Tag Archives: u.s. politics

Hearse Driver Breaks for Beer, “Pulling Out” Rivals Condoms, and Teacher Writes Book about Sex with Students

> Family waits at Cemetery while Hearse Driver Buys Beer
> Study: “Pulling Out” nearly as Effective as Condoms
> Woman teacher writes book describing sexual encounters with ‘favorite’ students

Inebriated Press
June 1, 2009

Beer, the sirens song

Beer, the sirens song

United Press International (UPI) reported Wednesday that the hearse driver for a funeral home stopped for a beer and failed to deliver a body to the cemetery while the family waited.  And CBS News reported Thursday that a new study claims withdrawal before ejaculation during intercourse, is nearly as effective at preventing pregnancy as condoms.  Meanwhile, Fox News reported Wednesday that a British teacher has been fired for publishing a novel describing sexual encounters with some of her students.  Pundits are debating the ethical risks and rewards of beer, condoms, and sex with children.

kareliya“There’s really nothing inherently wrong with teachers having sex with their students as long as the boys pull out soon enough and both the adult and child have been drinking heavily,” said some twisted bastard who will remain unnamed because she is likely to be nominated to the Supreme Court in the future.  “In a society where the random thoughts of a Hispanic woman trumps rule of law, white men and the U.S. Constitution, any freaking thing goes, and that’s how it should be.  Relative ethics, relative law, and sex with relatives and children are all fine.  There are no inherent rights or wrongs, it’s all up to whoever is in power to decide what’s good and bad, who’s happy or sad, who gives up most of their income and the slackers that it should be given to.  As far as the hearse driver who stopped for beer, let’s face it, it’s every person’s right to have beer. So what if the family waited in the cemetery wondering where the body of their loved one went.  The body was dead anyway so it didn’t care, and the family probably had nothing better to do than hang out.  If they’d been smart they’d have been someplace else slamming beer and having pullout sex.  Hope and change baby.  Let’s get with it.”

Someone named Lana

Someone named Lana

Not everyone agrees with the twisted bastard who discards morality and the Constitution, and will probably be on the Supreme Court defining both someday.  “Stopping off to buy beer when you should be delivering the body of a loved one to the family waiting at a cemetery is tasteless and rude — and I’m using kind words.  Go buy beer on your own time, after you’ve done your job.  And the idea that ethics are so relative and random that it’s okay for teachers to have sex with students and write books about it; or to promote the idea that not using condoms is no more risky than using them, is stupid, in addition to being wrong,” said Lana Ethical-Abbs, an account executive whose body and ethics are both lean, strong and attractive to many.  “Fire and then prosecute the teacher for illegal sexual contact with minors, fire the hearse driver and apologize to that poor family, then cut in-half the fee the mortuary was charging them; and then ignore the ridiculous ‘no-condoms are just as good as condoms’ study.  We need common sense and proper application of law, safe sex and beer acquisition.  It doesn’t seem that complicated to me.  But then, Obama just nominated a person to the Supreme Court who disagrees with the very Constitution she’ll be sworn to defend and correctly interpret, so I guess common sense isn’t in vogue anymore.  Liberal empathy is supposed to rule today.  Trouble is it’s funded by conservative taxpayer dollars and the erosion of both the rule of law and economic sustainability.  In the end it amounts to nothingness, the foundation is gone; it’s like ‘building ones house upon the sand’.  A family, society or a country can’t stay strong very long that way.”

HearseUPI reported that the hearse driver for a Bogota funeral home stopped for a beer and failed to deliver a body to the cemetery while the family waited, police said. The Latin American Herald Tribune reported Wednesday that relatives and friends of Tito Vasquez waited for several hours Sunday at the Campos de Cristo cemetery for the hearse to arrive so that they could bury their loved one. Vasquez’s family said they could not understand why his body was not being delivered for the funeral. Police said Vasquez’s body was eventually found in the hearse in the parking lot of a motel in Bogota’s San Bernardo neighborhood.

Jettison delivery! Bail! Bail!

Jettison delivery! Bail! Bail!

CBS News reported that most sexually active people don’t think that the pullout method is a very effective form of contraception, but according to a new study withdrawal before ejaculation during intercourse, is more than just “better than nothing,” and is nearly as effective at preventing pregnancy as condoms. The study, titled “Better than nothing or savvy risk reduction practice? The importance of withdrawal,” appears in the June edition of the journal Contraception. The authors found: “If the male partner withdraws before ejaculation every time a couple has vaginal intercourse, about 4% of couples will become pregnant over the course of a year. However, more realistic estimates of typical use indicate that about 18% of couples will become pregnant in a year using withdrawal. These rates are only slightly less effective than male condoms, which have perfect- and typical-use failure rates of 2% and 17%, respectively.”

Teacher and "favorite"

Teacher and "favorite"

Fox News reported that a British teacher reportedly has been fired for publishing a novel describing sexual encounters with some of her students. The fictional work “Stop! Don’t Read This” focuses on five of Leonora Rustamova’s “favorite” students at Calder High School and addresses the 39-year-old’s growing struggle to view her students as “kids.” She also writes about her tendency to flirt with students and allow them to flirt with and fantasize about her, according to the Daily Telegraph. In addition, the expletive-filled book featured stories of students drinking, skipping school and possibly using drugs. It also named other faculty members, including the school’s headmaster Stephen Ball, the Daily Telegraph reported. When she was suspended in January over the book’s release, more than 250 students and parents demonstrated in support of Rustamova, saying she was only try to encourage the students to read, the Telegraph reported. The school announced on Wednesday that she had been terminated following a disciplinary hearing into her conduct.

Some people say the teacher was simply using the same approach as Playboy’s Hugh Hefner because just at most men buy his porn magazine for the articles, most students are more interested in literature than sex.  A few others are just interested in silly old-fashioned writing and pre-Obama ideals.

Boring traditional American guy

Boring traditional American guy

“Give me a dusty old copy of Shakespeare over a glossy new Maxim any day, I’m way more into cryptic hard-to-read classic bullshit than some hot easy-to-see-through babe busting out of her clothes all over the place,” said some guy busting out of his clothes all over the place and probably lying like hell.  “Today’s ‘new’ trends like teacher-student sex, leaving people rot while you buy beer, and pullout contraception, are pathetic jokes.  Give me a gal with old-fashioned common sense, an in-shape body that will sustain her health in the long run, some old-school Trojans for that ‘just-in-case’ moment, and a couple Jack Daniels on-the-rocks after work.  That may sound boring as hell to some anti-Constitutional relativist who’d rather bang some school children, but my way built America and sustains it today.  It’ll continue sustaining it if the voters will pull their heads out of their asses long enough to elect some leaders who believe in limited government, lower taxes and a free market economy.  It’s time to get our shit together and get back to boring old traditional-American values.  The pretty boy in the White House isn’t doing us any favors.  Believe me.”

no-parkingIn other news, Florida’s St. Petersburg Times reported that Tarpon Springs police blame a local developer for installing fake “no parking” signs around a popular city restaurant that resulted in 233 tickets being written in a two-year span. At the same time, acting police Chief Robert Kochen acknowledged his department’s failure to properly handle the matter. In a 23-page report released this week, Kochen said developer Mike Bronson admitted recently to installing the signs along the city’s right of way after initially denying it. The report says criminal charges against Bronson would not be feasible at this time, but makes no mention of other possible penalties. Kochen said:” The Police Department’s patrol officers were doing their job and they had no reason (at the time) to believe any of these signs may have been unauthorized by the city.”  No word on how the police feel about hearse drivers buying beer instead of delivering bodies, or underage teacher-student sex, but since they were faked out by pretend no-parking signs it’s a good bet that they’re probably also faked out by the “benefits” of no-condom contraception.  But I could be wrong.  It seems that after two-years and a 23-page report they eventually figure shit out.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Hearse driver stops for beer
http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/05/27/Hearse-driver-stops-for-beer/UPI-85171243471695/

“Pulling Out” Rivals Condoms, Study Says
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/05/28/health/main5045514.shtml

Better than nothing or savvy risk-reduction practice? The importance of withdrawal
http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/journals/reprints/Contraception79-407-410.pdf

Report: British Teacher Fired for Writing Racy Novel About Her ‘Favorite’ Students
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,522407,00.html

Teacher sacked over racy novel that named students
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationnews/5393597/Teacher-sacked-over-racy-novel-that-named-students.html

Fake ‘no parking’ signs fool Tarpon Springs police, who write 233 tickets near Tarpon Turtle restaurant
http://www.tampabay.com/news/localgovernment/article1005017.ece

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Government Waste too Slow, Hugo Chavez “Penis” Phone Launched, and Man Catches Wife Cheating in Porn DVD

> US Spent Less than 6% of Stimulus, as Economy Recovers
> Venezuela President Launches Affordable “Penis” Phone
> Man Buys Porn DVD, Discovers Wife Having Sex with Friend

Inebriated Press
May 15, 2009

We're spending as fast as we can

We're spending as fast as we can

Reason Magazine reported Wednesday that the U.S. federal government has spent less than 6 percent of the $787 billion stimulus package approved by Congress in February, while the economy is recovering on its own.  Both the Fed chief and head of the president’s Council of Economic Advisors say the recession will end later this year.  Vice President Joe Biden says they’re spending as fast as they can and hope to have 70% spent by summer of 2010.  And IntoMobile reported Tuesday that Hugo Chavez became the first sitting national leader to launch a cell phone. The phone is called the “vergatorio” which is local slang for “penis.” Meanwhile, The Courier Mail reported that a man bought a porn DVD only to find footage of his wife having sex with his friend. Pundits are debating the power of a free economy, and the nature of cellular genitalia and video revelations.

Someone named Ashley

Someone named Ashley

“Good things come to those who wait, especially a solid economy if the country has a free market system with a modicum of common-sense regulation and limited taxation.  On the other hand, weird stuff will come from socialist leadership, like cell phone genitalia.  And I don’t know what to say about the poor bastard who caught his wife screwing his friend on some DVD he bought,” said Ashley Monigram-Holism, a hair care professional smitten with rational thinking and a small heat rash.  “It is rather remarkable that the U.S. economy shows signs of improvement despite the heavy corporate taxes that Obama wants to make worse, and a bizarre political system that rewards failure while forcing well-managed companies to compete against firms artificially propped up by the government.  Of course such resiliency can’t last if Obama taxes and controls private firms they way he plans to, and continues to nationalize badly run companies.  I wonder when he’ll announce his version of a penis phone.  Maybe he’ll have Chrysler and GM build environmentally friendly penis cars.  I’d like to talk more but I’m busy scanning porn DVD’s trying to find out if my husband is cheating on me.  So far so good.  Does it feel hot in here to you?”

Someone named Trixie

Someone named Trixie

Not everyone agrees with Monigram-Holism.  “The suggestion that America’s economy is improving on its own just because a tiny part of the stimulus package has been spent is absurd.  Such thinkers mistake the nature of economic recovery as something related to money, sales or GDP, when it’s really all about attitude.  President Obama’s current leadership of the free world is why all things are and will continue to become better and better,” said Trixie Dixie, an existential philosopher who gave up her job as a dish washer when Obama appointed her advisor to the U.S. Treasury.  “And don’t think that penis-based telephones, automobiles and hair care products won’t improve life on earth, and perhaps alter our understanding about race relations, gay rights and STD cures.  The more comfortable we become with goods and services that reference genitalia, the greater our capacity to contemplate the wonder of humankind within the scope of technological advancement, the social influence of Al Qaeda, and family members on porn DVD’s.  And I’m not just saying this because I use medical marijuana heavily; I’ve thought this all through.  Damn this is some good shit.”

Biden talks spending or penis phone

Biden talks spending or penis phone

Reason Magazine reported that it turns out the federal government is not even efficient at wasting our money. The New York Times reports that less than 6 percent of the $787 billion stimulus package approved by Congress in February has been spent so far. The Obama administration has said it wants to spend 70 percent by the summer of 2010, so it will have to pick up the pace. Not to worry, says Vice President Biden: “I think that what you’re going to see happen here is the velocity of this will increase not just arithmetically, but geometrically here. At least, we’ve got to make that happen.” They’d better hurry, before the economy recovers on its own. Both Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke and Christina Romer, chairwoman of the president’s Council of Economic Advisers, say it looks like the recession will end later this year. In fact, Barclays Capital strategist Barry Knapp says it may have ended last month, which he predicts is where the National Bureau of Economic Research ultimately will locate the bottom of the downturn.

The Congressional Budget Office estimates that only 25 percent of the stimulus money will be spent by the end of this year. That’s one-quarter of a sum that stimulus enthusiasts such as New York Times columnist Paul Krugman said was woefully inadequate. “We’re trying to get the money out as quickly as we can,” says Biden, “but not too quickly, so we don’t end up really screwing up here….In 85 days we’ve gotten tens of billions of dollars out the door, and so far — knock on wood — no real big problems, no real big glitches.” In February, Nick Gillespie noted that stimulus spending always seems to come after the recession is over. Yesterday Veronique de Rugy and Eileen Norcross wondered if we’ll ever know exactly where the current batch of magically multiplying money went.

Chavez & Castro talk PenisPhone 2.0 with vibrator prototype

Chavez & Castro talk PenisPhone 2.0 with vibrator prototype

IntoMobile reported that Venezuela’s president Hugo Chavez has just done what no other cell phone company in the world would dare do. Chavez has launched the first ever “penis” phone. In an unprecedented product launch, Hugo Chavez became the first sitting national leader to launch a cell phone. Hugo took the time during his weekly TV show, “Hello President,” to unveil to the world the new “Vergatorio” cell phone. He proclaimed to the world that “This telephone will be the biggest seller not only in Venezuela but the world.” Chavez went on to add that “whoever doesn’t have a Vergatario is nothing.” For those not too versed in Venezuelan slang, the name “vergatorio” is derived from the local slang for “penis.” Chavez started down the road to his historic “penis” cell phone launch when he nationalized the cell phone manufacturer that made the Vergatorio. The President-turned-cell phone-pitchman wanted to make a cell phone that was “light, beautiful, good and cheap.” The end result is the unfortunately named Vergatorio.

AffairsThe Courier Mail reported that a Taiwan carpenter bought a porn DVD only to find secretly taped motel footage of his wife having sex with his friend, whom the husband later stabbed. The husband, identified only by his surname Lee, discovered the illicit sex on the DVD in 2002. The sexual acts apparently had been recorded using a hidden camera and were on a pornographic DVD, titled Affairs with Others’ Wives, which the husband bought from a vendor to watch at home. Lee, who lives in Taoyuan County near Taipei, divorced his wife after viewing the DVD. His friend, a butcher, fled their village. In August 2008, Lee spotted the butcher in Chungli City, returned with a knife and stabbed his former friend in the thigh. Lee was indicted on Tuesday on a charge of causing bodily harm to another person.

Some people say the notion of common sense and good taste are illusions forced upon the masses by the bourgeoisie.

Vibrator phone

Vibrator phone

“It’s all bullshit,” said Marxie Noble, as he sat with his penis in one hand and cell phone in the other and wondered which was which.  “Logic and taste are invented dictums being forced on the people by power mongers who want to enslave men and women with dialectical arguments about values, responsibility and rule of law.  It’s all meaningless.  Soon, countries run by enlightened dictators will prove how much better off their economies are than capitalist ones because their leaders do whatever they feel like.  For example, when Hugo launches PenisPhone 2.0 — a cell phone/vibrator combo — Venezuela’s economy will explode and become the most powerful in the world.  You think women are always on their cell phones now, wait until 2.0, they’ll be literally on-their-phones day and night.  Gives whole new meaning to the cell phone company’s ‘Family and Friends’ program.”

Penis slashing

Penis slashing

In other news, Thanhnien News reported a couple weeks ago that doctors have been reporting an increase in the number of Vietnamese men being rushed to hospital after their sexual organs have been cut off by jealous wives or girlfriends. The good news for the castrated men is that the amputated organ can be successfully reattached if it is preserved properly. Doctors say the men who have their members cut off should “hang on to their penises” and not give up hope.  A properly refrigerated penis rushed to hospital with the victim, can be successfully reattached and in most cases erections return about a month after surgery.  However, doctors say ejaculation may be delayed for a while and the penis could be a little smaller than before.  No word on whether the doctors also fix penis cell phones, but once Joe Biden is on the case, rest assured that the government will be working on it as fast as it can.  So we’ve got that going for us.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

 

Source articles:

Biden: We’re Spending As Fast As We Can
http://reason.com/blog/show/133466.html

Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez launches affordable “Penis” phone
http://www.intomobile.com/2009/05/12/venezuelas-hugo-chavez-launches-affordable-penis-phone.html

Man busts wife, mate in porn DVD
http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,25473694-5013016,00.html

Men should hold onto dongs, due to recent slashes
http://www.thanhniennews.com/healthy/?catid=8&newsid=48173

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Coca-Cola drops Sex ad, Condi Rice kicks Ass, and Tricks of the Vegas Sex Trade

> Coke ‘cans’ ad suggesting women should always be open for sex
> Condoleezza Rice knocks back ‘torture’ ambush
> Success in Sex Club biz: anything goes

Inebriated Press
May 7, 2009

Condoleezza attitudeAustralia’s Daily Telegraph reported this week that Coca-Cola has been forced to can a TV ad which authorities say suggested women should be available for sex whenever men want it. And the U.K. Telegraph reported Saturday that Condoleezza Rice defended the Bush administration actions that a group of Stanford students called torture, when they ambushed her recently. Said Rice: “If you were in a position of authority and watched Americans jumping out of 80-storey buildings because these murderous tyrants go after innocent people, then you would have determined to do anything you could that was legal to prevent that happening.”  Meanwhile, an investigative reporter for KLAS-TV Las Vegas reported last week that the secret to sex clubs success, is that they offer nearly anything you want, with anyone who’s willing.  Pundits are wrestling over ideas of whether women should always be available for sex in Las Vegas, or everywhere Coke is sold, and whether Condi Rice should be the current U.S. president.

Someone named Tony

Someone named Tony

“Condi Rice should be president and Sarah Palin the vice president right now. We’d have common sense, governing experience, and two hot women who don’t take shit from anybody running the country; and have something going for us, instead of this see-a-problem-throw-money-at-it, and see-an-enemy-kiss-their-ass bullshit,” said Tony Krushim-Twice, a small business owner who doubles as a bouncer down at the Dance -n- Jerk Lounge and Weight Lifting Club.  “As far as women being available for sex, that’s their business.  They want to sell it in Vegas or give it away wherever Coca-Cola is sold, that’s up to them.  It’s about personal freedom and individual rights.  I hate all of Obama’s nanny-state crap where federal bureaucrats and politicians are supposed to know better than we are, and they take over half of our income to give to other people and then tell us how to live, because they supposedly know better.  That’s bull.  Condi and Sarah wouldn’t take that crap, or try to pass it off as ‘hope and change’ when its totalitarianism dressed up in socialists clothing.  We should ride Obama and his minions out of D.C. on a rail.  I’m a free man.  That’s what the founders of America had in mind.  That’s what we’ve got to get back to in America.  Damn straight.”

Someone named Susan

Someone named Susan

Not everyone agrees with Krushim-Twice.  “The liberal government knows better than regular Americans do, and should be telling us what we can and can’t do, and how much money we get to keep from our paychecks and how much should be spread around by helpful bureaucrats and Democrats.  No one has a right to freedom, or the money they earn, or where and if they live, only the State can grant that,” said Susan Nayzil-Squez, a terrorist sympathizer who currently advises the U.S. Department of Defense when she’s not protesting against American’s right to bear arms.  “If the State says women should be available for sex then they should be available for sex.  If the State says Coca-Cola has to pay U.S. taxes in addition to foreign taxes on all the money they earn outside of the U.S. then they have to pay them.  It’s not about whether U.S. companies survive or leave the U.S. entirely due to the tax structures that the Obama administration is rolling out, it’s about fairness as defined by those in power.  And Obama is the State today, and the State is power, so he’ll tell you what ‘fair’ is.  It’s not complicated.  Authoritarianism has been around for centuries, just not in America.  You’ll get used to it.  Just do whatever Barack says, and you’ll be fine.  If you won’t, well, then expect to be marginalized, taxed out of business, and basically destroyed.  You don’t want that, so just play along.  That’s how these regimes work.  American’s are kind of slow to figure this out, but they’ll fall in line after a few hard knocks.”

Hot CokeThe Daily Telegraph reported that Coca-Cola has been forced to stop running a TV ad which authorities say suggested women should be available for sex whenever men want it. The Advertising Standards Bureau found the advertisement, though light-hearted, was inappropriate to be on TV when children were watching. In the ad a “hero” man who is breaking up with his girlfriend at a roadside cafe is suddenly surrounded by pole dancers. His dumped girlfriend acknowledges the man doesn’t want to be with just one woman, then offers: “Just call me when you want to have fun”. A series of complaints to the advertising watchdog argued the ad degraded women and promoted casual sex for men. The board noted the ad suggested “men should have multiple partners and that women should make themselves available for sex or ‘fun’ whenever the man wants.” “We certainly did not mean to cause offence,” Coke said in a statement to the bureau.

Condi is for real; picture is faked

Condi is for real; picture is faked

The Telegraph reported that Condoleezza Rice behaved magnificently while being ambushed by left-liberal students at Stanford University with a series of “difficult” questions about torture, Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo Bay and US foreign policy under George W Bush. The article said her coolness under fire is magnificent, but more impressive still is her refusal to duck the issues. “Sorry we have to leave”, an official can be heard saying off camera, but Condi isn’t going to take the easy way out: she wants to stand up for her principles and put the pantywaists in their place. “Let me tell you something: unless you were there in a position of responsibility after September 11 you cannot possibly imagine the dilemmas that we faced in trying to protect Americans,” she says.

Rice went on: “A lot of people are second guessing now but let me tell you the second guessing that would have hurt me more is if there had been 3,000 more Americans dying because we didn’t do everything we could to protect them. If you were in a position of authority and watched Americans jumping out of 80-storey buildings because these murderous tyrants go after innocent people then you would have determined to do anything you could that was legal to prevent that happening.”

Condi is similarly robust when rebutting the suggestion that the US has no place dealing with regimes like Saudi Arabia: “You don’t have the luxury in foreign policy of not dealing with a country because you don’t like its human rights practices.” And she is quite withering when the pallid leftie student tries having a go at her about supposed torture at Guantanamo. “Did you know that Guantanamo was called a ‘model medium security prison’ by representatives of the Organization of Security and Cooperation in Europe?” The student reluctantly concedes he hasn’t. “Maybe before you make allegations about Guantanamo, you should READ,” says Condi, with exquisitely measured scorn.  The Telegraph writer said Condi Rice is the “person of color” America really needs in charge right now.

kinky sex clubKLAS-TV Las Vegas reported that sex clubs offer nearly anything you want with anyone who’s willing. They operate in a world of loose regulation, weak enforcement and an anything goes attitude. Technically they are illegal. From wife-swapping to whips and chains, it’s yours if you want it. There is a huge market for clubs that offer every fantasy imaginable for just an entrance fee. County code says that won’t fly. So, why hasn’t there been a crackdown? The answer is more complicated than you’ve heard before. It’s where money, power and sex all come together.

“From bondage, to transgender to Bi to whatever else, we’re the ‘everybody else’ club,” said Mike Powers, the owner and operator of Power Exchange, the newest sex club in Las Vegas. “It’s part of an open-minded alternative aspect of society. It’s like the Elks Club or the Lions, kind of club for extreme interests, perverse interests or bizarre interests.” Clark County code calls sex clubs a “public nuisance.” It defines them as places for “adult social sexual encounters”, where patrons can “voluntarily engage in and/or view” live sex. So, if the county prohibits it, how do the clubs stay in business? The issue is money. Powers brings money into the economy. Powers thinks the county looks the other way because of the taxes and attention he brings to Las Vegas. No one from Clark County or the commissioners wanted to go on camera for the story. They tell Eyewitness News they stand by the ordinance.

Some people say that rule of law is only as strong as its enforcement, and that freedom and democracy is only as strong as its defenders.

Someone named Lynn

Someone named Lynn

“If you can break the law and get away with it, what good is law?  If you say you have individual freedom but the State runs your life, confiscates your financial property through taxation and tells you what doctor you can see and who you can’t, takes ownership of auto companies, insurance companies and financial firms, then dictates executive salaries and so forth, what freedom do you really have,” asked Lynn Browne-Sugare, a bastion of female genius tucked subtly inside a sweet package and sprinkled with common sense.  “Power is at the center of every government and its decisions.  Any time the government increases taxes they take your freedom to spend where you want, on what you want, and where you want, and replace it with a politician’s or bureaucrat’s vision of ‘what’s best’.  Little by little your freedom erodes until all that’s left is the idea, not the reality.  If you won’t stand up for personal freedom and individual rights, the government sure as hell won’t do it for you.  The government will do it to you. What starts as statism, with the government growing in size, scope and power, gradually becomes socialism, then totalitarianism.  Maybe even dictatorship.  Call it what you want, you lose freedom every time the government makes another decision for you, takes another dime from your pocket, ‘helps’ you do what you should be doing for yourself.  Pull your heads out of your collective asses, Americans.  Your freedom is being usurped even as you read this.  Only you can stop it.”

Orwell's 1984In other news, The Boston Globe reported yesterday that MoveOn.org is funding ad’s backing Obama’s push for nationalized healthcare while marginalizing private insurance companies who believe that they can’t compete with taxpayer funded government health insurance. In the ad, two men complain about the public plan option. “It’ll be a disaster for us,” one says.  The second says, “A public healthcare plan means affordable healthcare for everyone. You know what that means. ” The first answers, “Healthy people living longer.”  No word on why you’ll be healthier and live longer if you give control of your healthcare to politicians and bureaucrats who have mismanaged Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, and virtually all health and retirement related funding in the U.S. But then maybe we’ve forgotten that it’s all about power.  And the less power you have, the better the government will be able to ‘help’ you.  After all, in the Land of Hope and Change, we are no longer endowed by our Creator with inalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  Only the State can grant those.  Anyone who questions this is on Homeland Security’s terrorist watch list.  And the sad thing is, I’m not making that shit up.  Homeland Security came out and said so.  This isn’t 2008 anymore.  This is 2009’s developing version of Orwell’s 1984.
 
(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Coca-Cola forced to can ad over woman available for sex
http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,25422198-5006007,00.html

Coca-Cola’s pulled ad:

Condi Rice sticks it to the Stanford bleeding hearts
http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/james_delingpole/blog/2009/05/02/condi_rice_sticks_it_to_the_stanford_bleeding_hearts

Condi kicks ass, YouTube clip:

I-Team: Tricks of the Trade in Las Vegas Sex Clubs
http://www.klas-tv.com/Global/story.asp?S=10275829&nav=menu102_2

Ad spoofs funeral directors on Obama health plan
http://www.boston.com/news/politics/politicalintelligence/2009/05/ad_spoofs_funer.html

moveon.org ad:

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Nipplegate Revisited, Porn Star Eyes Senate Run, and Woman Hides Crack in Crack

> U.S. Supreme Court calls for “wardrobe malfunction” review
> Porn star Stormy Daniels launches Senate “Listening Tour”
> Woman arrested; smuggled crack cocaine in vagina

Inebriated Press
May 5, 2009

Bit nipply out

Bit nipply out

The New York Times reported yesterday that the U.S. Supreme Court set aside a ruling by the U.S. Court of Appeals that had overturned a $550,000 fine imposed on CBS for Janet Jackson’s nipple flash during the 2004 Super Bowl, and called for “further consideration” of the conclusion.  And Politico reported last Friday that porn star Stormy Daniels is launching a “Listening Tour” across Louisiana, in order to meet with men and women and listen to issues and concerns, and gauge a potential run for the U.S. Senate.  Meanwhile, WHAS-TV 11, Louisville, Kentucky, reported that a woman was arrested Friday, for smuggling drugs that she concealed in her “private parts”.  Pundits are debating the risks and rewards of out-of-control clothing, out-of-control politics and out-of-control drug smuggling. 

Someone named Tom

Someone named Tom

“America is playing fast and loose with its ethics, economy, and damn near everything in between.  What with trillions of dollars in debt and the risk of future hyper-inflation that we call ‘stimulus’ today, and out-of-control clothing on singers, and porn star Senator-wannabe’s, not to mention vaginal drug smuggling,” said Tom Thumb-Naill, a small businessman who made money the past two years, and has complained about Obama’s tax-and-redistribution plan, so now Homeland Security considers him a terrorist suspect.  “I wouldn’t really give a shit, except every time I turn around I’m getting hosed.  I bust my ass to build a business and now I’m supposed to give my earnings to bums and vagrants who bought crack out of some woman’s crack and wasted their brains.  In the new America of hope and change, businessmen are considered terrorists and troublemakers.  I suppose electing Daniels as Senator makes some sense.  If we’re going to get screwed anyway it may as well be by someone who looks hot and knows how to give constituents a good time while doing us.  Shit I’m depressed.”

Someone named Misty

Someone named Misty

Not everyone sees it the way Thumb-Naill does.  “During times of significant societal change, some people will feel stress and may misunderstand the benefits of the things going on around them.  They may perceive loss when their taxes go up or inflation spikes, or they may have feelings of foreboding and even discomfort when they learn that free speech is only acceptable if it’s pro-liberal-socialist government — if they’re not used to the idea,” said Misty Breastplate-Barfly, a self-proclaimed intellectual, who lives on George Soros dime in an out-of-the-way villa where only deep thinking is allowed.  “In time American’s will warm to the talk-middle-of-the-road and rule-far-left governing approach of Barack Obama, our light bringer and space heater.  They’ll even come to appreciate the coercive techniques and Chicago Style Politics that characterizes our government today.  Centralized power in the hands of a small cadre of elite is a time honored and historically proven governing approach.  Only unenlightened conservatives, Neanderthals, and early American patriots have a hard time understanding and embracing this classic approach to power.  And like the Dodo bird, they’ll all go the way of extinction.  Want to buy some coke?  I keep some in my panties; oh, and I’m thinking of running for governor.”

Janet makes clean breast of it

Janet makes clean breast of it

The New York Times reported that the Supreme Court on Monday set aside a ruling by the United States Court of Appeals for the Third Circuit, in Philadelphia, that had overturned a $550,000 fine imposed by the Federal Communications Commission on CBS for the “wardrobe malfunction,” as the fateful moment has been described. The high court said the Third Circuit should give “further consideration” to its conclusion last July 21 that the F.C.C. was wrong to fine the network. So, what may be the most controversial fraction of a second in television history, the momentary baring of the singer Janet Jackson’s breast during the halftime show of the 2004 Super Bowl, will be debated once again in federal court. The lyrics sung by Justin Timberlake “Gonna have you naked by the end of this song,” was followed by the exposure of Ms. Jackson’s breast.  The event called ‘nipplegate’ by some lasted nine-sixteenths of one second. That is barely enough time for the speediest wide receiver to cover five yards on a dry field, but plenty of time to generate litigation that has lasted half a decade, with accompanying lawyers’ fees.

Senator wannabe

Senator wannabe

Politico reported that porn star Stormy Daniels has launched a “Listening Tour” across Louisiana. The star of such films as “Operation Desert Stormy” will appear in Baton Rouge on Tuesday and New Orleans on Wednesday in order to “meet with Louisiana men and women and listen to the issues and concerns they struggle with everyday” and gauge a potential run against Sen. David Vitter (R.). The untraditional path into politics for Daniels, a 29-year-old with no party affiliation at present, began in February when fans launched the website DraftStormy.com to encourage a run. Daniels hopes that her career as a porn star (and producer, writer and director) won’t prove much of a hindrance, since Vitter has some sexual history of his own: In July 2007, his phone number appeared in the published phone log of Deborah Jeane Palfrey, AKA the “D.C. Madam.”

WHAS-11 Louisville reported that there was an unusual arrest early Friday at metro corrections. Police say 20-year-old Ashley Greene concealed drugs within her private parts in attempt to hide them and to bring them into the jail. The arrest report says officers also found $60, crack cocaine and marijuana in that “same area”.

Some say that stash in snatch and crack in crack sound like some kind of Dr. Seuss storybook rhyme.

Snatch stasher

Snatch stasher

“During these trick turning times, I mean tricky times, it’s important to take a moment and smell the roses or sniff the cocaine, and reflect on the poetic meanings that lay beneath the flowery words in Obama’s speeches that seem so irrelevant and yet change our lives so much,” said a passing vagrant, currently an Obama appointed advisor to Central Intelligence.  “There’s the crack in the crack sir, and stash in the snatch sir, and green eggs and ham, so spam I am and I get in my email.  It’s a wobelgotom day of cauliflower memories and wolfblizer verbiage, with multicolored laptops beneath a blue verboten sky.  I don’t know what that means, but as long as my government check clears, why should I give a shit?  I’m awash in a world of hope and change.  Gone is traditional America.  Good luck trying to bring it back.”

Deep thoughts

Deep thoughts

In other news, CNN reported last Thursday that after Vice President Joe Biden told American’s to avoid swine flu by not traveling or going into confined spaces with other people, White House press secretary Robert Gibbs said that Biden meant something else.  “I know what he said, and I am telling you what he meant to say,” Gibbs said.  No word on how the Obama administration feels about a porn platform in the Senate, or storing crack in ones crack, but now that they engage in re-interpreting their own statements on a daily basis, we can expect ongoing conflicting announcements on all subjects, and it’s up to us to perceive any reality we wish, just as long as it favors the Obama administration.  Otherwise, you’re a potential terrorist.  And you don’t want that.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Justices Tell Appeals Court to Revisit Super Bowl Incident
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/05/business/media/05fcc.html?ref=global-home

Porn star flirts with La. Senate run
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0509/22007.html

Woman arrested for allegedly smuggling drugs, cash in her private parts
http://www.whas11.com/topstories/stories/whas11-local-090501-ashley-greene.cfd51ea.html

White House apologizes for undue alarm over Biden comments
http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2009/04/30/white-house-apologizes-for-undue-alarm-over-biden-comments/

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Analysis: How to produce high approval ratings for Obama

Steve McCann
American Thinker
April 23, 2009

Just read an AP report: the percentage of Americans that think the country is on the right track rose to 48% in March as compared to 40% in February. In light of the unemployment rising, the debacle in foreign affairs etc, I found it unlikely.  So I looked into the details of the poll.

73% of the Democrats polled thought we were on the right track
17% of Independents
10% of Republicans

That made it even more suspicious as to how those numbers could result in a 48% overall right track vote.

So digging deeper, it turns out

36% of those polled were Democrats
18% Republican
26% Independent
18% None claimed

In the 2008 election the spread between Democrats and Republicans was 6.5 percentage points not 18 and independents made up 22% of the vote not 26%.

It appears that there have been similar distortions in the various polls measuring Obama’s approval ratings.

Source:
http://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2009/04/how_to_produce_high_approval_r.html

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Octomom was a Stripper, Brothels slashing Prices, Obama values Perception over Reality

> Octomom spent a year as a stripper called “Angelina”
> Brothels cut prices, offer rebates to beat recession
> Obama more popular than his policies

Inebriated Press
April 28, 2009

StripperCelebitchy reported last week that “Octomom” Nadya Suleman who claims to have “never kissed a boy” and admitted she pretended to be a stripper for one night, actually spent a year as a stripper calling herself “Angelina” while saying she planned to become famous some day.  And The Independent reported Sunday that the global financial crisis has hit brothels, and the oldest profession is turning to modern marketing — cutting prices, offering rebates, package deal discounts, and special deals for seniors and enticements to taxi drivers.  Meanwhile, Fox News reported that Barack Obama is more popular than his policies, and his marketing machine and charisma have allowed him to push an agenda that many voters and lawmakers consider extreme.  Some pundits say reality is over-rated and that the Octomom, Obamanomics and cheap hookers represent the cutting edge of a global new age.

I set policy. Capiche?

I set policy. Capiche?

“The world craves tabloid stripper-women with big lips, boobs and babies so they can argue over them while electing smooth talkers with meaningless drivel and rabid policy, just as long as they can get cheap sex.  I know this because I sell it all and will probably become president in the next ten years,” said Liza Lippsuk-Hooterbalm, a retired East German weightlifter currently managing American foreign policy for the Obama administration, while promoting her Gynecologist Gym and Hooker Emporium.  “Conservatives who think that reckless abandonment of common sense and placation of America’s enemies is an anomaly are missing the trends.  Everyone has shifted to the left.  Today’s Republican’s are yesterday’s Democrats and today’s Democrats are yesterday’s Socialists.  Next up: some form of fascist totalitarianism.  It’ll be the only way to control the country after liberal chaos runs rampant over the next four years. I’m waiting in the wings to clean things up — get ready to worship me.  Besides, I’m way cuter than Obama.”

Some kind of Honey

Some kind of Honey

Not everyone agrees with Lippsuk-Hooterbalm.  “McCain was too liberal and ran a terrible campaign and still won 46% of the votes against Obama’s Chicago machine and a complicit media.  If the Republicans return to their senses and back Reagan-like candidates who preach smaller government, lower taxes, emphasize developing and growing small business with non-cash incentives, promote personal freedom, common sense and States rights against Federal power, they can take back Congress in less than a year and a half, and rein in this madness,” said Honey Anne-Armstrong, a strong blonde American girl who takes no shit, gives no lip and values honor, respect and decency almost as much as she values truth, justice, freedom, democracy the traditional American fighting spirit.  “Today you can say that the barbarians have breached the gate or that the inmates are running the asylum, but if real Americans will stand up, we can return this nation to the proud, strong, land of the free and home of the brave.  We can bring back the America built by patriots who wouldn’t back down from a fight with monarchy, totalitarians, dictators, socialists and communists.  We are the real Americans, men and women who don’t apologize for a strong nation built on common sense and personal responsibility.  It’s time for us to stand up and be counted.  It’s time we take back our country.”

Octo-mom-marketingCelebitchy reported that although Nadya Suleman told a radio announcer she was only a stripper for one night, it appears that the Octomom was stretching the truth about her past. After talking to numerous sources it’s been revealed that the Octomom was a stripper, who used the alias “Angelina,” for at least a year in her early 20s. Sage, an exotic dancer who doesn’t want to reveal her real name, said she performed at several stripping contests and bachelor parties with Nadya from 1999 to 2000. Luis Ceballos, a limo driver who used to take the strippers to parties, has similar memories of Nadya, and says that rather than being embarrassed about her job, the Octomom “was full of herself.” According to Luis, Nadya “always said she wanted to be really famous” and believed that someday, she would be. What’s more, Nadya wasn’t as innocent back then as she lets on. While she reportedly insists she had “never even kissed a boy” when she entered the stripping contest, Luis said that Nadya was actually “very worldly”. And Sage adds, “She was overly flirty with the guys we performed for.”  An overly-flirty stripper is pretty damned flirty.

German brothel signageThe Independent reported that German prostitutes are offering discounts, loyalty cards and “extras” in an effort to drum up business and beat the recessionary downturn.  Prostitution is legal in Germany, and some brothels have cut prices or added free promotions, while others have introduced all-inclusive flat-rate fees. Free shuttle buses, discounts for seniors and taxi drivers, as well as “day passes” are among marketing strategies designed to keep business going. Berlin’s Pussy Club has attracted media attention with its headline-grabbing “flat rate” – a €70 admission charge for unlimited food, drink and sex between 10am and 4pm. Ecki Krumeich, the manager of the upmarket Artemis Club in Berlin, said he had resisted pressure to cut prices, although senior citizens and taxi drivers already get a 50 per cent discount on Sundays and Mondays. Some suggested that more women were turning to prostitution in general in order to make ends meet and are cutting in on brothels’ business.

Persona vs Policy

Persona vs Policy

Fox News reported that nearly 100 days into his administration, President Obama has locked down his reputation as a skilled communicator and has even scheduled a press conference Wednesday night to review his first 100 days. For three months, Obama has been on TV just about every day. He’s held campaign-style rallies and press conferences whenever a critical piece of his agenda was on the line. He’s communicated regularly with his constituents via YouTube and the White House Web site, and he’s traveled abroad to rebuild America’s image.

Policy makers

Policy makers

Obama’s communications skills are an asset historians say has not ebbed since the 2008 campaign and have allowed him to push economic policies that many voters and lawmakers consider drastic. Those policies have alienated many Republicans on Capitol Hill and have led to criticism that Obama has trampled on his pledge of bipartisanship. But the power of the president’s persona, perhaps combined with the urgency of the times, has helped him keep his own party in line. “The public clearly likes his persona more than they like his policies,” said political historian Michael Barone. “There’s certainly a lot of uncertainty, qualms and reservations about many of the policies.”

The public is not enthusiastic about his economic policies. Only 45 percent think his $3.6 trillion budget proposal will help the economy, according to the FOX News poll. In a separate recent FOX News poll, 59 percent opposed government bailouts for financial institutions, 65 percent opposed taxpayer loans for automakers and 69 percent worried the national debt is out of control.

Inebriated reporters, contemplating life after a wild weekend, say being out of control is what makes life fun.

Typical looking Inebriated Press reporter

Typical looking Inebriated Press reporter

“I have no idea how many diseases I picked up or how many brain cells I lost over the weekend, but I had one hell of a time, that much I know,” said an Inebriated reporter while reviewing her own obituary and reflecting upon something of some consequence that seemed irrelevant yesterday.  “All this crap about keeping the national debt in control, or your emotions in hand or sex drive or whatever, just gets in the way of having fun.  And I’m always up for having fun.  I wonder what that damned burning sensation is in my lower abdoman. Probably should see a doctor.  I need to be ready to party by Friday.  What day is today anyway?”

In other news, Fox reported that voters in the heart of the Swiss Alps on Sunday passed legislation banning nude hiking after dozens of mostly German nudists started rambling through their picturesque region. The cantonal government recommended the ban after citizens objected to encountering walkers wearing nothing but hiking boots and socks. A similar legal move is expected in neighboring Appenzell Outer Rhodes with legislation being prepared against “this shameless behavior.”  No word on whether the Swiss consider the Octomom or Obamanomics shameless, but word out of Springfield, Illinois is that there are vibrations coming out of Lincoln’s tomb indicating that old Abe is spinning so fast in his grave that the city may be able to harness him as an energy source.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Octomom was stripper for over a year, used the alias “Angelina”
http://www.celebitchy.com/47741/octomom_was_stripper_for_over_a_year_used_the_alias_angelina/

Brothels cut prices to beat the recession
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/brothels-cut-prices-to-beat-the-recession-1674400.html

First 100 Days: Obama Image, Communications Skills Strong, Even as Public Questions Policies
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/first100days/2009/04/24/days-obama-image-strong-public-questions-policies/

Voters in Switzerland Ban Nude Hiking
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,517989,00.html

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Creepy Human-like Creature, Obama has U.S. on Right Track, and Cows are 80% Human

> Mysterious Human-like Creature Photographed in Middle East
> Poll says Americans like Obamanomics and Massive Debt
> Cow Genome Mapped, 80% Like Human Beings

Inebriated Press
April 27, 2009

Cow Girl.  The percent is unimportant.

Cow Girl. The percent is unimportant.

Qatar’s Gulf Times reported last Thursday that a mysterious figure resembling a human being was spotted and photographed by a frightened woman who saw it in a parking lot; as did other witnesses.  And Associated Press reported last Thursday that an AP Poll says that more Americans than not believe President Obama has the country on the right track; this despite millions of job loses, billions of dollars in bailouts and trillions of new U.S. debt.  Meanwhile, VOA News reported last Friday that scientists have completed the genetic sequence of the cow and found that they have 80% of the same genes as humans.  Debate over what constitutes a human being and what passes for common sense is gushing around like nasal mucus on a pollen-laden hyper-allergenic spring day.

Someone named Patti

Someone named Patti

“There is a holistic oneness in the universe and as science and chance play together across time, we’ll all come to realize that humans and animals are the same, and logic and insanity are identical, and truth and lies are meaningless concepts enveloped in a cloud of knowledge and ideals, concepts and silicon enhancements,” said Patti Ethos-Mariment, an existentialist philosopher and part-time stripper down at the Meaningless Platitude Strip Club and Lawn Care Outlet.  “Money and debt are mere concepts, as are cows and humans, Middle Eastern creatures and Barack Hussein Obama.  Reality is what we say it is, and Obamanomics is merely a form of eastern mysticism like the idea of Hitler.  They’re all thinly veiled notions that play upon our minds like fireflies in the sky on a warm summer night.  As humans become more knowledgeable, we set aside petty things like the war against terror, or fiscal responsibility and individual freedom.  Barack is the light bringer.  He will lead us to a greater understanding of the meaninglessness of money, the benefit of irrational hope and undefined change.  He is a god.”

Someone named Vicki

Someone named Vicki

Not everyone is inhaling the stuff that Ethos-Mariment is smoking.  “So we have some of the same genes as a cow does, and creepy creatures other than Iran’s Ahmadinejad inhabit the Middle East, that doesn’t make people into cows or crazy Islamofascists into non-humans, though they’re closer than you might think,” said Vicki Vixen-Hothips, a curvy blonde SWAT Team member who can kill a man at twenty paces with either her enhanced 9 mm Beretta or her enhanced double-D looks.  “And blowing trillions of dollars on ‘stimulus’ like tattoo removal and high speed trains without a business plan or needs analysis, is riskier than a SWAT member fighting gang members with Uzi’s while wearing no protection other than a leather bustiere or a Trojan prophylactic.  It may be a real rush at first, but in the end you’re dead as hell.  Physically, economically.”

Creepy Middle Eastern Creature

Creepy Middle Eastern Creature

The Gulf Times of Qatar reported that a mysterious figure resembling a human being was sighted on the Doha Corniche’s parking lot, according to a report published in a local Arabic daily. The report is based on the statement of an Arab expatriate lady who said she had seen the strange figure near the Oryx statue while walking in the area. Quoting the woman, the daily said she took a picture of it, in spite of being terribly frightened. “She was very soon surrounded by a large number of people who also attested to the fact of what she had seen. But it suddenly disappeared out of their sight when they tried to go near it,” the report added.

American Politico

American Politico

Associated Press reported that while there are millions of people jobless, billions of dollars in bailouts and trillions of dollars in U.S. debt, yet, for the first time in years, more Americans than not say the country is on the right track. In a sign that Barack Obama has inspired hopes for a brighter future in the first 100 days of his presidency, an Associated Press-GfK poll shows that 48 percent of Americans believe the United States is headed in the right direction – compared with 44 percent who disagree. The “right direction” number is up 8 points since February and a remarkable 31 points since October, the month before Obama’s election.

Even if they don’t always like what he’s doing, Americans seem content for now that the president is taking action to correct the nation’s course. He’s doing something, anything, and that’s better than nothing. Obama is not the first president who has sought to shape the nation’s psychology, tapping the deep well of American optimism to effect policy and politics. Most Americans say Obama is changing things at about the right speed. But nearly a third say he’s trying to change too many things too quickly. The AP-GfK Poll was conducted April 16-20 by GfK Roper Public Affairs and Media. It involved telephone interviews on landline and cell phones with 1,000 adults nationwide. The margin of sampling error was plus or minus 3.1 percentage points.

Cows-R-Us

Cows-R-Us

VOA News reported that an international consortium of researchers has completed mapping the genetic blueprint of the domestic cow, a source of nutrition and livelihood for billions of people around the world. Scientists say the landmark accomplishment will lead to better food production and improvements in human medicine. Researchers found that humans share 80 percent of their genetic sequence with cows, according to the scientists, who say we’re more closely related to bovines than to rats and mice. Scientists compared the cow genome to that of seven other mammals – including the human, dog, rat, mouse, opossum and platypus – and found they share a core set of more than 14,000 genes. “What that means is that when we want to study something that’s a human protein we might get better information by studying it in cattle than in mice and rats,” said Kim Worley a researcher from the Baylor College of Medicine in Houston, Texas.

Funeral Director LouiseIn other news, the U.K. Daily Mail reported last Thursday that Louise Ryan is believed to be Britain’s youngest female funeral director. At 20 years of age, Miss Ryan says she never wanted to be stuck in any ordinary job – so she figured it was only natural to follow in her father’s footsteps and work with the dead. “I know it’s a strange job for a girl of my age but I really enjoy it,” Louise said.  “People think it’s a bit weird or macabre, but dealing with dead bodies just doesn’t bother me. The most important thing is to care for families at a difficult time.”  After training with her father Michael, Miss Ryan has now been given the go-ahead to direct funerals herself. 

Louise Ryan

Louise Ryan

No word on whether she’s willing to preside over funerals for weird Middle Eastern creatures, 80% human cows or a hyper-inflated U.S. economy, but if Obamanomics creates the level of inflation that some economists fear that it will, it’s good to know a caring and hot looking funeral director will be there to offer us comfort.  And so the existential world turns.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Mysterious figure ‘spotted’
http://www.gulf-times.com/site/topics/article.asp?cu_no=2&item_no=286384&version=1&template_id=36&parent_id=16

AP Poll: After Obama’s 100 days, US on right track
http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/U/US_OBAMA_100_DAYS_AP_POLL?SITE=ININS&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

Researchers Reveal Complete Genetic Sequence of Cow
http://www.voanews.com/english/2009-04-24-voa1.cfm

The woman funeral director aged 20 who is deadly serious about her career choice
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1172841/Pictured-Britains-youngest-woman-funeral-director-deadly-career.html

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