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Two Shot at Anti-Violence Rally; Love, Noise and the Female Condom; and Romance Survives Shot to Chest

> Peace Rally Turns Violent, Two Injured in Shooting
> FDA Approves New Female Condom; this Version ‘Rustles Less’
> Prison Psychologist shoots Lover, Reconciles, No Charges Filed

Inebriated Press
May 20, 2009

Ah the sting of hot lead, how I've missed you

Ah the sting of hot lead, how I've missed you

KOCO News Oklahoma reported Monday that two people were arrested Sunday in Midwest City after a shooting during an anti-violence rally.  And the Washington Post reported Monday that the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has approved a new female condom that is made of thinner polyurethane than earlier models, so it conducts body heat and sensation better — and rustles less. Meanwhile the North Carolina News and Observer reported Monday that a prison psychologist lost her job last month after shooting her lover in the chest with a .38-caliber Smith & Wesson revolver.  However, the couple has reconciled and no charges have been filed.  Some people say all’s fair in love and gun violence.

Someone named Sammi

Someone named Sammi

“There’s no point in getting excited about being blasted in the chest by your lover, or a few folks getting shot up during an anti-violence rally.  Love and violence go together like peace and war, or hope and change; they’re conceptual things that thrive on contrast and a few emotional outbursts that give meaning to life.  Who hasn’t longed for the warmth of true love, or the sting of a .38-caliber bullet piercing their breastplate,” said Sammi Sadist-Outthere, a part-time sex-worker and a pretty container of anti-wisdom in a world turned upside down.  “As far as the female condom goes, it’s a joke like most kinds of birth control.  What woman hasn’t wanted the experience of getting knocked up just to see how her body reacts?  After all you can just hack the kid out before it grows past the legal age limit where it’s a crime. As you can tell I’m kind of mercenary about this stuff but hey, it’s my body and my gun so it’s my right to do with either whatever I feel like.  Until you’ve had flaming STD’s and a serious gunshot wound plus a few other near-death experiences, you’ve never had the rush that makes being alive worthwhile.  People may call me psycho but the truth is I’m today’s new woman.  Hope and change baby, I’m leading the way forward.”

Someone named Nancy

Someone named Nancy

Not everyone lives with the reckless abandon that Sadist-Outthere does.  “Shootings at anti-violence rally’s? Attempted murder with a .38 caliber handgun is a relationship builder? Aborting kids for the experience? Holy shit, I thought we’d lost our minds when we elected an inexperienced community organizer as the U.S. president, but apparently we were only warming to the subject,” said Nancy Drew-Theline, a financial analyst whose work on risk management has affected her social outlook.  “We need an infusion of common sense before this country’s wheels come off altogether and we get sucked down the drain into social chaos.  Obama has us poised for more economic chaos by quadrupling government debt, and spending trillions of dollars to feel stimulated.  The economy has already started coming around on its own with only 6% of the stimulus spent.  A free market economy with low taxes and modest regulation will correct itself, we’ve got to wise up fast. As far as the female condom goes, it’s simply another tool to control the risk of pregnancy.  If it works for you, then use it.  Personally, I use it plus oral contraception and I make guys wear double condoms.  Why risk starting a life you don’t want when you can avoid it by taking precautions.  As far as STD’s go, don’t trade fluids and you don’t invite STD’s.  It’s probably my risk management work, but I pre-screen all my dates by taking them to the Quality of Life Group’s San Francisco STD Testing office on Mission Street.  If they don’t pass their tests, they don’t pass mine.  Maybe I’m an ethical hard ass and health nut, but my ass is healthy and it’s staying that way.”

Stop the violence rallyKOCO Oklahoma reported that two people were arrested Sunday after a shooting at an anti-violence rally in the town of Midwest, according to police. One person was shot in the torso and another was shot multiple times during the event at Regional Park. More than 1,200 people gathered for the event, geared toward encouraging teens to turn away from violence. Alfred Frazier, 17, and Sam ZayZay, 22, were arrested initially, police said. ZayZay has since been released pending further investigation. Frazier is accused of shooting with intent to kill. Investigators are talking to two other people possibly involved in the shooting. The names of the shooting victims have not been released. Police have not indicated whether the shooting is gang-related.

Female condom

Female condom

The Washington Post reported that The Female Health Company in Chicago has received FDA approval for their new female condom.  The new and improved condom, the FC2, an upgrade from the FC which still on the market, is made of thinner polyurethane than the earlier model, so it conducts body heat and sensation better — and rustles less. Company vice president Jack Weissman says that in the U.S., female condom use is important both for family-planning purposes and for protection against HIV/AIDS and other STDs. The company is working with family-planning and HIV/AIDS clinics throughout the country, brokering deals that allow clinics to dispense free female condoms just as they currently give out free male condoms. The company’s first product, the FC (for female condom), was launched in 1994 and landed like a lead balloon among consumers, who complained that it was too pricey, that its feel wasn’t conducive to satisfying sex and that, of all things, it made too much noise. That product’s still on the market, retailing for about $17 for a package of 5. The FC2 should be available by autumn.

Gun shot lovers. Sounds like a Country song

Gun shot lovers. Sounds like a Country song

The News & Observer reported that a prison psychologist lost her job last month after shooting her lover, a convicted felon recently released from the minimum-security facility where she worked. Kristel K. Rider shot Lamount K. Friend once in the chest on April 21 in front of his grandparents’ home near Clayton. He survived, though the .38-caliber bullet from her Smith & Wesson revolver barely missed his heart. And the two apparently have reconciled and no charges have been filed in the case. It is a felony for Correction employees to have sex with people in state custody, a crime punishable by up to 31 months in prison for each count. As Friend’s therapist, Rider appears to have violated several ethical rules through her relationship with the inmate, potentially imperiling her state license. Therapists are forbidden from having romantic relationships with those they treat because their position potentially gives them emotional power over the patient. Keith Acree, the spokesman for the state prison system, confirmed that Rider treated Friend at Neuse. However, he said the prison system could find no evidence that the two had sex while Friend was incarcerated. Friend’s court record contains more than 30 criminal convictions for transgressions such as robbery, illegal firearms possession and cocaine trafficking. Martha Storie, director of the N.C. Psychology Board, said that Rider has an active license. The board does not publicly disclose whether a complaint against a licensee has been made or whether an investigation is pending.

Paris: New Age Princess, or Di trying

Paris: New Age Princess, or Di trying

In other news, UK’s The Sun reported Tuesday that Paris Hilton says her scandalous life-style has prevented her from fulfilling her dream of being like Princess Diana. The heirhead socialite makes the claims in a new documentary on her life, which debuted at the Toronto International Film Festival last September and was shown in Cannes at the weekend. Hilton’s bad behavior includes her infamous sex tape with Rick Solomon, other leaked saucy videos and pictures, a charge for Driving Under the Influence (DUI) and a short spell behind bars. No word on why she hasn’t acted like Princess Di if that’s who she wanted to emulate, but in a world turned upside down, it’s the rush that’s more important than the risk — if you don’t plan on being around very long.  And that’s true whether you’re talking STD’s or the U.S. economy.  Manage your risk, or live fast and die hard.  You make the call.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com 

Source articles:

2 Shot At Anti-Violence Rally In Midwest City

Romance born in prison survives shooting

Learning to Love the Female Condom

San Francisco STD Testing

Paris: Di hopes ruined by sex tape

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Filed under Humor, Imbibers' Choice, IP News

Nurses Turn to Prostitution While the Homeless Eat Caviar

> Demoralized nurses finding work in brothels
> Poor to eat contraband caviar on Christmas

Inebriated Press
December 24, 2008

081224-nurse1Australia’s News Limited reported Monday that exhausted and demoralized nurses would rather work as prostitutes than in Queensland’s crumbling hospitals.  And the Associated Press reported Saturday that homeless people in Italy will be savoring beluga caviar this Christmas.  Experts say that like hooker-nurses and homeless-caviar-eaters, everyone should reflect on their lives at year-end, and some may want to make changes and boost next years life-style options.

081224-caviar“It’s always good to reflect on how your life is going as the year winds down, and make a few subtle adjustments — like switching from caring for the sick to banging the healthy — in order to make your life safer, and more financially rewarding,” said Jenna Jameson-Hollander, a registered nurse and motivational speaker, currently providing personal services to homeless Italians offering caviar.  “Maybe you want to exercise more and get your body in shape, or perhaps you should stop paying your mortgage and go to Italy and eat caviar with the homeless.  At the end of each year it’s a good time to reflect and make some adjustments like those.”

081224-beyonce1Other life-style experts agree.  “I used to bust my ass as a divisional manager for a large company, administering staff and a budget, trying to hit performance targets, all that stuff,” said Alexander Yardly-Tucumseth, a wiry middle-aged ex-executive, now living on the street and trading caviar for personal services offered by former Australian nurses.  “Today I’m a homeless guy and part-time life-style advisor to Paris Hilton and Beyonce.  They don’t pay much attention to what I say, but what to I care, I’m living a stress-free life.  And next year Obama will start sending me checks.  It’s change I can believe in.”

081224-healthcare-australia-styleNews Limited reported that Queensland nurses are leaving the healthcare system because of workloads, burnout and record levels of frustration, and many have found new jobs working in brothels. “We could no longer work in such an understaffed and stressful environment,” said the mother of two, who wanted to be known only as Jenna. Jenna said violence was more of a concern in hospitals than in the sex industry. “The security (at the brothel) is wonderful. We have buzzers in our room, there are bracelets we can request if you have a client you’re a bit suspicious of.” Jenna said she had gone to great lengths to hide her new occupation from her family. “I wear my nurse’s uniform to work, I carry my hospital ID. But when I get to work I change. There’s a couple of others who do the same,” she said. Health Minister Stephen Robertson said it was disappointing some nurses were seeking alternative careers. He didn’t comment on how hot the Australian nurses look or what his plans are to try and keep them in hospitals.

PEOPLE HILTONThe Associated Press reported that some homeless people in Italy will be savoring beluga caviar this Christmas, thanks to officials who seized 88 pounds (40 kilograms) of the contraband delicacy from smugglers.  The caviar has been given to Italian charities to be served alongside the traditional foods they feed the poor on Christmas – like lentils, pasta and cake – officials said Saturday. The Rev. Massimo Mapelli, who helps run a shelter for the homeless and recovering addicts, said his center will get 10 kilograms (22 pounds) of caviar for 82 diners. That’s about 120 grams (4 1/2 ounces) per person – two to four times the amount chefs traditionally serve to wealthy diners.  Not bad if you like caviar.

081224-oreoIn other news, the Houston Chronicle reported Saturday that a school bus driver accused of brandishing a knife and threatening three sixth-graders with cutting their wrists for leaving cookie crumbs on a seat has been arrested. William Allen, 66, was taken into custody Friday on a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Students told their parents that Allen took them out of the bus Wednesday at Mary Orr Intermediate School. They said he threatened to cut their wrists with the knife if they didn’t admit to eating Oreo cookies and leaving crumbs behind, according to police reports.  No word on whether Allen has plans to become a homeless Italian or an Australian hooker-nurse, but you can bet he won’t be driving a bus next year.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:
Fed-up Queensland nurses turning to prostitution

Italy’s poor to eat contraband caviar on Christmas

School bus driver accused of pulling knife on sixth-graders

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Filed under Humor, IP News