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U.S. Cyber-Security ‘childlike’, Women Declare Sex-Strike to Protest Government, and a setback for the Church of Orgasm

> Industry experts call U.S. cyber-security “embarrassing”
> Kenyan women begin week-long sex strike to protest country’s leadership
> Swedish court rules Madonna of Orgasm Church unacceptable

 
Inebriated Press
May 1, 2009
 

Cyber security

Cyber security

BBC News reported Wednesday that industry experts say the U.S. governments cyber defenses are “embarrassing” and “childlike”.  They call the system “broken”, and the government admits its “vulnerable to attack”.  And, the San Francisco Chronicle reported Wednesday that thousands of Kenyan women vowed to begin a week-long sex strike to protest their country’s bickering leadership.  Meanwhile, The Local reported Wednesday that the Madonna of Orgasm Church has suffered a disappointing setback following a Swedish court ruling that the church’s name is unacceptable and offensive. Pundits are debating the offensive nature of cyber crime, sex as a weapon, and orgasm as god.
 

Someone named Sandi

Someone named Sandi

“Without question the ease of penetration with which China and Russia have been entering the U.S. power grid, and slipping into the Department of Defense computer system in recent weeks, displays a level of zero will-power on the part of our federal government to get serious about stopping cyber-rapists from getting into the panties of our military and energy systems,” said Sandi Hewlet-Packing, a flesh and blood security analyst and high-tech aficionado, only partially silicon based.  “I’m not big on hyperbole, but this is some serious shit.  If American women have to go on a sex-strike and not let men touch us until the problem is fixed, it’s worth considering.  I know it’ll be especially hard on worshipers of the orgasm as god, but hey, you do what you have to in order to create reasonable change.  Or some bullshit like that.”
 

Someone named Laura

Someone named Laura

Not everyone agrees with Hewlet-Packing.  “So what if some hackers get into the U.S. power grid or defense system, it’s not like they’re screwing up the results of the lottery or American Idol, or something important like that.  You can’t be turning off sex and religion like a light switch; the very idea is just plain wrong,” said Laura Padron-Saint, a cigar smoking misanthrope who’s ideas are often compared favorably to those of a community organizer.  “The American form of government is based on openness, and nothing should hinder anyone from gaining access to or diddling with anything we have.  That’s true of our citizenship, our top secret files, and our dirty underwear.  Now it’s also true that in my personal life I did that for a while and will be on medication for various forms of STD’s for the rest of my life, so I’ve had to slow down a little.  Still it’s a philosophy that I’d like to suggest is really healthy for the country, even if it didn’t work out very well for me personally.”
 
cyber securityBBC News reported that America’s cyber-security has been described as “broken” by one industry expert and as “childlike” by another. Tim Mather, chief strategist for security firm RSA, told BBC News: “The approach we have relied on for years has effectively run out of steam. I think we are seeing a real breaking point in security with consumers, business and even government saying enough, no more. Let’s rethink how we do this because the system is broken.” Alan Paller from security research firm SANS Institute said the government’s cyber defenses were “embarrassing”.  Over the past couple of weeks, the heat has been turned up on the issue of cyber-security following some high profile breaches. One involved the country’s power grid which was said to have been infiltrated by nation states. The government subsequently admitted that it was “vulnerable to attack”. Meanwhile reports during the RSA conference surfaced that spies had hacked into the Joint Strike Fighter Project. The topic is on the radar of politicians, who have introduced a number of bills to address security in the virtual world.

women-strikeThe San Francisco Chronicle reported that thousands of Kenyan women vowed Wednesday to begin a weeklong sex strike to try to protest their country’s bickering leadership, which they say threatens to revive the bloody chaos that convulsed the African country last year. Leaders from Kenya’s largest and oldest group dedicated to women’s rights, the Women’s Development Organization, said they hope the boycott will persuade men to pressure the government to make peace. Eleven women’s groups are participating in the strike. The groups have also called on the wives of President Mwai Kibaki and Prime Minister Raila Odinga to abstain. It was not clear how either wife responded to the request.
 

A religious experience?

A religious experience?

The Local reported that the Madonna of Orgasm Church (Orgasmens Madonnas kyrka) has suffered a disappointing reversal following a Swedish court ruling that the church’s name is unacceptable and offensive. The church’s founder, artist Carlos Bebeacua who resides in Lövestad in southern Sweden, has been fighting a lengthy legal battle in his bid to have the Madonna of Orgasm Church registered as a faith community in Sweden. “The orgasm is God, the orgasm should be worshiped,” Bebeacua told the Kvällsposten newspaper. “The orgasm is the ultimate feeling of lust; it shouldn’t be limited to ejaculation. You can reach it through art or by looking at a landscape and thinking ‘Wow!’” Bebeacua hoped that registering the Madonna of Orgasm Church as a faith community in Sweden would encourage more people to consider the orgasm as God. According to the appeals court, the name of Bebeacua’s Madonna of Orgasm Church “violates what is considered acceptable praxis” and therefore can be denied registration as a faith community. Specifically, the court took issue with juxtaposition of the words “Madonna”, “orgasm”, and “church”.

"I Bite" TIn other news, the Northern Florida Daily News reported that a husband and wife had been drinking at the Swamp nightclub on Okaloosa Island, when the woman became upset with her husband yelled at him, slapped him and then bit him on the right cheek. According to an Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office arrest report, the deputy saw bloody mucus and skin on the woman’s blouse. The woman’s husband said he shoved her several times in self defense after she slapped him multiple times, the report said. When asked about the bite mark, the man said, “I guess she slapped me.”  No word on whether he thinks U.S. cyber security is “childlike” or if he’d rather his wife went on a sex-strike rather than bite pieces off of him, but maybe if he joins the Church of Orgasm things will start turning around for the poor bastard.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com  

 
Source articles:
 
US cyber-security ’embarrassing’
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/8023793.stm
 
Kenyan women’s group tells men: Make war? No love
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2009/04/29/international/i084758D26.DTL
 
Court climax premature for Madonna of Orgasm Church
http://www.thelocal.se/19154/20090429/
 
Husband’s flirting provokes wife’s biting
http://www.nwfdailynews.com/news/woman_17013___article.html/husband_report.html

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Track People in Real-Time for Just $10 a Month, Make a Robber your Sex-Slave, and Stone Women Who Disagree with Your Right to Rape Them

> New GPS service tracks people for you, reminds them you’re watching
> Thief caught in business, fed Viagra, made a sex-slave
> Afghan women protest legalized rape, get pelted with stones

Inebriated Press
April 17, 2009

Big brotherCNet News reported Wednesday that AT&T is offering a new service that allows people to track the location of any cell phone on AT&T’s network from a mobile phone or PC.  And Russia Today reported Tuesday that a hairdresser from the Russian town of Meshchovsk subdued a man who tried to rob her shop, then fed him Viagra and raped him for three days in the utility room.  Meanwhile, MSNBC reported Wednesday that a group of some 1,000 Afghans swarmed a demonstration of 300 women protesting against a law legalizing marital rape, and threw stones at them while chanting “Death to the slaves of the Christians!”.  Inebriated reporters busily GPS-tracking former boy-friends and contemplating turning them into sex-slaves, paused long enough to say that if raping women is legal, then raping men is legal.

Someone named Amanda

Someone named Amanda

“First let me say that I abhor any kind of rape by anyone of anyone under any circumstance, and the notion that it’s okay at all is immoral, unethical and abuse in the highest degree.  That said, if raping women is legalized then so is raping men, particularly those who support the Afghan law, and I will act within the rules of equitable legislation if I want to, and guarantee it will be less fun than these bastards think it will be,” said Amanda Stone-Sharpp, a part-time writer and full-time baker at the Cup Cake and Full Metal Jacket Ammo Store.  “Rape inside or outside of marriage is equally wrong because it violates the individual, the person we are, the distinct human being that declares ‘I am’, and it takes from them the dignity that all human beings deserve.  It makes a person a non-person by declaring their own body and it’s internal functions are someone else’s to do with as they please, whenever they please.  I share my body with those I decide to share it with, and on my terms.  Anyone who violates that, deserves to die.  Let me clarify that in case you didn’t understand: anyone who rapes me, dies.  I will kill them myself if need be.  Capeshe?”

Someone named Himmler, with date

Someone named Himmler, with date

Not everyone agrees with Stone-Sharpp.  “I don’t need any moral clap-trap about what is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ about rape, murder or anything else I feel like doing.  If I am able to create a rule that says I can legally rape you, or tax your money and redistribute it, or lock you up as a subversive because you’re against abortion or believe in god, then it becomes my right,” said Acmed Himmler, an Arab Nazi with a predisposition toward social efficiency driven by personal power and a desire to kill anyone he disagrees with, for societies greater good.  “There are no moral imperatives, it’s all about power.  Nature has no ethics and Darwinism supported by Atheism makes man the center of the universe and whatever we decide is law.  The strong survive and the weak perish.  Raping indiscriminately, or killing Jews at our pleasure, is legal if we say so.  I will not be held to any set of ethics as though some ‘god’ is behind it that I have to answer to.  Moralists are a waste of time.  Naturally occurring chaos subjected to those who wield raw power is all that counts.  The future is mine.  I’m the new wave of old school baby.”

AT&T Tracking Service

AT&T Tracking Service

CNet News reported that AT&T is offering a new service that allows parents–or potentially jealous spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends–to track loved ones using their phones. AT&T’s service, called FamilyMaps, allows people to track the location of any cell phone on AT&T’s network from a mobile phone or PC. The person being tracked receives a text message informing him or her that he or she is being watched. Users can either track someone in real time by viewing the location on a map or they can set up the service to send them text message alerts or e-mails with location information. For example, a parent may get an alert each day that his child made it home from school. Or perhaps a jealous girlfriend looking to keep tabs on her boyfriend could set up the service to notify her if her boyfriend happens to wander into a bar or over to his ex-girlfriend’s apartment after work. The service uses satellite GPS technology and cell tower triangulation to pin-point the location of the phone. The service is not supported on prepaid or AT&T Go Phones. And the service costs $9.99 for two phones and $14.99 for up to five phones.

Bad ass Olga

Bad ass Olga

Russia Today reported that a hairdresser from the small Russian town of Meshchovsk has subdued a man who tried to rob her shop, and then raped him for three days in the utility room. The incident occurred on Saturday, March 14. The working day was coming to an end at a small hairdressers, when a man armed with a gun rushed in and demanded the day’s earnings. The frightened employees and customers agreed to fulfill his demand, but when the shop’s owner, 28-year-old Olga, was handing the money to the robber, she suddenly knocked him down on the floor and then tied him up with a hairdryer cord. The 32-year-old Viktor couldn’t have known that the woman was a yellow belt in karate.

Power of Viagra

Power of Viagra

Olga locked the unlucky robber in the utility room and told her colleagues that she was going to call the police – but didn’t do so. When everybody left for home, she approached the man and ordered him to ‘take of his underpants’ threatening to hand him over to the police if he refuses to cooperate. After that Olga raped her hostage for three straight days. She chained Viktor to a radiator with pink furry handcuffs and fed him Viagra. She eventually let the man go on Monday, March 16, saying: “Get out of my sight!” Viktor went straight to hospital as his genitals were injured, and then to the police. Olga was resentful when she was taken by the police. “What a bastard,” the woman said about Viktor. “Yes, we had sex a couple of times.” Both Olga and Viktor may now face prison terms. The woman could be convicted of rape, while the man of robbery.

Afghan protest

Afghan protest

MSNBC reported that a group of some 1,000 Afghans swarmed a demonstration of 300 women protesting against a new marriage law on Wednesday. The women were pelted with stones as police struggled to keep the two groups apart. The law, passed last month, says a husband can demand sex with his wife every four days unless she is ill or would be harmed by intercourse — a clause that critics say legalizes marital rape. It also regulates when and for what reasons a wife may leave her home alone.  Women’s rights activists scheduled a protest Wednesday attended by mostly young women. But the group was swamped by counter-protesters — both men and women — who shouted down the women’s chants. Some picked up gravel and stones and threw them at the women, while others shouted “Death to the slaves of the Christians!” Female police held hands around the group in an attempt to create a protective barrier, but did not arrest the people throwing stones. 

If the law says it's okay, it must be okay

If the law says it's okay, it must be okay

Fourteen-year-old Masuma Hasani said her whole family had come out to protest the law — both her parents and her younger sister who she held by the arm. “I am concerned about my future with this law,” she said. “We want our rights. We don’t want women to just be used.” As the back-and-forth continued, another demonstration of Shiite women who said they support the law began. “We don’t want foreigners interfering in our lives. They are the enemy of Afghanistan,” said 24-year-old Mariam Sajadi. Sajadi is engaged, and said she plans to ask her husband’s permission to leave the house as put forth in the law. She said other controversial articles — such as one giving the husband the right to demand sex from his wife every fourth day — have been misinterpreted by Westerners who are anti-Islam.

Oops, you're knocked up

Oops, you're knocked up

In other news, Sweden’s The Local reported Wednesday that a young Swedish couple found to their amazement that they were expecting a baby – despite the fact that the girl had a contraceptive implant. When the implant was removed the mystery became clear – she had been given a dummy model. Jessica Lindberg, who lives in Gothenburg, was only 16-years-old when she became pregnant. Both the National Board of Health and Welfare (Socialstyrelsen) and the public health disciplinary board (Hälsö- och sjukvårdens ansvarsnämnd – HSAN) have reviewed the case, but neither has managed to develop an explanation. The young couple are now the parents of a two-year-old boy. The couple’s insurance company has rejected their claim for compensation arguing that “no one has been hurt”. No word on whether the company considers men or women rape victims as being hurt, but that’s just because ethics are mere concepts and laws are actually subjective until raw power sorts them out.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

AT&T launches family-tracking service
http://news.cnet.com/8301-1035_3-10219786-94.html?tag=newsEditorsPicksArea.0

Hairdresser turns robber into sex-slave
http://russiatoday.ru/Top_News/2009-04-14/Hairdresser_turns_robber_into_sex-slave.html?fullstory

Violence flares at protest over Afghan sex law
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30223599/

Swedish teen pregnant after implant mix-up
http://www.thelocal.se/18864.html

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Booby Traps, Money Saving Sex, and Muslim P.R.

Women with chloroform on their boobs knock out and rob men
Britons ‘saving money with sex’
Muslims worry about image after Mumbai terrorism

Inebriated Press
December 3, 2008

Thieving Cleavage

Thieving Cleavage

Agence France Presse reported last week that a gang of robbers in Uganda have been using women with chloroform smeared on their chests to knock their victims unconscious and rob them. And BBC News reported Monday that as the credit crunch bites, Britons may be turning to sex as a cheap way to pass the time.  Meanwhile Associated Press reported Sunday that many Muslims say they are worried that the carnage in Mumbai, India, brought on by Islamic militants may cause people to have negative feelings about their religion. Some pundits are debating the benefits of sex to save money or acquire it, while others ponder the notion that Muslims could gain positive public relations if they’d just stop killing people they disagree with.

“You don’t have to give away sex as a religion to gain popularity, or even use sex as a come-on to get good publicity. In most cases, not killing innocent people indiscriminately in public will be perceived as a good thing,” said Ahem Bacon, a religious expert and former Muslim who was persecuted because of his last name.  “If mainstream Muslims will come out against the terroristic behavior of people in their faith — and that includes coming out against Hamas, Al Qaeda, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Hezbollah, the PLO, the rioters who protested cartoons in Demark, plus the legions of other Muslim whacko’s like them — maybe infidels who want to live safe and quiet lives will think better of them.  Of course if they’d open a few ‘Arabian Knight Hot-Babe Harem’ strip clubs or offer money-saving sex it wouldn’t hurt either, but that’s probably a stretch.”

Mubai Attack

Mubai Attack

Not everyone agrees with Bacon.  “No one named Bacon carries any weight in the area of religion or Sharia law, and such talk should be banned, and such people who suggest a Muslim speak against another Muslim for any reason, should be beheaded as should all infidels, god willing,” said Musomad High-Top Lincoln-Logg, a fair weather friend and scholar often confused with a thug.  “There should be no talk of sex or breasts unless the Muslim elders offer female children to tribal leaders for such occasions, then its fine.  Our laws allow men to do whatever they want and require women to be subservient on all occasions.  This is gods’ way and we will religiously enforce that among our people and eventually upon all tolerant civilizations who must ultimately bend to our will.  The Taliban and Al Qaeda display the true way for us to follow, and with the help of Saudi money we will continue to expand across Europe and America until we have obtained the greatest peace for all, as civilization comes under our thumb.  No more boobies or money saving sex for you unless you’re a member of our clan!”

Associated Press reported that ten gunmen attacked 10 targets in the three-day assault including a Jewish community center and luxury hotels in India’s commercial hub. More than 170 people were killed. Muslims from the Middle East to Britain and Austria condemned the Mumbai shooting rampage by Islamic militants as senseless terrorism, but also found themselves on the defensive once again about bloodshed linked to their religion. Intellectuals and community leaders called for greater efforts to combat religious fanaticism. Indian police said Sunday that the only surviving gunman told them he belongs to the Pakistani militant group Lashkar-e-Taiba. The group is reported to have links with al-Qaida.

Muslim wrought carnage

Muslim wrought carnage

Many Muslims said they are worried such carnage is besmirching their religion. In Britain, home to nearly two million Muslims, a spokesman for the Muslim Council of Britain, Inayat Bunglawala, said that “a handful of terrorists like this bring the entire faith into disrepute.” However, in Islamic Web forums, some praised the Mumbai attacks, including the targeting of Jews. A man identified as Sheik Youssef al-Ayeri said the killings are in line with Islam. In the Gaza Strip, the territory’s Islamic militant Hamas rulers declined comment. Hamas has carried out scores of suicide attacks in Israel, killing hundreds of civilians in recent years. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad referred to the attacks as terrorism, but added that the violence is rooted in “unjust policies.” The Saudi Press Agency said that it “strongly condemns and denounces this criminal act.” However, Jonathan Fighel, an Israeli counterterrorism expert, said Saudi organizations have been funneling money to Muslim militants in Kashmir. “This demonstrates exactly the double game and, I would say, the hypocrisy of the Saudi regime,” said Fighel.

Money saving technique

Money saving technique

BBC News reported that a YouGov survey of 2,000 adults found sex was the most popular free activity, ahead of window shopping and gossiping. The article said that as the credit crunch bites, Britons are turning to sex as a cheap way to pass the time. The Scots were most amorous with 43% choosing sex over other pastimes, compared with 35% in South England. Aids charity the Terrence Higgins Trust, which published the survey, also welcomed recent figures showing an increase in condom sales. Around one in 10 respondents to the survey, carried in November, said their favorite free activity was window shopping and 6% chose going to a museum as the cheapest way to pass the time. But the sexes differed on their priorities, with women preferring to gossip with friends while men had sex firmly at the top of their list. 
 

Unsafe cleavage

Unsafe cleavage

Agence France Presse (AFP) reported that Uganda’s police are warning male bar-goers to be careful after a probe found a gang of robbers had been using women with chloroform smeared on their chests to knock their victims unconscious. “They apply this chemical to their chest. We have found victims in an unconscious state,” Criminal Investigations Directorate (CID) spokesman Fred Enanga told AFP. “You find the person stripped totally naked and everything is taken from him,” he said. “And the victim doesn’t remember anything. He just remembers being in the act of romancing.” Enanga, who explained that several types of heavy sedatives had been used, said he first came across the practice last year when an apprehended thief named Juliana Mukasa made a clean breast of the matter. While early investigations suggest that the gang may consist of dozens of members, the source of the sedatives remains unknown.

Some people say that sex and sedatives are the best way to combat fear of Islamofascism.

“Our increasingly ‘progressive’ and ‘tolerant’ Western societies are bending over backwards to accommodate intolerant and hateful Muslim religion while suppressing traditional Christian-Judeo faiths and even use of the words ‘Merry Christmas’ during the holiday season; and since the U.S. has decided to move further to the left by electing Obama, I guess the best we can do now is have lots of cheap sex and take plenty of heavy sedatives to remain calm and relaxed,” said someone claiming to be Doctor Joyce Brothers, an old pop psychologist drug out for all occasions.  “So forget being afraid and embrace a new fearless lifestyle, heck forget worrying about safe sex or radical Muslims and all the rest. They’re just alternative life-styles. We really should be more tolerant you know.  What’s a few beheadings, public massacres or a couple of STD’s?  No worries mate. Get it on.”

Dr Groper

Dr Groper

In other news, the UK Mail Online reported that Dr Parag Bhatt, 44, fondled the breasts of six female patients at his surgery over a five-month period, a court has heard. One woman went in with a suspected broken finger and had her breast massaged, while the GP groped another patient with one hand as he worked on a computer, it was alleged. One complainant was a 17-year-old who had dry skin around her nipple. Bhatt told her to take her bra off and lie on the couch. He started to play with her breasts with his fingers around her nipples and was breathing heavily. The doctor was arrested on October 4 last year. The hearing continues. No word on whether other doctors feel Bhatt may be hurting the image of their profession, but reports out of the mammography wing indicate plenty of boob pressing and grabbing is still going on unabated.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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Fake Drugs and Fake Religion: The Placebo Effect

One in Two Doctors Prescribe Placebos
Corky Nowell Wants a Monument to His 1975 Religion

Inebriated Press
November 21, 2008

081121placebo1The Wall Street Journal reported last week that one in two American doctors say they prescribe placebos to their patients, and more than two-thirds believe it permissible to do so. The Wall Street Journal also reported last week that the nine Justices of the Supreme Court of the United States heard oral arguments over whether a city in Utah is obligated, under the U.S. Constitution, to erect a monument in its park celebrating the Seven Aphorisms, the tenets of a local religion founded in 1975 by a former supply-company manager named Corky Nowell. Pundits are debating the benefits of fake drugs and religion, while American voters wonder what reality will bring when president-elect Obama and the Congressional Democrats take absolute power next year.

“I like fake things and placebos because they’re malleable and arbitrary and I can do what I want with them — be that real or imagined. It’s that kind of flexibility that I enjoy better than hard facts and the idea of unchangeable truth,” said Olga Tvorak, a gymnast and philosopher adept at bending the physical and metaphysical, frequently at the same time. “Doctors give placebos because the mind is what’s making people sick, and if the mind thinks it’s taking med’s to get well, it will. And religions built on aphorisms and neat sayings like ‘we are the one’s we’ve been waiting for’ are helpful but you can still ignore them without fear of hell. Barack will do what he wants because he can. That’s nothing to worry about, because when he takes charge he’ll define reality and make things fit it. Everything is relative and arbitrary anyway, that’s the reality of existence. Anyone telling you otherwise is selling something.”

Not everyone agrees with Tvorak. “There are elements of truth in all things, and some people twist it into a lie or convince people it’s meaningless, but deep down, in our heart of hearts, we know better,” said John Doe-Deer, an avid hunter and lawnmower salesman. “Some of my customers think my bill for fixing their lawnmowers is relative and arbitrary and believe that 30 day terms are meaningless, but they’re not. Same goes for my wife’s birth control. The last time we pretended it was a relative thing we got twins. If a doctor thinks I’m only making up an illness she should tell me and not just give me pretend medication and send me home. I may want a second opinion. And if Obama takes my hard earned money and gives it to others because they didn’t work as hard as me; that’ll be real and it’ll hurt me. As far as the religion thing goes, god doesn’t talk in terms of mere suggestions or aphorism, and he especially didn’t send enlightened beings to talk to a guy named Corky in Utah back in 1975. The Ancient of Days doesn’t toy around that way. Anyone who says He does is selling something.”

The Wall Street Journal reported that one in two American doctors say they prescribe placebos to their patients, and more than two-thirds believe it permissible to do so, according to a new study from the National Institutes of Health. Surveys of physicians in other countries, including Israel, Denmark and the U.K., have found similar results. These revelations, published last month in the prestigious BMJ, formerly known as the British Medical Journal, seem disquieting, even unethical. After all, when doctors prescribe a medication, we trust them to dispense the real thing.

In their coverage of the new study, the media portrayed placebo use as commonplace — “For Many Doctors, Placebos Are an Answer” said the Washington Post — and even a guilty indulgence: “Many MDs Admit, Privately, Giving Patients Placebos,” as the Star-Ledger put it. It would be no surprise if most people concluded that arrogant, impatient doctors were cheating them or pushing their concerns aside. In this light, the placebo story was simply further evidence that the cherished doctor-patient relationship is becoming a relic of the past.

The Wall Street Journal reported that the nine Justices of the Supreme Court of the United States heard oral arguments over whether a city in Utah is obligated, under the U.S. Constitution, to erect a monument in its park celebrating the Seven Aphorisms, the tenets of a local religion founded in 1975 by a former supply-company manager named Claude “Corky” Nowell, later known as Corky Ra, who said he was visited by “advanced living beings.” He called the religion that resulted Summum. Laughable though it looks, Pleasant Grove City v. Summum is a textbook example of tensions that have pulled our courts between noble readings of the Constitution — in this case, the First Amendment’s speech protections — and what the average person might call the common-sense requirements of running a civil society.

Some people say common sense went out of fashion during the last century and fakes and knock-offs are as important to the new era as trade with China.

081121beach“If you can’t afford the real thing, or if you just don’t want the baggage and side-effects that come with it, then the artificial or fake isn’t just as good, it’s better,” said Stacy Sunburn-Lipbalm, a beach-babe with bleached white hair, and silicon enhancements that stand proud in the setting California sun. “We all define our own reality and one is as good as another. I suppose there may be some slight variations between say, JFK and George Bush’s reality, compared to Adolf Hitler’s and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s. But I’m sure that whatever Obama does as president will be fine. All anyone really needs is sun and sand anyway. At least that’s how I see it. And deep down, that’s how 54% of American’s feel too. Otherwise they wouldn’t have elected a guy they know nothing about to be our leader.”

In related news, ten out of ten doctors prescribe drugs to their patients. And we wonder why the country has a drug problem. No word on precisely why that statement is considered relative or arbitrary.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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