Tag Archives: radical islam

Home Grown US Terrorism, Breastfeeding Boosts GPA, and Most American’s are Conservatives

> American-born Islamic murderer spikes fear of more
> Breastfeeding leads to higher grade point average and college attendance
> Gallup poll: 40% of Americans are conservative, 35% moderate, 21% liberal

Inebriated Press
June 17, 2009

Harvesting higher IQ's and better GPA's

Harvesting higher IQ's and better GPA's

Associated Press reported Monday that an American-born Tennessee youth who became an Islamic extremist and then murdered U.S. Army recruiter Pvt. William Andrew Long on June 1 while he stood outside his Arkansas office smoking a cigarette, is sparking fears that there may be more.  And United Press International reported Monday that a new study shows that breastfeeding is associated with an increase in high school grade point average, and an increase in odds of attending college.  Meanwhile, Gallup reported on Monday that 40% of Americans interviewed in a new poll say their political views are conservative, while 35% consider themselves moderate, and 21% are liberal.  Pundits are debating how to get more people to breastfeed so their IQ’s are higher and they vote using common sense, so the U.S. will return to a free market economy, support individual and states’ rights, and fight terrorism in a practical waterboarding-if-necessary way in America and abroad.

Some guy named Zachary

Some guy named Zachary

“I think that with all the other crap the Democrats are sticking into their multi-trillion-dollar spending bills that we should be able to slip a breastfeeding provision into the healthcare bill.  If it’s found-out and fought by liberals, we may be able to get Bill Clinton to support it and offset them; I know he’s into breasts and stuff.  And once American’s are breastfeeding during office breaks and so-on, we’ll drive up the nations IQ average to a level where we’ll start behaving like traditional common-sense America again,” said Zachary Taylor-Maid, a golf shop pro and breast milk aficionado.  “I mean there’s serious shit to do, and we have to do it fast.  Obama is bankrupting the country and setting the stage for hyper inflation.  China, Russia and India are bailing U.S. Treasury’s and with U.S. printing presses hemorrhaging thousand dollar bills our currency will become worthless.  Meanwhile, he’s giving Miranda rights to terrorists in Afghanistan and taking away individual freedoms from Americans — all the way down to our friggin pocket knives.  Traditional America is on the ropes here.  The recent Republican Congress screwed up, but Obama and the Democrat Congress have us on a course to become a third world economy run by a Latin American styled dictatorship.  I’m worried whether there’s enough breast milk in America to turn this thing around as fast as we need to.”

Someone named Amy

Someone named Amy

“Not everyone thinks like Taylor-Maid.  “I’d be willing to chip-in a little breast milk if I was lactating, if I actually thought that creating a human breast milk product for American’s would be good for the country.  But let’s face it, this is crazy talk.  If you think that breast milk is better for you than Jack Daniels then you’ll probably also believe that Barack Obama doesn’t understand basic economics, rule of law and the U.S. Constitution.  We all know deep down that Barry is like a god and is doing an ingenious job of saving our country,” said Amy Clambake-Hymlick, an alfalfa sprout inspector and part-time nudist.  “The crazy right needs to chill out and realize that there are going to be an occasional US-born Islamic killer who shoots people because he disagrees with them. We’re all part of the whole world now, and there’ll probably be some Islamic extremist beheadings of Christians in the U.S. and there’ll probably be a few complaints when Barack creates his internal army and takes Americans guns and pocketknives away.  But it’s all part of the hope and change plan.  It’s nothing to worry about; Barry is simply integrating America into the world and making it more like a combination of the Middle East, Western Europe and Latin America.  Old style Constitutional law, individual freedom and free market economics don’t fit his vision.  It’s time we relax and get used to it.”

Arkansas JihadAssociated Press reported that Carlos Bledsoe’s transformation from Tennessee youth to an American-born Islamic extremist charged in a bloody rampage outside an Arkansas military recruiting station may signal an ominous new wave of violent homegrown jihadists, counterterror officials say. National security officials have long feared the emergence of a new breed of American militants who would raise little suspicion as they move in and out of the country carrying out the aims of terrorist groups like al-Qaida. Abdulhakim Muhammad, who grew up in Memphis, Tenn., converted to the Islamic faith, changed his name from Bledsoe, and traveled to Yemen in 2007. He was later arrested for overstaying his visa and deported back to the U.S. Muhammad was charged with killing Pvt. William Andrew Long, 23, of Conway, Ark., who had just completed basic training and was volunteering at the west Little Rock recruiting office before starting an assignment in South Korea. He was shot dead on June 1 while smoking a cigarette outside the building. An FBI-Homeland Security intelligence assessment document suggested Muhammad may have considered targeting other locations, including Jewish and Christian sites in several eastern U.S. cities.

Pvt. William Andrew Long

Pvt. William Andrew Long

Muhammad, 23, told The Associated Press in a jail cell interview last week that the shootings were an “act for the sake of God, for the sake of Allah, the Lord of all the world, and also a retaliation on U.S. military.” Earlier this year four Muslim ex-convicts were arrested in New York for allegedly plotting to bomb synagogues and shoot down military planes. While federal authorities foiled the plan, the incident inflamed concerns about the spread of Islamic extremism in prisons. Counterterrorism officials warn that unless individuals attract attention either through criminal behavior or even threat-laced Internet postings, U.S.-born radicals — particularly those operating alone — could go unseen until they take action. “One of the scariest things is that we don’t have a profile for how someone becomes radicalized,” said counterterrorism expert Matthew Levitt. “It’s different for everybody.”

This is raising his IQ, right?

This is raising his IQ, right?

United Press International reported that breastfeeding was associated with an increase in high school grade point average and an increase in the odds of attending college, U.S. researchers said. The study, published in the Journal of Human Capital, looked at the academic achievement of siblings — one of whom was breast fed as an infant and one of whom was not — found that an additional month of breastfeeding was associated with an increase in high school GPA of 0.019 points and an increase in the probability of college attendance of 0.014. “The results of our study suggest that the cognitive and health benefits of breast feeding may lead to important long-run educational benefits for children,” Sabia said in a statement.

Click to enlarge

Click to enlarge

Gallup.com reported that thus far in 2009, 40% of Americans interviewed in national Gallup Poll surveys describe their political views as conservative, 35% as moderate, and 21% as liberal. This represents a slight increase for conservatism in the U.S. since 2008, returning it to a level last seen in 2004. The 21% calling themselves liberal is in line with findings throughout this decade, but is up from the 1990s. These annual figures are based on multiple national Gallup surveys conducted each year, in some cases encompassing more than 40,000 interviews. The 2009 data are based on 10 separate surveys conducted from January through May. Thus, the margins of error around each year’s figures are quite small, and changes of only two percentage points are statistically significant. Thus far in 2009, Gallup has found an average of 36% of Americans considering themselves Democratic, 28% Republican, and 37% independent. When independents are pressed to say which party they lean toward, 51% identify as Democrats, 39% as Republicans, and only 9% as pure independents.

Living on the edge

Living on the edge

In other news, Forbes reported on Saturday that driving is the greatest threat to a woman’s health. If you’re like most women, you probably think breast cancer or maybe heart disease is the greatest risk to your health. Guess again. The real culprit is getting behind the wheel. Automobile accidents are the leading cause of death in women under the age of 35, according to the Centers for Disease Control, and are also a major cause of traumatic brain injury and fatality in women of all ages. But before you throw in your keys for good, a wealth of new research shows that auto accidents are highly preventable. The single best way to stay safe can be summed up like so: “Avoid getting distracted while operating your vehicle.” 

Ben & Jerry'sNo word on whether consuming breast milk or driving during lactation has any impact, but American’s were certainly distracted during the recent elections and the country has crashed into a ditch and our leadership has accelerated us toward a massive cliff.  Here’s hoping we come to our senses with or without pausing for afternoon breast milk breaks.  Mmmm IQ-building GPA-enhancing sweet-breast-milk breaks … who cares what Obama is doing!     Sorry about that, I think Obama & Company may be driving me mad.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Recruiter shootings spark homegrown terror fears
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090615/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/us_homegrown_radicals?ic

Breastfeeding may boost grades
http://www.upi.com/Health_News/2009/06/15/Breastfeeding-may-boost-grades/UPI-27101245042298/

“Conservatives” Are Single-Largest Ideological Group
http://www.gallup.com/poll/120857/Conservatives-Single-Largest-Ideological-Group.aspx

Driving is the real threat to a woman’s health
http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20090611/Forbes_women_health_090613/20090613?s_name=Autos

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Terrorists Roam Wild and Free, Pubs Get Hard-Ass Regulation, and Motherhood Goes on Ice

> Pakistani court frees radical cleric with link to India bombing
> Brit pubs face draconian regulations
> Aging women with future hopes freeze eggs now for later

Inebriated Press
May 3, 2009

Woman freezing her eggs

Woman freezing her eggs

The Washington Post reported Tuesday that a Pakistani court ordered the release of a hard-line Islamist cleric with ties to last year’s deadly attacks in the Indian city of Mumbai, setting the stage for a new round of tensions between the neighboring countries.  And Reason Online reported Monday that pointless regulations are ruining British pub life, as customers must stand in “post-office-style” lines, no drinking is allowed while in line, and no one can order more than two drinks at a time — regardless of whether they’re with a group.  Pubs that want to promote a discount special must notify police seven days in advance.  Meanwhile, Essential Baby reported that aging women who want to keep motherhood an option are freezing their unfertilized eggs for $12,000 a pop, hoping to have them thawed and fertilized in the future.  Inebriated reporters busying themselves by drinking three pints at a time in our news offices, and eating fried eggs by the dozen, thus destroying some chickens’ future, wonder when they should start buying assault rifles in preparation for the terrorists who will likely be showing up any day now.

AK-47 with proud owner

AK-47 with proud owner

“I’ve heard a lot of good things about AK-47’s and I guess even the Chinese versions of the Russian gun are pretty good.  With a little practice I could probably take down some asshole son-of-a-bitch Islamo bastard,” said Lacy Racy-Smoothbottom, a sweet talking, well toned part-time writer and full-time stripper down at the Lazy Space-Cadet Lounge and Hyperbolic Chamber.  “We may even have to use them to take the West back from Statism with all its bureaucratic over-regulation that stifles commerce, individual freedom and a good time.  The Islamofascist and Socialist-Statists are all bent on control and consolidating power over the individual.  It’s a crime against individual rights, free market economics and common sense.  As far as the egg freezing thing goes, I’m not up for that.  If I decide I want a family I’ll do it the old fashioned way.  Get married and get knocked up.  If it doesn’t work out we can adopt.  I’m not doing the $12,000 freeze-thaw, dump my guy’s sperm in a Petri dish and see what happens stuff.  I’m not saying its wrong or anything, but it’s not for me.  Call me old fashioned, but I like the physical effort of doing it myself.  If I can’t get pregnant we’ll adopt; nothing wrong with maybe saving a kid from some abortionist’s knife.  It might be the best thing for everybody.  Especially the kid.”

Prego hooters waitress in disgusting T

Prego hooters waitress in disgusting T

Not everyone agrees with Racy-Smoothbottom.  “No one should have an assault rifle or any weapon that can hurt another person.  As soon as we ban all guns we’ll have peace in our time.  The radical clerics just want to talk and reach an understanding,” said Heather Halfpint-Shorrt, an 8-month pregnant Hooters waitress currently suing the restaurant for making her wear a full sized T-shirt instead of a little halter top.  “And it’s good that Brit pubs are putting hard rules in place, we don’t have enough customer-control rules in Hooters.  We should make everyone pay tips in advance and let that determine how good the service is, and stuff like that.  As far as freezing my eggs now for later goes, well to be honest, I’m kind of past the point of caring about that.”

MumbaiThe Washington Post reported that Pakistan’s Lahore High Court’s decision to free radical cleric Hafiz Mohammed Saeed, a hard-liner linked to last year’s deadly attacks in the Indian city of Mumbai, came amid growing tension in Pakistan’s northwest, where security forces on Tuesday rescued dozens of students and teachers kidnapped by militants and where the army continues to battle Taliban fighters in the Swat Valley. India has demanded Pakistan vigorously pursue those behind the November siege of its commercial capital that killed 164 people and left nine of 10 gunmen dead. Pakistan has said it took several alleged suspects into custody, including Saeed, the head of a charity that the U.N. says is a front group for Lashkar-e-Taiba, the militant organization blamed in the attack. But the Muslim-majority country has a poor track record of prosecuting alleged militant leaders, and India and Pakistan argued for weeks after the attack over the proper amount of evidence needed to convict the suspected masterminds. On Tuesday morning, Saeed’s lawyer, A.K. Dogar, emerged from the courthouse to declare that jurists had decided Saeed’s continued detention was without basis. There was no immediate Indian comment Tuesday.

Back before draconian laws ...

Back before draconian laws ...

Reason Online reported that if you want to buy a drink at a pub in Oldham, northern England, you must stand in an orderly “post-office-style” line. It must be a straight line, starting one meter from the bar, with barriers, signage, and a “supervisor.” There must be no drinking while standing in line, and no drinking within one meter of the bar. Customers cannot order more than two drinks at one time. And if a pub wants to advertise discounted drinks, it must give the police and local council at least seven days’ notice. Pubs were once one of the most autonomous spaces in Britain; now they are one of the most regulated. The pub landlord has lost his dominion, and pubs need a local authority license for almost every possible activity that goes on within their walls. One Staffordshire pub hurriedly axed its 25-year-old dominos team, when police discovered that it lacked a license for sporting activity. Once the landlady had acquired a license, though, she discovered that nobody would be allowed to watch the dominos, since this “would constitute a live sporting event” and require a further license. The pub was also missing other key licenses, she said: “I was told that I couldn’t have music playing, I can have the TV on but with no sound. The regulars can’t sing any songs.” Dancing also requires official paperwork. One unlicensed York pub was threatened with a £20,000 fine, after an “impromptu jig by pensioner Mavis Brogden.” Police officers now have unprecedented legal powers over public houses.

Egg Harvest & You

Egg Harvest & You

Essential Baby reported Monday that more and more women who are single but aging and want to keep the option of motherhood open while not rushing into parenthood, are having their unfertilized eggs frozen before their fertility goes into decline.  An increasing number of women in their 30s, have opted for the treatment originally designed for those facing fertility-damaging cancer therapies. Women pay almost $12,000 to have unfertilized eggs extracted from their ovaries and then frozen and stored until they’re ready to try for a baby. In Brisbane, Australia each year, more than 100 women in their 30s are having their eggs frozen by the Queensland Fertility Group, which advertises its services to GPs and in newspapers and leaflets in women’s health clinics. “Social egg-freezing” has grown a lot over the past five years as techniques for egg-freezing have improved. Melbourne IVF, which has done 32 “social” egg freezes in the past decade, has now had two babies born from such eggs. According to Melbourne IVF fertility specialist Dr Kate Stern, new techniques have improved the survival rate of thawed eggs from one in five to six in 10.

Miss Atom 2009

Miss Atom 2009

In other news, MosNews reported Wednesday that Russia has selected Miss Atom 2009.  As usual, all the 350 contestants that competed for the title had one more thing in common, apart from being beautiful: they all work for the Russian nuclear industry. The beauty contest, held this year for the sixth time, only features employees of nuclear energy agencies and research institutions.  This year’s participants came from Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, Kazakhstan and Lithuania. The first prize, a trip to Cuba, went to Yekaterina Bulgakova, legal consultant at the Institute of Research for Atomic Reactors (NIIAR).  No word on whether she has her own AK-47, likes pub regulations or plans to have her eggs frozen now for later, but with that rare combination of both beauty and brains why would I worry about that?  Meet me in Cuba!

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Pakistan court orders release of Mumbai suspect
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/06/01/AR2009060102953.html

Two Pints of Non-Alcoholic Lager and a Packet of Fat-Free Crisps
How pointless regulations are ruining British pub life
http://www.reason.com/news/show/133827.html

How ‘social egg-freezing’ is putting motherhood on ice
http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/parenting/conception/how-social-eggfreezing-is-putting-motherhood-on-ice-20090601-bs8o.html

Russia selects Nuclear Beauties 2009
http://www.mosnews.com/gallery/288.phtml

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CIA spying on Brit’s, Old women hold guns on young men, and A big ass is the key to good health

> CIA is monitoring 4,000 UK terrorist suspects
> Seventy-year-old woman holds home intruder at gunpoint; had a gun and knew how to use it
> Buttock and hip fat may protect women against type 2 diabetes
  

Inebriated Press
January 8, 2009

090108-cia-seal1Australia’s The Age reported Monday that the CIA has begun an intelligence-gathering operation in Britain to help MI5 monitor 4000 terrorist suspects. The article said that over four out of ten CIA operations to prevent attacks on U.S. soil are now conducted against targets in Britain. And WNDU-TV Southbend, Indiana reported Sunday that a 70-year-old woman held a gun on a 28-year-old burglar and threatened to shoot him if he moved, while they waited for police to arrive and arrest him.  Meanwhile, Australia’s Courier-Mail reported Monday that even though most women don’t want a big ass, new research shows that the fat may be protecting them from disease by releasing certain hormones.  Pundits are debating the benefits of spies, big asses and women with guns.

Guns, ass and intel. Hooah!
Guns, ass and intel. Hooah!

“I don’t know much about diabetes or terrorism, but I’ll tell you straight up that my quality of life improved like gangbusters when I started spying on big-assed women carrying guns, that’s for sure,” said Clyde Barlow-Nife, a sharp dresser and part-time hooligan, caught living during an age when terrorists are in vogue and hooligan’s are out of fashion. “I was never much into voyeurism in my younger days, I was more of a doer then.  As I got older I came to enjoy the more relaxed approach of just spying on people.  Hot women with big T and A’s packing heat are the most interesting.  Not sure what I’d do if one of them caught me or I caught one of them.  Still, we’d probably figure something out.”

Some people are completely confused by Barlow-Nife.  “I have no clue what Clyde’s talking about.  I do know this: the CIA needs to spy on terrorists where ever they are and root out risks to this country — and that’s true whether Obama and Panetta think so or not.  And all women should carry guns for their own defense, and if having a big ass is healthy, I’m in prime condition,” said Mary-Lou Pye, a pastry baker and part-time small arms dealer, who enjoys playing with whips and chains when she’s not baking or shooting stuff.  “I’ve got so much heat packed on my hips that no terrorist, burglar or bungler will take me down easily.  You think a bakery oven is hot, you haven’t seen me in an apron.”

Packing heat.
Packing heat.

The Age reported that the CIA has begun an unprecedented intelligence-gathering operation in Britain to help MI5 monitor 4000 terrorist suspects. More than four out of 10 CIA operations to prevent attacks on US soil are now conducted against targets in Britain. This has led to friction between British and American spies, with some US intelligence officers irritated that resources are being diverted to gather intelligence on suspects in their closest ally’s backyard. British intelligence officers do not know the identity of all the CIA informers and are uneasy about some of the uses to which the intelligence has been put. MI5 as a whole is glad of the help, however, and works closely with its sister service. US spies share information when it concerns security in Britain.

Intelligence from CIA informers is believed to have helped thwart more than one terrorist atrocity on British soil. Information passed on by a CIA source in Britain was also instrumental in locating Rashid Rauf, a British-born al-Qaeda operative killed by a US air strike in Pakistan on November 22. A former CIA officer who still carries out freelance work for the agency voiced the irritation of some American spies. “It’s certainly frustrating that Britain is an Islamist swamp,” he said. “You don’t want to have to spend time spying on your friends.” MI5 director-general Jonathan Evans has estimated about 4000 people in Britain pose a direct threat to national security.

Cyrus Brown, Crook
Cyrus Brown, Crook

WNDU-TV reported that a 70-year-old woman named Sandra — she asked that her last name not be used — held an intruder who broke into her home at gunpoint until police arrived. That man is 28-year-old Cyrus Brown. Brown is being held in jail on a number of charges, including burglary and intimidation. It was all started about nine o’clock Sunday night. Sandra says she was in the midst of splitting wood for her fire and making vegetable soup, when she heard a ruckus outside.

“All of a sudden, I’m hearing fast footsteps around my yard, around my deck,” says Sandra. That’s when she says she grabbed her gun and called 911. Moments later– the intruder– Cyrus Brown, broke through her back patio door, pushing his way through the glass. “Immediately, I felt there was danger because he was so desperate,” explains the 70-year-old. “He’s in the kitchen by the stove, I told him to get down on the floor. I said if you come any closer to me, I will shoot you to kill. I told him to sit down, don’t move, and I want to see your hands at all times,” adds Sandra. Newscenter 16 obtained the 911 call that Sandra made. In the background, you can hear her demanding the suspect get down.

Hunting for something, shooting at birds
Hunting for something, shooting at birds

911 call:
Dispatch: “Ma’am, where is he at in the house?”
Sandra: “Get, get, get! You have more to fear from me!”

911 call:
Dispatch: “Ma’am, are you holding him at gunpoint?”
Sandra: “Yes, I am. And if he moves towards me, I’m afraid I’m going to have to kill. I don’t want to have to kill him.”

In that moment, Sandra says she was glad she had a gun and knew how to use it– just in case. Sandra is a mother of three and has several grandchildren. She says she hopes others can learn from her story and think about protecting themselves.

The Courier-Mail reported that fat bottoms are the bane of many women but scientists believe oversized rears are a sign a woman’s health has not gone pear-shaped. New research, published in the journal Cell Metabolism, suggests the fat responsible for producing the pear shape flaunted by celebrities such as Jennifer Lopez and Beyonce may be active in protecting women from diseases by releasing certain hormones. Buttock and hip fat may protect women against type 2 diabetes, from which more than 1.7 million Australians now suffer, researchers from the Harvard Medical School found.

Beyonce, the pinnacle of health.
Beyonce, the pinnacle of health.

Researcher Dr Ronald Kahn insisted that not all fat was bad for health. “The surprising thing was that it wasn’t where the fat was located, it was the kind of fat that was the most important variable,” he said. “Even more surprising, it wasn’t that abdominal fat was exerting negative effects but that subcutaneous fat was producing a good effect. If we can capture those (substances) we might have an opportunity to convert them into drugs or use them as guides to help develop drugs.”

In other news, BBC reported Tuesday that females are less physically active at both ends of life than their male counterparts, two studies suggest. Researchers studied activity levels in school children and the over 70s – and in both cases found males tended to be more active.

Jennifer Lopez and Asset

Jennifer Lopez and Asset

Researcher Dr Nicky Ridgers said: “It is a concern that girls’ activity levels are lower than boys and, although it is just one piece in a complex picture, this could be contributing to girls being overweight and obese.”  No word on whether Dr Nicky and Dr Ron will merge their studies and discover that the reason women live longer than men is because they’re less active and have bigger asses that protect their health, but if Clyde Barlow-Nife spying on them maybe there’ll be a break-through.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

 

Source articles:

CIA tracking 4000 UK terror suspects
http://www.theage.com.au/world/cia-tracking-4000-uk-terror-suspects-20090104-79u6.html?page=-1

Seventy-year-old woman holds home intruder at gunpoint, talks about ordeal
http://www.wndu.com/localnews/headlines/37073429.html

Why big bums are good for you
http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,24878517-23272,00.html

Females ‘less physically active’
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7811398.stm

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