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Obama Enjoys Anti-American Rants, Cheerleaders Enjoy Strip Clubs, and NATO runs Catch-and-Release Pirate Program

> Nicaraguan President rips America, Obama quietly takes notes
> High School cheerleaders take field trip to strip club
> NATO rescues fishermen from pirates, then frees the hijackers

Inebriated Press
April 22, 2009

HunksFox News reported Saturday that at the Summit of the Americas this past weekend, Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega ripped the U.S. as a terrorist nation for over 50 minutes, while President Obama sat listening quietly and taking notes.  And MSNBC reported last Friday that an Ohio teacher took a group of high school cheerleaders on a field trip to a male strip club.  Meanwhile, Fox News reported Saturday that NATO forces rescued 20 fishermen from pirates in the Gulf of Aden, but let the Somali hijackers go because they had no authority to arrest them.  Pundits are debating trends in leadership based on anti-Americanism, pro-pirate anti-hijacking, and sex-based field trips for underage schoolchildren. 

Someone named Maggie

Someone named Maggie

“The adults are all gone from American government and education, and all that’s left are people with the emotional equivalent of children, lacking both common sense and even the tiniest grasp of reality,” said Maggie Mae-Mooreless, an accountant and weightlifter who doubles as a hot blonde when she feels like it.  “Obama enjoyed Ortega’s rant against America because he felt like he was a kid again back in Jeremiah Wright’s church where he listened to him rant against the U.S. for twenty years.  Or, maybe it was like hanging with his Chicago neighbor Bill Ayers the Pentagon bomber who held fundraising events for Barack at his home where they talked treason. It probably felt like homecoming.  As far as NATO releasing pirate hijackers after catching them and then freeing their captives — that’s just beyond stupid.  Only the cheerleaders who want to hang with male stripers have a clue what they’re really doing.”

Ahmadinejad

Ahmadinejad

Not everyone agrees with Mae-Mooreless.  “There is nothing wrong with Obama admitting that America is a terrible country, responsible for all of the evil in the world, I’ve been saying that for years,” said Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, sharing an anti-American mind meld with Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega, but adding a few racial aspersions against the Jews.  “Bill Ayers is a patriot of the highest order and everyone should be bombing the Pentagon and preaching poetic anti-American diatribes in churches, synagogues and Mosques.  And then of course beheading infidels and other people I disagree with; taking money from hard working citizens who earn it and handing it around to those who don’t.  Basic bedlam and chaos, for god sake.  Prepping the way for the 12th Imam and Islam dominating the world and all that.  I wouldn’t mind a cheerleader or two to encourage this stuff.  Somali’s would do, they’ve got the right attitude.”

Hil & Obi

Hil & Obi

Fox News reported that at the Summit of the Americas this past weekend President Obama endured a 50-minute diatribe from socialist Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega that lashed out at a century of what he called terroristic U.S. aggression in Central America and included a rambling denunciation of the U.S.-imposed isolation of Cuba’s Communist government. Obama sat mostly unmoved during the speech but at times jotted notes. The speech was part of the opening ceremonies at the fifth Summit of the Americas here.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said, “I thought the cultural performance was fascinating.” Asked again about the Ortega speech, Clinton said: “To have those first class Caribbean entertainers all on one stage and to see how much was done in such a small amount of space, I was overwhelmed.” A senior administration official declined to criticize Ortega, saying the president wanted to focus on the future. Ortega’s speech, indulgent even by regional standards, also mocked the very summit he was attending and helping to open. Later, at a photo opportunity with Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, Obama held his tongue when asked what he thought about Ortega’s speech. In his 17-minute address to the summit, Obama misspoke on the sequence of events in Cuba.

CheerleadersMSNBC reported that a Butler Tech school district spokesman says teacher Lori Epperson took four high school cheerleaders to a male strip club.  Epperson has resigned from her teaching position in southwest Ohio. Epperson told school officials she had gotten permission from the parents of the 17- and 18-year-olds to bring them to Club Masque in Dayton. She says the girls asked her to take them to the bar.
 

Pirates, born to be free, even of NATO

Pirates, born to be free, even of NATO

Fox News reported that NATO forces rescued 20 fishermen from pirates who launched the latest attack in the Gulf of Aden on Saturday, but let the Somali hijackers go because they had no authority to arrest them. The release underscored the difficulties of stopping the skyrocketing piracy scourge in the Horn of Africa, where sea bandits also seized a Belgian-flagged ship carrying 10 foreign crew near the Seychelles islands and started hauling it toward Somalia.

“There isn’t a silver bullet” to solve the problem, said Roger Middleton, a piracy expert at London-based think-tank Chatham House. He said it’s common for patrolling warships to disarm then free brigands because they have rarely have jurisdiction to try them.

Some people say that instead of searching for a silver bullet, a few lead ones will do the trick.

Someone named Stacy

Someone named Stacy

“Blow the bastards away on the high seas or hang them from the yard arm the old fashioned way, but for crying out loud, when you catch them in the act of piracy, you don’t free them, holy shit,” said Stacy Anne-Freeport, an auto mechanic and pro-American citizen who values freedom, independence and the American way of life.  “Get some good old fashioned common sense back and we’ll solve half the world’s problems in an afternoon.”

In other news, Fox News reported that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad unleashed a blistering attack Monday against Israel and the United States, calling the Jewish state “racist” and lashing out at Americans for their support. Ahmadinejad called Israel the “most cruel and racist regime.” He followed by blaming the United States, Europe and Israel for the world’s financial crisis.  No word on whether Obama had anyone there taking notes for him, but when he sits down without conditions to chat about nukes with Ahmadinejad I’m guessing they’ll have plenty of anti-American ideas in common.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Obama Endures Ortega Diatribe
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/04/18/obama-endures-ortega-diatribe/

Strip club field trip
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30264815/

NATO Rescues 20 Fishermen From Pirates, Belgian Ship Seized
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,517042,00.html

Ahmadinejad Attacks Israel, U.S. at U.N. Racism Conference
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,517151,00.html

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Porn bidding war over Octomom, Newspaper man runs strip club, and Feds seize porn, meat and booze

> Octuplet mom offered a million dollars to do porn
> Facing tough times in news business, writer turns to strip club
> Feds at Dulles Airport snag lots of porn, meat and booze

Inebriated Press
March 2, 2009

Octomom

Octomom

The Chicago Sun-Times reported Friday that the mother of octuplets born last month in California has received bids from two adult entertainment companies, including an offer of one million dollars to star in a porn movie. And, the Wall Street Journal reported recently that a writer and Pulitzer Prize nominee at the Dallas Morning News faced a probable job loss, so he made a significant career change: he’s now the manager of a topless joint.  Meanwhile, NBC Washington reported Friday that Customs and Border Protection officials at Dulles International Airport say they’ve seized an unusually high number of items from international travelers in the past week including porn, vodka and pork sausage.  Inebriated reporters say that if the three events can be organized into one party we’ll have a hell of a time and forget what Obama is doing to the country.

"I won."

"I won."

“If the Dulles Feds would ship all the booze, porn and meat products to the Dallas strip club and the adult film companies would bring their guys and gals plus the Octomom to the club, we could make a weekend party that would not only be saleable on DVD or downloadable off the Internet for big bucks, but we’d completely forget that Obama is making a complete disaster of our economy for years to come,” said Inebriated reporter Dusty Oldd-Boote, nursing a Jack Daniels and a grudge against the Democrats.  “Hell the event would stimulate the economy plus all of the participants. Come to think of it, we could probably get some government stimulus cash to fund the whole bash and establish a government website to distribute the video. I’m thinking StimulateAmerica.gov. Maybe we shouldn’t care what Obama is doing but go along with him and try to get a piece of the action ourselves.  It worked for the Clintons.”

Porn-made Obama

Porn-made Obama

Not everyone likes the ideas that Inebriated reporters come up with.  “It’s bad enough that the economy is in shambles and Obama is going to spend another couple trillion dollars on he and his cronies liberal ideas and saddle the country with socialism and massive perpetual debt and fraud, we sure don’t need to encourage the abandonment of the last vestiges of American ethics by partying with porn queens, octomoms and has-been newspaper men,” said Mildred Hightower-Flatbottom, an unusually attractive restaurant manager and part-time zealot.  “We should be fighting against the loss of American values including self-sufficiency, market driven economics, Judeo-Christian ethics and good common sense.  Now is not the time to give in to Chicago style politics and Pentagon bomber ethics.  Sure, I like meat, booze and sex too, but not in porno-styled theatrics or orgasmic Obama spending sprees.  Let’s settle down here.  All is not lost unless we let it.”

090302-vivid-pornotube-logos1The Chicago Sun-Times reported Nadya Suleman, the mother of octuplets born last month in California, received an offer of one million dollars plus a year of health insurance by Los Angeles-based Vivid Entertainment, the world’s largest adult film producer, if the unemployed 33-year-old starred in a porn movie. But rival porn company Pink Visual has responded by urging Suleman not to participate in the Vivid movie — and offered her a year’s supply of diapers for her octuplets if she turns down the offer. Pink Visual’s manager Kim Kysar said in a letter to Suleman that the company’s offer was being made as a gesture of “social responsibility.”

090302_pv_squarelogoThe rival porn offers puts Nadya Suleman, who has been at the center of a fierce debate in the media and medical arenas since giving birth to eight children last month, in the middle of a public relations spat involving rival purveyors of porn. The porn public relations offensive is the latest twist in the saga of Suleman and her octuplets, who were born on January 26. Her case has provoked outrage from health experts and the public after it emerged the babies were conceived through in vitro fertilization and that Suleman already had six children under the age of seven. Suleman was not immediately available for comment.

090302_gentlemens_clubs_dallas_b_w2The Wall Street Journal reported that just a short time ago, around the time he was turning 50, Michael Precker was in his prime as a journalist. A graduate of Columbia Journalism School, he was a foreign correspondent for 11 years in the Middle East and wrote feature articles on countless subjects for the Dallas Morning News. One year, the paper nominated him for a Pulitzer Prize. Now he has a new job: running a strip club. “I feel lucky,” he says. Mr. Precker’s career adjustment reflects the recent chaos of the newspaper business. Today he’s serving as the all-purpose manager of a 12-year-old establishment, called the Lodge. Mr. Precker’s new employer offers upscale food in a plush setting replete with a business center. Last year it won “Best Overall Club” at the Gentlemen’s Club Owners Expo in Las Vegas.

090302-meatNBC Washington reported that Customs and Border Protection officials at Dulles International Airport are reporting that they’ve seized an unusually high number of items from international travelers in the past week. The Feds confiscated a lot of smuggled international meat as well as porn and booze. Four pounds of pork sausage was seized. Much of the pornography collected centered around the very unfortunate thematic element of young children having sex. And the ones that only featured adults depicted these adults having sex with wild animals. And with regards to the alcohol, two bottles of vodka were brought in by a minor, from Germany.

090302-flying-moneys-b-wIn other news, NewsVine reported last week that Puerto Rico has found an unlikely solution to ease its surplus of pesky wild monkeys: ship them to Iraq. About a dozen patas monkeys will fly across the Atlantic on a commercial carrier in upcoming weeks, courtesy of the Baghdad Zoo, according to the Caribbean island’s Department of Natural Resources. Pundits once said that the United States wouldn’t abandon its ethics and capitalist ways until we saw monkeys flying in the Middle East.  So there you go.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Porn bidding war over octomom
http://www.suntimes.com/news/nation/1452457,CST-NWS-oct27.article

A Reporter Faces the Naked Truth
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123447503728679243.html

Explosion Of Porn, Meat, Booze Seizures at Dulles
http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/Dulles-Customs-Sees-Explosion-Of-Porn-Meat-Booze-Cigar-Seizures.html

Puerto Rico decides to ship wild monkeys to Iraq
http://www.newsvine.com/_news/2009/02/25/2477567-puerto-rico-decides-to-ship-wild-monkeys-to-iraq

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