Tag Archives: United States

Obama Enjoys Anti-American Rants, Cheerleaders Enjoy Strip Clubs, and NATO runs Catch-and-Release Pirate Program

> Nicaraguan President rips America, Obama quietly takes notes
> High School cheerleaders take field trip to strip club
> NATO rescues fishermen from pirates, then frees the hijackers

Inebriated Press
April 22, 2009

HunksFox News reported Saturday that at the Summit of the Americas this past weekend, Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega ripped the U.S. as a terrorist nation for over 50 minutes, while President Obama sat listening quietly and taking notes.  And MSNBC reported last Friday that an Ohio teacher took a group of high school cheerleaders on a field trip to a male strip club.  Meanwhile, Fox News reported Saturday that NATO forces rescued 20 fishermen from pirates in the Gulf of Aden, but let the Somali hijackers go because they had no authority to arrest them.  Pundits are debating trends in leadership based on anti-Americanism, pro-pirate anti-hijacking, and sex-based field trips for underage schoolchildren. 

Someone named Maggie

Someone named Maggie

“The adults are all gone from American government and education, and all that’s left are people with the emotional equivalent of children, lacking both common sense and even the tiniest grasp of reality,” said Maggie Mae-Mooreless, an accountant and weightlifter who doubles as a hot blonde when she feels like it.  “Obama enjoyed Ortega’s rant against America because he felt like he was a kid again back in Jeremiah Wright’s church where he listened to him rant against the U.S. for twenty years.  Or, maybe it was like hanging with his Chicago neighbor Bill Ayers the Pentagon bomber who held fundraising events for Barack at his home where they talked treason. It probably felt like homecoming.  As far as NATO releasing pirate hijackers after catching them and then freeing their captives — that’s just beyond stupid.  Only the cheerleaders who want to hang with male stripers have a clue what they’re really doing.”

Ahmadinejad

Ahmadinejad

Not everyone agrees with Mae-Mooreless.  “There is nothing wrong with Obama admitting that America is a terrible country, responsible for all of the evil in the world, I’ve been saying that for years,” said Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, sharing an anti-American mind meld with Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega, but adding a few racial aspersions against the Jews.  “Bill Ayers is a patriot of the highest order and everyone should be bombing the Pentagon and preaching poetic anti-American diatribes in churches, synagogues and Mosques.  And then of course beheading infidels and other people I disagree with; taking money from hard working citizens who earn it and handing it around to those who don’t.  Basic bedlam and chaos, for god sake.  Prepping the way for the 12th Imam and Islam dominating the world and all that.  I wouldn’t mind a cheerleader or two to encourage this stuff.  Somali’s would do, they’ve got the right attitude.”

Hil & Obi

Hil & Obi

Fox News reported that at the Summit of the Americas this past weekend President Obama endured a 50-minute diatribe from socialist Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega that lashed out at a century of what he called terroristic U.S. aggression in Central America and included a rambling denunciation of the U.S.-imposed isolation of Cuba’s Communist government. Obama sat mostly unmoved during the speech but at times jotted notes. The speech was part of the opening ceremonies at the fifth Summit of the Americas here.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said, “I thought the cultural performance was fascinating.” Asked again about the Ortega speech, Clinton said: “To have those first class Caribbean entertainers all on one stage and to see how much was done in such a small amount of space, I was overwhelmed.” A senior administration official declined to criticize Ortega, saying the president wanted to focus on the future. Ortega’s speech, indulgent even by regional standards, also mocked the very summit he was attending and helping to open. Later, at a photo opportunity with Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, Obama held his tongue when asked what he thought about Ortega’s speech. In his 17-minute address to the summit, Obama misspoke on the sequence of events in Cuba.

CheerleadersMSNBC reported that a Butler Tech school district spokesman says teacher Lori Epperson took four high school cheerleaders to a male strip club.  Epperson has resigned from her teaching position in southwest Ohio. Epperson told school officials she had gotten permission from the parents of the 17- and 18-year-olds to bring them to Club Masque in Dayton. She says the girls asked her to take them to the bar.
 

Pirates, born to be free, even of NATO

Pirates, born to be free, even of NATO

Fox News reported that NATO forces rescued 20 fishermen from pirates who launched the latest attack in the Gulf of Aden on Saturday, but let the Somali hijackers go because they had no authority to arrest them. The release underscored the difficulties of stopping the skyrocketing piracy scourge in the Horn of Africa, where sea bandits also seized a Belgian-flagged ship carrying 10 foreign crew near the Seychelles islands and started hauling it toward Somalia.

“There isn’t a silver bullet” to solve the problem, said Roger Middleton, a piracy expert at London-based think-tank Chatham House. He said it’s common for patrolling warships to disarm then free brigands because they have rarely have jurisdiction to try them.

Some people say that instead of searching for a silver bullet, a few lead ones will do the trick.

Someone named Stacy

Someone named Stacy

“Blow the bastards away on the high seas or hang them from the yard arm the old fashioned way, but for crying out loud, when you catch them in the act of piracy, you don’t free them, holy shit,” said Stacy Anne-Freeport, an auto mechanic and pro-American citizen who values freedom, independence and the American way of life.  “Get some good old fashioned common sense back and we’ll solve half the world’s problems in an afternoon.”

In other news, Fox News reported that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad unleashed a blistering attack Monday against Israel and the United States, calling the Jewish state “racist” and lashing out at Americans for their support. Ahmadinejad called Israel the “most cruel and racist regime.” He followed by blaming the United States, Europe and Israel for the world’s financial crisis.  No word on whether Obama had anyone there taking notes for him, but when he sits down without conditions to chat about nukes with Ahmadinejad I’m guessing they’ll have plenty of anti-American ideas in common.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Obama Endures Ortega Diatribe
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/04/18/obama-endures-ortega-diatribe/

Strip club field trip
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30264815/

NATO Rescues 20 Fishermen From Pirates, Belgian Ship Seized
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,517042,00.html

Ahmadinejad Attacks Israel, U.S. at U.N. Racism Conference
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,517151,00.html

Comments Off on Obama Enjoys Anti-American Rants, Cheerleaders Enjoy Strip Clubs, and NATO runs Catch-and-Release Pirate Program

Filed under Humor, IP News

Intel: U.S. Clout Down, Risks Up

US clout down, risks up by 2025 -intel outlook

By Randall Mikkelsen
Reuters
Thu Nov 20, 2008

WASHINGTON, Nov 20 (Reuters) – U.S. economic and political clout will decline over the next two decades and the world will be more dangerous, with food and water scarce and advanced weapons plentiful, U.S. spy agencies projected on Thursday.

The National Intelligence Council analysis “Global Trends 2025” also said the current financial crisis on Wall Street is just the first phase of a global economic reordering.

The U.S. dollar’s role as the world’s major currency would weaken to become a “first among equals,” the report said.

The outlook is intended to inform U.S. President-elect Barack Obama of factors that will influence global events. It is based on a year-long global survey of experts and trends by U.S. intelligence analysts.

“The next 20 years of transition to a new system are fraught with risks,” said the report, which was more pessimistic about U.S. influence and the potential for conflict than the last outlook for 2020.

Thomas Fingar, chairman of the intelligence council and deputy national director of intelligence for analysis, said harmful outcomes were not inevitable.

“It is not beyond the mind of human beings, or political systems, (or) in some cases (the) working of market mechanisms to address and alleviate if not solve these problems,” Fingar told reporters. “We could have a better world in 2025.”

China and India, following a “state capitalism” economic model, were likely to join the United States atop a multipolar world and compete for influence, the report said.

Russia’s potential was less certain, depending on its energy wealth and internal investment. But Iran, Turkey and Indonesia were also seen gaining power.

POTENTIAL FOR CONFLICT

A world with multiple power centers has been less stable than one with a single or two rival superpowers, and there was a growing potential for conflict, the report said.

Global warming will be felt, and water, food and energy constraints may fuel conflict over resources.

“Strategic rivalries are most likely to revolve around trade, investments and technological innovation and acquisition, but we cannot rule out a 19th century-like scenario of arms races, territorial expansion and military rivalries,” the report said.

“Types of conflict we have not seen for a while — such as over resources — could reemerge,” it said.

Global wealth was seen shifting from the developed West to the energy-rich Gulf States and Russia, and to Asia, the rising center of manufacturing and some service industries.

Global rich-poor disparities would grow, leaving Africa vulnerable to increased instability.

A reordering of the world financial system was happening faster than the report’s authors envisioned, Fingar said. Last weekend’s Group of 20 summit of advanced and major developing countries in Washington showed work had begun, he said.

A shift away from an oil-based energy system will be underway or complete by 2025. Better renewable technologies such as solar and wind power offer the best opportunity for a quick and low-cost transition, the report said.

There was a greater, but still small, risk of nuclear attack, based on spreading technologies and the weakening of international nonproliferation systems.

If Iran were to acquire nuclear weapons, Fingar said, that could set off an arms race in the Middle East, which is considered in the report as an “arc of instability.”

The risk that militant groups would use biological weapons was greater than the risk of nuclear terrorism, the report said.

The appeal of terrorism could decline over the next two decades, particularly if Middle Eastern countries provide productive education and opportunities for their young people, the report said. But with a growing population, the pool of potential terrorism recruits is likely to be larger, and access to dangerous weapons will rise.

(Editing by Vicki Allen)
reuters.com

Comments Off on Intel: U.S. Clout Down, Risks Up

Filed under NEWS

Secret U.S. Order on Al Qaeda, $14 Bra Saves Lives, and Victim Turns Table on Robber

Since 2004 US military has used a secret order to attack Al Qaeda world-wide
Woman stabbed in chest, saved by underwire bra
Victim breaks free, wrestles gun away and shoots robber

Inebriated Press
November 11, 2008

The New York Times reported Sunday that since 2004 the United States military has used broad, secret authority to carry out nearly a dozen previously undisclosed attacks against Al Qaeda and other militants, in Syria, Pakistan and elsewhere.  And Australia’s News Limited reported Saturday that an English barmaid is alive to tell the story of how a $14 bra saved her life when she was stabbed in the chest by a mugger.  Meanwhile Florida’s St. Petersburg Times reported Saturday that a Tampa man was tied up and robbed, but after breaking free from the restraints and wrestling the gun away, the man fatally shot one of two robbers.  Pundits debate the ethics of defending oneself using secret orders, attacker’s weapons and women’s underwear.

“It’s every individual’s right and responsibility to defend themselves and their property using any means necessary, be that the right to fight back any-place at any-time against those you know are out to hurt you; to using attackers weapons against them, and wearing women’s undergarments,” said Thomas Knight-Trane, a personal trainer and self defense expert, who believes in shooting first and asking about underwire bras and satin panties later.  “I will not be among the passive sheep-to-the-slaughter crowd and sit around hoping somebody will bail me out.  Anybody who takes me on will get it right back.  I’m going down fighting.  Heck most of these attackers and terrorists are cowards and are surprised when the victim fights back.  Turning the tables gives you the element of surprise half the time.  The rest I leave to the Smith & Wesson .357 heat I carry in my underwire bra holster.”

Not everyone agrees with Knight-Trane.  “A violent response to violence just perpetuates it and makes the person defending themselves no better than the attacker,” said Stacy Lawmann-Discord, an animal rights activist who packs heat of a different kind inside her underwire bra; if you get my drift.  “What we need is more kindness and gentleness to all people and animals.  If we respond to terror attacks with kindness and gifts, the criminals and terrorists will soften their attitudes about us.  It seems to be working between the US and North Korea.  We keep giving in to their threats and they haven’t launched a missile into Japan.  We should probably give money to the United Nations to distribute to Al Qaeda so that they are more easy-going about things too.  I’m so against fighting and war.  But don’t touch any of my shit.  My brothers in SWAT.”

The New York Times reported that the United States military since 2004 has used broad, secret authority to carry out nearly a dozen previously undisclosed attacks against Al Qaeda and other militants in Syria, Pakistan and elsewhere, according to senior American officials. These military raids, typically carried out by Special Operations forces, were authorized by a classified order that Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld signed in the spring of 2004 with the approval of President Bush, the officials said. The secret order gave the military new authority to attack the Qaeda terrorist network anywhere in the world, and a more sweeping mandate to conduct operations in countries not at war with the United States. According to a senior administration official, the authority was spelled out in a classified document called “Al Qaeda Network Exord,” or execute order, that streamlined the approval process for the military to act outside officially declared war zones. The 2004 order identifies 15 to 20 countries, including Syria, Pakistan, Yemen, Saudi Arabia and several other Persian Gulf states, where Qaeda militants were believed to be operating or to have sought sanctuary, a senior administration official said.

Australia’s News.com reported that an English barmaid has told how a $14 bra saved her life when she was stabbed in the chest by a mugger. Victim Vicky Parsons, 26, said the point of the knife pierced her skin but the serrated blade caught on the wiring of a new bra. “The bra saved my life. It’s the best £6 ($14) I’ve ever spent,” she said. “One had a large sharp knife across my throat. I instinctively pushed it away and it cut my hand. He shouted, ‘Give me some money’ and I swore at him. Then he pushed the knife at my chest and ran off.” The shop that sold her the bra, Asda, said: “We’re delighted one of our bras saved Vicky. We would like to invite her to come in so she can replace the damaged item with a selection of new ones. This is our very own wonder bra.”

The St. Petersburg Times reported that late last Thursday night, two friends of Anthony Velez’s came to his apartment. They’d been there many times before, a neighbor said. This time, police said, they tied Velez up and robbed him. And this time, only one left alive. Velez, 21, fatally shot one of the men after breaking free from the restraints and wresting a gun away, Tampa police said. It happened about 11 p.m. at the Tuscany Point Apartments, 3350 W Hillsborough Ave. The other man fled on foot, and Velez suffered only minor injuries. The fugitive was identified by police as Ramon Antonio Varela, 34, with no known address. Varela is facing charges of felony murder, armed robbery with firearm and kidnapping. One of the Velez neighbors, Will Nieves, said Velez is a good guy, but too trusting. The two met when Velez moved into the apartments about a year ago. “I told him, ‘You’ve got to watch who you trust,” Nieves said. “In this world, not all that glitters is gold. Some people will hide behind a fake smile.’ ” 

Some people say that fake smiles, a bit of charm and the gift of gab, can get you all the way from community organizer into the highest office in the land.

“I guess folks are no longer interested in substance and the bottom line, and have a higher appreciation of well meaning but deceptive politicians who have no clue about what’s really going on in the world. Apparently we are to believe that first-term junior Senators who behave in a shallow left-wing manner, really know how to run things best and protect us from danger; and that they should be in charge because their chameleon-like ability enables them to dodge uncomfortable questions,” said some sarcastic guy still disgusted that a Vietnam vet with solid credentials, was beaten out of the U.S. presidency by a glib newbie sill wet behind the ears.  “I guess 53 percent of American voters forgot what happened to us on 9-11, and that it took guys like McCain to stop the terrorists so that we haven’t had another successful attack on our soil. If that’s the logic we’re going to have to live with over the next four years, then you better arm yourself to the teeth.  We’re going to have serious shit going on around here.”

In other news, World Net Daily reported Saturday that Arizona Supreme Court Chief Justice Ruth McGregor endorsed a demand from the Hispanic Bar Association to censor words and phrases such as “illegal aliens” and “illegal immigrants” and substitute “foreign nationals” in court documents. When a blog at Judicial Watch reported on the instructions, court officials threatened to sue the government-watchdog organization, prompting it to release a statement defending the story. No word on why the Court thinks we shouldn’t call illegal people illegal people or how much better things will be when all terms mean everything and nothing, but perhaps when ‘foreign nationals’ and ‘undocumented pharmacists’ (drug dealers) are running America, maybe then it’ll get clearer for those of us who still haven’t shaken off the last vestiges of common sense.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

Comments Off on Secret U.S. Order on Al Qaeda, $14 Bra Saves Lives, and Victim Turns Table on Robber

Filed under Humor, IP News

Honor America’s Veteran’s

081111america_frees_the_world

Comments Off on Honor America’s Veteran’s

Filed under IP News