Tag Archives: pirates

Obama Enjoys Anti-American Rants, Cheerleaders Enjoy Strip Clubs, and NATO runs Catch-and-Release Pirate Program

> Nicaraguan President rips America, Obama quietly takes notes
> High School cheerleaders take field trip to strip club
> NATO rescues fishermen from pirates, then frees the hijackers

Inebriated Press
April 22, 2009

HunksFox News reported Saturday that at the Summit of the Americas this past weekend, Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega ripped the U.S. as a terrorist nation for over 50 minutes, while President Obama sat listening quietly and taking notes.  And MSNBC reported last Friday that an Ohio teacher took a group of high school cheerleaders on a field trip to a male strip club.  Meanwhile, Fox News reported Saturday that NATO forces rescued 20 fishermen from pirates in the Gulf of Aden, but let the Somali hijackers go because they had no authority to arrest them.  Pundits are debating trends in leadership based on anti-Americanism, pro-pirate anti-hijacking, and sex-based field trips for underage schoolchildren. 

Someone named Maggie

Someone named Maggie

“The adults are all gone from American government and education, and all that’s left are people with the emotional equivalent of children, lacking both common sense and even the tiniest grasp of reality,” said Maggie Mae-Mooreless, an accountant and weightlifter who doubles as a hot blonde when she feels like it.  “Obama enjoyed Ortega’s rant against America because he felt like he was a kid again back in Jeremiah Wright’s church where he listened to him rant against the U.S. for twenty years.  Or, maybe it was like hanging with his Chicago neighbor Bill Ayers the Pentagon bomber who held fundraising events for Barack at his home where they talked treason. It probably felt like homecoming.  As far as NATO releasing pirate hijackers after catching them and then freeing their captives — that’s just beyond stupid.  Only the cheerleaders who want to hang with male stripers have a clue what they’re really doing.”

Ahmadinejad

Ahmadinejad

Not everyone agrees with Mae-Mooreless.  “There is nothing wrong with Obama admitting that America is a terrible country, responsible for all of the evil in the world, I’ve been saying that for years,” said Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, sharing an anti-American mind meld with Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega, but adding a few racial aspersions against the Jews.  “Bill Ayers is a patriot of the highest order and everyone should be bombing the Pentagon and preaching poetic anti-American diatribes in churches, synagogues and Mosques.  And then of course beheading infidels and other people I disagree with; taking money from hard working citizens who earn it and handing it around to those who don’t.  Basic bedlam and chaos, for god sake.  Prepping the way for the 12th Imam and Islam dominating the world and all that.  I wouldn’t mind a cheerleader or two to encourage this stuff.  Somali’s would do, they’ve got the right attitude.”

Hil & Obi

Hil & Obi

Fox News reported that at the Summit of the Americas this past weekend President Obama endured a 50-minute diatribe from socialist Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega that lashed out at a century of what he called terroristic U.S. aggression in Central America and included a rambling denunciation of the U.S.-imposed isolation of Cuba’s Communist government. Obama sat mostly unmoved during the speech but at times jotted notes. The speech was part of the opening ceremonies at the fifth Summit of the Americas here.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said, “I thought the cultural performance was fascinating.” Asked again about the Ortega speech, Clinton said: “To have those first class Caribbean entertainers all on one stage and to see how much was done in such a small amount of space, I was overwhelmed.” A senior administration official declined to criticize Ortega, saying the president wanted to focus on the future. Ortega’s speech, indulgent even by regional standards, also mocked the very summit he was attending and helping to open. Later, at a photo opportunity with Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, Obama held his tongue when asked what he thought about Ortega’s speech. In his 17-minute address to the summit, Obama misspoke on the sequence of events in Cuba.

CheerleadersMSNBC reported that a Butler Tech school district spokesman says teacher Lori Epperson took four high school cheerleaders to a male strip club.  Epperson has resigned from her teaching position in southwest Ohio. Epperson told school officials she had gotten permission from the parents of the 17- and 18-year-olds to bring them to Club Masque in Dayton. She says the girls asked her to take them to the bar.
 

Pirates, born to be free, even of NATO

Pirates, born to be free, even of NATO

Fox News reported that NATO forces rescued 20 fishermen from pirates who launched the latest attack in the Gulf of Aden on Saturday, but let the Somali hijackers go because they had no authority to arrest them. The release underscored the difficulties of stopping the skyrocketing piracy scourge in the Horn of Africa, where sea bandits also seized a Belgian-flagged ship carrying 10 foreign crew near the Seychelles islands and started hauling it toward Somalia.

“There isn’t a silver bullet” to solve the problem, said Roger Middleton, a piracy expert at London-based think-tank Chatham House. He said it’s common for patrolling warships to disarm then free brigands because they have rarely have jurisdiction to try them.

Some people say that instead of searching for a silver bullet, a few lead ones will do the trick.

Someone named Stacy

Someone named Stacy

“Blow the bastards away on the high seas or hang them from the yard arm the old fashioned way, but for crying out loud, when you catch them in the act of piracy, you don’t free them, holy shit,” said Stacy Anne-Freeport, an auto mechanic and pro-American citizen who values freedom, independence and the American way of life.  “Get some good old fashioned common sense back and we’ll solve half the world’s problems in an afternoon.”

In other news, Fox News reported that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad unleashed a blistering attack Monday against Israel and the United States, calling the Jewish state “racist” and lashing out at Americans for their support. Ahmadinejad called Israel the “most cruel and racist regime.” He followed by blaming the United States, Europe and Israel for the world’s financial crisis.  No word on whether Obama had anyone there taking notes for him, but when he sits down without conditions to chat about nukes with Ahmadinejad I’m guessing they’ll have plenty of anti-American ideas in common.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Obama Endures Ortega Diatribe
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/04/18/obama-endures-ortega-diatribe/

Strip club field trip
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30264815/

NATO Rescues 20 Fishermen From Pirates, Belgian Ship Seized
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,517042,00.html

Ahmadinejad Attacks Israel, U.S. at U.N. Racism Conference
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,517151,00.html

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Bin Laden Lego’s, Somali Pirates, and Illinois Egg Donors

Company offers Lego-style al-Qaeda terrorist toy figures
Somali pirates hijack another boat
More women are inquiring about becoming paid egg donors

Inebriated Press
December 8, 2008

Al-Qaeda Lego

Al-Qaeda Lego

The U.K. Sun reported last week that a company in Britain is offering a range of Lego-styled fighting figures, including an al-Qaeda terrorist – complete with rocket launcher, assault rifle and grenades.  And the Washington Post reported last week that despite the best efforts of the U.S. 5th Fleet, NATO, Russia, India and others, Somali pirates keep hijacking more boats.  Meanwhile, as the economy slows, the Chicago Tribune reported last week that more young women are inquiring about becoming paid egg donors to raise money.  Free-wheeling free-market economists say the U.S. Government, global banking system and Detroit auto-makers need to get creative like these folks, and solve their own economic problems.

“Instead of asking the U.S. taxpayers to bail out the government and a host of badly managed companies, these slacker-financially-impaired outfits need to learn from toy companies, egg donors and pirates about how to solve their own economic maladies,” said Marybelle Knee-Hi, a short buxom blonde, often seen in executive board rooms doing things of a questionable nature.  “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.  Get some of those creative juices flowing instead of begging for money.  Earn the bucks or take them from somebody by commandeering your competitors’ vessels.  Quit the whining and begging, you panty-wastes.”

Not everyone agrees with Knee-Hi.  “It’s better to ask for help than to stoop to unethical or questionable behavior like stealing, or pandering to terrorist’s children, or trying to hock your body parts or genetic tissue,” said Habeas Corpus-Lite, a short balding declaration, occasionally referred to by people seeking relief.  “I applaud creativity and the free market, but there are times when a helping hand is necessary and may even be better than taking a ship by force.  I don’t think I’m a prude about this, but a little helping hand and some Esprit de corps can go a long way.”

Everybody needs the right accessories!

Everybody needs the right accessories!

The U.K. Sun reported that a range of Lego-style fighting figures — including an al-Qaeda terrorist — is being marketed by the BrickArms company, and has been slammed by religious leaders. The masked follower of 9/11 mastermind Osama Bin Laden comes with a rocket launcher, assault rifle and grenades. Mohammed Shaffiq, of Muslim organisation The Ramadhan Foundation, branded the toy “absolutely disgusting”. He said: “It is glorifying terrorism — the makers should be ashamed. We should be coming together to unite against terrorism, but how is that possible when children are playing with toys like this?”

Osama bin-Lego toy model

Osama bin-Lego toy model

The action figures include a Nazi major, bearing the chilling SS insignia, and a stormtrooper brandishing two grenade launchers. LEGO UK issued a statement saying it is not associated with the toys being sold by BrickArms which have been customised without its knowledge or permission. It continued: “BrickArms is not licensed by LEGO UK to customise LEGO figures and has no links to the LEGO brand.”

The Washington Post reported that Somali pirates hijack another boat — or two or three — every day despite the best efforts of the U.S. 5th Fleet, NATO, Russia, India and others. It may be time for a new strategy. This week, the U.N. Security Council gave Secretary General Ban Ki-moon 90 days to come up with one. The usual nostrums do not look promising. Late last month, for example, the council adopted a British plan for travel and financial sanctions against the pirates’ leading lights. That’s fine, but the pirates seem to have their own means of travel and finance, including million-dollar bounties that fall from the sky in suitcases — and no one seems to know who the leaders are anyway. The concept of a blockade was rejected last month by a NATO spokesman as something not “contemplated” by the Security Council. Now, though, it should be. Trillions of dollars in commercial cargos transit the sea lanes annually; so long as they do, thugs in boats will prey on them.

Eggs-R-Us

Eggs-R-Us

The Chicago Tribune reported that three egg donor agencies in Illinois have joined forces to offer a first-in-the-nation guarantee for would-be parents: If a young woman who agrees to provide eggs to an infertile couple changes her mind, they can select another donor at any of the agencies for a relatively minimal fee. Sometimes young women agree to become a donor and then back out because they get a new job, are accepted in graduate school, fall in love, or simply get cold feet, said Nazca Fontes, president of ConceiveAbilities in Chicago, one of the three participating agencies. The cooperative arrangement, launched last week, comes amid anecdotal reports that more woman are inquiring about becoming paid egg donors in the current economic downturn. Even before the financial crisis, this niche of assisted reproduction was growing rapidly, fueled in part by older couples trying to have children.

Some people say that government handouts and marketing reproductive tissue go together like bacon and eggs.

“Congress is always passing pork-laden bills and giving special cash gifts to towns, companies or other countries, and women have always sold themselves for sex of some kind — that’s why they call it the world’s oldest profession.  This is just a modern twist on the old story,” said Tammy Tiger, a serial stripper and part-time spot-welder at the mid-town Bed, Body and Steel Works. “People are getting over-wrought and nervous and even the gamefully employed are cutting back on buying things; so the down-turn is now feeding on itself.  A handful of badly managed companies are tearing up the nation’s confidence in itself and we’re going to wreck the economy ourselves if this keeps up.  We need to get a grip, use some common sense and settle down.  I’m still going to sell a few of my own eggs just for the cash and probably buy some jewelry or take a cruise in pirate infested waters.  It’s my way of helping out the economy.  The way cloning is going nobody will need a woman’s eggs pretty soon anyway and they’ll be worthless.  Better to get while the getting’s good.”

In other news, the U.K. Telegraph reported last week that Japan is in grip of a blood type obsession. A growing number of Japanese believe that the answer to every problem — from how to snare a prospective lover to the best way to secure a promotion at work — lies in their blood type. From reserved perfectionists Type As and confidently curious Type Os to flamboyant free-thinking Type Bs and high maintenance Type Abs, there are products and services to suit every blood type. Matchmaking services, employment opportunities and beauty products are among a raft of aspects of modern day Japanese life that subscribe to the blood typology theory. No word on which blood type tends to buy terrorist action figures or hijack ships, but perhaps there’s a chapter on the best approach to take when selling your ovarian production.  Or not.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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