> Research shows people who drink live longer
> Study shows woman’s brain plays key sex role
> How to Nurture Your Organic Orgasm
March 13, 2009
The New York Post reported Tuesday that clinical researcher Dr. Malcolm Lloyd said research shows that people who drink moderately each day out live those who don’t. And United Press International reported last week that the brain plays a key role in at least 40 percent of women with sexual dysfunction. Meanwhile Hitched Media reported recently that intimate relationships with the potential for organic orgasms require a healthy body ecosystem. Inebriated reporters are eagerly seeking government grants to research all three areas simultaneously.
“With the name ‘Stimulus Bill’ I’m positive that there will be government money available for the ‘Organic Orgasmic Booze and Brain Project’ which hopes to discover the keys to long life, long orgasms and short sexual dysfunction, all while on a tight budget during a down economy,” said Malinda Masterson-Sexplae, a government defense contractor and blonde bombshell who provides random recommendations to Inebriated reporters who worship the ground she walks on. “I think it’s the kind of hope and change that Americans can believe in, and for only a couple billion dollars we’ll be able to provide a handbook and flip chart to every citizen interested in a hotter longer life. And if it doesn’t work out at least we will have tried, and we’ll be able to retire wealthy. Hey it works for all kinds of greedy corporate CEO’s and elected officials, why can’t I get a little juice.”
Not everyone agrees with the research or the Masterson-Sexplae scheme. “All the politically correct science has proven that drinking and smoking is bad for you, and it’s generally accepted that women’s brains cannot be fathomed either by science, men or other women. And as far as the organic orgasm is concerned, why bother with nature when we’ve got technology that can do you right, and on demand — emotion and skin is passé,” said Humphrey Hadd-Liddle, an insurance actuary, who optimistically calculates his odds of scoring with Masterson-Sexplae at one in a million. “Besides, using government money for studying how to enjoy life or live longer is foolish when you can be spending $2 million to learn why pigs stink in Iowa, $1.5 million to reduce prostitution in Ohio, and $200,000 on tattoo removal in California. We’re in Obamaland now and we can’t bother the government with petty things.”
The New York Post reported that those who seek salvation in a bottle may have found their muse. Dr. Malcolm Lloyd, a Johns Hopkins and Dartmouth-trained physician and former pharmaceutical clinical researcher, is espousing the health benefits of daily drinking. “A lot of research shows that people who drink moderately flat-out live longer than those who don’t,” Lloyd told the Post. “From the prevention of the common cold to the prevention of the onset of Alzheimer’s to preventing certain types of cancer, regular drinking can be very beneficial.” Whereas most research has focused on wine, he says spirits can provide the same boon. Lloyd notes that “moderation” means one to two drinks a day for women and one to three drinks a day for men, and, “the positive effects start going in the other direction” once those numbers are exceeded.
United Press International reported that the brain may play a key role in some 40 percent of women who experience sexual dysfunction with lack of sexual interest, researchers said. Such women, ages 18-59, experience sexual dysfunction with lack of sexual interest called hypoactive sexual desire disorder, known as HSDD. Bruce Arnow and Dr. Leah Millheiser of Stanford Hospital & Clinics said the trial involved 16 women diagnosed with HSDD, along with 20 normal control subjects, who took part in the study involving brain scans. All subjects identified themselves as heterosexual. Subjects were shown erotic video segments interspersed among footage of female sporting events. The segments were separated by intervening tranquil sequences of such subjects as flowers, mountains or ocean waves to bring the women’s brains to a resting state between more active segments.
The subjects’ brain activity was monitored by functional magnetic-resonance imaging. The women also reported their subjective levels of sexual arousal throughout the viewing, while the researchers collected objective measurements of the women’s level of genital arousal. The findings, published in the journal Neuroscience, found activity patterns throughout most of the brain were more or less identical among the HSDD and normal groups, but with a few notable exceptions. There was a bigger jump in relative activity in three brain areas of HSDD women — the medial frontal gyrus, right inferior frontal gyrus and bilateral putamen — compared with the control subjects when shown the erotic clips.
Hitched Media reported that most often, the term organic applies to our food or clothing. Rarely is it applied to our sexual appetite. To be called organic, food must be produced without any chemicals to induce or sustain its growth. The process relies on old-fashioned techniques of good soil, clean air and decent weather. Small local farmers making food the old-fashioned way is in vogue now because chemical-driven and genetic altering of food is all too Sci-Fi. The more we know about the synthetic and petro-chemical process of producing food, the more we want the real stuff and we’re willing to pay for organic food that comes from nature.
Meeting the needs of the human sexual appetite is also a multi-billion dollar industry. Not unlike the chemical companies vast holdings of genetically altered rows of corn, stand the millions upon millions of cheap porn DVDs, all clipped and re-clipped from the standard sets of bio-engineered overlarge breasts, tummy-tucked women and engorged male sexual organs. This crop of sexuality is available anytime, day or night, on almost any form of digital transmitter from the TV to the computer to the smartphone. Yet, in spite of the enormous spending on the virtual orgasms that are readily available, some believe that most of us would pay more for real, organic sex—the kind that you can feel change you from the inside out. Growing intimate relationships that have the potential for organic orgasms to ripen requires a healthy ecosystem.
The foundation or ground of an organic relationship is in your thoughts. The quality and frequency of your conversations and ability to self-disclose is the air that fuels your fire. Creating a language and building the trust to describe what kinds of touch are pleasurable and/or painful is one of the most transformative conversations that a couple can invest in. Sharing stories of sexual history and exploring sexual anatomy together will not only provide real access to shared organic orgasms, but will enhance the safety of the whole relationship. Doing the daily work of tending the ecosystem of your relationship will pay dividends in cultivating the organic orgasms that come out of loving relationships.
In other news, the Los Angeles Times reported Monday that newly released academic research suggests that Sarah Palin’s sexiness, while great for selling copies of Vogue magazine and political buttons about the hottest governor from the coldest state last autumn, may have hurt her vote-getting ability. According to Santa Barbara’s Miller-McCune Center, recently completed research at the University of South Florida indicates that, at least among a select group of students there, those who found the hockey mom more attractive also judged her less competent, less intelligent and less capable. This didn’t seem to have much effect in Palin’s 2006 primary upset victory and statewide election as Alaska’s first female governor. But the finding, being published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, does conform to previous research that found attractive women in high-status jobs were perceived as less competent. No word on whether the students surveyed had been imbibing booze in healthy or unhealthy amounts prior to talking with researchers, or what their opinion is of organic or in-organic orgasms, but that’ll probably be answered in Obama’s Stimulus Bill 2.0.
(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com
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