Tag Archives: PC

Beware of: Falling Computers, Bacteria Laced Skin Care Products, and the Obama Administration

> Home Computer Injuries Leap
> FDA warns against using Clarcon skin products
> U.S. Representative tells China not to believe Obama on Budget

Inebriated Press
June 11, 2009

Risky computer behavior

Risky computer behavior

HealthDay News reported on Tuesday that from 1994 to 2006 there has been a 732 percent increase in home computer injuries nationwide.  Research shows that a growing number of people are tripping over cables and getting hit by falling equipment.  And Associated Press reported Monday that the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is warning consumers not to use skin products made by Clarcon because of high levels of disease-causing bacteria.  Meanwhile, The Straits Times reported Tuesday that Representative Mark Kirk (R-IL) told Chinese leaders that the US budget deficit could be larger than predicted and the budget that the US government has put forward should not be believed.  Inebriated reporters heavily medicated with Jack Daniels, put forth their view of truth and lies.

Someone named Suzi

Someone named Suzi

“Who gives a rats ass what Republicans say about the budget or the FDA says about skin care products or whether computers are falling from the sky.  Life is risky and if you’re going to be alive for a while, you assume some risks of a personal and financial nature, what the hell.  Anyway, you can’t believe most things that politicians and the government say,” said Suzi Blaktape-Mostly, an occasional reporter when wearing clothing and deciding to behave respectable.  “It’s all one big crap shoot and the administration is lying about the budget and the Republicans are telling tales to the Chinese.  So what?  FDA officials are probably getting fewer kickbacks under this administration so they’re squeezing the skin care companies by talking the bacteria thing.  And no computer has fallen from the sky near me.  I think it’s people getting hurt during rough sex that are using computer injury as an excuse because it’s easier to explain.  At least that’s what I do.”

Someone named Rachael

Someone named Rachael

Not everyone sees it like Blaktape-Mostly.  “The Republicans are telling it the way it is, whether that’s to the Chinese or the American people.  The Obama administration is spending trillions with no revenue stream, and that’s a fact.  And the FDA is trying its damndest to stop people from harming themselves with bad products.  It’s what they do and why the agency exists.  As far as computer injuries go, it just makes sense that if there are more PC’s around then the likelihood of people bumping into them or tripping over the cables is just going to increase,” said Rachael Holddmi-Tiet, an occasional columnist when she’s not working iron at Mikes Steel Mill and BBQ Strip Club.  “It’s true that politicians and government officials stretch the truth, but the Obama administration is setting a whole new standard for misdirection and outright falsehood.  I can’t believe that Obama and his minions are so stupid that they believe they can spend trillions of dollars and have a healthy budget and an inflation free economy.  So that means they have to be lying about it.  Of course I admit I still think that logic can prevail and that people aren’t all morons, so I give common sense a chance.  Maybe that’s the flaw in my thinking.”

Beware of killer computers!HealthDay News reported that computers are everywhere in the home these days — the office, the kid’s room, maybe even on the kitchen table. And that, according to new research, has led to more people showing up in emergency rooms with computer-related injuries. That increase has not been slight: From 1994 to 2006, injuries caused by people tripping over computer wires or getting hit by falling equipment rose from about 1,300 a year to 9,300 a year, an increase of 732 percent nationwide. Children under the age of 5 had the highest injury rate. The leading cause of injury for small children, and for adults over 60, was tripping or falling over computer equipment. But while most injuries were to the extremities such as the arms or legs, young children were five times more likely than other age groups to sustain a head injury.

FDA WarningAssociated Press reported that the Food and Drug Administration warned consumers Monday not to use skin products made by Clarcon because of high levels of disease-causing bacteria found during a recent inspection. Clarcon Biological Chemistry Laboratory Inc. of Roy, Utah, issued a voluntary recall of some skin sanitizers and skin protectants marketed under several different brand names, the FDA said in a statement. Consumers should not use any Clarcon products and should throw them away, the FDA said. Analyses of several samples of over-the-counter topical antimicrobial skin sanitizer and skin protectant products revealed high levels of various bacteria, including some associated with unsanitary conditions, according to the agency. Some of these bacteria can cause opportunistic infections of the skin and underlying tissues and could result in medical or surgical attention as well as permanent damage.

Obama budgetThe Straits Times reported that senior Chinese leaders have privately voiced fear over the soaring US budget deficit and are increasingly looking to diversify from the dollar, Representative Mr Mark Kirk said Monday after a trip to China that included talks with government officials and central bank chief Dr Zhou Xiaochuan. Mr Kirk’s assessment differed with that of Treasury Secretary Mr Timothy Geithner, who said last week on a separate visit that Chinese leaders had expressed ‘justifiable confidence’ on the future of the recession-hit US economy. Mr Kirk said that Chinese leaders were sharply critical in private of the US Federal Reserve’s policy of ‘quantitative easing’ – a form of flooding the financial system with cash, which critics deride as printing imaginary money. Government officials estimate a deficit of 1.841 trillion US dollars for the 2009 budget. 

Lying fun!Mr Kirk, a former diplomat who remains an active reservist in the US Navy, is seen as a rising star in the Republican Party and is eyeing a run next year for Mr Obama’s former US Senate seat in Illinois. He said he told the Chinese that the budget deficit could be even bigger than predicted, due in part to the rising costs to the US economy of health care. “One of the messages I had – because we need to build trust and confidence in our number one creditor – is that the budget numbers that the US government has put forward should not be believed,” Mr Kirk said. “Congress is actually going to spend quite a bit more,” he said. China is the largest creditor to the United States with some 700 billion dollars invested in Treasury bonds.

The nest may be empty ...

The nest may be empty ...

In other news, CNN reported Tuesday that parents adjusting to the last of their children leaving home, find that at first they’re depressed, but then couples spend more time with friends, have impromptu dates and more sex. “I absolutely miss my kids,” said Jane Shure, a 54-year-old mother of two from Philadelphia, who officially became an empty nester in August 2007.  “But I’m enjoying a really full life now.” Sara Gorchoff, Ph.D., a postdoctoral researcher at UC Berkeley, says a fall Sunday with the kids can now become a chance to go hiking together; raucous family meals turn into intimate dinners for two. And sex can regain some of the old abandon of the pre-children days.  No word on how ’empty nesters’ feel about Obama’s budget numbers or bacteria laden skin care products, but my guess is that more of them are in emergency rooms claiming to have been injured by computers rather than from having sex with reckless abandon.  But I’m only guessing.  There’ll probably be a stimulus funded study coming out to tell us the facts any day now.  Just as soon as the tattoo removal in L.A. is completed.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Computers Causing Injuries in the Home
http://news.yahoo.com/s/hsn/20090609/hl_hsn/computerscausinginjuriesinthehome

FDA warns against using Clarcon skin products
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090609/ap_on_go_ot/us_clarcon_recall

China airs fears: congressman
http://www.straitstimes.com/Overcoming%2BThe%2BStorm/Latest%2BStories/Story/STIStory_387854.html

Sex and other perks of empty nesting
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/06/09/o.end.empty.nest.syndrome/index.html

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Microsoft jabs Apple; Child Arrested for Her Own Nude Pictures; and, Moron Terrorist Blows Himself and Friends to Bits

> Microsoft Knifes Apple over High Prices
> 14-Year-Old Girl Arrested for Child Porn; Posted Pic’s of Herself
> Suicide Bomber Accidentally Blows Himself Up, Plus Six Other Terrorists

Inebriated Press
March 30, 2009

MySpace Gal, Mmm not 14

MySpace Gal, Mmm not 14

PC World reported Friday that Microsoft has set off a class war between Windows and Mac fans.  In a new ad “Lauren” tries to buy a laptop that costs less than $1,000 and ends up buying a Windows machine.  And Associated Press reported last week that a 14-year-old New Jersey girl has been accused of child pornography after posting nude pictures of herself on MySpace.com — charges that could force her to register as a sex offender if convicted.  Meanwhile, Reuters reported that an Afghan suicide bomber accidentally blew himself up, killing six other terrorists as he was bidding them farewell to leave for his intended target.  Inebriated reporters have taken up sides in the Windows vs. Mac war and have been keeping up a steady torrent of obscenities, pausing only for booze, tobacco and an occasional web search during which they try to guess the ages of girls in porn postings.

Someone named Tom

Someone named Tom

“Sometimes it’s hard to guess the girls ages when they’re wearing a lot of makeup and stuff, especially if they’re structurally mature,” said Tom Thumb-Naile, an Inebriated reporter pretending to be someone else.  “What I know for sure is that the Mac users are bunch of whiners regardless of what their age is.  I wouldn’t be surprised if that idiot bomber who blew himself and his buddies up was a Mac user.  Think of it, wasting all your money on an Apple when it’s not the global standard and most software won’t even run on it.  It’s stupid.”

Not everyone agrees with Thumb-Naile.  “So you pay a little more for quality and innovation, it’s worth it.  And why screw with a 14-year-old kid who still needs to grow up?  Pull down the vid’s and let her alone.  It’s time the adults pay attention to grown-up stuff and guys start looking for hot mature women and Apple computers to provide for their needs,” said Charlotte Chase-Brown, a hot mature woman with an Apple computer, fully capable of meeting any man’s needs and a few women on the side.  “And that terrorist who blew himself up along with an inventory of other terrorists — I wonder how many virgins will be lining up in hell for that bunch of idiots — they’ll be lucky to score a couple 14-year-old girl MySpace videos! Goofballs.”

Mac v PCPC World reported that faster than you can say Red State vs. Blue State, Microsoft’s latest ad has set off a class war between Windows and Mac fanboys. If you haven’t seen the ad, basically, shopper Lauren tries to find a laptop under $1000 and ends up getting a Windows machine. In the past, Windows boys have let Microsoft do all their public dissing for them, taking shots at the Apple Tax, shortcomings of the iPhone and even the Apple logo. But since Microsoft pulled out the long knives with its latest commercial spot, warriors of both stripes are reaching out from their basement caves for an epic Windows vs. Apple battle.

PC World wasn’t the only place that fights broke out. Over at Gizmodo the Apple fans were defending their honor against Microsoft’s attack. Even poor, perky Lauren became a target in this bloody battle of words. “I don’t care if that broke b*tch can’t afford a Mac,” said pettiblay. “I would love to see a study where you give a couple people 2500$ and see which laptop they buy.”  Of course it wasn’t only the commenting crowd that was getting in on the action. Over at Microsoft Watch, Joe Wilcox said, “Oh, baby, this is exactly the kind of marketing Microsoft should be doing now. The emphasis is value, with Apple taking blows from Microsoft. Ouch.” We can expect more of these ads, as advertising dollars are flowing right now to get Lauren and her fellow shoppers in front of the March Madness audience.

MySpace Gals

MySpace Gals

Associated Press reported that a 14-year-old New Jersey girl has been accused of child pornography after posting nearly 30 explicit nude pictures of herself on MySpace.com — charges that could force her to register as a sex offender if convicted. The case comes as prosecutors nationwide pursue child pornography cases resulting from kids sending nude photos to one another over cell phones and e-mail. Legal experts, though, could not recall another case of a child porn charge resulting from a teen’s posting to a social networking site.

The investigation found that the girl had posted “very explicit” photos of herself, according to sheriff’s spokesman Bill Maer. The teen, whose name has not been released because of her age, was arrested and charged with possession of child pornography and distribution of child pornography. She was released to her mother’s custody. If convicted of the distribution charge, she would be forced to register with the state as a sex offender under Megan’s Law, said state Attorney General Anne Milgram. She also could face up to 17 years in jail, though such a stiff sentence is unlikely.

Wrong shoes, wrong brains

Wrong shoes, wrong brains

Reuters reported that a would-be suicide bomber accidentally blew himself up last week, killing six other militants as he was bidding them farewell to leave for his intended target, the Afghan Interior Ministry said. “The terrorist was on his way to his destination and saying good-bye to his associates and then his suicide vest exploded,” a statement from the ministry said. Taliban-led attacks in Afghanistan have escalated in the past year with suicide and roadside bombings insurgents’ weapons of choice. The incident happened in Helmand province in southern Afghanistan where mainly British troops are struggling against a growing Taliban-led insurgency.

Some people say that death is too good for terrorists and that terrorizing them is the only fair treatment.

“These Islamofascists cut the heads off of people they disagree with, they oppress women and abuse them, they want to destroy individual freedom and the values of the West,” said Martha Mayberry-Silicone, a free market economist and part-time stripper, currently headlining at the Bombs Away Strip Club and Economic Stimulus Office. “The only thing they fear is a piece of pig meat.  Absurd as that may sound.  So I say capture the sons of bitches and house them on pig farms.  When they can’t take it anymore and take themselves out, or we find them guilty and execute them, then bury them in the ground with a piece of ham by their side.  They’d start thinking twice about screwing with us if they know that only pigs and no virgins will be hanging with them in eternity.  Damn straight.”

Two-O'Clock Titty

Two-O'Clock Titty

In other news, NBC Bay Area reported last week that spring has sprung, and with it, so has the two o’clock tit. As drivers enter San Francisco via the Octavia Street off-ramp, and they crest the small hill at Haight street, if their trip is timed just right and the sun is out, they will be greeted by one of the funniest landmarks this city has to offer: the two o’clock titty. Because of the unique design of St. Mary Cathedral, and the positioning of it geographically, a distinct shadow that resembles a woman’s breast is cast both in the morning and in the afternoon on the West and East sides of the church, respectively.  No word on whether investigators will arrest the priests or architects for publically displaying porn, but weirder shit is happening.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Microsoft Hits Apple Where it Hurts
http://www.pcworld.com/article/162084/microsoft_hits_apple_where_it_hurts.html

NJ girl, 14, arrested after posting nude pics
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gebS2MKqUm9cqEj6s0Rv9gQVvY6AD97608480

Blundering Afghan suicide bomber blows up 6 militants
http://www.reuters.com/article/latestCrisis/idUSISL330182

Topless Peepshow at Cathedral in San Francisco
http://www.nbcbayarea.com/around_town/the_scene/SF-Cathedral-Hosts-Topless-Peepshow.html

MSN Video – Lauren
http://video.msn.com/?mkt=en-US&playlist=videoByUuids:uuids:0bb6a07c-c829-4562-8375-49e6693810c7&showPlaylist=true&from=shared

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You and Your PC

081222-incompetent

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Filed under Humor, IP Toons