Tag Archives: rant

Rogue Stem Cell Clinics, Abortion Gift Certificates, and Time Traveling

Clinics exploit hope with unproven stem cell therapies
Planned Parenthood is offering gift certificates for the holidays
Scientists snatch supernova echo from the 1500’s

Inebriated Press \ Division of Rant (with Pretzels)
December 5, 2008

081205-rogue-clinicsReuters reported yesterday that rogue clinics around the world are exploiting hope and ignorance by offering unproven stem cell therapies, a group of stem cell experts said in a new report. And the Chicago Tribune reported Wednesday that Planned Parenthood is offering gift certificates in $25 increments during the holidays, to be used for buying contraceptives or paying for abortions.  Meanwhile, Scientific American reported yesterday that scientists at the Subaru Telescope say they’ve traveled into the past and seen echoes of an event witnessed by astronomer Tycho Brahe in 1572.  Pundits are debating whether society is going forward, backward, or if it’s just more of the same, but with a high tech flavor.

Supernova

Supernova

“‘Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account’ — Solomon wrote that in Ecclesiastes, and he knew what he was talking about way before snake-oil salesmen plied their trade with unproven elixir they said would heal all your ills — the same as the stem cell people are doing today,” said Rachael Ray-Fiberglass, a part-time chef and full-time auto-body repair expert, who likes cooking up fun in old Chevy’s.  “There’s nothing new about what’s going on in today’s world. It’s as old as human nature itself.  I have little doubt that the Aztec’s handed out certificates that gave benefits to citizens who sacrificed their children for the holidays, and we know scams of all kinds have been going on forever.  People elected Obama for his change mantra and now he’s stocking the cupboards with Clintonites.  Nothing new is going on here.  Sure the country has moved further left and we’ll get higher taxes and a weaker military, but that’s been a Democrat thing for years. Everything is the same, only the trappings are different.”

Germany 1945

Germany 1945

Not everyone agrees with Ray-Fiberglass.  “Today’s civilization has advanced well beyond the barbaric days of snake oil and artery bleeding for healing, and no free woman should have to carry an unwanted child to term; we’ve outgrown old modalities. For crying out loud get over it,” said Angel Golden-Rapunzel, who looks like her first name and frequently makes men drool but never notices.  “We should be using every tool and technology at our disposal to advance medicine and social enjoyment, by altering our genes, relaxing our beliefs about genocide and the value or devaluation of human life, and get on with the creation of a new age and a master race.  Hitler was pretty aggressive and probably should have toned it down a little, but he made significant advancements toward improving humanity through proper breeding and casually getting rid of undesirables. There’s nothing to fear here.  Some old things might be new again, but they’ve been updated for the better, with a modern approach and progressive philosophy.  If we could go back in time and get Adolph’s views on things, you can bet most of today’s true scientists would do it. The guy had foresight.”

Reuters reported that rogue clinics around the world may be exploiting hope and ignorance by offering unproven stem cell therapies, a group of stem cell experts said in a report released on Wednesday. The International Society for Stem Cell Research released guidelines for researchers and regulators, and a guidebook for patients that criticized some clinics. “The International Society for Stem Cell Research is very concerned that stem cell therapies are being sold around the world before they have been proven safe and effective,” the guidelines said. “The direct-to-consumer portrayal of stem cell medicine is optimistic and unsupported by published evidence,” Timothy Caulfield of the University of Alberta and colleagues wrote. For researchers and regulators, the group advises tough oversight and independent review. “Regulators have a responsibility to prevent exploitation of patients in their jurisdictions, and where necessary, to close fraudulent clinics and take disciplinary action against the doctors involved,” said Dr. George Daley of Children’s Hospital Boston.

Abortion at 10 weeks, Kansas 2008

Abortion at 10 weeks, Kansas 2008

The Chicago Tribune reported that Planned Parenthood is offering gift certificates in $25 increments available online and at 35 Indiana clinics, which can be used for health services, contraceptives and abortions. Betty Cockrum, president and CEO of Planned Parenthood of Indiana, characterizes the response to the gift certificates as “pretty robust, and generally very favorable.” She estimates that “about a dozen” certificates have sold since they became available Nov. 25. Planned Parenthood of Illinois plans to sell similar gift certificates starting Monday. PPIN’s move has enraged various anti-abortion organizations. Jim Sedlak, vice president of the American Life League and executive director of Stop Planned Parenthood, a group based in Stafford, Va., condemns the certificates as a continuation of Planned Parenthood’s “annual attacks on the Christian community at Christmastime.”
 

Time or Space?

Time or Space?

Scientific American reported that it’s not every day we get a chance to time travel. But astronomers say they’ve done a little traveling into the past. In November of 1572, legendary astronomer Tycho Brahe peered up at the night sky. He saw what looked like a strangely bright star in the constellation Cassiopeia. It was brighter even than the nearby planet Venus. He studied that bright new star for five months, until it faded away. But what Brahe saw wasn’t a new star. It was actually an old star undergoing the brilliantly bright death of a supernova. Scientists at the Subaru Telescope in Japan recently analyzed what could be called echoes of this more than 400-year-old event. Light from the original supernova bounced off dust particles in the interstellar clouds and eventually reached us here on earth more than four centuries later. They published their research in the December 4th issue of the journal Nature.

Some people say that whether light is old or new, shedding some of it on current trends with a bit of common sense gleaned from history, is the best way to advance society.

Misunderstood visionary leader

Misunderstood visionary leader

“We need to use caution when we begin to protect heinous killers on death row, and terrorists who indiscriminately behead those they disagree with, because we call ourselves civilized; but then create human embryos and destroy them for the stem cells, or destroy them because they are inconvenient or imperfect,” said a passing troll, often mistaken for a Republican right-winger.  “I’m not saying there isn’t a time and place to consider this, but when we become casual about it, and we shuffle genes and weak or powerless members of society like so many playing cards, we begin to walk a path where taking the lives of the innocent to benefit those in control leads to oppression and an authoritarian version of utopia.  Protection of the sick and the weak is what makes society what it is. It’s where we derive compassion and understand unconditional love.  Improvement through change can be made, but costs and tradeoffs are always present.  Abandoning love of life with both its strengths and weaknesses, and replacing it with economic or socially engineered efficiency and design, ultimately becomes oppressive and totalitarian.  Oh what the hell, hand me the Jack Daniels, I’ve had enough of this shit for one day.”

Curves that hurt

Curves that hurt

In other news, Sweden’s The Local reported Wednesday, that a Swedish woman injured in a car accident has had her disability benefits withdrawn after the country’s social insurance agency determined her large bust was to blame for the pain. “My breasts have been large since I got them. But I didn’t have any problems with pain before the car accident,” Jessica Andersson said. Andersson learned last week that the Swedish Social Insurance Agency was cancelling disability payments for whiplash injuries she suffered in a car accident six years ago. The agency’s decision comes following an assessment from a doctor suggesting that Andersson could return to work if she had breast reduction surgery. Andersson is currently considering an appeal of the ruling to have her payments withdrawn. No word on whether she got her boobs naturally or from a rogue clinic, but sometimes personal change, just like society’s, hurts as much as it helps.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

Comments Off on Rogue Stem Cell Clinics, Abortion Gift Certificates, and Time Traveling

Filed under Division of Rant (with Pretzels)

College Bans Christmas, Muslim Cleric Orders Mickey Mouse Death

Yorkshire Coast College bans Christmas and Easter to avoid offending non-Christians
Sheikh Muhammad Munajid says Mickey Mouse is a corrupting influence and must die

Inebriated Press \ Division of Rant (with pretzels)
September 18, 2008

UK’s Daily Express reported Tuesday that Yorkshire Coast College in Scarborough, has removed Christmas and Easter from the college’s calendars in case they offend non-Christians. And the UK Telegraph reported Monday that a Saudi Arabian cleric says Mickey Mouse is “one of Satan’s soldiers” and must be killed. Debate over why the world should avoid offending non-Christians, but it’s just fine to rip on Christians with impunity, is being discussed in hushed tones in the catacombs someplace under Rome.

“As the world continues ramping-up tolerance and political correctness toward Muslims, gays and liberal feminists, it’s interesting how growing intolerance is acceptable toward Christians, old-fashioned cultural icons and conservative feminists,” said Sally Brown, the precocious sister of cartoon character Charlie Brown, who as a child thought Linus was lovable, but refrained from making-out with him in the pumpkin patch until she was older.  “I’m just a drawing with limited experience in society and culture, but doesn’t the very nature of the concept of tolerance mean that Christian’s and Western tradition deserves just as much respect as non-Christian’s and recent liberal trends?  I’m not saying we should go back to the days when women couldn’t vote or only Muslims beheaded people who disagreed with them, but isn’t it okay to be a hockey mom and run for vice president?  Do you have to abort your Down syndrome child to be part of the in crowd?”

Not everyone agrees with Sally Brown.  “Human evolution dictates that some species, classes of species and an occasional society, crush all competitors as survival of the fittest is played out across the environment and the globe,” said Charles “Chuck” Darwin, a dead scientist who has evolved to another plane of human existence, occasionally referred to as morbid decay.  “Nothing remains static and the nature of being is one of flux as life-forms struggle against one another for superiority. The Muslim faith was once a powerful one but it faded out and other religions and philosophy’s became stronger – Christianity among them.  Today everything’s changing as Muslims’ kill Christians and icons of the West, and Western feminists turn against their own with liberal females attacking conservative feminists with hatred and venom once reserved for white middle-aged men. There’s nothing inherently right or wrong about this, nature is amoral.  Let everyone have at it.  Nobody really cares — except the folks getting their heads sawed off I suppose.”

The Daily Express reported that Christmas and Easter have been scrubbed from a college’s calendars in case they offend non-Christians. Holidays at these times will now be referred to simply as “end of term breaks”. The move will “increase inclusion and diversity”, claim bosses at Yorkshire Coast College in Scarborough, North Yorks. They claim this is in line with Ofsted guidelines. But Ofsted has confirmed there are no such guidelines: “Ofsted inspection guidance for colleges makes no reference whatsoever to the observance of religious festivals,” a spokeswoman said. “It is therefore incorrect that any decision to ‘ban religious holidays’ would be based on Ofsted guidance.”

The Telegraph reported that Sheikh Muhammad Munajid claims Mickey Mouse is a corrupting influence and must die.  According to the cleric, the mouse is “one of Satan’s soldiers” and makes everything it touches impure. Munajid, a former diplomat at the Saudi embassy in Washington DC, said that under Sharia, both household mice and their cartoon counterparts must be killed. “Mickey Mouse has become an awesome character, even though according to Islamic law, Mickey Mouse should be killed in all cases.” Mr Munajid gave Islam’s teaching on mice — and Mickey — during a religious affairs programme broadcast on al-Majd TV, an Arab television network. Some pundits say that murderous intolerance isn’t anything to worry about and that all humans should die so their impact on the climate is reduced.

“We cannot afford to continue playing Russian roulette — if that type of ethnic slur is still acceptable — with the planet, by allowing humans to propagate largely uncontrolled,” said Cassie Ether-Cumulous, a down to earth environmentalist and used-record store clerk, who often ignores claims that her head is in the clouds so high that she suffers from oxygen deficiency which makes her thinking hazy.  “By building on the model that Hitler designed and Planned Parenthood developed and grew from, we can create a systematic way of human population reduction, beginning first with the sick and the weak, then the unhealthy unborn and then the undesired old and unborn, and eventually everyone we disagree with. By working together Planned Parenthood and Islamofascists can first eliminate people unwanted because they’re inconvenient, or philosophically bothersome.  Eventually whoever is in power can simply kill whom they want on a global scale for any reason, kind of like the Chinese do to their own people and the Russians do to journalists who report things Putin doesn’t like.  This is progressive both on religious, philosophical and Darwinian grounds.  We should be thankful that pioneers like Darwin, Hitler and Iranian President Ahmadinejad have shown us the way.”

In other news, the UK Daily Mail reported Tuesday that children as young as five should be taught to understand the pleasures of gay sex, according to leaders of a taxpayer-funded education project. The ambition was revealed in documents prepared for the No Outsiders project run by researchers from universities and backed with £600,000 of public money provided by the Economic and Social Research Council. The stated purpose of the project – which is operating in 14 primary schools – is to stop bullying and prejudice aimed at homosexuals. No word on why this is better than Christmas or whether gays or Islamofascists have a leg up on ruling the future. Either way, it looks like those who want tolerance for traditional Western values will be sentenced to live in the catacombs.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

Comments Off on College Bans Christmas, Muslim Cleric Orders Mickey Mouse Death

Filed under Division of Rant (with Pretzels), Humor