Tag Archives: sexuality

Black Car Ban, Hi-Tech Death Van, and the ‘Boob-Job Bandit’

> California plan may kill black cars
> China kills people in vans, harvests organs
> Boob Job Bandit get’s “Busted”

Inebriated Press
April 3, 2009

Boob JobMercury News reported last week that California is considering requiring automakers to use more reflective paint in an effort to battle global warming.  Car companies say this means the color black may end up banned in the state.  And the Daily Mail reported last week that China is using numerous “death van’s” to carry out executions around the country, and high-tech equipment preserves the victim’s organs for sale on the black market.  Meanwhile, the Metro reported earlier this week that a 30-year-old blonde who stole £8,000 worth of cosmetic surgery procedures was finally busted by police in California. Pundits are debating the benefits of fake boobs, organ traffiking and banning the color black.

Saving the world through distraction.

Saving the world through distraction.

“The only real way to save the world from the dangers of global warming and flat-chested women, is to ban all dark colors and harvest the organs of people we don’t like and sell them to fund breast implants,” said Hu Yu-Kiddn, an unemployed philosopher and fruitopian, currently Al Gore’s biggest fan.  “Most of the problems we will face in the future will be due to the end of the ice age and the decline in the size of women’s breasts in the industrialized countries. If we will detonate nuclear devises in earth’s atmosphere in such a way that the sun is blocked out, we may be able to save the earth by returning it to the ice age when humankind didn’t exist.  Lacking that, it’s important that the size of women’s breasts expand so we can keep our minds off our problems.  It may seem like a small thing, but let’s face it, the fate of the planet hangs in the balance.”

"The Power of Silicon"

"The Power of Silicon"

Not everyone buys what Yu-Kiddn is selling.  “I won’t argue about the benefits of breast size, because I control most men within the tri-state area since I bumped my knockers up to double-D’s, but blocking out the sun to save the earth is completely nuts,” said Alicia Ann Maidrite, a buxom blond rocket scientist and part-time hooker, whose book ‘The Power of Silicon’ has been translated into 50 languages.  “And whether it’s okay to harvest organs in the back of vans for sale in the black market, I’m not sure.  I’ve done shit in the backs of vans of questionable legality involving human organs and selling a service, but I didn’t actually chop off any organs, at least not most of the time.”

Black and dangerous

Black and dangerous

Mecury News reported that California’s Air Resources Board (ARB) has been mulling the relationship between automobile color and greenhouse gases.  This started a rumor that California was about to ban cars painted black. The board considered requiring reflective car paints and windshields. The premise was that a cooler car would require a driver to use less air conditioning, which would require less gasoline, which would mean fewer greenhouse-gas emissions. Several groups, including the Alliance of Automobile Manufacturers, which lobbies for the big automakers, complained that a draft proposal to change the car-painting process to make vehicles more reflective would “eliminate a significant number of vehicle colors” because darker colors absorb more heat. Even the ARB itself, in a PowerPoint presentation on the paint proposal, stated, “Jet black remains an issue,” though it never said the color should be banned. The board will vote at its June meeting on making car windshields and other glass surfaces more reflective. The new regulations would add up to $50 to the price of new car. 

About to lose his parts.

About to lose his parts.

The Daily Mail reported that after trials of a mobile execution service were launched quietly three years ago – then hushed up to prevent an international row about the abuse of human rights before the Olympics last summer – these vehicles are now being deployed across China. The number of executions is expected to rise to a staggering 10,000 people this year (not an impossible figure given that at least 68 crimes – including tax evasion and fraud – are punishable by death in China). According to undercover investigations by human rights’ groups, the police, judiciary and doctors are all involved in making millions from China’s huge trade in human body parts.

Developed by Jinguan Auto, which also makes bullet-proof limousines for the new rich in this vast country of 1.3 billion people, the vans appear unremarkable. They cost £60,000, can reach top speeds of 80mph and look like a police vehicle on patrol. Inside, however, the ‘death vans’ look more like operating theatres. Inside each ‘death van’ there is a dedicated team of doctors to ‘harvest’ the organs of the deceased. The injections leave the body intact and in pristine condition for such lucrative work. After checking that the victim is dead, the medical team first remove the eyes. Then, wearing surgical gowns and masks, they remove the kidney, liver, pancreas and lungs. Little goes to waste, though the heart cannot be used, having been poisoned by the drugs. The bodies cannot be examined. Corpses are driven to a crematorium and burned before independent witnesses can view them.

Historical precedent means it’s okay.

Historical precedent means it’s okay.

The Nazis used adapted vans as mobile gas chambers from 1940 until the end of World War II. With the ‘cargo’ dead, all that remained was for gold fillings to be hacked from the victims’ mouths, before the bodies were tipped into the graves. Now, six decades later, just like the Nazis, China insists these death vans are ‘progress’. The vans save money on building execution facilities in prisons or courts.

Arrested development

Arrested development

The Metro reported that a serial ‘Boob-Job Bandit’ has surrendered in court after being caught stealing cosmetic surgery procedures totaling more than £8,000. The 30-year-old blonde was tracked down by police using a serial number on her removed breast implants. Yvonne Jean Pampellonne allegedly replaced her breast implants and received liposuction at a clinic in California using a false identity to pay for the operations. She reportedly had the procedures but failed to show up to any follow up appointments. Her old breast implants were crucial to the investigation, meaning a surgeon at the Pacific Center For Plastic Surgery could track down her real identity from her previous surgeon. The boob-job thief will face court in Orange County, Southern California in May on charges of commercial burglary, grand theft and identity theft.

Bad build, bad sex

Bad build, bad sex

In other news, Reuters reported this week that obese men who undergo gastric bypass surgery will not only lose weight; their sex lives are likely to improve, too, new research shows. Dr. Ahmad Hammoud of the University of Utah in Salt Lake City, who led the study said obesity in men has been linked to low testosterone levels, high levels of estrogen, impaired fertility, and worse sexual quality of life. In the study Hammound found that two years after the men who’d had weight loss surgery had dropped an average of nearly 17 points from their BMI. Their estrogen levels had fallen significantly, while their testosterone levels had gone up. And all showed improvements on each of the four measures of sexual quality of life the researchers looked at: they were less likely to avoid sexual encounters, have difficulty with sexual performance, have little sexual desire, or report not enjoying sex.  No word on how they feel about organ traffiking, stolen boobs or the return of the ice age, but at least they’re having fun now.  And for many people, now is what it’s all about.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Bunch of hot air? California isn’t banning black cars

China’s hi-tech ‘death van’ where criminals are executed and then their organs are sold on black market

‘Boob-Job Bandit’ steals breast implants

Weight loss enhances obese men’s sexual well-being

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Filed under Humor, IP News

Lingering eyes, Too much Saving, and $5 Prostitution Taxes

> Men’s Interest in Women can be Measured by the Length of their Gaze
> American’s are Saving Too Much, Playing Too Little
> Nevada Considers Taxing Legal and Illegal Prostitution $5 per Turn

Inebriated Press
March 27, 2009

Play, Pay, Lay

Play, Pay, Lay

The Daily Mail reported Wednesday that a new study shows that if a man thinks a woman is attractive he looks into her eyes longer.  And MyFoxDC reported Wednesday that with the economy struggling, people are doing everything they can to save money and are having too little fun.  Consumer psychologists call it “saver’s remorse”.  Meanwhile, a Nevada Senator has proposed a tax on legal and illegal prostitution amounting to $5 per session.  He thinks the State will take in an additional $2 million per year.  Some pundits say that in order to stimulate the economy, and to encourage entreuprenurship and taxpayer spending, all prostitution should be legal and untaxed.

Someone named Lexi

Someone named Lexi

“I know a lot of guys who have been staring into the eyes of women but are afraid of making a move because it may lead to a relationship that they can’t afford in this economy, so they’re saving their money, staying home and not having any fun.  And adding a hooker tax isn’t going to help encourage them to take up any short-term deals, because it’ll just cost more money; it’s an economic disincentive,” said Lexi Rae-Powerwash, a smok’n brunette firefighter known to throw off as much heat as the fires she puts out.  “Now if Nevada is serious about generating new tax dollars they’ll cut tax rates, regulate the health of the women — maybe offer a certification program that’s better than competing states so they can differentate the quality of their hookers — and then encourage the expansion of new business enterprise by subsidizing volume discounting.  I can imagine the slogan now, ‘Nevada Gold-Certified Hookers: More Tits and Ass, Fewer STD’s; and Now, Every Fifth Turn is Free’.  It’ll sell I’m telling you.”

Someone named Jon

Someone named Jon

Not everyone agrees with Rae-Powerwash.  “I think it’s wrong to focus on stimulating the economy by encouraging more prostitution regardless the certified health claims.  If the federal government would cut taxes and reduce wasteful spending across the board, all business and entrepreneurship would be encouraged, and guys would have more money and the confidence to get into long term relationships, rather than just looking for a quick bang with modest taxation,” said Jon Rinsefre, staring into the eyes of Lexi Rae-Powerwash for a good thirty seconds without blinking.  “The Obama administration needs to quit spending trillions of tax dollars on crazy shit, screwing the economy and frightening people with money from spending.  If Obama would start shrinking the federal government and cut back on spending, people would relax and start spending more money, screw each other the right way, and stimulate themselves and the economy.  Hell, it’s the American way, enough of this socialist shit.”

Glancing at her ... eyes?

Glancing at her ... eyes?

The Daily Mail reported that researchers reporting in the journal “Archives of Sexual Behavior” say that if a man’s glance into a woman’s eyes lasts longer than 8.2 seconds, he’s interested.  If a man’s gaze is more like four seconds, research suggests he is less than impressed. Hidden cameras secretly tracked the eye movements of 115 students as they chatted with actors and actresses. They were then asked to rate their conversation partner’s attractiveness. The men looked into the eyes of actresses they considered beautiful for an average of 8.2 seconds, but that dropped to 4.5 seconds when gazing at those they rated less attractive. The female students, however, did not differ in the amount of time they spent looking at the actors. The researchers believe that men use eye contact to seek out fit and fertile mates. But women are more wary of attracting unwanted attention because of the risks of unwanted pregnancy and single parenthood.
MyFoxDc reported that with the economy stuck in a downward spiral, most people are doing everything they can to save money. But is it possible to be too frugal? There is the belief that if you don’t take any chances and spend some money, you risk regretting that you didn’t have a little more fun while you had the chance. Consumer psychologists say that saver’s remorse is a real condition. The theory is that people are so obsessed with preparing for the future that they can’t enjoy the present, and end up looking back with regret on all their lost opportunities for fun. 

Home of the $5 tax?

Home of the $5 tax?

Psychologists say that splurging on big ticket items or a vacation can produce immediate buyer’s remorse, but over the long term, people regret not having enough fun, not traveling and not spending money rather than not saving enough. “People feel guilty about hedonism right afterwards, but as time passes the guilt dissipates,” says Dr. Ran Kivetz, a professor of marketing at the Columbia Business School. “At some point there’s a reversal, and what builds up is this wistful feeling of missing out on life’s pleasures.” Experts also say that balancing enough “play” time with work is important to relieve stress, especially during these difficult economic times.

Too little product differentiation?

Too little product differentiation?

The Las Vegas Sun reported Monday that Senator Bob Coffin, D-Las Vegas, proposed a tax on prostitution that he says could raise $2 million a year for the state. Patrons of prostitutes — both legal and illegal — would pay an extra $5 tax per session under the bill, which Coffin said was his idea alone. Coffin said he had considered applying the state’s live entertainment tax to prostitution, but encountered some constitutional questions. There are eight “major” brothels in the rural counties, where they are legal, and 17 smaller houses of prostitution, according to George Flint, a spokesman for the state’s brothel industry. The minimum charges range from $100 to $200. Asked how the state could collect the tax from the independent street walkers, Senator Coffin said that the business tax, when first imposed, wasn’t collected from all of those who were required to pay it. As a new tax, the bill would require a two-thirds vote for passage.

In other news, WMAR-TV Baltimore reported that an Italian doctor completed a brain operation despite having a heart attack after realizing his patient would never recover if he stopped the surgery. Surgeon Claudio Vitale started feeling pains in his chest half way through the operation but refused to stop despite his team’s urging and the pain worsening.  After finishing the surgery, the doctor had an angioplasty operation to treat his attack.  Vitale insists he’s not a hero, but that he couldn’t leave the patient “at such a delicate moment.” Both doctor and patient are recovering.  No word on why Obama keeps bleeding American taxpayers while claiming to be repairing their financial vitality, but since he doesn’t look them in the eye for very long, perhaps it’s all about him and not about them.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

The look of love? Only if you manage a glance that lasts longer than 8.2 seconds

Too Much Saving, Not Enough Playing

Proposed bill would tax prostitution at $5 per session

Walk it off, it’s only a heart attack

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Filed under Humor

FOXSexpert: 10 Sex Findings You Won’t Believe

By Yvonne K. Fulbright
Fox News
February 26, 2009

You don’t say.

For the last year, I’ve been struck by the number of studies that counter common sex beliefs. Just when we think we know it all, new data comes along and challenges what we believe. And it’s only by coincidence that my decision to highlight certain research efforts comes at a critical time.

Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright

Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright

In an effort to cut budgets, lawmakers in Georgia and Florida are attacking departments, research and courses rooted in sexuality and women’s studies. If successful, all of us stand to lose important scientific contributions that shape health promotion, intervention and inform policies and programs.

Sure to impact fields that deal with this area of study — like anthropology, sociology and ethnic studies — we risk our ability to obtain accurate, evidence-based findings to guide healthy sexuality efforts.

Check out some of the intellectual efforts afforded by academic freedom that impact all of us in one way or another:

1. More Birth Control = Better Sex

It’s hard enough for lovers to use one contraceptive method, let alone two. Both sexes think condoms undermine their sexual pleasure. Yet the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University found women who use a hormonal contraceptive plus condoms report higher overall sexual satisfaction.

This is because better sex goes way beyond the actual sex act, encompassing factors like relationship satisfaction and sexual self-esteem. And when it comes to the need for lovers to protect themselves, such data can’t be emphasized enough.

2. Abstinence Is Great … for Other Teens

A study at the University of Washington, published in “Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health,” found that while youth might believe in abstinence, they also intend to have sex. Many of the 365 kids ages 12 to 15 who were surveyed had a positive view about refraining from sex.

But those scoring the highest on both sex and abstinence intentions were the most likely to have sex. Such findings need to be considered in tailoring comprehensive sex education classes for youth.

3. Interventions Equally Effective

We tend to think teens who engage in risky behaviors, like alcohol use, also engage in high-risk sexual behaviors more than their cautious peers. Yet a study in the “Journal of Adolescent Health,” looking at data from the “Youth Risk Behavior Survey,” showed otherwise.

Researchers found that interventions, conducted in the 1990s and the early part of this century, aimed at reducing sexual activity are equally effective for both groups. The conclusions will be of great assistance to future sex education efforts.

4. Teens’ First Time Was a Good Time

The general thought is that most adolescents had a miserable experience their first time. However, a longitudinal 2008 study in “Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health,” found quite the contrary was true. Those who lost their virginity at the ages of 15-16 were much less likely to feel regret than those who first had sex at age 13 or younger.

Those who had been with their first-time partner for more than one month (remember, for youth this feels like an eternity) were also less likely to feel regret than those who had first sex with a casual partner. Such reports show the need to support youth in delaying sex and getting to know their partner.

5. Overweight Women Have More Sex

Most stereotypes on obese women hold that they don’t have sex. Yet a 2008 study in “Obstetrics and Gynecology,” involving some 8,000 females, shows that overweight women have more heterosexual sexual encounters than average-weight women. The percentages: 92 percent of obese women versus 87 percent of women with a normal body mass reported having intercourse with men.

This is a major wake-up call for physicians who assume large women don’t have the same sexual health needs that their smaller counterparts do.

6. Parental Laws Not Significant for Abortions

When parental involvement laws were enacted, many feared the consequences this would have on youth seeking out abortion-related services. According to The Guttmacher Institute, there is no strong evidence that having parental involvement laws in place prevents minors from obtaining an abortion.

Even in states where such laws are absent, six in 10 minors involve at least one parent in their decision to terminate their pregnancy. Abortion rates have steadily declined in states both with and without these parental involvement laws.

7. Women Couldn’t Care Less About Sexual Problems

Data has long indicated that about 40 percent of women have sexual problems. But a 2008 Harvard study published in “Obstetrics & Gynecology,” involving 32,000 women, shows only 12 percent are bothered by these issues. For a sexual concern to be labeled a disorder, a person must feel distress.

Such findings are a great relief for women who have been made to feel that there’s something wrong with them.

8. Tea Is Preferred to Sex

At least it is in Britain, when compared to sex on a first date. An informal poll of 541 British singles, conducted by Craigslist UK, found that they largely prefer ending a good first date with a cup of tea. Over four times as many participants voted for tea over sex. Such fun tidbits help to alleviate the pressures that come with living in a sexualized culture.

9. Students Do Listen

Learning life-changing behaviors in high school health classes appears to come down to who is teaching more than the curriculum. A study published in the “Journal of Health Promotion Practice,” which was conducted by the University of Kentucky and Ohio State University, indicated that students learn more from their regular classroom teachers when it comes to subjects like HIV and pregnancy prevention.

The reason? Knowledge and trust are huge motivating factors for kids who feel this way toward their teachers.

Also, it was found that teachers with specific training in sexuality are the best bet for students.

10. Virginity Pledges = Riskier Sex

An analysis by The National Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health found that those who promise to stay virginal until marriage are just as likely to have premarital sex as those who do not make such a pledge. They’re also much less likely to use condoms and other contraceptives when they are sexually active.

Data further revealed that pledgers tend to be more religious, more conservative and have a less positive attitude about sex. All of this data helps to guide researchers, educators and parents in their outreach efforts.

To learn more about how you can protect the pursuit of knowledge and human inquiry, visit the National Sexuality Resource Center at http://nsrc.sfsu.edu/

Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”


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