychiatric patients with schizophrenia and bipolar disorders. A spokesman for Care Not Killing, a campaign opposed to any weakening of the law on euthanasia or assisted suicide, said that Mr Minelli’s comments showed why any legalization of assisted dying would open a “Pandora’s box of nightmare scenarios”.

Sweet rapable girl

Sweet rapable girl

Times Online also reported that President Karzai of Afghanistan provoked international outrage last Thursday with draconian Taleban-era restrictions on women and laws that explicitly sanction marital rape. A leaked copy of the laws obtained by The Times details new strictures for Afghanistan’s Shia minority. Women are banned from leaving the home without permission. A wife has the absolute duty to provide sexual services to her husband, and child marriage is legalized. Opponents of the Afghan President accused him of selling out basic human rights for women in return for the votes of hardline Shia conservatives for the presidential election in August. The legislation is based on the Shia family code first brought before Parliament two years ago, to the horror of women legislators who make up more than a quarter of the assembly. Women MPs said that they had been powerless to challenge the passage of the Bill. “The majority of the men agreed to support the laws without any discussion,” said Azita Raffat, an MP from Badghis province. “The law says it is the right of men to have sex — even by force.”

Pioneer

Pioneer

Some people say that the new law which sanctions forced marriage of young girls and their subsequent rape accurately suits Darwinistic tendencies of nature and that confused moralists and Judeo-Christians have a twisted view of humankind that makes them think that all individuals should have rights and be afforded a modicum of dignity.

Assisted Suicide Toon“The strong survive and the weak perish.  Draconian rape and child marriage law, and Sharia law, these stem from religion and atheistic Darwinism and combine to form a perfect synergy of relativistic power-based control, as natural as the tsunami, the hurricane, and swarms of locusts,” said I.B. Humpin-Daley, a part time cleric and full time vagrant who likes Obama’s style and lack of substance.  “The pansy assed American religious types who say shit like ‘everyone is created equal and are endowed by their creator with inalienable rights like life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness’ are morons.  Their time has passed.  Obama has proven it by his approach to the leaders at the G-20.  He patted the Brit Queen on the ass and handed her an iPod, then went and bowed deeply and kissed the ring of the Saudi King.  He’s got this shit figured out. Muslim power and Sharia law are coming to America in the form of hope and change.  It’s about power baby, power.  And America is surrendering it to everybody else.  Why else would Hillary tell the Mexicans that their drug war was Americas problem, or Obama tell the G-20 that the worlds economic crisis was Americas fault?  He didn’t sit for 20 years with Jeremiah Wright’s anti-American diatribes and learn nothing you know.  Damn straight.  He’s acting on his beliefs.”

USA Sharia Law Pioneer

USA Sharia Law Pioneer

In other news, the New York Post reported on Thursday that President Obama has nominated Harold Koh to be the State Department’s legal advisor.  Koh believes that judges should interpret the U.S. Constitution according to other nations’ legal “norms.” And that Sharia law applies to disputes in US courts. He also says that the United States constitutes an “axis of disobedience” along with North Korea and Saddam-era Iraq. According to the Post Koh, a self-described “activist,” would plainly promote his views aggressively once at State. He’s not likely to feel limited by the letter of the law — in 1994, he told The New Republic: “I’d rather have [former Supreme Court Justice Harry] Blackmun, who uses the wrong reasoning in Roe [v. Wade] to get the right results, and let other people figure out the right reasoning.” No word on how he feels about raping young girls or killing healthy people but in this new era of hope and change, all bets are off.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Journalists get shock with ‘sexy’ White House call
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090402/od_afp/uswhousenatomediasexoffbeat_20090402223328

Dignitas founder plans assisted suicide of healthy woman
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/europe/article6021947.ece

President Karzai’s Taleban-style laws for women put troop surge at risk
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/article6025362.ece

OBAMA’S MOST PERILOUS LEGAL PICK
http://www.nypost.com/seven/03302009/postopinion/opedcolumnists/obamas_most_perilous_legal_pick_161961.htm?page=0

Comments Off on White House Sex Chat Line, Assisted Suicide for the Healthy, and New Legalized Rape Law

Filed under Division of Rant (with Pretzels), Humor, Op-Ed