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China attacks Space Shuttle; Pelosi says CIA Lied to Congress; and Boy Scouts train to Fight Terrorists

> Shuttle Atlantis dodges Chinese anti-missile Material
> House Speaker Pelosi says CIA lied to Congress
> Boy Scouts of America training Children to fight Terrorists, combat Border Violence

Inebriated Press
May 18, 2009

Explorer Team, Boy Scouts of America

Explorer Team, Boy Scouts of America

SPACE.com reported last Wednesday that Chinese anti-satellite space junk zoomed past the shuttle Atlantis and the attached Hubble Space Telescope, narrowly missing them. And ABC News reported Thursday that U.S. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, D-California, accused the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) of lying to Congress about enhanced interrogation techniques.  Meanwhile, The New York Times reported Wednesday that the Boy Scouts of America is training thousands of young people in skills used to confront terrorism, illegal immigration and escalating border violence.  Pundits are debating how best to defend against attacks in space, in Congress and on the US-Mexican border.

Harlequin Romance-Softcover or reasonable facsimile

Harlequin Romance-Softcover or reasonable facsimile

“Last November 52.9% of Americans lost their minds and elected as president a community organizer with no governing or management experience, to lead the USA against terrorism, economic challenges and to work with nations who eye us with both good and bad intent.  Thank god the Boy Scouts have their shit together and are planning to defend the country against increased terrorist attacks, Mexican border violence and Chinese anti-missile space defense.  At least they have training, experience, and know how to take action,” said Harlequin Romance-Softcover, a hot blonde paralegal whose intentions can often be read like a book.  “And as far as Pelosi’s claims that the CIA lied to Congress over enhanced interrogation techniques, here’s how I see it: the CIA is in the business of spying, not lying; while Congress and Pelosi in particular, have turned lying into an art form.  The great trifecta of Obama, Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nevada), are Politian’s whose phrases are steeped in falsehood and innuendo.  I’ll take CIA’s word over theirs any day.  Ask any Boy Scout, they’ll back me up.”

Some guy

Some guy

Not everyone agrees with Romance-Softcover.  “Conservatives are a bunch of Boy-Scout-do-gooders always screwing around — helping old ladies across the street, promoting personal responsibility and self reliance and bullshit like that.  Anyone who knows anything understands that the government is here to take care of us if we just do whatever it says.  And after the Obama Apology Tour of 2009, all nations and peoples now love and respect the US, so there’s no war on terror, no more border problems and China holds so much of our debt that they have to like us,” said Nimm Rodd-Dimm, an Obama government appointee with an undisclosed job description and IQ.  “And of course the CIA lied.  Nancy Pelosi is as solid as the California budget — she is from Berkeley you know — and we can always count on her to tell us what we need to know, when we need to know it, and then explain what it’s supposed to mean.  She doesn’t make all those coast-to-coast air-flights costing hundreds of thousands of dollars, just because she enjoys flying and being a big shot you know.  It’s so she can check out the CIA from the air and keep an eye on them.  She knows about this stuff.  Ask anyone from Code Pink, they’ll back me up.”

Shuttle & Hubble: no Chinese for us please

Shuttle & Hubble: no Chinese for us please

SPACE.com reported that NASA on Wednesday tracked a piece of space junk leftover from a Chinese anti-satellite test in 2007 that zoomed past the shuttle Atlantis and the attached Hubble Space Telescope, which astronauts plucked from orbit earlier in the day. The satellite debris flew about 1.7 miles (2.8 km) ahead and a bit below Atlantis.  The debris was about 492 feet (150 meters) below and just over 2.4 miles (4 km) outside the shuttle’s orbital plane. Earlier Wednesday, they used the shuttle’s robotic arm to grab Hubble and secure it in their cargo bay so it can be upgraded and repaired. Atlantis and Hubble are currently flying about 350 miles (653 km) above Earth in an orbit that has a higher risk of space debris hits, in part because of the Chinese anti-satellite test, in which China intentionally destroyed the weather satellite Fengyun 1C in 2007. The risk of a piece of space junk seriously damaging Atlantis is about a 1-in-229 chance in its current orbit. In the event that the Atlantis suffers a serious strike and cannot return to Earth, NASA has primed the shuttle Endeavour to launch a rescue mission to retrieve the stranded astronauts.

Pelosi

Pelosi

ABC News reported that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., accused CIA briefers on Thursday of lying to her and other lawmakers about the use of enhanced interrogation techniques, such as waterboarding, and said she had only been informed of their use five months later. A report released last week directly contradicted Pelosi’s recollections of the briefing. The Director of National Intelligence’s report indicated that the speaker was in fact briefed about such techniques including waterboarding, an interrogation tactic that simulates drowning. The DNI report said then-House intelligence Chairman Porter Goss, Pelosi — who was the top Democrat on the House intelligence committee — and two aides were told about “the particular EITs that had been employed” on terror suspect Abu Zubaydah.  Pelosi’s remarks that such statements are lies provoked a stern reaction from Republican lawmakers. “It’s outrageous that a member of Congress should call a terror-fighter a liar,” said Sen. Kit Bond, R-Mo., the vice chairman of the Senate intelligence committee. “It seems the playbook is, blame terror-fighters. We ought to be supporting them.”

It's about honor, character, doing what's right

It's about honor, character, doing what's right

The New York Times reported that the Explorers program, a coeducational affiliate of the Boy Scouts of America that began 60 years ago, is training thousands of young people in skills used to confront terrorism, illegal immigration and escalating border violence — an intense ratcheting up of one of the group’s longtime missions to prepare youths for more traditional jobs as police officers and firefighters. “This is about being a true-blooded American guy and girl,” said A. J. Lowenthal, a sheriff’s deputy in Imperial County California, whose life clock, he says, is set around the Explorers events he helps run. “It fits right in with the honor and bravery of the Boy Scouts.”

Explorer training, which leaders say is not intended to be applied outside the simulated Explorer setting, can involve chasing down illegal border crossers as well as more dangerous situations that include facing down terrorists and taking out “active shooters,” like those who bring gunfire and death to college campuses. In a simulation here of a raid on a marijuana field, several Explorers were instructed on how to quiet an obstreperous lookout. “Put him on his face and put a knee in his back,” a Border Patrol agent explained. “I guarantee that he’ll shut up.” Membership in the Explorers has been overseen since 1998 by an affiliate of the Boy Scouts called Learning for Life, which offers 12 career-related programs, including those focused on aviation, medicine and the sciences.

Some people say that a knee in the back is occasionally more important than a pat on the back.

Typical bunch of Inebriated Press columnists at staff meeting

Typical bunch of Inebriated Press columnists at staff meeting

“You can’t coddle terrorists, college campus shooters, border smugglers or liberals on parade,” said an Inebriated columnist, drifting past our table at the Ham Hock and Hollyhock Club on the way to the john.  “You have to kick their ass and bring them down before they do the same to you.  Liberals think they can help the terrorists self esteem by bending over backwards and letting them screw us and our country, and that they’ll like us better then.  That’s bullshit; they don’t care about anyone but themselves, and will screw us over if we let them.  If they’re doing crazy stuff because they’re psychologically messed up, they’re messed up, and nothing we’re going to do will change that.  If they get in our face, we take them down.  It’s not how I want it, but its reality, and we’re all ahead if we see things the way they really are, and do what we have to do. And speaking of that, where’s the damn toilet, I got stuff I need to do and by damn I intend to do it.”

Chinese prostitutes in need of U.S. study

Chinese prostitutes in need of U.S. study

In other news, ChattahBox reported last Wednesday that the United States will be conducting a $2.6 million dollar study in China, in an attempt to teach prostitutes in the area to drink less on the job. The National Institute of Alcohol Abuse (NIAA) believes it is important to stave off the rampant alcoholism that permeates the female sex industry, in an attempt to allow more accountability within a rather dangerous trade. According to the mission statement released by the NIAA, the study proposes “to develop, implement, and evaluate a venue-based alcohol use and HIV risk reduction intervention focusing on both environmental and individual factors among venue-based FSWs (Female Sex Workers) in China.”  No word on why it’s better to cut the U.S. defense budget so we can spend $2.6 million American taxpayer dollars on the drinking habits of Chinese hookers, but then maybe I don’t understand because I’m more like a Boy Scout than a politician, and my appreciation for personal responsibility and self reliance has my value system all messed up.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Chinese Space Junk Buzzes Shuttle, Hubble Telescope
http://news.yahoo.com/s/space/20090514/sc_space/chinesespacejunkbuzzesshuttlehubbletelescope

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi: CIA Lied to Me
http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/story?id=7586530&page=1

Scouts Train to Fight Terrorists, and More
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/14/us/14explorers.html?_r=3&hp

US To Pay $2.6 Million For Chinese Prostitution Study
http://chattahbox.com/world/2009/05/13/us-to-pay-26-million-to-chinese-prostitution-study/

United States presidential election, 2008 [Obama=52.9%, McCain=45.7%]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_presidential_election,_2008

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New Jihadi workout Magazine, High School Reunion Strippers, and, Long Distance Intimacy Devices

> Pro al-Qaeda magazine offers jihadi fitness tips
> Stripper Impersonates High School Alum at Reunion
> Bedroom intimacy device invented for long distance relationships

Inebriated Press
April 23, 2009

High school reunion?

High school reunion?

ABC News reported Tuesday that a new pro al-Qaeda magazine for extremists has been launched and offers fitness tips for jihadists planning attacks on Americans.  And ABC News also reported that a Palos Verdes woman hired a stripper to impersonate her at her 10-year high school reunion, and then videoed the reactions and posted clips on YouTube.  Meanwhile, BBC News reported on Wednesday that couples in long distance relationships are being sought to try out a prototype device designed to communicate intimacy from their bedrooms.  Pundits are organizing an army of fake pro al-Qaeda workout strippers and arranging for them to mate with real al Qaeda terrorists using long distance technology so that no offspring will be created and eventually the terrorists will die out.

Someone named Kathy

Someone named Kathy

“If we can get hot looking strippers to pretend to be workout experts for al Qaeda and then make the terrorists think they’re in long distance relationships with them, we believe we may eventually get the terrorists to play video games thinking that they’re acting out long-distance scenarios in real life — you know, getting multiple wives and children and stuff –and even believe that they’re blowing up people and cutting their heads off, when in reality it’s all fake,” said Kathy Litenight-Mayhem, a philosopher and heavy crane operator who mixes reality with illusion the way Obama does truth and lies. “If this can be made to work, all future al Qaeda terrorists will be acting in cyberspace and not in the real world.  They’ll believe they’re doing all the terrible things that they want to, and have scores of child-wives that they abuse and knock-up and stuff, but they won’t really be doing it all.  Then when they’re not suspecting we’ll have Special Op’s guys walk in and cap the lot of them.  Quick, easy, inexpensive and they amount to nothing.  It’s worth a shot.”

Someone named Zack

Someone named Zack

Not everyone sees it the way Litenight-Mayhem does.  “Converting terrorists into cyber actors engaged in their routine shit but all in a video game won’t work.  Terrorists are highly tactile and value hands-on beheadings with the blood squirting all over; they like the crunching sound of their fists hitting their wives, and seeing the parts of suicide bombers and their victims splatter against the windows of their trucks as they wait and watch,” said Zack Tripplet, throwing-up at the thought of the stuff he just said.  “I wish they could be sucked into a delusion that would get them away from the violent killing, but it’s not to be.  We have to keep hunting them down and killing them the old fashioned way.  Of course now that Obama has declared that there is no war on terrorism and has plans to punish Bush administration officials who kept us safe, all bets are off on what reality means and what the U.S. is willing to do.  After Obama’s Apology Tour of 2009 and with his recent decisions to cut major military spending and stop serious interrogations, the U.S. has become an impotent colossus.”

Jihad exerciseABC News reported that a new pro al-Qaeda magazine for extremists is offering fitness tips to jihadists planning attacks against Americans in countries such as Afghanistan. The first edition out this month offers workout tips to get buff with the aim “to train as hard as possible in order to damage the enemies of Allah as much as possible.” The English language e-zine, Jihad Recollections, is about 70 pages long and is thought to be produced by an American living in North Carolina. It claims to have articles written by Osama bin Laden and his second in command, Ayman al-Zawahiri.

Jihad workout

Jihad workout

Pull-ups, walking on your hands and crawling long distances are just some of the suggested exercises that come along with illustrations of white-robed men with scarves covering their faces…perhaps not the most comfortable of work-out clothing. Ashleigh Prince, a fitness instructor in London, has a few problems with it. “I don’t see the benefits of walking on your hands or crawling at all — it would be much more beneficial to do other types of exercises to build strength, such as push-ups.”

Wachner & "Cricket"

Wachner & "Cricket"

ABC News reported that rather than attend her 10-year high school reunion, Andrea Wachner, 31, sent someone else in her place, a stripper, and made a documentary about it. On the day of the reunion, Wachner brought a crew, two cameramen and a sound technician to the Marriott Hotel in Torrance, Calif., and set up near the festivities. The stripper, named “Cricket” showed up in a burlesque outfit: fishnets, a tight black dress that resembled a slip, and tall black spike-heeled boots. Her visible tattoos and short jet-black hair, accented with a purple flower, only added to her look, which differed markedly from the formal attire of the other reunion attendees.

Stripper KendraCricket told the reunion attendees that she’d had reconstructive surgery and also suffered from amnesia. It wasn’t completely unbelievable, because some had already heard that the real-life Wachner was in an accident after high school — her car was totaled and she had been injured, but she had never suffered from amnesia. As the evening went on Cricket took a chair to the dance floor and began stripping. As she pulled off her top, and then her skirt, revealing her underwear, several of the alums clapped, screamed and laughed. One woman ran up to Cricket and stuffed a bill in her panties. Some just gaped in amazement. The resulting documentary, “I Remember Andrea” wasn’t picked up by the film festivals this go-around, but Wachner did find a manager who took interest in her project. They are shopping it around as a reality TV show or a narrative feature.

Mutsugoto's "light" touch

Mutsugoto's "light" touch

BBC News reported that Moray-based technology laboratory, Distance Lab, hopes to find three couples willing to use Mutsugoto, a new “intimacy device”. The device allows couples, who are separated by distance, to draw in light on each other’s bodies or beds. Stefan Agamanolis, one of its three developers, said it will be the first time it is tested in this way. Distance Lab, which describes itself as a creative research organization; hope to find couples where one partner lives in the capital while the other, who will be given a portable device, lives a few hundred miles away. Mr Agamanolis said the device was designed to communicate intimacy and to offer an alternative to text and e-mail messaging.

While lying on their beds ...

While lying on their beds ...

While lying on their beds miles away from each other, the couples wear touch-activated rings visible to a camera mounted above them. A computer vision system tracks the movement of the ring as one of the device’s users passes it across their own body, or bed. At the same time these strokes are transmitted to and projected in beams of light on the body of their partner. The lines change color if they cross. Also in development is a game in which people can throw themselves at a life-sized image of an opponent who could be on the other side of the world. Remote Impact is an interactive fighting game. In the prototype, people battle a silhouette projected on to a mattress and can register brute force.

In other news, Breitbart reported Monday that Abraham Lincoln was a Muslim, according to Faruq Masudi, producer and director of the new Islamic movie, Quran Contemporary Connections. “According to the Quran, everybody is born a Muslim,” said Masudi.  “It is only by his own free will that a man chooses a different course for himself. Abraham Lincoln was not only a born Muslim but he chose to live by Islamic edicts like abolishing organized slavery; establishing equality of all human beings, democracy and accountability to God and Man; core Islamic concepts as propounded in the Holy Quran.” No word on whether Masudi likes long distance relationships or al Qaeda strippers, but he’s clearly creating his own reality with video.  So he’s got that going for him.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

How to Get in Shape Jihadi Style
A New Pro Al-Qaeda Magazine for Extremists is Offering Fitness Tips to Jihadists
http://abcnews.go.com/International/story?id=7389753&page=1

Stripper Impersonates High School Alum: Classmates Learn About Reunion Prank on YouTube
Andrea Wachner Asked a Pole Dancer to Impersonate Her at Her 10-Year Reunion
http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/Story?id=7364963&page=3

Couples to test ‘intimacy’ device
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/highlands_and_islands/8004769.stm
 
Abraham Lincoln was Born a Muslim, Says Film Maker
http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=prnw.20090420.CL01596&show_article=1&catnum=-1

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CIA spying on Brit’s, Old women hold guns on young men, and A big ass is the key to good health

> CIA is monitoring 4,000 UK terrorist suspects
> Seventy-year-old woman holds home intruder at gunpoint; had a gun and knew how to use it
> Buttock and hip fat may protect women against type 2 diabetes
  

Inebriated Press
January 8, 2009

090108-cia-seal1Australia’s The Age reported Monday that the CIA has begun an intelligence-gathering operation in Britain to help MI5 monitor 4000 terrorist suspects. The article said that over four out of ten CIA operations to prevent attacks on U.S. soil are now conducted against targets in Britain. And WNDU-TV Southbend, Indiana reported Sunday that a 70-year-old woman held a gun on a 28-year-old burglar and threatened to shoot him if he moved, while they waited for police to arrive and arrest him.  Meanwhile, Australia’s Courier-Mail reported Monday that even though most women don’t want a big ass, new research shows that the fat may be protecting them from disease by releasing certain hormones.  Pundits are debating the benefits of spies, big asses and women with guns.

Guns, ass and intel. Hooah!
Guns, ass and intel. Hooah!

“I don’t know much about diabetes or terrorism, but I’ll tell you straight up that my quality of life improved like gangbusters when I started spying on big-assed women carrying guns, that’s for sure,” said Clyde Barlow-Nife, a sharp dresser and part-time hooligan, caught living during an age when terrorists are in vogue and hooligan’s are out of fashion. “I was never much into voyeurism in my younger days, I was more of a doer then.  As I got older I came to enjoy the more relaxed approach of just spying on people.  Hot women with big T and A’s packing heat are the most interesting.  Not sure what I’d do if one of them caught me or I caught one of them.  Still, we’d probably figure something out.”

Some people are completely confused by Barlow-Nife.  “I have no clue what Clyde’s talking about.  I do know this: the CIA needs to spy on terrorists where ever they are and root out risks to this country — and that’s true whether Obama and Panetta think so or not.  And all women should carry guns for their own defense, and if having a big ass is healthy, I’m in prime condition,” said Mary-Lou Pye, a pastry baker and part-time small arms dealer, who enjoys playing with whips and chains when she’s not baking or shooting stuff.  “I’ve got so much heat packed on my hips that no terrorist, burglar or bungler will take me down easily.  You think a bakery oven is hot, you haven’t seen me in an apron.”

Packing heat.
Packing heat.

The Age reported that the CIA has begun an unprecedented intelligence-gathering operation in Britain to help MI5 monitor 4000 terrorist suspects. More than four out of 10 CIA operations to prevent attacks on US soil are now conducted against targets in Britain. This has led to friction between British and American spies, with some US intelligence officers irritated that resources are being diverted to gather intelligence on suspects in their closest ally’s backyard. British intelligence officers do not know the identity of all the CIA informers and are uneasy about some of the uses to which the intelligence has been put. MI5 as a whole is glad of the help, however, and works closely with its sister service. US spies share information when it concerns security in Britain.

Intelligence from CIA informers is believed to have helped thwart more than one terrorist atrocity on British soil. Information passed on by a CIA source in Britain was also instrumental in locating Rashid Rauf, a British-born al-Qaeda operative killed by a US air strike in Pakistan on November 22. A former CIA officer who still carries out freelance work for the agency voiced the irritation of some American spies. “It’s certainly frustrating that Britain is an Islamist swamp,” he said. “You don’t want to have to spend time spying on your friends.” MI5 director-general Jonathan Evans has estimated about 4000 people in Britain pose a direct threat to national security.

Cyrus Brown, Crook
Cyrus Brown, Crook

WNDU-TV reported that a 70-year-old woman named Sandra — she asked that her last name not be used — held an intruder who broke into her home at gunpoint until police arrived. That man is 28-year-old Cyrus Brown. Brown is being held in jail on a number of charges, including burglary and intimidation. It was all started about nine o’clock Sunday night. Sandra says she was in the midst of splitting wood for her fire and making vegetable soup, when she heard a ruckus outside.

“All of a sudden, I’m hearing fast footsteps around my yard, around my deck,” says Sandra. That’s when she says she grabbed her gun and called 911. Moments later– the intruder– Cyrus Brown, broke through her back patio door, pushing his way through the glass. “Immediately, I felt there was danger because he was so desperate,” explains the 70-year-old. “He’s in the kitchen by the stove, I told him to get down on the floor. I said if you come any closer to me, I will shoot you to kill. I told him to sit down, don’t move, and I want to see your hands at all times,” adds Sandra. Newscenter 16 obtained the 911 call that Sandra made. In the background, you can hear her demanding the suspect get down.

Hunting for something, shooting at birds
Hunting for something, shooting at birds

911 call:
Dispatch: “Ma’am, where is he at in the house?”
Sandra: “Get, get, get! You have more to fear from me!”

911 call:
Dispatch: “Ma’am, are you holding him at gunpoint?”
Sandra: “Yes, I am. And if he moves towards me, I’m afraid I’m going to have to kill. I don’t want to have to kill him.”

In that moment, Sandra says she was glad she had a gun and knew how to use it– just in case. Sandra is a mother of three and has several grandchildren. She says she hopes others can learn from her story and think about protecting themselves.

The Courier-Mail reported that fat bottoms are the bane of many women but scientists believe oversized rears are a sign a woman’s health has not gone pear-shaped. New research, published in the journal Cell Metabolism, suggests the fat responsible for producing the pear shape flaunted by celebrities such as Jennifer Lopez and Beyonce may be active in protecting women from diseases by releasing certain hormones. Buttock and hip fat may protect women against type 2 diabetes, from which more than 1.7 million Australians now suffer, researchers from the Harvard Medical School found.

Beyonce, the pinnacle of health.
Beyonce, the pinnacle of health.

Researcher Dr Ronald Kahn insisted that not all fat was bad for health. “The surprising thing was that it wasn’t where the fat was located, it was the kind of fat that was the most important variable,” he said. “Even more surprising, it wasn’t that abdominal fat was exerting negative effects but that subcutaneous fat was producing a good effect. If we can capture those (substances) we might have an opportunity to convert them into drugs or use them as guides to help develop drugs.”

In other news, BBC reported Tuesday that females are less physically active at both ends of life than their male counterparts, two studies suggest. Researchers studied activity levels in school children and the over 70s – and in both cases found males tended to be more active.

Jennifer Lopez and Asset

Jennifer Lopez and Asset

Researcher Dr Nicky Ridgers said: “It is a concern that girls’ activity levels are lower than boys and, although it is just one piece in a complex picture, this could be contributing to girls being overweight and obese.”  No word on whether Dr Nicky and Dr Ron will merge their studies and discover that the reason women live longer than men is because they’re less active and have bigger asses that protect their health, but if Clyde Barlow-Nife spying on them maybe there’ll be a break-through.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

 

Source articles:

CIA tracking 4000 UK terror suspects
http://www.theage.com.au/world/cia-tracking-4000-uk-terror-suspects-20090104-79u6.html?page=-1

Seventy-year-old woman holds home intruder at gunpoint, talks about ordeal
http://www.wndu.com/localnews/headlines/37073429.html

Why big bums are good for you
http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,24878517-23272,00.html

Females ‘less physically active’
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7811398.stm

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Hamas: We met Obama advisers

Terrorist group says campaign asked it to keep contact secret until after election

——————————————————————————–
Posted: November 11, 2008
9:39 am Eastern

By Aaron Klein
© 2008 WorldNetDaily

JERUSALEM – Hamas held a meeting in the Gaza Strip several months ago with aides to President-elect Barack Obama, but the terror group was asked to keep the contacts secret until after last week’s elections, according to a senior Hamas official.

Ahmed Yousef, Hamas’ chief political adviser in Gaza, told the leading Al-Hayat Arabic-language newspaper Hamas has maintained regular communication with Obama aides that even continued during the past week.

“We were in contact with a number of Obama’s aides through the Internet, and later met with some of them in Gaza, but they advised us not to come out with any statements, as they may have a negative effect on his election campaign and be used by Republican candidate John McCain (to attack Obama),” Yousuf told Al-Hayat.

Yousuf said Hamas’s contact with Obama’s advisers was ongoing, adding that relations were maintained after Obama’s electoral victory last Tuesday.

Yousef could not be reached by WND for immediate comment. It wasn’t clear which Obama aides Hamas is claiming to have met in Gaza. Obama’s transition team did not immediately respond to a WND e-mail and phone message requesting comment.

Obama’s senior foreign policy adviser, Denis McDonough, told the Jerusalem Post today, “This assertion is just plain false.”

Yousef gave WND a series of recent interviews in which he praised Obama as the leading candidate. Last week, he called Obama’s win a “historic victory” for the world and told WND that Hamas was sending a letter of congratulation to the president-elect.

Six months ago, Robert Malley, a Mideast expert described as an ancillary adviser to Obama, resigned amid a report in a London newspaper that he had contact with Hamas. According to some media reports, Malley is again representing Obama’s positions in meetings in Egypt and Syria, although it wasn’t immediately clear whether he was acting independently. FrontPageMagazine.com claims Malley was dispatched by Obama.

Hamas is responsible for scores of suicide bombings, rocket attacks, shootings and cross-border raids. Its official charter calls for the murder of Jews and destruction of Israel. Just today, Hamas members took responsibility for launching dozens of rockets from Gaza aimed at Jewish civilian population centers.

Last week, Yousef told WND of Obama’s win: “This is a historic day, a turning point. I think this is the very first time in history that one country’s election concerned everyone everywhere all over [the] world. Everybody is looking forward to Obama’s change, for a change in the U.S. policy, particularly in the Israeli-Palestinian equation, which is the mother of all conflicts.”

Yousef said he believes an Obama administration will be more willing to engage in dialogue with Hamas.

He said Obama’s job will be to “restore America’s dignity in the world and put an end to the wars in the region.”

Yousef took the occasion to blast the policies of President Bush, commenting he hopes “that after January the Bush administration will not be heard from again.”

“We are sick of wars and conflict,” the Hamas official said.

Yousef seemed aware his comments may generate some negative publicity for Obama, but he said he feels it important to “reach out and to express our thoughts and engage.”

“I praised him six months ago, some people tried to use that against him. But I knew he would win. Like everyone else, we expected this important victory,” he said.

Yousef was referring to an interview he gave to WND and WABC Radio in April in which he praised Obama and then found his comments had fueled a firestorm of accusations in the presidential campaign.

In April, Yousef stated he hoped Obama would become president, comparing the Illinois senator to President John F. Kennedy.

“We like Mr. Obama, and we hope that he will win the election,” Yousef told WND at the time.

“I hope Mr. Obama and the Democrats will change the political discourse. … I do believe [Obama] is like John Kennedy, a great man with a great principle. And he has a vision to change America to make it in a position to lead the world community, but not with humiliation and arrogance,” Yousef said.

Sen. John McCain repeatedly used Yousef’s remarks to criticize Obama’s judgment foreign policy.

wnd.com

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NASA Lander Dies, So Does Drilling for Oil and Definition of Terrorist

Mars lander appears to have finally passed away
Obama to use executive powers to block drilling leases
Obama to transfer men formerly known as terrorists, to US from Guantanamo, try them as criminals

Inebriated Press
November 12, 2008

BetaNews reported yesterday that NASA’s Phoenix Mars lander has not issued any transmissions in a week, and it appears that it has run out of energy and “died”.  The death wasn’t unexpected. And Mathaba News Network reported Monday that president elect Obama will use executive power to reverse Bush era directives, including blocking new oil drilling leases on land in Utah. This was also not unexpected.  In addition, UK’s Times Online reported that aides to Barack Obama said yesterday, that he will move swiftly to close Guantanamo Bay and ship the “terrorist suspects” to the U.S. mainland where they will be tried as criminals. This wasn’t unexpected either.  American’s who have feared that an Obama presidency will display the man represented by his past community activist days and liberal leanings, plus his radical friends and associates, are seeing the very thing they expected.  And so are liberals as they cling to faith in anti-god and anti-guns.

“The power of change is alive, well and dominating America, and the U.S. will not be the same when we’re through converting it into a progressive European styled socialist welfare state that’s tolerant of fascists, drug users and Russian domination, but stands against personal responsibility, traditional religious teachings and conservative values,” said Libby Archetype, a multi-cultural bisexual policy expert, at the Change for Any Reason Institute, and director of the Obama as God Project.  “The old ways of doing and thinking are gone, swept away by the waters of reasonless optimism, baseless enthusiasm and blind faith in The One. There are no terrorists, only petty criminals who need training in positive self esteem, and there is no energy problem, only oodles of sun beams waiting to replace fossil fuels on January 20th.  And Barack will bring the NASA lander back to life.  It isn’t dead; it’s just frozen in the past by lifeless Bush rhetoric and clumsy but somehow successful protection of the country after 9-11.  Barack will change everything.”

Not everyone agrees with Archetype.  “Any decision to stop the search and development of oil while we continue developing new sources of energy is misguided, and any change to prosecuting men found on a battlefield to the same as a guy with too many parking tickets, is a perversion of both justice and common sense,” said Rock Hardd-Core, a muscle-bound philosophy professor often confused for someone else.  “I’m not arguing that we shouldn’t do something with the guys on Guantanamo, I’ve got plenty of ideas I can share but you can’t put them in print. But the notion that suddenly terrorists and war combatants’ are petty criminals with the rights of a U.S. citizen is absurd.  The Mars lander has died alright, and so has the last vestige of plain thinking and American logic.  God help us all.  No not that one, the Real One.”

BetaNews reported that Phoenix spacecraft appears to have finally passed away, although not before accomplishing its main NASA missions around exploring the terrain and weather conditions of the so-called “Red Planet.” On Monday, managers of the NASA spacecraft announced they are suspending any operations related to the vehicle until next spring, given that they haven’t received any transmissions from it for a week. The death of the Phoenix wasn’t unexpected, since the Martian winter had set in and the Phoenix’s solar panels had started to generate less energy. Still, NASA managers had hoped to eek out a few more weeks of performance from the craft. But right after the Phoenix completed its last major experiment on October 27, an unanticipated dust storm struck, and on-board batteries — already strained by running the experiment — started to give way. The space vehicle put itself into a low-energy safe mode, and then stopped sending signals. The Phoenix started to come back to life intermittently on October 30, but never managed to completely recharge its batteries, finally fading away.

Mathaba News Network quoted John Podesta, head of Obama’s transition team: “There’s a lot the president can do using his executive authority without waiting for congressional action.” The article went on to explain that President-elect Barack Obama will likely use his executive powers after taking office to block new drilling leases on environmentally sensitive land in Utah and to allow federal funding of stem-cell research, putting a quick mark on policy making. Podesta said Obama is “a transformational figure” and that the support he received among voters in some Republican states and conservative counties gives him a mandate to pursue his agenda aggressively.

The Times Online reported that Barack Obama will move swiftly to close Guantanamo Bay as soon as he takes office, his aides said Monday, in a clear and early sign of how determined he is to break with President Bush. Mr Obama is planning to ship dozens of terrorist suspects from the camp to face criminal trial in the US. He is looking at creating a new “terrorism court” on the US mainland to try up to 80 terror suspects, including Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the self-confessed September 11 master-mind. Mr Obama said last week that he would close the camp “as quickly as we can do prudently”. The move will face stiff opposition from many Republicans on Capitol Hill and a substantial number of Americans who strongly oppose bringing terror suspects to US soil with traditional rules of evidence that give those being prosecuted the presumption of innocence.
 
Some pundits argue that everyone is innocent because ethics are relative and law is subjective and arbitrary; as such they say, it can not be legally enforced.

“The true nature of life is evolutionary and changing as particles and matter spin about in a chaotic mass of time, chance, revolution and maybe-mightbe; Darwin taught us that, and we should know better than to attempt to put constraints on human nature, or try to bring order from chaos” said Misty Sunbeam-Notbright, a scholar of extraordinary clarity and vibrancy, whose only vice is her authoritarian bent to bully everyone into doing what she wants, and her intolerance of ideas not her own.  “There is no such thing as good or evil, there is no truth or lie, all is universal oneness, and discomfort is just the occasional friction of growth and newness as we evolve into greater beings.  Hand me that med bottle will you, I seem to have evolved a cold sore and man does it sting.”

In other news, Times Online reported last Friday that gun stores across the United States are reporting a massive surge in sales as buyers rush to stockpile firearms in case of a ban under soon-to-be President Obama. “He’s a gun-snatcher,” Jim Pruett, owner of Jim Pruett’s Guns and Ammo in northwest Houston, told the newspaper. “He wants to take our guns from us and create a socialist society policed by his own police force.”  Obama’s much reported remark that “bitter” small town Americans “cling to guns and religion” seems to have resonated with some citizens, and they’re cling to god and guns more tightly than ever. No word on how the left explains the evolution of citizens who have a sudden need to protect themselves and their rights, but perhaps it’s a case of “anti-transformational” discord that Obama and his suspects formerly known as terrorists, have elicited.  Or maybe common sense isn’t dead after all.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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The Patriot Microchip

New technology helps Islamofascists become closer to god, while protecting Americans

Inebriated Press \ Tech Division
November 1, 2008

The Patriot Micro chip is intended to be implanted in terrorists.

The implant is specifically designed to be installed in the forehead.
When properly installed it will allow the implanted to speak to God.

It comes in various sizes:

Patriot Microchip Sizes

Patriot Microchip Sizes

 
The Implanted may or may not be allowed to choose the size.
The implant may or may not be painless.
Some bleeding and or swelling may occur at the injection site.

Best regards,
 
UNITED STATES MARINE CORPS       SEMPER  FI

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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