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Home Grown US Terrorism, Breastfeeding Boosts GPA, and Most American’s are Conservatives

> American-born Islamic murderer spikes fear of more
> Breastfeeding leads to higher grade point average and college attendance
> Gallup poll: 40% of Americans are conservative, 35% moderate, 21% liberal

Inebriated Press
June 17, 2009

Harvesting higher IQ's and better GPA's

Harvesting higher IQ's and better GPA's

Associated Press reported Monday that an American-born Tennessee youth who became an Islamic extremist and then murdered U.S. Army recruiter Pvt. William Andrew Long on June 1 while he stood outside his Arkansas office smoking a cigarette, is sparking fears that there may be more.  And United Press International reported Monday that a new study shows that breastfeeding is associated with an increase in high school grade point average, and an increase in odds of attending college.  Meanwhile, Gallup reported on Monday that 40% of Americans interviewed in a new poll say their political views are conservative, while 35% consider themselves moderate, and 21% are liberal.  Pundits are debating how to get more people to breastfeed so their IQ’s are higher and they vote using common sense, so the U.S. will return to a free market economy, support individual and states’ rights, and fight terrorism in a practical waterboarding-if-necessary way in America and abroad.

Some guy named Zachary

Some guy named Zachary

“I think that with all the other crap the Democrats are sticking into their multi-trillion-dollar spending bills that we should be able to slip a breastfeeding provision into the healthcare bill.  If it’s found-out and fought by liberals, we may be able to get Bill Clinton to support it and offset them; I know he’s into breasts and stuff.  And once American’s are breastfeeding during office breaks and so-on, we’ll drive up the nations IQ average to a level where we’ll start behaving like traditional common-sense America again,” said Zachary Taylor-Maid, a golf shop pro and breast milk aficionado.  “I mean there’s serious shit to do, and we have to do it fast.  Obama is bankrupting the country and setting the stage for hyper inflation.  China, Russia and India are bailing U.S. Treasury’s and with U.S. printing presses hemorrhaging thousand dollar bills our currency will become worthless.  Meanwhile, he’s giving Miranda rights to terrorists in Afghanistan and taking away individual freedoms from Americans — all the way down to our friggin pocket knives.  Traditional America is on the ropes here.  The recent Republican Congress screwed up, but Obama and the Democrat Congress have us on a course to become a third world economy run by a Latin American styled dictatorship.  I’m worried whether there’s enough breast milk in America to turn this thing around as fast as we need to.”

Someone named Amy

Someone named Amy

“Not everyone thinks like Taylor-Maid.  “I’d be willing to chip-in a little breast milk if I was lactating, if I actually thought that creating a human breast milk product for American’s would be good for the country.  But let’s face it, this is crazy talk.  If you think that breast milk is better for you than Jack Daniels then you’ll probably also believe that Barack Obama doesn’t understand basic economics, rule of law and the U.S. Constitution.  We all know deep down that Barry is like a god and is doing an ingenious job of saving our country,” said Amy Clambake-Hymlick, an alfalfa sprout inspector and part-time nudist.  “The crazy right needs to chill out and realize that there are going to be an occasional US-born Islamic killer who shoots people because he disagrees with them. We’re all part of the whole world now, and there’ll probably be some Islamic extremist beheadings of Christians in the U.S. and there’ll probably be a few complaints when Barack creates his internal army and takes Americans guns and pocketknives away.  But it’s all part of the hope and change plan.  It’s nothing to worry about; Barry is simply integrating America into the world and making it more like a combination of the Middle East, Western Europe and Latin America.  Old style Constitutional law, individual freedom and free market economics don’t fit his vision.  It’s time we relax and get used to it.”

Arkansas JihadAssociated Press reported that Carlos Bledsoe’s transformation from Tennessee youth to an American-born Islamic extremist charged in a bloody rampage outside an Arkansas military recruiting station may signal an ominous new wave of violent homegrown jihadists, counterterror officials say. National security officials have long feared the emergence of a new breed of American militants who would raise little suspicion as they move in and out of the country carrying out the aims of terrorist groups like al-Qaida. Abdulhakim Muhammad, who grew up in Memphis, Tenn., converted to the Islamic faith, changed his name from Bledsoe, and traveled to Yemen in 2007. He was later arrested for overstaying his visa and deported back to the U.S. Muhammad was charged with killing Pvt. William Andrew Long, 23, of Conway, Ark., who had just completed basic training and was volunteering at the west Little Rock recruiting office before starting an assignment in South Korea. He was shot dead on June 1 while smoking a cigarette outside the building. An FBI-Homeland Security intelligence assessment document suggested Muhammad may have considered targeting other locations, including Jewish and Christian sites in several eastern U.S. cities.

Pvt. William Andrew Long

Pvt. William Andrew Long

Muhammad, 23, told The Associated Press in a jail cell interview last week that the shootings were an “act for the sake of God, for the sake of Allah, the Lord of all the world, and also a retaliation on U.S. military.” Earlier this year four Muslim ex-convicts were arrested in New York for allegedly plotting to bomb synagogues and shoot down military planes. While federal authorities foiled the plan, the incident inflamed concerns about the spread of Islamic extremism in prisons. Counterterrorism officials warn that unless individuals attract attention either through criminal behavior or even threat-laced Internet postings, U.S.-born radicals — particularly those operating alone — could go unseen until they take action. “One of the scariest things is that we don’t have a profile for how someone becomes radicalized,” said counterterrorism expert Matthew Levitt. “It’s different for everybody.”

This is raising his IQ, right?

This is raising his IQ, right?

United Press International reported that breastfeeding was associated with an increase in high school grade point average and an increase in the odds of attending college, U.S. researchers said. The study, published in the Journal of Human Capital, looked at the academic achievement of siblings — one of whom was breast fed as an infant and one of whom was not — found that an additional month of breastfeeding was associated with an increase in high school GPA of 0.019 points and an increase in the probability of college attendance of 0.014. “The results of our study suggest that the cognitive and health benefits of breast feeding may lead to important long-run educational benefits for children,” Sabia said in a statement.

Click to enlarge

Click to enlarge

Gallup.com reported that thus far in 2009, 40% of Americans interviewed in national Gallup Poll surveys describe their political views as conservative, 35% as moderate, and 21% as liberal. This represents a slight increase for conservatism in the U.S. since 2008, returning it to a level last seen in 2004. The 21% calling themselves liberal is in line with findings throughout this decade, but is up from the 1990s. These annual figures are based on multiple national Gallup surveys conducted each year, in some cases encompassing more than 40,000 interviews. The 2009 data are based on 10 separate surveys conducted from January through May. Thus, the margins of error around each year’s figures are quite small, and changes of only two percentage points are statistically significant. Thus far in 2009, Gallup has found an average of 36% of Americans considering themselves Democratic, 28% Republican, and 37% independent. When independents are pressed to say which party they lean toward, 51% identify as Democrats, 39% as Republicans, and only 9% as pure independents.

Living on the edge

Living on the edge

In other news, Forbes reported on Saturday that driving is the greatest threat to a woman’s health. If you’re like most women, you probably think breast cancer or maybe heart disease is the greatest risk to your health. Guess again. The real culprit is getting behind the wheel. Automobile accidents are the leading cause of death in women under the age of 35, according to the Centers for Disease Control, and are also a major cause of traumatic brain injury and fatality in women of all ages. But before you throw in your keys for good, a wealth of new research shows that auto accidents are highly preventable. The single best way to stay safe can be summed up like so: “Avoid getting distracted while operating your vehicle.” 

Ben & Jerry'sNo word on whether consuming breast milk or driving during lactation has any impact, but American’s were certainly distracted during the recent elections and the country has crashed into a ditch and our leadership has accelerated us toward a massive cliff.  Here’s hoping we come to our senses with or without pausing for afternoon breast milk breaks.  Mmmm IQ-building GPA-enhancing sweet-breast-milk breaks … who cares what Obama is doing!     Sorry about that, I think Obama & Company may be driving me mad.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Recruiter shootings spark homegrown terror fears
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090615/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/us_homegrown_radicals?ic

Breastfeeding may boost grades
http://www.upi.com/Health_News/2009/06/15/Breastfeeding-may-boost-grades/UPI-27101245042298/

“Conservatives” Are Single-Largest Ideological Group
http://www.gallup.com/poll/120857/Conservatives-Single-Largest-Ideological-Group.aspx

Driving is the real threat to a woman’s health
http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20090611/Forbes_women_health_090613/20090613?s_name=Autos

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Bailing the Bailout, Killing Girls over Short Skirts, and the Death of a Porn Legend

> Goldman Sachs wants out of Gov’t control, will pay back bailout funds
> Muslim father pays to have daughter killed over short skirt
> Porn Legend Marilyn Chambers Found Dead at 57

Inebriated Press
April 15, 2009

Insatiable Marilyn Chambers

Insatiable Marilyn Chambers

The Wall Street Journal reported yesterday that Goldman Sachs plans to raise investor funds and pay back U.S. bailout money so it can be free to run it’s own business without the federal government telling it what to do.  And MosNews reported Monday that a Muslim in Russia hired a killer to murder his daughter because she was wearing skirts that were too short.  Meanwhile, MediaBistro reported Monday that porn legend Marilyn Chambers was found dead in a mobile home where she was living.  Pundits are debating the risks of government control, Muslim mayhem and trailer park living.

Winged missive

Winged missive

“There are no inherent risks of having the federal government run your business and tell you what to do, because bureaucrats and elected officials know better than you do how to do everything; and all the fuss in the West about Muslim’s killing their kids or beheading people they disagree with is all overblown, it’s a cultural tradition that should be respected, even promoted,” said Emil Von Missive, a short statement of dubious nature existing on a diet that’s light on facts and lighter still on common sense.  “If bureaucrats and Islamofascists had been running Marilyn Chambers life she wouldn’t have been dead at age 57 and found in a trailer park in California where she was living.  She’d have been in public housing and the fifteenth wife of a Muslim extremist where she’d been productively popping out baby Muslim Nazi’s for the good of all humankind, god willing.  In fact one of her own progeny might have one day single handedly destroyed Israel and the West.  The freedom loving bastards.”

Someone named Lucy

Someone named Lucy

Not everyone agrees with Von Missive.  “The idea that a government is more capable than an individual in running a business, or that Islamofascists represent a ‘peaceful’ religion, is as ridiculous as the idea that an aggressive porn lifestyle is healthy in the long run, or that mobile home living is something to aspire to,” said Lucy Li-Deathray, an atomic scientist and part-time stripper at the Healthy Heifer Strip Club and Plutonium Emporium.  “I may only dabble in nuclear energy and toy with hormonally over-charged club patrons, but I know that no form of government is going to run as efficient or effective a business as someone who does the work day-in and day-out.  When you’re on-site you know what your customer wants and how to please them.  When you’re in D.C. you’re in an environment thick with the ‘I am a god and I can do shit because I can do shit’ mindset and it has no bearing on what goes on in the real world.  Tough break for Marilyn.  She screwed with the best of them but went down early.  The porn business will chew you up and spit you out — just like Muslim extremists and the fed’s trying to run your business.  It’s a different kind of screwing, but the results are the same.  They take, you give.  We’ve got to get back to private enterprise and personal responsibility in this country or we’re all going to be living in trailer parks and die young.”

Goldman Sachs & The Feds

Goldman Sachs & The Feds

The Wall Street Journal reported that Goldman Sachs Group Inc., frustrated at federally mandated pay caps, has been plotting for months to get out from under the government’s thumb.  On Monday, Goldman took fresh steps to break free: It announced, as expected, that it plans to raise $5 billion by selling new common shares to investors, and that it would like to use the money to repay government bailout money received last year. The firm also reported stronger-than-expected first-quarter earnings of $1.81 billion.

Goldman SachsAt a meeting President Barack Obama hosted with bank executives at the White House in late March, Lloyd Blankfein, Goldman’s chief executive, argued that banks needed freedom to repay the loans the U.S. forced them to accept in October. Eight large institutions received a total of $165 billion in capital, including $10 billion for Goldman. Pay restrictions were tied to those loans. The banks were told then that everyone had to accept the money so it wouldn’t be obvious who needed it most.

The federal government’s management of the financial crisis is entering a new phase. The trillions of dollars Washington has committed to help stabilize companies and thaw frozen credit markets have enmeshed the government deep in the affairs of investment banks, insurers and auto companies.  If Goldman is permitted to repay its loan, it would be the first big bank to do so. The U.S. has indicated it won’t allow any major banks to do so before the government considers the results of financial “stress tests,” which are expected by April 30. Because of the technicalities of the loans, it could take months before Goldman or any other big bank that repays will escape the government’s clutches.

Kill this??!!

Kill this??!!

MosNews reported that a Muslim resident of Russia’s St. Petersburg has hired killers to rid him of a daughter who disrespected Islamic laws by wearing short skirts. The police detained Gafar Kerimov, 46, after he reported that his daughter went missing, but blurted out that the girl was dead already, Komsomolskaya Pravda newspaper reported Monday. The family, ethnic Azerbaijanis, used to have frequent arguments about how the daughter should dress and behave.

Rashida Kirimova, 21, studied medicine at a St. Petersburg school and waved away her father’s criticism when he said her clothes weren’t modest enough and were unfit for a Muslim girl.  During winter, Rashida wore high-necked sweaters and long trousers, causing no problems in the neighborhood, but when spring came, she put on a skirt that left her knees exposed. The father’s Muslim friends again started reproaching him for being negligent and allowing his daughter to walk around dressed like a fallen woman. They said the insult could only be washed away by blood, and introduced Gafar to a killer, who agreed to help him for around $3000. The killer, Kadyr Suleymanov, seized the girl on April 8th as she was hurrying to classes. He and two accomplices drove her out of the city to a suburban dump, shot her dead and covered her body with garbage.

Behind the Green DoorMediaBistro reported that legendary porn actress Marilyn Chambers, star of such golden age classics as Behind the Green Door and Insatiable, was found dead Sunday in the mobile home where she had been living for the past several months. She was 57. Chambers was found by her 17-year-old daughter, McKenna.  The New York Daily News reported that Chambers made more than 25 porn movies, several of them with late porn star John Holmes, who died of AIDS complications in 1988. An autopsy will be done but no foul play is suspected.  

Legally married in trade

Legally married in trade

In other news, United Press International reported Sunday that a Saudi Arabian judge has refused to overturn a ruling that declared the arranged marriage of an 8-year-old girl to a 47-year-old man legal, a relative says. The judge, Sheikh Habib Habib, ruled for the second time Saturday in Onaiza that the girl’s marriage to a friend of her father’s was legal and binding. He said the child wife could file for divorce once she reached puberty, CNN reported. An attorney, Abdullah Jutaili, said the girl’s father arranged the marriage with his “close friend” to pay off a monetary debt. No word on why trading girls for cash is better than Marilyn Chambers self-selected lifestyle, but with the gradual decline of individual rights in the West and the increase of government power and coercion, perhaps we’ll eventually just get used to believing whatever the people who hold power over our lives tell us to believe.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Goldman Pushes Stock Issue in Plan to Escape U.S. Grip
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123966372945715013.html

Muslim father orders daughter killed over short skirt
http://www.mosnews.com/society/2009/04/13/shortskirtt/

Porn Legend Marilyn Chambers Dead at 57
http://www.mediabistro.com/fishbowlLA/show_business/porn_legend_marilyn_chambers_dead_at_57_113890.asp

Prodigious porn star Marilyn Chambers dead at 56
http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2009/04/14/2009-04-14_marilyn_chambers_porn_star_dead_at_56.html

8-year-old girl’s marriage ruled legal
http://www.upi.com/Top_News/2009/04/12/8-year-old-girls-marriage-ruled-legal/UPI-57701239536425/

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