Tag Archives: sex-kittens

Obama, Pelosi, Clinton in Secret Kitten Club

> Powerful Kittenati Society Revealed
> Select group of powerful female politicos

Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
April 23, 2009

Power poltics
Power poltics

Inebriated Reporters Special Investigation Team (IRSIT) has uncovered a secret society for “politico women” whose members include Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi as primary leaders.  After paying off and sleeping with a number of highly connected officials over a period of several months, members if IRSIT have declared that the Kittenati Society is real, well connected, and despite a seemingly irrational penchant for holding meetings in the nude, a basic underground society designed to wield power in politics and society.


“It’s all about a new world order run by leftist women with a global outreach, secret knowledge about manipulation and exploitation of personal and corporate weakness, and a desire to ultimately hold public meetings in the nude,” said Hanna Playstation-Hydrolic, a well designed and powerful writer and part-time Hooters gal, who sometimes thinks like a video game but lifts weights like a cast iron machine.  “I had to sleep with several men and women to get this information and while I tend to be straight in my thinking and physical experimentation, the whole investigative process was kind of a rush.  Anyway, Michelle Obama, Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton are heading up the Kittenati Society, and when they have complete global control they’ll announce it at a press conference in the nude — which is the ultimate expression of power.”

Someone named Martha
Someone named Martha

Not everyone believes that the Kittenati Society exists or that leftist women want to wield power while not wearing clothing.  “The idea that Nancy Pelosi wants to rule the world naked is pretty crazy stuff, not the rule-the-world part, but her displaying saggy boobs to the masses and then trying to get them to do whatever she commands,” said Martha Laye-Mee, a cutting edge political analyst often confused with a porn star because of her last name.  “Michelle Obama is always running around sleeveless and kind of flaunts her body, so that kind of makes sense for her, and Hillary had that topless bust made of herself so I guess it fits her style.  Come to think of it, Pelosi is so arrogant that to make someone do her bidding while standing over them nude with her jugs at knee level would be a real power trip.  Maybe the Kittenati nudity angle isn’t so crazy after all.”

Insiders say some of the Kittenati activities include courses in world domination while wearing leather, how to exploit a male presidents sexual weakness so they’ll let you meet with government agencies that as first lady you normally couldn’t do, and how to cross your legs when meeting nude with other countries leaders so you only display the parts you want to.  Some connected officials say that consideration was made to allow Sarah Palin to join because she is attractive and politically connected, but she was excluded because her politics would have taken the group toward the conservative right. 

Sexual politics?
Sexual politics?

“Palin has a hot body and would have been able to control half of the world’s population on her own while governing in the nude, but she may have taken too much power from the left,” said a semi-clothed Kittenati member who refused to be identified, but who has lightening bolts tattooed around her left nipple and other  physical locations.  “The right is going to have to come up with their own secret society if they want to get conservative women running the world while going nude.  We leftists have our own thing going.”

The real puppet master
The real puppet master

U.S. political organizations, White House officials and government agencies all deny that the Kittenati Society exists.  “The idea is beyond absurd,” said Obama’s chief of staff Rahm Emanuel.  “We only take our orders from George Soros. God help us if he decides to start issuing them in the nude.  I’m creeped out just thinking about it, and there’s not much that creeps me out.  Holy shit.”

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Barely related documentation:

Secret society
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Open Society Institute and Soros Foundations Network

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Monica Lewinsky and Hillary Clinton, New Obama Molls

Hillary eager to be part of Obama’s “adventure”
Lewinsky may join Obama administration; “honored by the opportunity”
Everything old is new again!


Inebriated Press
December 2, 2008

Team Players?

Team Players?

U.S. president-elect Barack Obama continued building his “team of rivals” by adding both of former president Bill Clinton’s Oral-Oval-Office sex-kittens to his administration.  CNN reported yesterday that Bill’s wife, U.S. Senator Hillary Clinton, is joining Obama’s national security team as secretary of state.  In accepting the offer Ms. Clinton said she wanted to be part of the “greatest adventure of our century.” And Yahoo! News reported last week that the Obama transition team is mulling a role for Monica Lewinsky in the new administration, and reportedly senior advisor David Axelrod likes the idea, but chief-of-staff Rahm Emanuel doesn’t.  Bill Clinton lied to a Grand Jury about sexual adventures with Ms. Lewinsky during his presidency, and these led to his impeachment hearings.  Pundits are debating what kind of “great adventure” Barack and his buddies have in mind for the Obama-Oral-Oval Office.

“All work and no play makes Barack a dull boy,” said Helga Monroe-Marilyn, a professional weight-lifter and part-time sex kitten, whose simultaneous dumb-bell and stripper-pole work is legendary down at Bobs’ Jiffy Lube and Strip Club. “Barack is a student of presidential administrations and he knows that President Lincoln’s ‘team of rivals’  made for some really interesting encounters during the Civil War, and that whenever Bill Clinton got Hillary and Monica in the same room to discuss sex and foreign policy, he had some of the most stimulating conversations – and other stuff – in his entire life.  Barack is smart enough to have learned from the two great former presidents and is fashioning his own Oval Office adventures by putting both pieces of ass, I mean both professional women, into key roles.” 

Adventurous Monica

Adventurous Monica

Not everyone sees it the way Monroe-Marilyn does.  “The guy’s playing with fire and if he’s not careful he’s going to get burned, and burned badly,” said someone claiming to be Leon Panetta, Bill Clinton’s former White House chief of staff; a man known for taking cover under Bill’s desk during various ‘adventures’. “Obama may have dodged the Jeremiah Wright, Bill Ayers and Tony Rezko shrapnel when those adventures took a bad turn, but he’s never toyed with the affections and aggression hard-wired into Hillary and Monica.  You can say he’ll handle them because he can get along with his hard-ass wife Michelle, but that’s only because she never suspected him of screwing around at work.  This is going to be different.  Obama is surrounding himself with way too many former Clinton administration people, and now even with the women Clinton was sexually involved with.  I guess Obama likes the high-wire act, but if he’s not careful these people will eat him alive.  And I mean that on all kinds of levels, and not all of them good.”

CNN reported that Senator Hillary Clinton decided to join her one-time rival’s team because she wanted to be part of the “greatest adventure of our century,” she said Monday after President-elect Barack Obama named her as his nominee for secretary of state. Clinton said she would work to restore America’s position as “a force for positive change” in the world. During the news conference, Obama called Clinton a woman of “extraordinary intelligence and toughness” who will “command respect in every capital.” In a statement, President Clinton said he was “deeply proud” that Obama has chosen his wife to be secretary of state.

081202-time-bill-monicaYahoo! News reported that President-Elect Barack Obama’s transition team is reported to be deeply divided over whether to offer a post to Monica Lewinsky, the former White House Intern whose intimate relationship with President Bill Clinton led to his impeachment. One group, which includes David Axelrod, Mr. Obama’s campaign manager who has been named his senior advisor, favors the move to balance the influence of the Clinton-era policy people by adding someone with a different perspective. A second faction led by Mr. Obama’s Chief-of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, is bitterly opposed believing that a Lewinsky appointment would needlessly antagonize the Clintons and their supporters. Before being elected to Congress, Mr. Emanuel served as a senior advisor to President Clinton.

New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson, Mr. Obama’s choice for Secretary of Commerce, said that Lewinsky was “a fresh face” with “a lot to offer.” Former South Dakota Senator Tom Daschle, who is expected to be nominated as Secretary of Health and Human Services, said that Miss Lewinsky’s presence in the White House would be “a huge distraction.” Monica Lewinsky was not available for comment. Through her attorney, William Ginsburg, she released a statement, which read, in part, “I am honored and humbled by the opportunity to serve my country again at this crucial juncture in our history.”

Some people say that service to ones country can take many forms, and sometimes the more of them, the better.

081202-hillary_clinton_cleavage“I heard that Monica has a master’s in Social Psychology now from the London School of Economics, so she can talk both econ and blow jobs using a combination of theory and experience,” said a passerby who refused to be identified for no particular reason.  “When you add Hillary’s relationship with Bill at all levels – sexual and policy — and then put these two women in the same room, Barack will be able to converse at the highest levels of economics, foreign policy and sex — traditional and extra marital.  Who wouldn’t want that opportunity if they were running the White House?  This Barack, he really is a genius, no doubt about it – that is if he doesn’t get his nuts cut off in some argument with them.  I hear Hillary still carries Bill’s balls in her purse after his Lewinsky affair.  What the hell.  Any guy who’ll sit down unconditionally with Iran’s Ahmadinejad must think he’s quick enough to protect his nad’s when the going gets rough.  More power to ‘em.”

In other news, the Associated Press reported last week that experts are encouraging people to take naps without guilt.  They say that taking a nap may boost a sophisticated kind of memory that helps us see the big picture and get creative. “Not only do we need to remember to sleep, but most certainly we sleep to remember,” is how Dr. William Fishbein, a cognitive neuroscientist at the City University of New York, put it at a meeting of the Society for Neuroscience last week. Fishbein says our brains keep working during naps and use the time to solve problems and come up with new ideas. No word on how many naps resulted in Obama’s decision to sign up both Hillary and Monica, but some people suspect he’s still asleep and they’re hoping to wake up from the dream themselves.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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